Disclaimer: I still own nothing. All the characters in the Plum series belong to Janet Evanovich. I'm writing this for entertainment, not profit.

Stephanie Has a Bad Day

Chapter Two-Bad Afternoon

It was too hot to trudge back to my apartment and change clothes. I decided Mooner wouldn't really care, or even notice that I was covered in chocolate pie, so I decided to head on over to his place. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten lunch. I wasn't in the mood to hear my mother complain that nobody else has a daughter who gets covered in pie so I pulled into the nearest McDonald's to take care of my stomach.

I chose the drive-thru since I was a mess. I would hate to run into Joyce Barnhardt and listen to her snarky comments on my appearance. Lula was better at zapping her with the stun gun than me. I pulled up to the drive-thru speaker, and give my order. Big Mac, large fries, and since it was hot and I was thirsty, a large Coke. Pulling around to the window, a pimply nervous acting teenage boy took my money and almost dropped my change. Apologizing, he said he was new and I nodded my head. Encouraged that I didn't snap his head off, he smiled and fumbled my coke through the window to me. My hand slipped, the lid flipped off and coke splashed over my shirt and soaked into my jeans.

"Oh ma'am, I'm sorry. I'll get you another coke, and some napkins. I'm so, so sorry!"

Ma'am? He called me ma'am. Who do I look like? My mother? At least the coke was cooling me off a little. I took my food, the extra napkins, a fresh coke and another round of apologies from pimple face and headed off to Mooner's. Munching the hot, salty fries calmed me down. Mooner would be easy to bring in, and then I could focus on dinner with Joe.

I pulled up in front of Mooner's and got out of Big Blue. The heat had dried the coke, and my shirt and jeans felt sticky. I knocked on the door and waited. I heard the television, but no other noises. I tried the doorknob, and the door swung open. Walking inside, I saw signs that Mooner had been home. There was a faint smell of marijuana in the air, implying a joint burned not too long ago.

I heard giggles from the kitchen. I wandered back that way and found Mooner and Dougie at the kitchen table with something that looked like a huge lump of mud. I stood there puzzled, trying to figure out what they were up to this time. Mooner looked up at that moment to give me a big goofy grin.

"Hey Dudette! Do you need any help fighting crime today? I've still got my super hero suit around here somewhere."

"Thanks Mooner but I don't need any help today." Mooner's face dropped at my answer. "I came by because you forgot to show up for court. I need to take you in to get rebonded."

"Whoa, I totally forgot about that. Can it wait until Dougie and me finish our volcano?"

I cast a dubious eye at the mud pile on the table. "Is that your volcano?"

"Yeah. We were watching a really cool Brady Bunch marathon today. They made a volcano in one show and it spewed everywhere. It was awesome. Dougie and I decided to try it ourselves."

I sighed as more sweat trickled down my head. I vaguely remembered that episode of The Brady Bunch. Lucky for Mrs. Brady that she had Alice to clean up after all the messes. Luckier for me that I won't have to clean up the mess Mooner and Dougie will have when this is over. I nodded my head at Mooner. "Go ahead and finish it Mooner. We'll go get you rebonded after your volcano blows."

Mooner and Dougie were grinning like fools while they bent over the mud pile. "It's almost ready to go. Just need to hook up the switch." The boys stepped back and Mooner held a small black box in his hands. "Okay on the count of three. One, two…and three!" Mooner and Dougie looked like two kids on Christmas morning. I looked at the "volcano". Nothing was happening. The look of anticipation faded from their eyes followed by puzzlement and disappointment.

"I don't get it. It should have worked. What a bummer." Mooner sighed and handed the box over to Dougie. "Might as well go to the station now."

I moved closer to Mooner to get a better look at the volcano. I wasn't surprised that the volcano didn't work, considering Mooner and Dougie built it in their post pot haze. I peered on the inside, trying to figure out what they used for lava.

Whoosh! Suddenly I was covered in some type of red goo that smelled like tomatoes. Dougie and Mooner were yelling and high-fiving each other.

"The switch was stuck. I just pressed on it again and it worked!" Dougie was grinning while I stood there dripping red slime.

"What is this crap on me? Give me some paper towels!"

Mooner tossed a roll of paper towels my way. "We didn't have any lava, so we used tomato sauce."

In a weird way, that made sense. I wiped off all of the sauce I could find, and hauled Mooner out the door before anything else could happen.

My cell phone rang on the way to the station. I winced as I looked at the caller ID. My mother. I was tempted to not answer it, but decided the day couldn't get any worse so I might as well get this over with too. "Hi Mom, what's up?"

"Stephanie, this is your mother". No kidding, score another point for modern technology. "What is this about you dragging that sweet Carla DiMattei out of her house? My phone has been ringing all afternoon." Mom released a big dramatic sigh. "I don't know where I failed with you. I'm sure I taught you girls better manners than that. Carla and Val are on the same PTA committee for the fall carnival. How is Val going to feel after what you did today? "

Seething with righteous indignation I sputtered "Val? How is Val going to feel? How do you think I feel after sweet Carla hit me in the face with a chocolate pie and then shoved me into a table full of pies? I was at Carla's because she skipped her court date. She assaulted Martha Jankowski. Remember? She's crazy. She kept ranting about her chocolate pie recipe, and got violent when I tried to nicely take her in to reschedule. I'm hot, tired and covered in chocolate. Val will just have to suck it up."

"She hit you with a chocolate pie? Did you taste it?"

"Yeah, I licked a little off of my lip. It was okay. Yours is better." Okay, I could almost see my mother smiling into the phone, and pulling her shoulders back knowing that she could out bake Carla any day. Take that Val. You're really too old to be tattling to mom anyway.

"Well, all right then. I'll talk to Val. She really should be able to handle situations like this at her age." I grinned smugly at the lecture I imagined our mother would give Val. Mom continued, "We're having pork chops for dinner tonight. Are you coming over with Joseph?"

"No. Joe said he would take care of dinner tonight. I'm too tired to deal with Grandma after today." I'm too tired to deal with my mother too, but I'm smart enough to leave that out. I managed to end the conversation after promising I would be by for lunch sometime soon and give her the low down on Carla's baking skills. Mooner had slept through the entire conversation, so I had even kept mom from finding out about the lava eruption. The longer I could put off that conversation, the longer I could go without eye twitches.

This time I managed to leave the police station without running into Joe. I was sure that the new photos of lava-covered-me on Carl Constanza's cell phone would make their way to him in record time though. I groaned thinking about the comments from everyone I knew once they saw the evidence of my recent bounty hunting skills. I hoped my father appreciated the toilet paper my mother undoubtedly ironed when she heard the latest news. I just hoped she left the starch out this time.