Tiara is property of kiwiandcarma at Deviantart. Remember that now.
BLOOD SPORT, ROUND 1:
Nick vs. Tiara
I'm not like the others. I'm not a villain. Villains kill. Not heroes. And I try to be a hero. I try to be different from others. I have an example to set, a cross to bear. But if I can change just ONE life in this competition, make ONE person see the truth…I'll be happy.
"Tiara, huh? That's really her name?" Nick spoke quietly, his communication's officer's chip relaying his message to Darth. The blind Irken re-adjusted his own headpiece back at his computer on the satellite whilst hundreds of Irkens watched the first fights of Blood Sport in a "internet café" style bar. Darth had taken up a quiet booth all his own with a pink-eyed Irken with reindeer-esque antennae sitting nearby, looking at her own computer. She was wearing only a long white t-shirt with a pink heart on the front. This was "Invader Sue", aka "Relationship Sue", a human-turned Irken who, unfortunately, happened to be crushing on Nick. Obsessively so.
The good news was that this meant she wanted him to live very, very much and was willing to help him through this.
"It is based off the name of a headdress whose Sumerian title means "Life-Light"." Darth explained calmly.
"From the file on her, she's…well, she's been experimented on." Sue commented. "Hmm! She dresses really nicely."
"According to this…" Darth's claws brushed over the Braille keyboard he used and he smoothly entered in more data. "Her mother and stepfather made an enemy of one of the captains of the Irken Elite. In response he led a sneak attack on their home, calling them "insurgents". The two were killed though Tiara and her sister Lyra survived, and her father, who had formerly been estranged, decided to take them in. Apparently he did some experimenting on them to make them stronger and it must have worked because the captain that had ordered the attack on Tiara's home was found in 400 inch-sized cubes…"
"…I will bear this in mind." Nick commented.
This part of the planet that he was fighting on was a heavily dense forest region. The rainforest area was lush with life as some birds flew overheard, with long yellow beaks, glowing red eyes and tail feathers of blue and yellow, which flapped up and down in a steady rhythm against the sky high above. A few fireflies of some sort with glowing orange behinds floated in front of Nick for a few moments, then touched down behind a nearby leaf and began to glow on and off, on and off.
"Okay. I'll check in with you later. Adios." Nick remarked. He holstered his plasma rifle and glanced left, right, up and down, searching the area before sneaking through the brush on his stomach, careful not to rustle the bushes too much. Moving in time with the wind so that it appeared as though the bushes were being moved not by outside sources but natural causes, he carefully made his way to a large tree nearby.
Peeking around left and right, he glanced up and then shimmied up the tree using his PAK legs, sneaking inside of a large hole and then climbing up the tree further. He was amazed…the entire thing was hollowed out. The culprit was a ratty, squirrel-like creature with enormous buck teeth and three red eyes that was chipping away at the top region of the tree. It noticed Nick, squeaked, then bolted out of the tree.
Out.
Uh oh.
BOOOOOOOM! An explosive stun blast of plasma fire blew away the top of the tree. Nick immediately let go of the sides of the inside of the tree and slid down as more and more of the tree was fired at from the outside.
"You can't hide forever in there!" A voice called out, calm but with an undertone of gleeful rage.
Nick thought about this as he slid down towards the hole he'd been in. She was right. But…he didn't have to.
His PAK legs extended out. SHCLICKA-SLASHA!
He was now jumping out of the tree, his feet riding atop of a chunk of tree that was being launched at the person who'd been firing at him. He jumped away as she blew the chunk into pieces and he shot his rifle. The blast struck the ground in front of her and the force knocked her off her feet, making her fall on her back. Growling, she hopped back up as Nick aimed his rifle at her and she aimed her short-muzzle shock blaster at him.
"Tiara, right?" Nick asked politely. "The name's Nick."
"I figured that out. You're that communications officer. First one the Massive ever had, right?" She asked calmly.
"Appointed by Tallest Miyuki herself!" Nick commented happily, grinning behind the "mask" region of his outfit. "Ah, I miss her." He added sadly. "So, why are you in "Blood Sport" if you don't mind me asking?" He wanted to know.
"My stupid dad signed me up for it." She mumbled, shaking her head. Despite the fact that her eyes were closed temporarily, Nick didn't fire. He wasn't inconsiderate. "Anyhow, I've got a criminal record and have to hide away in a condo." She went on. Meanwhile, a small, red, circular-shaped object with a big camera-lens eye hovered overhead, two small transmission antennae sticking out the top like "horns" and a steely circle around the lens. It focused in on the two and then a small set of small sets of speakers popped out of the thing, one on either side.
