Destiny Takes A Turn...
2
He was sat on his horse at the back of the patrol watching as the knights teased Mordred playfully and how the young druid, despite knowing the joke was on him, went along with it anyway. It was clear to him that Mordred knew what the knights were up to, he was an intelligent young man, but the way the knights behaved you would think they were all five, and that Mordred went along with it to please them sent a funny feeling through his gut, though he had to admit it was rather endearing to watch the young druid make a fool of himself for the benefit of the others.
They were out on a routine patrol, Mordred's first among the king and his favoured knights, and as they weren't expecting trouble they had all happily let their guard down and were taking the opportunity to enjoy themselves away from the castle walls, and though it made a nice change to no longer be the youngest and therefore the butt of the knights' jokes it also caused the jealousy to mount within him, whenever he saw Gwaine ruffle his hand through Mordred's seemingly soft curls, or when Arthur would throw a pleased smile over his shoulder to the young druid, he would feel it flair up.
He was happy to be outdoors, at least here he could get away with subtly letting out his magic, so long as he kept his gaze lowered the others would never notice the golden flecks sparkling in his eyes, whereas in the castle he had already had to come up with ridiculous stories as to why torches suddenly flared up or went out 'a strong gust of wind', despite the windows more often than not being closed, and when he had accidentally tripped Percival during training, luckily he hadn't needed an excuse for that one, afterall who would look to a servant stood at the edge of the field?
Still it was getting harder to ignore the feelings and Mordred wasn't any kind of help in such situations, it seemed almost as if the druid went out of his way to rile him, hoping for a reaction, which only made everything worse.
He had considered the possibility of the druid casting some kind of enchantment on him, though he knew deep down this was not the case, he had still double checked with the dragon, he had not explained why exactly he thought there might be an enchantment instead merely asking the dragon to check since he now had to spend so much time in the druids company, and luckily Kilgharrah had bought his flimsy excuse, only to be disappointed to have what he already knew confirmed.
He really wasn't sure how much longer this could go on, he knew if he did not do something, what he didn't know, soon then he was likely to out himself as a warlock with the build up of magic caused by his highly strung emotions of late, and that would not be good for anyone.
They stopped to set up camp, much to his relief as it gave him an excuse to take a moment to himself. He was meant to be gathering wood, and indeed there was a small bundle of twigs next to him, but right now he was slumped amongst the roots of a large oak just trying to get his thoughts in order.
He liked Mordred.
And not in any friendly 'I trust you' way, no, he liked him in a way that terrified him. Not because they were both male, that sort of thing happened quite frequently and he had no issue with it, no it terrified him because he was losing control, losing his mind.
He feared all it would take to make him snap would be an innocent comment or gesture, every time the knights looked at, or talked to, Mordred his vision would darken as his eyes instantly narrowed and he would be clenching his fists and fighting against the surge of magic before he was even aware of it.
It could not continue like this, but he had no idea of what he could do, how to quell this ugly jealous rage that would overtake his entire being, and worse than that there was no-one that he could talk to about this because no-one truly knew him. Not even Gaius, who wouldn't understand.
The rustle of leaves caused his head to snap up only to be met with the subject of his thoughts and he watched with wary interest as Mordred settled leaning casually against a tree, his light blue eyes regarding him with some amusement.
"You were taking a while, apparently Arthur feared you'd knocked yourself out on a branch." Mordred arched a questioning brow, but Merlin could still read the amusement in his gaze.
"Arthur's a complete prat. I was just taking the opportunity to get some peace." He hoped Mordred would take the hint and leave, but apparently Mordred saw this as an invitation as he came closer to where Merlin was seated and settled down close beside him, their knees touching together.
Merlin shifted a little, feeling exposed somehow, making sure their knees no longer pressed together. He cleared his throat feeling uncomfortable with Mordred's scrutiny, if he had thought it once he had thought it a hundred times but he was pretty certain that the druid was goading him.
"Why do you let them all treat you like that?" Mordred asked in genuine curiosity.
"I am a servant and they are knights, they are also my friends. What else should I do?" Merlin looked to Mordred through his fringe watching as the emotions played out behind the druids eyes, there was a hint of anger there but also understanding and Merlin tore his gaze away, "Besides I could ask you the same."
"They are like a family. It has been so long since I have had a family of my own, it's... nice to feel accepted."
Merlin scoffed a little, though he felt the same, it really wasn't the same, not when they both had to hide so much of who they were. Mordred turned a hard stare on him, his cool eyes regarding him in challenge and Merlin realised why the druid seemed so upset.
"I'm sorry I-"
"Merlin!" Arthur's voice rang through their quiet, followed soon after by his presence. The king did not look impressed to find them sprawled under a tree with only a small bundle of twigs to show for the time he had taken, which had clearly been to much if Arthur himself had come looking for him. "The time you've taken Merlin anyone else could have felled a tree, so one has to wonder what exactly it is you've been doing?"
