Chapter 2: Uncomfortable Discussions

Morning came far too fast for me. I was still daydreaming about different ways my life could have been different when Mrs. Weasley knocked quietly on the door before popping her head in.

"Harry? Are you awake?" She quietly inquired, trying not to wake her son, who she knew was still asleep and would be for a few more hours.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley?" I replied, equally as quiet. Both of us knew how grumpy and moody Ron would be if he woke up earlier than his normal wake up time, even if it was ridiculously late for everyone else in the house.

"Harry, before you leave Arthur and the rest of the order would like to have a quick word with you in the kitchen. Nothing to worry about dear, they just have a few questions." She whispered, almost apologetically before her head disappeared from the door way and the door slowly closed with a quiet click.

Sighing, I quietly untangled myself from the blankets for the second time that night. I should have known that the inquiry from them yesterday about my plans and my inability to answer their questions yesterday would not have gone unnoticed. Standing in the now sunlit room, I stretched to try and get rid of the crick in my back from lying on a floor all night. With a satisfied crack, I reached for my shirt on the floor beside my mass of blankets before walking to the door, across the hall, and into the washroom.

My reflection in the mirror, which was thankfully silent as if knowing my need for a moment to think, stared back and I was shocked at how much my body had changed from the last time I had looked into a mirror. Granted that had been a long time, I avoided mirrors as much as possible nowadays since I knew how tired and worn out I look. But this reflection I saw was worse than I had imagined. My face seems longer now, thinner, with dark circles under my eyes from my lack of sleep. My hair, as always, was a mess sticking out in all directions. Thankfully I had let Hermione cut my hair a few days ago since she was fussing about how much I looked like a girl with my shaggy hair style. Now my hair was only about an inch or two in length, and was always sticking straight out. My scar stood out against my pale skin and dark hair. My eyes, while still a vibrant green, seemed duller. While any trace of red in my cheeks or lips was gone. My eyes traced down my face, neck and finally reached my torso. Ribs stood out against my skin and any trace of my Quidditch body was gone, only to be replaced with a skinny and scarred one. The scars were from various activities of my life. The one on my wrist from the graveyard, a few on my back were from Dudley, some on my stomach were from Quidditch, but the vast majority were from the battle of Hogwarts. There were more, thankfully hidden by my jeans that I had worn for the night, that were just as bad as the ones on my torso.

I closed my eyes as I reached for the tap and turned on the water. Splashing the coldness onto my face, I felt the stubble. I needed a shave when I got back. I had tried to let it grow out once, to see if I could get away with being lazy about that. But the appearance and feeling had just felt wrong. Looking up at my reflection I pulled out my wand and cast a glamor spell that I have gotten so used to when I am around others. Now the circles under my eyes were gone, as were most of the scars and my body now had the appearance of being slightly fuller and healthier than before. It wasn't worth it to get everyone worrying about his appearance, especially since they had started to realize that I had no plan to get rid of Voldemort.

Remembering the group that was waiting downstairs for him I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. I was a simple black t-shirt; I really never had been one for fashion or matching my clothes together for that matter. So I had just bought clothes that seemed to look alright with everything. Taking one more glimpse at my appearance in the mirror to ensure the glamor was still there, I opened the bathroom door and slowly made my way downstairs.

I stopped in front of the room Hermione and Ginny had been sharing for the night, thinking about whether or not I should see if they are still in there. I doubted it; they were most likely downstairs waiting for me. Ginny… after the battle, I had tried to make it work. We dated for just under a year, and trusted and loved each other completely, enough to finally give ourselves to one other completely. But the burden I was carrying was too much for our relationship. I tried to keep us together, but Ginny knew how much weight was on my shoulders and how I could never love her fully until it was finally over. She was the one to end it, saying that she couldn't wait for me to anymore. She had to move on. Now she is with another guy, and she seems happier than ever, especially considering the mood of the world. I miss her, but I understand why she left and moved on. My responsibilities and burdens are much too difficult for me to handle, let alone her, so I let her go.

While mine and Ginny's relationship had ended, Ron and Hermione's had flourished. They really were perfect for each other and they really needed each other. Her smarts and levelheadedness was the seamless match for Ron's lack of book smarts and hotheadedness. They have been around each other constantly since Hermione had kissed him during the battle of Hogwarts. I really am envious of their love. I experienced something close to that with Ginny, but the way that they look at one another… I can only hope that one day I can find someone to share that with. However, I have to get rid of my responsibilities to the wizarding world first I suppose.