"Well, well, looks like our two contestants are now toe to toe and exchanging pleasantries…BEFORE THEY BLOW EACH OTHER'S HEADS OFF, WOOHOO!" The thing cheered.
The two contestants looked up and frowned darkly. "Who the frack are you?" Nick asked.
"I'm Ábéodan. I'm announcer for Blood Sport!" He explained eagerly. "Now when do you get to the killin' and the slashin' and the dyin'?"
"Wow, you're REALLY into this." A familiar voice spoke up.
"Yeah…a little TOO into it."
Nick's head shot up. "Tallests Red and Purple?" He asked.
"Heya!" Purple called out.
"Big P! What's happidy-hap?" Nick asked happily, grinning eagerly.
"You KNOW them?" Tiara inquired.
"I used to do all sorts of favors for them as communications officer of the Massive when Spork was in charge." Nick commented. "I did a lot of people favors actually. You'd be surprised how many people want to just call up the Tallest to ask for something."
"Sirs? I'M doing the announcing." Ábéodan remarked, his whiny, high-pitched voice becoming more grating.
"…right. Tiara?" Nick asked calmly, raising a non-existent eyebrow.
"I feel the same way you do." She commented.
They swung their guns up and blasted the thing into pieces. Nick blew smoke off the top of his rifle and grinned at Tiara as she and him put their guns away. "I'd like to apologize in advance for striking a lady."
"If I were you, I'd save it for when you actually beat me." She commented calmly.
The two of them rushed at each other, with Tiara aiming a quick punch at his head. Nick ducked and did a leg sweep, but Tiara jumped in the air, kicking out with her leg. Nick took one blow in the head, but then grabbed her other leg and tossed her through the air.
She re-righted herself, deftly landing on her feet and one hand, then launched herself at Nick, unsheathing a three-inch knife from her pocket. Nick quickly jumped back over and over as she sliced at him, the blade going through the air with a "SWHCIK-SWHICK". He continued to move around, dodging the swings of the knife.
"So!"
SWHCIK!
"Why!"
SWHCIK!
"Are YOU!"
SWHCIK!
"In Blood Sports!"
SWHCIK!
Nick continued jumping back, dodging all around. "I'm!"
SWHCIK!
"Going!"
SWHCIK!
"To!"
SWHCIK!
"Destroy it!"
SWHCIK!
"From!"
SWHCIK!
"Within!"
SWHCIK!
She stopped slicing. "Eh?"
"Don't you know what this competition is about?" He asked. He didn't go for a weapon…he could see genuine confusion in her ruby eyes. "Blood Sport is a competition started by the Tallest and run by a committee. It seeks out fighters and warriors and sometimes kidnaps, sometimes coerces, sometimes bribes, sometimes threatens in order to get people into its grasp. Many good people who deserved better than a horrid disembowelment on a planet lightyears from home die in Blood Sport."
A cold, terrible, spine-crushing chill was sneaking up Tiara's body. "People…kill each other. Not "defeat"…kill?"
"Yes. The Committee, like I said, chooses people that are the best of the best, the worst of the worst, everyone in between. It's sick, absolutely sick!" He went on. "And the worst part is, the Irken race doesn't care enough because they don't see things from OUR side. All they see on the TV is entertainment. They don't get invested enough with the fighters…not truly. They might be sad when their favorite dies, but they get over it and change the channel a few minutes later."
Nick clenched his fist as the camera drone hovered overhead. "Tiara, Blood Sport's about violence and killing, and innocent people get caught up in it! People who don't even know what it's ABOUT, even!" He said, gesturing at Tiara. "Your father signed you up and you had no idea what you were getting into! He gave you a DEATH SENTENCE!"
Tiara's hands quivered nervously. She began to pant.
"You're a real person…aren't you?" Nick spoke softly, gently, approaching Tiara slowly. "What do you like to do, Tiara?"
"…I like…Halloween…and…and dressing up in scary outfits…and putting on different contacts so I can look cool…like having one eye be yellow and the other purple…" Tiara said, her voice breaking.
"You have family, don't you?"
"A sister. Lyra. Is…is she watching?" Tiara wondered, looking up at the camera drone.
