A/N: Welcome dearies to den of madness and debauchery and some more madness. Today I present you continuation of my multi-crossover series "Harem Inter-Reality TV"! So sit back, get some snacks, maybe a bottle of beer and enjoy the show.
For Disclaimer see the prologue.
Harem Inter-Reality TV, Chapter 1
Darkness. That was all that he saw. That was all that he felt. No passing of time, no cold or heat, no up or down, nothing, just darkness.
Except for his own mind. His emotions would have run wild, but everything was dulled and meaningless. At least he didn't allow that bastard with chains to find out anything.
Phantom Troupe doesn't betray their own. And Uvogin held on his beliefs till the end and beyond.
When did he start speaking in third person? Tch, who gives a fuck. Besides, there is no one here and it doesn't seem like he can do something about that.
"Color me impressed, there is still someone sane in here. Hoh, Uvogin from infamous Phantom Troupe, hm? That's some impressive willpower here, but today it is no longer needed, as you got yourself a chance of afterlife!" – The inane speech of some unknown dude crashed into Uvogin's mind with all the gentleness of train-wreck together with other changes. First of all, everything around turned into vast whiteness, that despite it looks wasn't straining his vision at all. Second, there was that suspicious dude talking to him, just a couple of inches lower him in height, with flowing white robes hiding everything aside from his youthful face with short white beard, perfectly combed white mane of hair and eyes of blazing fire. Yeah, that dude was also sprouting what looks like three sets of white feathery wings out of his back. And last, but not least, Uvogin got his body back in here, without any injuries and with full set of his usual clothes.
"Why the fuck had angel come to me?" – After quickly looking around everything that was the first thing that Uvogin said to the one who by looks of things had changed his surroundings. After hearing that cheery demeanor of celestial being instantly became sour and he gave Uvogin his fiery deadpan stare.
"Really? Why the fuck you mortals always assume shit that you know less than nothing about? Maybe you should have called me frigging Easter Rabbit as well? Fucking dumb mortals…" – After that tirade celestial seemed to continue with his barely audible grumble about 'stupid meatbags' and some other things.
"Then who the hell are you?" – After stopping to care about grumblings of whoever this guy is, Uvogin called out to get his attention. No sense in just standing around.
"Oh yeah, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Taro, the god of Judgment, ruler of Limbo! So to say, I am your judge, executioner, advocate, executioner, prosecutor and executioner." – After saying that he puffed out his chest, basking in his own awesomeness. Or just being a pompous prick in Uvogin's opinion.
"You said executioner three times." – This time it was Uvogin's turn to give a statement with deadpan stare.
"That's the best part of the job." – Taro looked right into the eyes of Uvogin while giving him wide grin. The deceased member of Phantom Troupe was surprised and a little disturbed at seeing someone looking like an angel giving him a grin made out of nothing but sharp long fangs. After continuing that stare off for a few more minutes, Uvogin has ran out of patience.
"Alright, I know who you are, but what the hell do you need from me?" – After hearing that question Taro backed off and his disturbing grin transformed into a little infuriating smirk.
"From you? Nah, I barely need anything from you. But there are two young stupid goddesses which decided that 'men can't do anything right' and 'female intuition rules over male logic'. Bah! These two bitches screwed up big time, so I cowered their asses from higher ups for tapping that. Dude, there is nothing better than virgin pussy of young goddess of love and her friend, sexy young goddess of war? Damn these types are so tight!" – After that Taro gave few pelvic thrusts and started running around excitedly. While he was doing that, Uvogin came to some conclusions of his own.
"Hey, so you get yourself two girls and I get nothing except for doing your work while you would be plowing them like no tomorrow? How about fuck no!" – But instead of expected reaction consisting of anger or dismissal Uvogin heard laughter.
"Ha! You thought that you're getting screwed over? Dude, when you get deal from god of judgment that means you get the best deal possible in existence. And all good deals bring profit to both sides. Two feisty bitches in need of some disciplining are what I get out of this deal. Now, are you interested in what you would get out of our deal or would you prefer to say 'Fuck, no!' and get send back to Limbo until your soul lose all shreds of your personality and drift further in circle of reincarnation with shitload of your dark karma?"
That didn't sound pleasant at all and Uvogin remembered that Feitan once told him something about karma, kind of how they would be completely screwed over once they die. Or was that Omokage? Fuck, his memories already started to get blurry… this shithole where Uvogin got dragged from didn't leave him without consequences. Ah, fuck it, he would find a way to punch the lights out of this jackass if he decides to screw him over.