Merlin cleared his throat as his mind raced with lies to tell the king. "Um, I fell and... hurt my ankle, Mordred was just checking it for me." He threw a dopey 'no sorcerers here' grin in for good measure and watched with some amusement as the kings shoulders relaxed slightly and his eyes shone with concern.
"Is he alright Mordred?" Arthur turned to the knight and Merlin felt a pang of annoyance growing, it was only a lie he knew but surely as physicians assistant for the past ten years Arthur would know well enough that Merlin could answer for himself. He huffed a little, angry at being overlooked in such a matter, and mumbled 'prat' under his breath just loud enough for the druid to hear.
Mordred looked as though he was fighting the urge to laugh, which brought a small smile to his own lips, as he answered the king. "He is fine sire, just twisted it."
Arthur nodded and regarded the two a moment longer as neither one made any effort to move.
"Mordred, help him up and back to the camp, oh and don't forget the firewood, I'll send Percival out later to fetch more if your ankle is still a problem."
Merlin now cursed his own stupidity for the excuse as Mordred slid his arm under his shoulder and made a show of easing him to his feet, he could do nothing but play along however even as his heartbeat skittered madly and his knees went a little weak with the close proximity, all too aware of everywhere they were pressed together. Mordred overrode his senses and he couldn't help but lean a little closer, despite the protests of his mind.
'I'm sorry, about earlier. I didn't mean it like that.' Merlin told the druid, Mordred looked to him, both their faces turned to each other and Merlin was suddenly very aware of just how close their lips were, it would only take a slight push forward from either of them and they would be kissing. His eyes flickered down to his lips, soft and pale pink and his breath hitched just a little as the desire to close that distance washed over him.
'I know' Mordred's voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked up quickly with guilty eyes, hoping the druid hadn't noticed where his own eyes had strayed to. The look in Mordred's dark gaze however caused his breath to catch, he knew not only had the druid been aware but by the look in his eyes it was clear that he had been thinking something similar.
They both looked a little uncertain and Merlin wasn't sure who moved or maybe they both did but then there were soft lips pressed to his own, the same soft lips he had been dreaming about for weeks and it was even better than his imagination had provided. With the smell of Mordred's sweat in his nostrils and the feel of his tongue against his lips, and then it was gone as a twig snapping had them both pulling back and if it hadn't been for Mordred's grip on him he would have fallen over for real. They exchanged a small sheepish grin as a hare darted out from the bushes.
The moment was lost however and they both continued walking back to the camp in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
{**}
It had been a couple of days since they had returned from the patrol and he and Mordred had still not spoken of the kiss, Merlin wondered if the druid was regretting it, if it had disgusted him. He himself was just too scared to broach the subject for it was clear in his mind that despite his best efforts and whether he liked it or not he had lost his soul to the druid.
He was currently lingering at the edge of the training field, watching with morbid fascination as the king and the druid sparred, and though it was his destiny to protect Arthur he wasn't sure if this were a real duel who would choose. Mordred seemed to be doing well and was holding his own until Arthur performed some complicated twirling maneuver and Mordred's sword flew from his hand even as the king knocked him to the ground, sword at his throat.
Merlin felt his heart stop for a moment as his magic flared white hot and scolding bursting out of him before he could rein it all back in and Arthur let out a yelp of shock and pain, dropping his sword to the ground as the hilt burned into his palm.
Now his heart felt as though it were trying to make up for those previously missed beats by trying to beat its way out of his chest. He quickly started running over to where Arthur was waving off a few of the knights who had also rushed to him. Mordred was sitting up, braced on his elbows and his eyes unblinkingly locked onto him causing his steps to falter.
'We must talk Emrys' Mordred pushed into his mind, 'Come to my chambers after you are done for the night'
Merlin nodded and quickly made his way to Arthur, dragging the king away, despite his protests, so he could be checked over by Gaius, but really just so Merlin had an excuse to get away from the training grounds.
He felt terrible, he had never lost control quite like that before and... He had hurt Arthur!Something he never once thought he would ever do. It didn't matter that the king did not know it was him, he knew it was him and Mordred knew it was him too.
Oh Goddess what was he going to say to Mordred? He couldn't exactly tell him the truth even though he knew the druid had likely already figured it out, there was really no good reason for what he had done, other than he had lost control of his magic.
Gaius looked up as the pair entered the chambers, bickering all the while.
"I've told you numerous times Merlin- I'M FINE!"
"What's happened?" Gaius asked, trying to hide a smile at their childish behaviour, he could tell Arthur must have been hurt because Merlin was currently in his mother hen mode and fussing around Arthur like he may drop dead any second.
"I'm not really sure actually." Arthur replied as he took a seat opposite Gaius and extended his hand out, "I was sparring with Mordred when my sword suddenly burned me." Arthur failed to notice the alarmed look Gaius shot at his ward and Merlin shifted a little uncomfortably, gnawing on his lower lip in worry.
Gaius gave him an evil eyebrow look that needed no words it said as plain as day 'We will be having words' and Merlin wondered who's conversation he should be more worried about facing... Mordred's or Gaius'.