"She…might be…" Red's voice spoke from the drone.
"Tiara…it doesn't have to end this way." Nick said. "…come with me. We'll win this together. We'll make people see that we have LIVES, that we're not just people on a screen." Nick said, taking her hands gently.
"…I…I wish I COULD go live in your castle with you. Your dream sounds nice." Tiara murmured. "…but…"
She shook her head and shoved him back, holding up her two small capsule-shaped objects. She pressed a button on them and two strings like small, silvery fishing wire wrapped around Nick. "But I couldn't live with myself if I gave up now! I have to fight and win! I'm sorry, but I CAN'T trust you!"
"…I'm sorry then." Nick said sadly. Then he grabbed on the wires and tugged. HARD.
Tiara went flying towards him as the wires loosened and he punched her clear in the face. She went flying back as Nick pulled out his rifle again and rushed off into the jungle. Quickly re-righting herself in midair, Tiara whipped out her wire whips again, rushing after him as the camera drone soared overheard.
"And so Tiara and Nick are off racing through the forest zone! Nick performs a desperate attempt at escaping his fate…but can he make it?" Ábéodan commented on the camera drone, speaking loud and boorishly.
"I'd shoot you again, but I don't want to waste ammunition!" Nick's voice yelled out.
Or rather, that was what he was ABOUT to say. But when he reached the word "waste", the ground suddenly collapsed in and he and Tiara fell right into an open crevasse. Ábéodan, who was sitting at a big, fancy desk and manning the controls for the camera drone with the two Almighty Tallests, Red and Purple, sitting next to him. Ábéodan was a rather portly fellow with short, stubby antennae that had a sort of clump at the end which, at one point, MIGHT have been normal pointed tips but were now blunt. He rubbed his brown eyes and looked at the scene before him.
"…what the…?" He squeaked out.
"What just happened?" Purple wanted to know.
At that moment Nick and Tiara crawled out of the crevasse, gasping and panting, scrambling away from the hole. Soon both were on either side of the camera drone.
"It's…it's…it's so BIG!" Tiara whimpered.
"What?" Red snapped.
Nick pointed down into the hole as IT came out, bulging and white, beetle-black eyes with a puffy body and sausage-like fingers, a small rounded mouth at the front and a big shovel on it's back.
"…it's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man." Nick squeaked out.
"…AAAAAH!" Ábéodan screamed. "Tallest Grapa's Pain, that thing is huge! It's a Plorge! A real Plorge!"
"I thought those were only myths…" Purple remarked. "Hey! If you two kill it, send it's intestines to us! They're supposed to be magically delicious!"
"You can keep ALL of it if we DO kill it, but I'm thinking we should, in the words of Monty Python…RUN AWAAAAAY!" Nick screamed out.
He and Tiara went racing across the forest ground as the Plorge, grunting, held up it's shovel and chased after them, intent on some good, old-fashioned squishin'.
"I don't suppose…you have a jet pack…in your PAK?" Nick yelled at Tiara.
"NO!" She yelled. "I don't suppose…you've got anything in YOURS that could help?"
"I don't know, I barely know how to WORK the thing!" Nick responded as he extended his PAK legs and began racing along the ground as Tiara did the same. He spread his arms out. "All I know are the PAK legs and-"
A swing of the shovel that was dangerously close to their heads made them both shriek. "Well, we need to think of SOMETHING, so…"
An idea came to her. "I have an idea." She called out as they jumped over a log. "Why don't we have the forest do our dirty work?" She laughed.
"…you thinkin' what I'M thinkin'?" Nick asked eagerly, nodding his head.
"I'll distract him. One…two…BREAK!"
They broke away in separate directions, with Nick racing for a couple of trees. He quickly scaled one and his PAK legs emerged. Smirking, he got to work, whittling away the top of the tree into a point much like a country store owner might whittle a piece of wood into a whistle in his spare time whilst Tiara jumped around on a nearby clearing, getting the Plorge to ram it's club down at her, only to miss constantly.
"Come on! C'MON! YOUR MOTHER WAS A BLIMP! C'MON!" She yelled.
The thing had enough intelligence to tell when it was being insulted. It began to groan angrily and slam it's club down upon her even harder than before. The "THWOSHA-SCHA-THUD" continued to pound in the distance as Nick finished off carving away the top of the tree. Soon he had finished, and he called out. "Done!"