Remembering why I was making my way downstairs, I shook off my unattainable dreams and continued to head down the stairs. Thankful that the Weasley's had so many stairs I began to formulate a possible plan to defeat Voldemort at a whim. Perhaps there was a part of the prophecy that could be interpreted differently or perhaps there is another power that I have the Voldemort knows not? This is highly unlikely and I find myself hissing in frustration. Turning around the last corner I decide that my best way out of this is to simply say that I have several plans in progress and each one needs to be carefully considered before I choose one to act on. Yes, this will have to do.

Finally, I make it to the kitchen of the Weasley's home. The small room seems even more cramped now that there are several fully grown adults being forced to sit in the room. Molly is the first to notice me and she quickly clears her throat to gain everyone's attention. The chatter in the room quickly ended once I was noticed and Mr. Weasley gestured for me to sit in the chair at the head of the table. I quickly do and take a quick opportunity to look around the room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley sat on my right and Percy stood behind them. Next to him was a very pregnant Fleur with Bill standing beside her in an almost threating way. But that was just the protective wolf coming out to protect his wife and child, no matter whom else was in the room. Charlie was sitting next to his parents and he seemed by far one of the happiest to see me, offering up a cheerful hello upon my arrival which I returned. On the other side of the table was Hermione and Ginny. Both girls were smiling at me in a way that reminded me that this talk was not going to be a pleasant experience. Yet they both showed their support. Next to Ginny was her new friend, although I couldn't see it, I knew they were both clasping hands under the table and he was staring at me the way he always does. Sure that I am going to steal her away from him at the next chance I have, the gaze is confident and unwavering, trying to show that he can hold his own next to me. I look away, trying to show him as I have been for several months that I am no longer a threat to him, she chose him.

Beside him was a solemn Kinsley. As minister for magic during these dark times he had begun to show very rapid aging that can only be caused by a stressful job such as that and the whiteness of his hair and wrinkles on his face was proof. Finally there were other ministry employees in attendance, about seven of them, I was sure I had been introduced to them at one point but I can't remember their names. Usually those people came in with Kinsley and ended up being killed in some way, usually by running into Death Eaters. They were usually quickly replaced. That was one of the things I really hate about the Order. How dangerous it really was and how they brought in just about anyone to help without thinking about how they would deal with the dangers. We did need these people though; they provided information and support with our cause, as bad as it sounds.

In the back corner, sitting in between the stove and the sink in the shadows of the kitchen, was George. Everyone knew who was hit hardest by Fred's death. The joke shop had continued to stay open in Diagon Alley even after his death with George hiring a few more people to work the shop instead of him. He still lived above the joke shop; I assume it is because it keeps him close to Fred and his memory. The front of the joke shop had shifted into a mural. It had started about a month after the war ended, when George stood in front of the store and put up a banner which read; "In memory of those who died in the battle of Hogwarts and before for their cause", and underneath he wrote "Fred Weasley". After that day, witches and wizards from all over traveled to the shop and wrote the names of the various witches and wizards that had died in the fight against Voldemort. On the side of the list there was room for comments and messages. Most were posts of memorials, but some were written to me, wishing me luck and so forth. The store has become a great inspiration for the Order and for me… There have been a few attacks from the Death Eaters, but it seems the raw emotion coming from the people who wrote on its walls have protected it, much like I was protected by my mother's sacrifice.

"Harry we were all just wondering if you have a plan developed yet, because if you do we want to start developing strategies as soon as possible." Kinsley stated, interrupting my thought process. He was always straightforward nowadays so I tried not to seem startled, but I knew this was the reason for this meeting.

"Well sir, I have a few going through my head right now, but I need to consider each one carefully before I choose to act on one." I lie smoothly, just like I rehearsed as I came down the stairs. However it just started dawning on me that they would probably want to hear some and it is now that I decide that it is time to panic. Sure enough…

"Do you want to tell us some so we can help with the process? All your time alone thinking can't be good for you." Arthur quietly asks genuine concern in his voice. Several of the others in the room nod in agreement and I can't help but start to fell glad to have people care about me. However, now is the time that I need to quickly come up with plans, so I start of in an explanation of why some won't work hoping to buy some time.

"I have some ideas, but most have some undesirable and unnecessary risks for all involved. Because it's not like we can just corner a few Death Eaters and say 'take me to your leader' right? Just like we can't start a random conflict somewhere and hope that they call Vol- You Know Who correct?" I corrected after quite a few in the room shifted uncomfortably and gasped. "There are just so many things that need to be taken into consideration" I concluded, hoping that he at least proved to the others in the room that he was at least trying to come up with a plan.

