Chapter 2

Erin

I wake up and feel well rested for the first time ever. I feel really safe and do not remember ever feeling this way. I realize why when I look up and see Hank sound asleep sitting up against the headboard. His arm is wrapped around me and I cant believe this feeling that is creeping up inside me. Its a warm feeling, something new and different than anything I have ever felt before.

I slip out of bed and go find the bathroom. I see a basket in the bathtub. What are these doing in here? There are little round plastic fish and ducks and all kinds of animals. I wonder if these are to play with. We have toys at school in our kindergarten classroom. We have a water table with animals just like these. I wonder if I am allowed to play with them. My teacher lets me play with toys at school but I have never had a toy at home. Why would Hank have toys? I haven't gotten in trouble here yet. I turn on the water in the tub and I dump out some soap out of one of the bottles of the soap that Hank put in my hair yesterday. I noticed when he washed it out of my hair it made bubbles and I think it would be fun to take a bath in bubbles. I climb in the tub and let the water rise around me.

I take the dolphin out of the bag with holes. Raising it up in the air, I make the dolphin dive into the water. "I will get you Mr. shark." I say with a giggle as I make the dolphin chase the shark. I dump the rest of the animals into the bubbles and begin to create a story for my new aquatic friends. I make a splash that accidentally slurps out of the tub when the whale is trying to save the fish from the mouth of the shark. As a huge wave of water splashes across the floor, Hank opens the bathroom door. I realize at this moment that I must have forgotten to turn the water off. The water is cascading over the edge of the tub and there has to be two inches of water on the floor. Hank is going to kill me! I have gotten water all over the bathroom.

"I'm sorry! I forgot about the water." I cry, as he splashes across the room and turns off the faucet. "I didn't mean to make a mess." I try not to cry, but I can't help it. I feel bad about messing up his house.

"It's okay kid." He says, laying towels down on the floor. Once the floor is covered he reaches into the tub and pulls out the plug. Grabbing my arms, he lifts me up to my feet and wraps me up in a towel. "Come on, lets get you dressed."

Hank

I leave Erin in her room, wrapped in a towel with her clothes laid out on her bed. What was she thinking, leaving the water running? I realize though that she probably has never been allowed to play in the bath tub. I am finishing up mopping up the floor when a hesitant Erin appears in the doorway. I stop what I am doing and sit on the edge of the tub. I motion for her to come here and when she does I see the fear in her eyes. She thinks she is in trouble for playing in the tub. What five year old is afraid to play? I lift her up to sit on my lap.

"Look at me, Erin." I say and wait until she lifts her chin.

"Im sorry that I played in the tub." She says, her lip trembling. She is sorry for playing?

"Erin." I say her name but her gaze stays focused on the ground. "Kid. Look at me." I say quietly. "I am not mad that you were playing. That's why I bought the toys, kid, for you to play with. Next time you take a bath you need to turn the water off when it gets up to this silver circle, okay? That way the water will not overflow."

"Yes, Hank." She says. And before I can say anything else, she runs out of the bathroom and back into her room. I assume she is looking at the books I set on her night table or coloring with the crayons I laid on the desk. But when I enter her room ten minutes later to check on her, my heart drops into my stomach. Standing in the corner is a trembling crying little girl. Why is she standing there like she is in trouble? She looks terrified!

"Erin, Come here." I say, trying to bite back the anger at the people responsible for the excuse of a childhood that she's had. I didn't mean for the words to sound so sharp as they escape from my mouth. Her eyes flash with fear as she slowly walks towards me. I can see her hunched shoulders and shaking body. I want to kick myself as I watch her wince when I reach for her. I pull her up onto my lap and use my finger to gently lift her chin.

"Kid, I told you I wasn't mad. Why were you standing in the corner?" I ask, trying to use a softer voice.

"I…uh…I did bad. I made a mess. I have to be in trouble. I have to stand in the corner and wait for the bad to happen." She says this as though it is fact. She says this without question. I realize that she believes this because in her world this is how things are. Well, things are about to change. I am going to give her a new world.

"Kid, I forgave you for what you did. Do you know what that means?" I ask, watching as confusion clouds her face. When she shakes her head I explain. "Well, you spilled the water and then you said you were sorry. I told you that I wasn't mad any that next time we would remember to stop the water so it doesn't happen again. Thats it. End of story. I forgive you. That means that we forget about it and move on. You said you were sorry and I said everything is okay. You are not in trouble, kid. Do you understand?"

"I think so. Am I ever going to be in trouble?" Her innocent question makes me smile.

"Probably someday, kid, but not today. Now, lets go make some breakfast." I say, standing her up and taking her hand, leading her to the kitchen.

Later that afternoon, I am sitting on the back deck watching her run around the yard. This kid has a ton of energy. I pull out my phone and give Olinsky a call.

"Hey, I am bringing her into the office tomorrow. Until we have her father in the cage I am not leaving her at school or with anyone I don't know." I listen as he confirms his agreement and I decide that a trip to the store is probably in order.