"Okay!" Tiara raced over towards him as Nick quickly maneuvered himself to hide on one side of the little "path" to the spike he'd made whilst Tiara did the same, extending something from her PAK. It was a square-like object with a small scroll wheel and several buttons. She pressed the scroll wheel in, and then tilted the thing slightly to press a red button. PING!
A blue light scanned over her body, then it shot out at a point some distance before the spike. Tiara grinned, still hiding behind a tree with Nick, and stuck her tongue out, going "Nyah-nyah". Seeing the hologram, the Plorge snarled and rushed at the hologram…
Unaware there was a large fallen tree in its path. Blinded by rage, it tripped over and-
SPLUCHA-SPLORK
Creamy white guts surged out of the thing as it's body slumped like a steak hanging off the end of barbeque, grease gripping down. One batch buried the camera drone, which let out a squeak before short-circuiting on the spot. Nick carefully approached the thing, reaching down and smelling the white ooze that was slipping out of the thing's body. "…it…it smells like marshmallows." He tasted it. "It TASTES like marshmallows too!"
"Well…I AM a bit peckish." Tiara admitted.
"I'll start a fire up." Nick offered, extending his PAK legs and cutting some logs to make a fire.
…
…
…
…
The sun had dipped below the horizon, leaving a bright, nearly full moon to illuminate what was otherwise an utterly inky, cloudless sky. The stars twinkling above seemed to be slowly transforming, changing from one color to another and melding together as the night took hold, becoming constellations Nick could easily recognize. Pastels gave way to deep blues, purple gave away to lavender, fast-fading burnt orange transforming into crimson red...
It was a good sky to tell a story under, which Nick was doing. "And so, so I tell him…" Nick began to finish, waving his gloved hand in the air as the fire's sparks rose up into the darkening sky. "You don't tell me how to do MY job. Do I tell you which assistant to launch out of your airlock?"
Tiara laughed uproariously. "That's so funny! That's TOTALLY Almighty Tallest Red."
"Yeah, that's him alright." Nick remarked, pulling down his mask and eating a bite of his roasted "plorge-mallow" chunk.
For a long time, they just sat there on the thick grass, looking at the fire. Nick was eerily quiet.
He hated himself, to be honest.
Or rather…not himself…but the Irken he'd become. He looked down at his three-fingered, clawed hands, taking off the gloves, peering down at the miniscule green scales that made up his body. He thought about the killing of the General Fezz back at Earth, the killing that had been labeled as an "accident", a tripping and cracking of the skull done in the name of protecting innocent Vortians…how easily he'd taken the rifle and smashed "Pikembo's" skull in with a single blow. He thought of the many hours that his hands had quickly moved over a keyboard on the Massive, entering in commands from the Tallest to be relayed to others, so many involving violence and punishment or gluttonous demands…
He hated being Irken. He was a human, and always would be no matter how his appearance may have changed. He was not selfish, he was not xenophobic and he was not so paranoid that he felt all the rest of the galaxy had to be "gotten" before they got him. He hated killing. He hated hurting. He didn't understand how people could enjoy this. This was real. Real people died.
How could any race be alright with slaughter like this? He thought back to the Romans.
"Bread and circuses." He told Tiara.
"Huh?" She asked.
"The Romans had circuses. Gladiatorial sports. But it wasn't just honorable fighting. They'd toss prisoners inside to get slaughtered, or…or feed them to wild beasts. It was sick. And the Romans had this…there's something in people that wants to DARE the darkness." Nick reasoned, clenching his fists. "To just say…to say "fuck you" to life in general and get violent and MAD once in a while. And these people reveled in saying that and what happened to them? Their empire collapsed, going the way of all other Empires in existence. Irkenkind has to change." Nick reasoned. "It HAS to or it'll rot out from within or get knocked down from without."
"You think you can change it, though. That's good." Tiara reasoned. "Look, years ago we couldn't even question remotely whether or not the things we were doing were right. Now people like you are bringing these issues and putting them in the spotlight. You're going to change things, people like you." She insisted, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're right, empires fall. And nice, sweet guys like you will still be here long after the assholes of the world have stupidly self-destructed. That's a promise." She said, nodding her head solemnly.
"…Tiara." Nick spoke softly. "The fights can lost a long time. But eventually…well…" He nervously bit his lip. "…I don't wanna actually…I mean, I didn't really…I got this thing against fighting ladies and I, well-"
"Chivalry is dead, ain't you heard?" She commented, laughing a bit. "…but…you're a good guy. I can tell." She admitted. "Listen, I've got an idea…"
"What?" Nick asked.