"Indeed… perhaps though we could go with you last option you gave… But possibly set a trap for You Know Who for when the Death Eaters call him and he arrives. At least it's a start" Kinsley stated, and I was thankful that he at least bought into what I had hoped for. However the plan he chose was not exactly the smartest and I wouldn't help but point out that he was underestimating Voldemort.

"He will suspect a trap, he would be able to see it coming a mile away and that's the problem. I don't know how to get around that." I reply, trying to make it clear that any attempt to try to outsmart Voldemort this way would be a suicide attempt.

"Perhaps… unless we are very careful about it… A trap does seem to be the only option at this point however. And once he is trapped you will have to choose a spell or alternative way of killing him to make sure that he stays dead. Personally I believe the killing curse is the most easily and mess less way, but if there are any other options let's hear them now." Kinsley asks the room. I sit there frozen; he had just told me that he thinks I should kill Voldemort with the killing curse because it is the easiest.

"Well sir, using the killing curse is the most fastest and easiest, but it just seems too easily to let him off that way. Maybe we should let a Dementor kiss him and remove his soul?" One of the ministry employees answers to Kinsley's call. I have yet to move, I am completely unable to comprehend that we are discussing various ways of killing someone.

"That wouldn't work Hunterson, the Dementors are under You Know Who's influence. Besides that would involve holding him long enough for that to occur and I doubt it would be so easy. No, I think Harry should just end it there." Mr. Weasley butts in, with a nod in my direction as if to try and make me feel better. I don't. In fact I am starting to feel sick.

"But I do agree that it would be a shame to just end it right away, he must suffer for all those people that he has killed, and otherwise there is no justice. Maybe we could just do a little bit more damage before Potter ends it." Another ministry employee speaks up, and I can't believe it. Did she just suggest…?

"You think we should use torture first? Forgive me but I don't think that is really necessary. Don't get me wrong, I will rejoice the day that Harry finally rids the world of You Know Who, but is torture really necessary?" Bill asks from the corner. I can tell that he is disturbed by the idea. I don't think nearly as disturbed as I am however. They are actually suggesting torturing and maiming the Dark Lord, before I have to kill him. The feeling of sickness is growing.

"He must pay for his crimes somehow, and I do believe that doing what he has done to others onto in is the best way. Mr. Potter of course can decide what spell he wishes to use, and which is most appropriate to execute this torture. May I suggest…." I fade out of the conversation at this point, unable to listen anymore. I have apparently been chosen by fate to not only kill this man, but torture and destroy him as well. I am going to throw up... I can't bring myself to speak, or move for that matter. Deep inside my chest something is nagging me and reminding me of my recent revelation. I won't be able to kill anyone. My chest is about to explode with guilt and incomprehensible sadness and disgust at myself and those at the table, for different reasons. I wonder if they can hear themselves talk about killing and brutalizing another person so calmly and collectively as if they are talking about a stormy day outside. However, I know that I should, and owe it to the wizarding world to destroy the man who has given them so much grief. I know now that I am not the idealized Chosen One that everyone wants me to be, to complete the one task that they wish me to complete and this by itself is destroying me on the inside. I have no idea how I would ever be able to break it to them, or do I just wait until it is time only to tell them then.

The wish that I made yesterday pops into my head and begins to swirl in my brain. "I wish I had another chance at a different life with no one to kill…please…" Had I meant it? With all my heart I knew the answer now… Yes.

Before I could comprehend the startling recognition of my choice that I had decided upon in my head, there was a white blindly flash of light that appeared before my eyes. My first thought was that someone had tried to get my attention, but the screams and surprised yelps around the room seemed to disprove any thoughts of that. The light was blinding yet the feeling in the air was much more surprising. It was as if someone had just released all of the energy and magic of their being and allowed it to float aimlessly around the room. The feeling of it swirling around me was making me very dazed and confused and I could hear the others complaining of the same feeling. The dizziness intensified tenfold and I could feel myself start to pass out from the feeling. The last thing that I felt, before the feeling disappeared suddenly was, the sensation of being lifted off my feet, and the others around me screaming at the sensation. Then the light was suddenly gone.

Authors Note: Reviews are appreciated and my stories do get updated faster if I have the inspiration of my readers, but I know not everyone really wants to sign in and post and whatever. Do try whenever you can though, even if it is just every few chapters. Thanks. Next chapter will be up in a week or two. Depends on the amount of reviews I get.

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