Original disclaimer posted on Chapter One...
-
Book 2, Chapter 13: The Drill :: General Sung and the Gang Are Thinking of Ideas for Shutting Down the Drill
General Sung: We're doomed!
Sokka: (slaps general hard on the face) Get a hold of yourself man!
General Sung: You're right, I'm sorry.
Toph: Maybe you'd like the Avatar's help now?
General Sung: Yes, please.
Aang: The question is, how are we gonna stop that thing?
Sokka: (everyone looks at Sokka) Why are you all looking at me?
Aang: You're the idea guy.
Sokka: So I'm the only one who can ever come up with a plan? That's a lot of pressure.
General Sung: (slaps Sokka on the face)
Sokka: Hey, what was that for?
General Sung: That's payback, bitch!
Book 2, Chapter 19: The Guru :: Katara and the Generals Discuss Invasion Plans...
General How: General Fong's base will serve as the launching point of the attack. In exactly two months, the Army and Navy will invade the Fire Nation on The Day of Black Sun.
( There is a battle layout in front of them. Momo suddenly pounces on the fire nation marker, scattering the other pieces.)
Katara: Or we could send in Momo to do some damage. (Katara laughs)
General How: You think that's funny?
Katara: (silent)
General How: You think it's funny for a vermin to pounce on the layout and screw up a battle plan that took almost a week to organize?
Katara: Well, when you put it that way-
General How: (snaps) Hey! Let me finish talking!
Katara: (frightened)
General How: (rough voice) You won't last long without our help. You'll die in a matter of weeks. I can see it: you're body will be decaying as worms start going in and out of your eye sockets while the vultures pick you clean... all because of a useless lemur that ruined the most important battle plan which will be heard about for centuries to come. And all you can say is, (uses a retarded-sounding voice) "Or, we can send Momo in for some damage!" Ha ha, I'm laughing my boots off, you stupid piece of sleet.
Katara: (freaked out)
Book 2, Chapter 19: The Guru :: Aang's First Chakra (He faces the fire lord)
Guru Pathik: (voice-over) Aang, your vision is not real. You are concerned for your survival, but you must surrender those fears. Let your fears flow down the creek.
(Aang slowly straightens and relaxes. In his mind, he calmly sits within the ring of flame, facing Ozai.)
Ozai: Hey, man.
Aang: Uh... hi?
Ozai: I heard that people have been starting rumors about me. You know, the whole comet thing... well, it's not true.
Aang: Really? But everyone is saying that it's true!
Ozai: And you know the "day of black sun" thing? Yeah, not true.
Aang: (amazed) Wow.
Ozai: Nothing more powerful than rumors, dude. That's a life lesson. Oh, by the way, there actually isn't a war.
Book 2, Chapter 2: The Cave of Two Lovers :: The Gang and the Nomads are on their way to the cave
Sokka: How far are we from the tunnel?
Chong Actually, it's not just one tunnel. The lovers didn't want anyone to find out about their love, so they built a whole labyrinth.
Sokka: Labyrinth?!
Chong I'm sure we'll figure it out.
Lily: All you need to do is trust in love. According to the curse.
Sokka: Curse?!
Chong: Yeah. If we don't escape the tunnel, we will be trapped for all eternity.
Sokka: Eternity?!
Lily: Yup. Plus, there is no food, so we will practically be doomed.
Sokka: Doomed?!
Chong: Okay, if you keep doing that, I'm gonna cave your face in.
Sokka: Cave?!
Chong: I mean it, stop.
Sokka: Stop?!
Chong: Sokka, I'm begging you. I'm gonna do it.
Sokka: It?!
Chong: Get ready to feel pain.
Sokka: Pain?!
Chong: (punches Sokka in the nose, forcing a nose bleed)
Sokka: Blood?!
Book 2, Chapter 2: The Cave of Two Lovers :: Zuko and Iroh Start Making Up Stuff About Each Other When they Meet Song
Song: You two must not be from around here. We know better than to touch the white jade, much less make it into tea and drink it.
Iroh: Heh heh heh. Whoops!
Song: So where are you traveling from?
Zuko: Yes, we're travelers.
Song: Do you have names?
Zuko: Names? Of course we have names. I'm Lee. And this is my uncle, uh, Mushi.
Iroh: (mad) Yes, my nephew was named after his father, so we just call him Junior.
Zuko: (also mad) Mushi is a little koo-koo up there in his noggin, so expect a little more mistakes coming from him.
Iroh: Junior wets the bed sometimes, so if you offer us to stay with you, don't go anywhere near his cot. It will most likely be soaked!
Zuko: Mushi eats a little too much, so double the town's food supply.
Iroh: Junior cries when he doesn't get what he wants, so get those earplugs ready!
Zuko: Mushi once sat down on a bench on one end and the other end lifted the atmosphere five feet up!
Iroh: Junior whines if his pacifier gets too cold!
Zuko: Mushi started going bald at age 12!
Iroh: When Junior dropped a glass and broke it, he tried to beat up the floor!
Zuko: Mushi doesn't know the difference between "tea" and "coffee!"
Iroh: (gasp) You take that back!
-
[A/N: Well, that was another installment. Thanks for the reviews. Now I know I'm actually entertaining someone and not just myself...