"Well, I happen to heal very quickly…"
…
…
…
…the wind blew their antennae to the north as they stared at each other, the brand-spanking new camera drone above their head gazing down at them. Nick raised his fists up, getting into a fighting position. "Ready?" He asked.
"Born ready." She said with a grin.
"You'd better not hold back just cuz I'm a guy!" Nick joked. "Remember, your sister's life is on the line!"
THAT got her mad. Her eyes flashed. She rushed forth at him, fists tightly clenched. She threw a punch at his head, and he blocked with a quick rise of his arm, but she delivered a kick to his stomach, knocking him through the air. Nick re-righted himself in midair as the two circled each other. Her eyes were glinting.
"Nobody threatens my sister." She whispered hatefully.
"Hoo boy." Nick thought. "I overdid it. Now she's REALLY getting into thi-"
She jumped on him and punched him in the face, once, twice, thrice…but he headbutted her back and she held her sore head as he rubbed his cheeks. "DANG, where'd you learn to punch?"
"My SISTER taught me!" She laughed. "And you hit like a boy!"
"Ooh, this is getting good!" Ábéodan cheered, gleeful at seeing some real blood. "C'mon! GET HER! I mean…get HIM! Aw, I can't remember who I bet on last night…"
Nick quickly jumped through the air, propelled by his PAK legs, kicking Tiara in the face. She was knocked to the ground, but when Nick approached, she twisted her body and one PAK leg out. Nick barely blocked with one leg of his own, and the two immediately rushed at each other, PAK legs and fists flying, slashing, striking, slamming into their opponent…though Nick was slowly forcing Tiara back one tiny step at a time, inch by inch, row by row.
"Yeah! Oh, YEAH! Get her! C'mon, uppercut! Do a barrel roll!" Purple sniggered madly.
"C'mon, I've got 500 monies riding on this!" Red groaned, gritting his teeth. "GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, GIRL!" He yelled out from the camera drone.
"You're good." Nick complimented.
"Thanks. Tell me…you ever kill anyone before?"
"Once." Nick said. "To protect a lot of innocent lives on Vort."
"Better watch it, white knight, or you'll be blinded by the shine of your own armor." Tiara laughed as she spuna round, kicking him against a tree and rushing forward, knife held to his throat.
"Ah, I don't mind the armor. I can carry the burden it comes with." He remarked, kneeing her in the stomach. She let out a gasp and was forced back as Nick jumped over her and grabbed her arm, tossing her through the air. She landed expertly though, pulling out her wires and tossing them through the air as Nick ducked.
"Nice try, but you missed!" He told her.
"Did I?" She asked, grinning.
Nick turned around just as a ensnared tree limb slammed into him, sending him flying through the air. Grinning, Tiara withdrew the long, metallic wires and approached, flicking her knife up into the air as she approached the limp Nick…
Who suddenly jumped up, kicking her in the face, knocking her back a few feet. Then the human-turned-Irken suddenly twisted his body, slamming her into the ground with an enormous THUNKA-THWULK. He raised a fist up, but she kicked him off of him, sending him flying towards a tree. He slammed into the trunk and she raced at him, bellowing a war cry.
Quickly, Nick jumped up, brandishing his rifle. She was forced back, dancing away as the "rat-a-tat-tat" of the blue-shaded Macro-Pulse-Rifle fired away, a thumping undercurrent of big bass filling the lack of ears of those observing the spectacle as one shot finally nailed her in the shoulder, making her flop to the ground.
Looking satisfied, the communications officer raced into the forest, running as fast as he could as she ran after him, the camera drone accidentally knocking into a tree. The Tallest and the Announce tried to re-right it as Tiara continued to race after Nick.
Nick was sure he'd lost her, but he didn't want to take any chances. Continuing to race through the jungle path, he puffed and panted, keeping up a fast but steady pace so as to not overdo it, saving his PAK legs for when he would need-
BAM!
A tree was blown up, one he'd just passed two seconds ago. She'd barely missed. He turned his eyes to see her emerging from a bush, guns held high. He jumped into the densh underbrush and Tiara's eyes anrrowed as she looked around, guns held up.
