Thank you for the reviews, I really do appreciate them, so much. At first this was only going to be a one shot because if I'm honest, I don't think I'm great at writing deep emotional stories, but I'll give it a go for a couple more chapters and see where I end up. There's a couple of things that I think show through Michelle's character that could relate back to Dean so… Anyway I'll stop rambling on, and again I appreciate anyone reading this.

'It feels like the weight of the world, have the angels turned their back on me? It feels like the weight of the world, I still remember how it felt when you loved me'

The tears finally subsided as a large glass of wine was poured, but her eyes remained damp as she slumped back down on the sofa, tucking her legs underneath her and sighing deeply, this years anniversary had been made worse by her current situation, she thought about how much of a mess her life was, she had lost the only other man she had pictured her future with when he upped and left for a life on the cruise ships despite her refusing to go with him and not only that, her son was now a drug user and she found she was unable to do anything but stand by and watch as he pressed his own self destruct button and she felt her heart break all over again as he told yet another lie that she so desperately wanted to believe.

She felt like she didn't know him anymore, he may not be her son by blood but in the years that followed Dean's death they had only had each other to lean and depend on and their bond had become surprisingly strong, Michelle had always adored her son, but always felt it was Dean who had the best relationship when he was born, he seemed to do everything right, sending Ryan to sleep within minutes of taking him in his arms, where as it would take Michelle much longer. As Ryan had grown up, he only ever seemed to get excited when his Dad walked through the door after a day at work, and she would stand and watch at the window as they played together in the garden, she watched on as Ryan took his first steps and the first time his Dad taught him to kick a ball. She never worried too much that he seemed to prefer his father, because he had promised he would always be around, that he would never leave them.

She remembers how her son barely spoke a word to her at Dean's funeral, she blamed it on the atmosphere and hoped that now it was all over he could start to return to his usual outgoing self, but this hadn't happened, he lashed out, cried and screamed at her, it almost felt like he blamed her for the fact he no longer had a father figure in his life, and this made things even more difficult for Michelle, the only reason she got through each day was down to the support she gained from her two older brothers, but looking back it now makes her feel worse, as she realises so much of that was down to the fact they were wracked with guilt, because they were the reason her and Ryan had lost their way, lost everything that was considered normal, everything that she had ever known and most of all they were to blame for cruelly taking her best friend and soul mate away.

The sound of her phone ringing brings her back to reality as she glances at the flashing screen she smiles weakly as she sees Carla's name, the only person who seemed to care for her anymore and she feels increasingly guilty for storming out of the factory without giving her any sort of explanation, but despite this she still isn't ready to talk, fearing her voice will crack and the tears will fall if she tries to speak a single word. Instead she ignores it, and reaches into a cupboard and retrieves a photo album, she has to wipe the dust from its cover, this album doesn't come out very often because it reminds her of the perfect life she once had and it is simply just too painful to look back at what she has lost over the years.

The first photo that she comes across makes her smile for the first time that day, a Christmas party that her Mum and Dad had thrown, which was always the highlight of the holiday season for their family. Michelle traces her finger over the picture, each of the people in the photo have smiles on their faces, real smiles, not the fake ones that are forced on these days, she looks at how her and Dean are in the middle, his arms protectively wrapped around her waist with Paul and Carla to their left, she smiles at the happiness on her oldest brothers face and at the way Carla is draped over his shoulders, then to her right there is Liam, with baby Ryan on his shoulders, obviously giggling in amusement at being taller than anybody else, it is the perfect photo and Michelle takes it out and rummages through another draw in search of a photo frame, she eventually finds one and slots the image in and gives it pride of place on her window sill, she then proceeds to quickly down the rest of her wine before retrieving another from the fridge, the sound of the buzzer in her flat causes her to jump slightly, spilling the red liquid over the unit, Michelle can't help but sigh, throwing a tea towel over the mess before slowly walking towards to the phone.

'Hello?'

'Michelle it's me, let me up please'

Michelle stands motionless for a second before buzzing her up, knowing it was all eating her up inside, she knows she has to talk to someone in order to feel better on a day like today, and it is then she decides she has to let Carla in, because she is the only one she has left, and she realises she can't push her away, she needs to keep her as close as possible.