"Erin, come on, kid. We need to go to the store." I call, gesturing her to come inside. I help her change out of her dirty clothes she had been playing in and into something clean. Then, heading into the bathroom I pull out the package of hair things that Antonio said I'd need. There are little bands of every color, metal clips, and several girly bows. I have no idea how to do this. I look at the light brown hair in front of me. It cant be that hard right? I run my hands through her hair pulling it all into one central spot. Twisting the rubber band into place, I smile at my handiwork. There are a few bumps but overall it looks like all the female's ponytails I've seen. I close my eyes and try to imagine what Camille's ponytail used to look like. I look at the fluffy bands that have the ribbons on them. I lift Erin up onto the counter and wait for her approval

"I want one of these." She says pointing to the hair bows. "I have never had a pretty hairband like that."

"Okay." I say, picking the yellow one that matches the yellow shirt she has on. I twist the ribbon filled rubber band into her hair and sigh with relief that this part is over. "Come on, we need to go to the store."

We walk outside and I remember the car seat. After a few minutes of swearing at the amount of tape and plastic the damn thing is packaged in, I get the car seat out of the box and into the car. Then I realize that I have no idea how to install it. I try for a few minutes before I finally take the instructions Erin has tried several times to hand to me. Another twenty minutes and I finally have the seat installed and we are finally on the road.

We walk through the isles of the store loading up the cart. I pick out a few book bags and hold them up for her to choose one. When she does, I toss it into the cart. I head towards the book isle. I hand her five or six coloring books and tell her to pick two of them. After putting the rest back, I toss a package of crayons and markers into the cart too. We pick out several snacks and stuff for sandwiches. Then, heading over the to the toy isles, I try to think of what might keep her entertained in the squad room. We end up with a few barbies and a package of barbie clothes, a baby doll and accessory pack, a kid leap thing tablet and a few educational games that will run me a pretty penny, and a few hot wheels cars. I pray as I hand over two hundred dollars to the cashier that this will be all she needs for a while. Who knew kids were so expensive?

Erin

I do not like this seat. I cant seem to unbuckle the seat belt. I don't understand why I have to sit in this stupid thing. I want to sit in a big kid seat. I cross my arms across my chest as Hank gets out and opens the back door.

"Come on, kid. Lets go inside." Hank says, trying to reach around my arms to unbuckle me.

"I don't want to sit in this seat." I say, refusing to move my arms. "I want to sit in that seat." I say, pointing to the other side of the back seat. Unfortunately, Hank uses that moment to unsnap the buckle. Lifting me out of the seat and placing me on the ground he leans down to look me in the eyes.

"We are going to go into my office. You are going to play with your new toys and behave. You will listen and do as I say. Do you understand?"

I give him a look, but his glare makes me quickly change my mind. Why am I being this stupid? I know what happens when I fight back, but with Hank…it's different. He hasn't yelled at me or hit me or made me go hungry. Will he ever? How hard can I push before he hurts me?

I must not be walking fast enough because before we are even to the front door he picks me up and holds me on his hip. I guess Im not too heavy. I am the smallest girl in my class at school, which I am missing today too. Normally I would be really sad to miss school but Hank lets me eat so I don't mind so much.

Hank sits me down on the floor in his office and hands me my new bag. I am so excited to play with my new toys that I don't even notice when he leaves the room. I am still engrossed in playing with my new barbies when he comes back in and tells me it's lunchtime. I have never had a barbie doll before. I have seen some of the girls in my class have them during show and tell. Hank and I sit at the break room table with the other detectives. Mr. Ruzek tells me that detectives are super policemen because they get to wear real clothes to catch the bad guys. The day is over before I know it and Hank says it's time to go home.

The rest of the week passes much the same. By Friday we have settled into a decent routine. I play and stay in the intelligence office at work and then we go home and I get to help make dinner. There was one day that they all had to go out for a case and I got to go down to Ms. Trudy's desk. That day was pretty fun. She let me spin in her chair. I have gotten to try lots of new foods this week. I am buckling myself into my car seat when Hank says we aren't going home. I have given up fighting Hank on my car seat. I just seemed to frustrate him and I still ended up in the seat anyway. Hank says we are going to the hospital to pick up Jay. I am excited to see him but then another thought pops into my mind.

"Does Jay get to come to your home? Does Jay get to be safe?" I ask him, scared to hear the answer. What if he says no? What if he sends Jay somewhere else? What if he sends me somewhere else?

"Jay will get to come stay with us too. Is that alright with you?" I nod and Hank smiles at me in the mirror. He pulls into the hospital parking lot and I cant get out of my seat fast enough. We go upstairs and I am tugging on Hanks hand so hard that he finally scoops me up into his arms. I am sure that I am the only five year old that gets carried. But as I think about this I realize that its not true. All the little girls who come to kindergarten with pretty dresses and bows in their hair have mommies and daddies who pick them up from school. Their daddies pick them up like Hank holds me. Maybe Hank could be my daddy. His home is much better than the home where my mother and father live.

Antonio meets us in Jays room and he takes me out while Hank signs the paperwork for Jay to leave. I help Antonio carry the bags with clothes for Jay to Hank's car. I watch as he installs Jay's car seat a whole lot faster than Hank buckled in mine.

"You should give Hank a lesson on that. It took him forever to put mine in the car." I say, and I giggle when he laughs.

I wrap my arms around Jay when he comes out with Hank. He eyes Hank and he looks scared, but he sees me smiling and I tell him that it will be okay. Hank helps us get buckled and then we are driving home. Home? Is it really home, or will we be sent off somewhere else?"