"Come out, come out, wherever you aaaaaare!" She called out, cocking the gun back. There was absolute silence from all sides though…she could hear nothing. Frowning, she turned to look at the approaching camera drone.
"Where'd he go?" Red asked.
"No clue. I think he's hiding away somewhere." She said, looking around. "I…wait…"
She closed her eyes, allowing the sense of hearing to rise up…and heard a long, drawn-out gasp. She blinked them open, then headed in the direction of the gasp…
A frightening sight greeted her. Nick was strung up in a tangle of vines and…and hanging all-too-limply. He'd apparently gotten caught and in his struggle to be freed, he'd accidentally made things worse, ultimately choking himself.
Tiara approached, coming closer and closer…
Nick's eyes snapped open as his PAK legs grabbed ahold of the nearest tree trunk, easily ripping through the vines and with a TUG, he slammed it down at Tiara who let out a horrified gasp…
THWUDDA-BWOOOOOM-BAH!
An enormous cloud of dust filled the air, but dust cannot cover a scream, hard as it might try. Tiara's screech filled the air and the Tallest looked at Ábéodan, who had his camera drone zoom in to gaze upon the limp body that was lying beneath the tree trunk Nick had slammed down.
"…ooh. WAY dead." He announced. "I pronounce the winner…NICK!" He crowed out.
Watching from the bar, Sue cheered, tossing her mug of beer into the air and unloading its contents onto a nearby couple of guards, who groaned as Darth smiled to himself, letting out a happy sigh. "Well done." He complimented Nick through Nick's communications chip.
"Have anything to say to your fans about this victory?" Ábéodan eagerly asked, rubbing his hands together, sweat popping on his forehead.
"Tiara fought for her sister, fought for her family. She had no idea what she was getting into and yet still gave it everything she had. I'm going to give her body the burial she deserves, I don't care what shape it's in. It's the least she deserves." He began cutting the tree up so he could retrieve the body. "I want her sister Lyra to know she should wait. In time, they'll be reunited. I promise."
"Touching. Stupid, but touching." Ábéodan remarked.
"I think I'm gonna cry…" Purple remarked softly, feeling his eyes mist up. "That was so pretty!"
"I know. I know." Red agreed, patting his "heterosexual life partner" on the back. "You wanna go eat some cheesy poofs?"
"Oh, WOULD I?!" Purple asked eagerly.
The camera drone promptly BLIPPED out of existence, transforming before Nick's eyes into a tiny little dot that just vanished with a "pop" a moment later. Nick grinned to himself, turning to the "body".
"Wakey, wakey." Nick laughed, kneeling down.
Tiara adjusted her head, spitting some blood out. "Oooooh." She remarked. "Why'd you have to hit so HARD?" She asked, rubbing her head. "I got a headache the size of the Massive!"
"It had to be believable." Nick apologized. "I'm sorry, really. Anyhow, you'd better hide yourself until its safe for your sister to come sneak you off the planet. I'll have my friend Darth tell her the plan."
"Aren't you worried about anybody hacking the channel you use?" Tiara asked.
Nick grinned darkly. "Oh, we've planned for that." Nick told her, waving a clawed digit in the air.
…
…
…
… Ábéodan rubbed his chin. "I wanna know what they were talking about. Start deciphering." He told his staff as he injected a CD into a computer console. "I recorded their channel, but it's encrypted."
"We'll try, sir." One assistant said, adjusting his goggles. He began typing into the computer keyboard, with random numbers appearing on the screen. "Okay, hold up, it'll spell out what they were discussing soon."
Soon what had been at first a "9", then a "Q", then a "4" then an exclamation mark became a "C". A big, glowing "C". Then what had been a "7" and a "F" and a "6" and a question mark became a big, glowing "A". Then an "L", then a "V" appeared. Finally the message was spelled out…
"Calvin, you stinkhead. I told you not to read this"?" Ábéodan asked just as a big, grinning skull appeared on the screen.
BOOOOOOOM!
…
…
…
… "The room was flooded with WHAT?" Red asked as Purple blinked a few times, sipping a soda.
"Mace, sir. They're all under the tables, trying to claw their eyeballs out." The head of security remarked calmly.
…
…
…
…"Somewhere over in the colony of Sirius Minor, there's a little smeet who's probably baking in the heat, trying to re-wire a computer for his boss out in broad daylight, while said boss is sitting in a lawn chair and sipping sherry." A short, fat little Irken commented, looking over his drink. He then grinned dreamily, his slightly stained outfit adjusting as he stood up more, holding his mug high and addressing the other people in the bar.