"So what would I get out of that deal? And would I get a chance to slaughter someone strong?" – After saying that Uvogin' lips stretched in anticipating grin. Taro also shown his grin but this time it was less intimidating, more like… amused.
"You could find someone strong to fight against if you search well-enough. But that is not the main point. I will get you a new chance at life. You will live once again. And what you need to do where you will live is… to get laid." – Taro finished his speech with the same grin as he started it. Uvogin was staring at him with incredulous look.
"So, let me get this straight, you will restore me to life and all that I need to do is to get laid when this happens?" – While saying that Uvogin didn't change his expression at all, but was moving his hands around.
"That's right." – Taro gave a nod with the same grin on his face as before.
"There's got to be some catch or else you're shitting me." – At Uvogin's annoyed face Taro grin only stretched wider.
"Heh, so you don't have only muscles between your ears…"
"Hey!"
"…There are a few simple conditions. First, girls that you could get, while they're sexy, they're not completely human, even if they look like one. They have some interesting differences in their Aura. I'm sure that you would be able to notice them if you apply your Nen thoughtfully. Oh, and don't forget to kiss them to seal the deal." – Taro continued his speech as if Uvogin wasn't even here. And when Uvogin tried to interrupt him again, he lost ability to talk completely. That irritated him a great deal.
"Second, you would spend quite some time in the city where you would appear. The city is quite big and there are a lot of interesting things in it, but you are a kind of person to get bored easily without access to wider world and girls that you need to look out for are tied to this city by some means." – At this point Taro was showing Uvogin a hand with two fingers. After finishing that part of speech Taro showed one more finger.
"Third, your life in previous world ended, finita, the end, grand final, poof! So you will start new life in new world, no connections with previous world except for your memories and skills. Technology in your new world will be better, but not enough that you would get completely lost on your first day. Oh, and there are no hunters and you would be able to meet people with special powers only in the city where I drop you. Now, what do you say?" – After finishing that speech Taro's face became neutral in expression and he waved his hand at Uvogin.
Uvogin didn't say anything at that. He was thinking. His instinct was telling him that everything was alright, but he was still contemplating pros and cons of the deal he got on his hands. All this time he wasn't able to do anything with Nen, so there wasn't much he could do against Taro. Pity, fight against literal god could be quite exciting. He wanted to come back and deal with that chain-wielding guy who dealt him in before, but that wasn't an option considering what he was told. Eh, there could be someone interesting to deal with in the place he was going, so that was a plus. Limbo was really boring place so Uvogin doesn't have any wishes about going back in there. And what he needed to do is just to perform horizontal tango with some girls there? No problem on this front, cause Uvogin is The Man.
"Alright, I will take on this offer, but if you try to screw me over, then I would find a way to punch your head off and would do so." – Saying that, Uvogin outstretched his right arm for handshake and grinned at Taro. At that Taro gave his own grin and shook his hand with his own.
"Hahahah! That's the spirit! Now go forward and have fun in my name!"
After that Uvogin disappeared in bright flash of light.
Few minutes have passed and Taro's appearance started to change. His beard disappeared. His wings disappeared. His hair grew to his shoulders and eyes became solid silver in color, no blazing white flames. His clothes morphed into a pair of silver-colored trousers and open long coat in same color with dark-vest vest made of intersecting leather strips and scaly blood-red boots. His face features became a little thinner while still remaining regal in appearance.
"Well, that was faster than I expected. Good thing that this one is most paranoid of the bunch, fun would start sooner than it could have." – After saying that Pyron stretched his back and took thinking pose.
"Now, where should I go next? To the fun dude, to the morbid dude or to the bored dude. Choices, choices…"
After saying that Pyron clicked his fingers. After that before him appeared big wheel with different things written on it and arrow at the right side pointing out the choices. Each second choice started with 'Boobies!' and then continued.
"Now let's take this baby for a spin!" – After saying that Pyron took a hold of the wheel and started spinning it. And then it was spinning. And spinning. And spinning…
"Damn I didn't hold back well enough…" – After Pyron's grumbling wheel continued to spin for another hour before slowing down…
…And coming to the point 'Boobies! Then go grab morbid dude, dude.'
"Woo-hoo! I knew that my power understands me!" – After saying that he hugged the wheel and disappeared from Limbo altogether. Only his last cry was echoing through the emptiness of Limbo for few months to come and pass.
"To the orgy!"
A/N: That's it for introducing Uvogin. As you can tell, Pyron is little unhinged, so there quite possibly would be more dirty jokes and crazy dumbass moments. Now, don't forget to leave your reviews and tell whether you liked it or not.