Ryou Bakura was lying on his bed, on top of the dark blue duvet, on his back like a lazy starfish. He felt so numb, almost dead, as if he didn't really exist, as if he was as light as the wind…
Maybe he didn't exist? Maybe he too had been dead all this time… just like Yami and Yugi Motou…
Well, he didn't know for certain that they were both dead, but after so long, Ryou was finally beginning to face the most likely reality; they were never coming back.

Ryou lifted an arm, about to pinch his opposite one to see if he was alive or if he really didn't exist, but as soon as he did, he felt the heavy weight of his own arm and quickly let it drop back down onto the cushioned bed. That was enough proof for him. He couldn't be asked to look for more.

With a poker face, Ryou carried on staring at the blank white ceiling as if he was waiting for something amazing to suddenly happen. It didn't. The ceiling didn't suddenly begin to melt like boiling hot wax, nor totally disappear out of sight and nor did any strange green alien carve a hole from the opposite side then pop its odd little head through to say hello to Ryou. The ceiling remained the same, the white, boring old same. Ryou heaved a heavy sigh before turning over on to his side to face his window, the curtains closed. Once again, Ryou stared and stared, not doing anything, his thoughts almost becoming vacant.

Last year, the year before, the year before that, and so on, he'd cried every day this week anniversary came. This time all he could do was lie on his bed, staring into nothingness. He was practically emotionless.

It was 5 o clock in the morning now, and Ryou hadn't slept the entire night, and still he felt no urge for rest.

Downstairs, Bakura had finally returned home. With another yawn passing his lips, he headed straight to the kitchen to find a cool beverage to sooth his dry mouth. He scooted over to the fridge and opened it wide, pulling out a bottle of Rose Wine. After plucking out the cork with his own fingers, Bakura took a heavy swig of the red liquid, before letting out an exhale of enjoyment and contentment. The wine was a little dry, but Bakura wasn't a fan of juices or water, and milk just tasted strange to him now. Alcohol and caffeine filled drinks were all he liked. He forced the cork back into the glass hole, thumping it in with his large pale fist, before practically throwing the bottle back in the rack in the fridge. Bakura turned on his heel, yawning yet again, before heading upstairs to bed. He had considered, while traveling home, sleeping on the sofa so he wouldn't land head first in the possibility of listening to Ryou sobbing and whining for what was left on the night, but discarded the idea on the fact that a bed was simply more comfortable then a sofa. If Ryou became a problem, he'd just simply kick him out the bed. Problem solved. Hey, he could even throw him out the house! Then lock all the doors and windows to make sure it stayed that way, of course…

Bakura lazily pushed the door open and headed through, not bothering to close it behind him. Ryou rolled over on to his back to double check that it was defiantly Bakura entering his room. He remained there, staring at his lover, saying nothing. Bakura fell straight on to the spare side of the bed, his back to Ryou. His head was so heavy with fatigue that he began to drift off to sleep within seconds, not giving him enough time to apprehend the fact that Ryou was silent, but clearly awake and wide eyed instead. Ryou sighed heavily, somehow causing a disruption to the evil one next to him.

"Cease your bloody heavy breathing" Bakura grumbled, clearly not yet asleep, his voice suggesting he was heading there even so.

Ryou lay there silently until the morning sun streamed through the cracks of the red curtains, brightening the room. Once the sun was bright enough to light the whole room, Ryou slowly rolled off the bed and tiptoed to the bedroom exit, thanking god that Bakura had left the door open. He relaxed his walk when he finally in the upstairs hall, but still crept his way down the stairs into the living room where he crashed onto the sofa. He sat there for a minute, just staring at the blank screen of the television in front of him, before finally reaching to the coffee table to grab the remote and which the tele on. The screen flickered, before an episode of Junjou Pure Heart appeared on the screen. Ryou leaned back in his seat and stared at the screen.

He could remember when he and Yugi would it on the sofa in Ryou's old flat and watch this very show while scoffing pizza down their throat. They loved the show, even though they admitted that it was a bit too 'girly', so they always watch Gundam afterwards to grab some of their manliness back. That or an action movie…
He missed those days, those days of having Yugi around. He actually missed the battle city days. All those horrid memories seemed so precious now. Ryou would do anything to relive the moment he, Yugi, Honda and Anzu were running down a tunnel away from a giant bolder- that actually turned out to be a massive balloon… Just the idea of being with his old friend again seemed magically and brilliant. But it could never happen; it would never happen.