"But MAYBE he's heard about IRK…about the land where anybody in the Irken empire, any grunt, any idiot, any lowly drone can make a life for themselves. Where anybody has the chance to become a success in ways they never thought possible before."
"Yeah." Somebody else said.
"Awwwww." Another added cheerily.
"That done sound pretty."
"Someday I'd like to MEET that little smeet…" The portly, short Irken went on with that same smile on his face…which soon turned into a horrid snarl as he tossed his beer mug through the air and it struck a wall. "AND TELL HIM THE STINKIN' TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!!" He roared out.
"Oh, shut up, Skoodge." The bartender muttered.
"Skoodge, here." Darth called his dear friend over. Skoodge rubbed his eyes and headed over to the table the blind Irken was at. "Hello, my good friend."
"Darth, I haven't seen you in so long!" Skoodge said happily. "What's happening with you?"
"I'm assisting Nick in Blood Sport." Darth informed Skoodge. The two of them had been in the same training classes together and had known each other for years. One of the reasons Skoodge was so fat was that Darth had a "touch" with vending machines that would get them to spit out snacks for free. And he'd usually give the tastiest ones to Skoodge. Hence, the little guy had gotten fat very quickly. Darth was very sorry for that.
"I'm still working as a soldier, but I'm undergoing my training for a promotion. Still…" Skoodge sighed deeply. "What's the point? People here on Irk are so…nasty. I should just go back to Blorch, or…"
"Or to Earth?" Nick asked, giving Skoodge a grin. Nick knew Skoodge from the days of Lady Miyuki's reign, when Skoodge had been in training to be an invader along with the Irken named Zim. "People on Earth are stupid, but nice. People on Irk are stupid and nasty and stuffing their faces with snacks every other minute."
"…it's true." Skoodge admitted sadly, stuffing a package of snacky cakes into his pocket.
"I'd rather be a stupid but happy fool than an enlightened and cruel tyrant." Darth added.
"Yeah, you know where you stand with stupid!" Sue said chipperly. "Hey Skoodge, how is your wife Tenn do-"
Nick bit his lip. Skoodge looked down at the ground.
"...I'm sorry." Darth said gently. He carefully reached out, felt for Skoodge's shoulder, and patted it.
"She's…very…sick…" Skoodge squeaked out. "…the doctors say…she might…"
"…oh, Skoodge." Nick said mournfully.
"…" Skoodge said nothing in return. He simply sat next to Darth, who gently held his friend close, feeling Skoodge's pain.
…
…
…
…after a few rounds, they'd cheered up some. Well…a few rounds and some mental images of puppies that Darth conjured up.
"So, Ábéodan's blinded now?" Nick wanted to know.
"Oh, completely." Sue laughed. "Along with 5 other assistants he had. So nobody's going to be cracking your communications channel during the process."
"And best of all, Tiara's going to live and Lyra's going to go pick her up the moment she gets a chance. That's two people I've helped." Nick said, nodding happily.
"You are doing something stupid, yet noble. You are placing yourself in danger…Nexus, head of Blood Sport, will surely seek your death." Darth intoned, his milky white eyes filling with sorrow. "But I do have some good news. Also, your victory in Blood Sport has raised your popularity. They've begun talking about what you were saying. Not too many people…but some." Darth added.
All of them were sitting at the bar where Nick's "gang" had been observing the fight. Nick had been quite happy to just plop down with his friends and order a good soda. Tall, cold root beer. Ahhhhh.
"I'll take what I can get, guys. It's MILLER TIME." He laughed, holding up his root beer. Darth tried to clink his own wine, but it was hard, seeing as he was blind. Luckily Sue held the glass and klinked the two's drinks together for them. "Some is enough. One small piece at a time, that's how we'll change the Irken race. But hey, if I actually win this thing, see it through to the finish, I can change a LOT of Irken minds, can't I?" He told Darth.
"I have faith my people can change. And I have faith you have the potential to help them be good." Darth admitted. "Your heart is very noble, Nick. I'm proud to be your friend."
"I'm proud to have as skilled a friend as you. The same goes for you, Sue. The booby-trapped channel was YOUR idea." Nick added, taking a sip of his root beer.
"You know…I've got an idea." Skoodge said. "Why don't I just…go?" He wanted to know.
"Go? Go where?" Sue asked.
"EAST. Past Irk. Past Vort. Past Meekrob. Beyond Star Command's borders and off to Arcadia or something to spend the rest of my life playing video games with the rest of those DnD fanatics. Or, heck, even to Earth!" Skoodge asked.
"WHAT?" A bunch of Irkens asked. A few Vortians turned their heads over at Skoodge. A k'torimik, an experimental creation given life, also heard and tilted his head to the side, putting down his sunglasses and allowing yellowish/golden eyes to gaze out, contrasting greatly with his light blue furry body.
"Yer thinkin' bout goin' back, dude?" He asked, showing off a mouth full of very sharp fangs and rather long canines.
"Why not?"
"It's again' the code." One wanky-bodied Irken remarked, holding up a bottle and waving it in the air. "That's what. It's taboo. First of all, that damn planet's got ZIM on it."
HOOOOCK! PTOOOIE! Everybody save for Nick's table and the experiment with the lifeguard-esque attire spat on the ground.
"Secondly, it's got too much damn WATER on it! Thirdly, it's people are friggin' CRAZY!"
"Yeah man, I admit, they're a few wheels short of a skateboard, brah." The experiment admitted. "But they got lots of good things too. Like sunsets over the valleys, and beaaautiful rainbows, and all these big, wide open spaces with flowers, and the sounds of the waves crashing against the beaches…ahhhhh." He leaned back in his chair. "It's really a lovely place once you just step back and look at it."
"But it's against the CODE!" The first Irken repeated, his brown eyes narrowed. "
"…the code." Darth spoke up, his soft, smooth voice now gaining a mocking edge. "Is this, pray tell, the same code that says "the only good Meekrob"…"
"Is a DEAD meekrob." Sue finished up, sniggering.
"Ooh, ooh, I got one, guys!" The experiment laughed. "Die taking all their babies with you after you've burned their village down!"
"Yeah!" Nick laughed. "Or, or…ooh, here's one! "If somebody steals your snacky cakes, you SHOOT them"! Yeah, SOME code!"
"If it can't belong to us, we blow it up!" Darth added, doing a perfect imitation of an old general given the cheerful nickname of "hoo-hoo-dilly head", chuckling.
"Hey now, seriously though…wouldn't…running off to Earth be like giving up?" Nick asked.
"So let me give up!" Skoodge reasoned. "Let me get into my ship, turn the power on and go somewhere where the closest people come to Blood Sport is watching all of "Saw" series on DVD one night in a row! Whaddya say?"
"I say you're a bunch of gutless, lily-livered, yellow-bellied little PUSSIES!" The brown-eyed Irken spoke up. "All ya done since ya sat down at that table is whine and complain! Why DON'T you just get lost and leave this place to REAL MEN!"
Darth frowned. "…I don't like that tone you're taking."
He flexed a single clawed digit. The Irken shuddered, his eyes rolling back, and he began to babble incoherently.
"What did you DO to him?" Nick asked.
"I located the part of his brain that houses his deepest fears and he now believes he's being electrocuted."
"Turn of the chaaaair, turn of the chaaaaaair!" The man screamed.
"I'll stop after a few minutes." Darth commented calmly as the other members of the bar nervously looked at each other while the experiment poked the brown-eyed Irken in the face over and over, giggling a little.
"HEY!" The bartender, a skinny, stick-like figure who looked like he was going to fall down a sewer drain if he tried to step on one of the bars, held up a phone. His voice didn't match his skinny body, it suggested he needed to gain 400 more pounds. "Got a call for Nick, Senior Communications Officer of the Massive? Is there a "Nick" here?"
Nick held his hand up and quickly headed over to the bar. "Who is it?"
"Some broad. Geez. Back in MY day, da GUYS called GIRLS! Women today are freakin' AMAZONS." He yelled into the phone. "YER AN AMAZON!"
"Riiiight." Nick tugged the phone away. "Hello?" He asked.
A moment later his eyes widened. "YEEHAAAAAA!!!" He roared, punching the air. "Goodbye!"
He handed the phone to the bartender and raced out of the bar, a giddy look in his eye. Sue watched him leave, absentmindedly tugging on one candy-cane-esque antenna. "What's up with him? Has he got a lobotomy or something?"
"That "yeehaa" probably means he's extremely excited about something. And I am guessing, based upon the call that is supposed to be from a "dame"…"