Ryou gritted his teeth and shook himself slightly, forcing himself to think about something better. The first thought that came to his head was Mitsuo, the baby he'd given away the same day Yami went missing. Ryou had been so young, too young, and Bakura was simply just 'too Bakura' to have a baby round, so adoption seemed like the best thing to do. The last time he saw the child, with the hair the same dusty lilac as Bakura's, was when KoKo, the middle aged woman who adopted him, was walking out the front door, still thanking both he and Bakura for the 'precious little gift'. Koko had promised that day that she would keep in touch, giving the odd little update on the young child. For a while, seven months to be precise, Ryou had thought she'd forgotten or something, but then, one day when Ryou came home from College, there was a letter waiting for him.

Riho,

I'm sorry I have been rude enough to not contact you and Bakura these past months especially after promising to do so, but life has been hectic! But wonderful. Defiantly wonderful.

Mitsuo is growing well, and the doctor said he is incredibly healthy and strong for his age! Not to mention he is learning so fast! He can recognise things, crawl and sit up, hold and open things, clap, and I have even managed to teach him to play some piano! He has already been accepted into a preschool for exceptionally intelligent toddlers for in a year's time. I'm so proud and honoured right now, I can hardly believe it.

My older son has accepted him to the family nicely, and they are bonding well even with the rather large age difference.

Once again, I cannot thank you enough for giving me the most precious little guy I've ever known. By older son being the most precious big guy I've ever known! Thank You. Thank you times a million, and I'm not even sure if that's close to how much I want to thank you.

I hope you got into college like you were hoping, and that life is going well for both you and Bakura.

Thanks again, KoKo

P.s Mitsuo says hello. Literally, he actually says hello!

Ryou was happy to read the letter, and had found it both a cheer up and depressing. He had felt a rather uncomfortable longing for Mitsuo for the first year after the birth, so to have his new mother speak of him made Ryou feel a little upset. The letter made him feel awkward too, since KoKo and referred to him as 'Riho'. It had been the original plan (set up by Bakura) that KoKo would believe Ryou to be a girl so no questions would be asked, but not that Ryou wasn't pregnant, he really hated it.

Even now, after receiving and sending so many letters, he still hated being called Riho, even though it was a cover up. But there was little he could do. He didn't know how Koko would react if she round he was actually a man. Maybe she just wouldn't believe him. Maybe she would think he had had a sex changed in the past for years or…

The subject changed in Ryou's head, a heavier fall of misery crashed upon him, sinking him deeper into the sofa.

He missed them all so much.

He wished Yami was here just for some good advice. Yami had always been one to point out the bright sunlight in front of you, even if it seemed clouded by dark mists and unhappiness. He was so wise and helpfully that it often came off as cheesy, but one thing was for sure; he was never wrong about their being bright lights at the end of those tunnels of misery.

He wished Yugi was here for some company, friendship and fun. Sometimes Ryou regretted the day he turned Yugi down. Those sometimes were the days Bakura was a really bad, abusive mood, but the very next day, Ryou would even regret those thoughts. Ryou couldn't help but think that, just maybe, deep down, he may have loved Yugi in a way that was more than just as a dear friend. Not that it really mattered for anything now, and he certainly could investigate the idea.

He missed Mitsuo. That child had left surprisingly large empty space in Ryou's heart. But it wasn't enough for him to be in agony every day. Every year that hole healed a little bit more. Maybe the whole wasn't Mitsuo himself, but curiosity of what life could have like right now if they had kept him and raised him. But it was all for the best.

Ryou remained on the sofa, silent, awake and still just like he had been in bed. When the mint haired boy finally moved was when he heard Bakura coming down the stairs for breakfast, of which he replied to by getting up and putting the kettle on. He turned the stove on and shouted in a flat way-

"Want eggs for breakfast?"

"No. Bacon. And a lot of it…" Bakura grumbled in response from the living room, collapsing in the spot Ryou had called his just minutes before. He paused, his kindness rising to the bubble at the top of his mental cauldron. Just a little "I'll make the coffees, Hikari…"

Hope you enjoyed chapter! 9 comments already? I feel so blessed ^^ I'm glad to know you are enjoying it so!