Here's what all the reviewers wanted : another chapter ! With all your high praises, I will make this story a complete one.
Thanks to Blossomsanderson, AmericasHeroes, Guest, LovingyouEverySecond and Guest ! You can give yourself a pat on the shoulder.
Behind closed doors, Merrick and Keegan heard the whole thing.
Behind solemn faces, they heard the distress of a young boy, barely a man.
Behind shielded hearts, a flash of pain and sorrow struck through them.
The low voice of the younger Walker steadily escalated into a deafening shriek of hurt and loneliness, calling out for his brother. And implicitly calling out for the rest of the team, his other family. They both knew it. It wasn't only Hesh … it was them too. The older men that knew more about life, knew more about Rorke and his ways of doing.
They as well, had failed one of their teammates.
Once again.
Logan disappeared as dawn rose into the sky. He stopped crying after some time, and just exited the room once he calmed down enough, as though nothing happened. I stood still like a rock, petrified by this sudden display of anger and hate. My younger brother hated me. Despised me. I had no idea what could be worse than family shutting you out. Tears continued streaming down my cheeks long after Logan left; solely directed at myself.
Sleep did not come this night.
The following morning, it was painfully obvious I hadn't slept one bit. Many soldiers kept glancing at me, staring back and forth between their friends and myself while harboring an expression of anxiousness and nervousness.
Logan's rant apparently did not go unnoticed. Even with their best effort to hide whatever they heard, it was clear they did not think less. I simply trudged my heavy body towards the order line, ignoring everyone to the best of my capabilities.
Yet again I was reminded of what happened with the agitated attitude of the cook. My eyes glared back into his, making him squeak in fear and serving me my food faster than anticipated. Clearly not in the mood to deal with the situation, I set my face into a stiff but tired expression, daring someone to say something as I sat down on an isolated table.
Surprisingly effective. They all turned back to their conversations or food or whatever stupid shit they were doing. I believe they were not used to seeing me in such dark mood. Still, from the corner of their eyes, they kept peeking in my direction. Unfortunately, my shield wasn't protecting me anymore from those annoying and burning stares.
I was ready to give them a piece of my mind when Merrick settled in front of me and motioned to sit as well. Keegan joined in soon after; not before giving a passive glance around the dining room.
"Did you sleep any ?" He questioned after a few minutes, giving me a rapid once-over, noticing the slight bags under my eyes. Any more sleepless nights and they will become more than that.
"What do you think ?" I answered harshly.
"I assume not." He replied in his ever composed voice, starting to dig into his meal: a simple American breakfast. Time passed by in tense silence.
"We heard what happened last night, we under …" Merrick started, eyes poised carefully on myself.
"No you don't." I quickly interrupted him. Clearly, they were not impressed by my sullen mood. Merrick simply drank his cup of coffee and Keegan ate his fried bacon, briefly glancing at each other, exchanging who knows what.
"You can't keep doing this, you'll just wear yourself out." Keegan attempted to argue. "Look, we want you to talk to someone specialized in trauma. Logan is already following a timetable."
I stared stupidly at him. He stared back, waiting for an answer, expecting it to be positive.
"No way, I'm not some kind of traumatized boy, I can perfectly handle it. Do you seriously think I am weak ?" I accentuated my words by placing my fist and forearm on the table, leaning slightly on them to give an air of confidence. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince.
"I think you're underestimating the impact of this event." Merrick stated evenly. "Not only this one, but your father's death as well."
I froze when he mentioned my dad. The memory was still fresh in my mind: all the words, all the gestures, the sound of the gun going off … and Rorke. Fucking Rorke. The bloody bastard that destroyed my family. I clenched my fists as anger surged in my system, pressing my lips in a grim line.
"You need time to accept this. The psychologist will test your emotional stability and decide whether or not you're apt to join the battlefield again." Keegan, sensing my violent emotions, subtly diverted my attention. The guy's way too observant for my liking.
"You're removing me from the battlefield !? I'm perfectly fine in case you didn't notice !" I raised my voice in indignation, not caring if I was attracting attention or overreacting. But somewhere deep inside me, I knew they were right. They were trying to help me like my father would, protecting me like one of their teammates.
"Your reaction tells a lot about how you feel. You're off duty until you see the psy and regain some stability" Merrick said with finality. He stood up and left, not once looking back. Only Keegan remained, before he stood up too, placing his hand on my lowered head, applying light pressure on it. My shoulders shook slightly.
"Take it easy kid, I'm here if you need to." With this, he left as well. All that remained were their empty plates of food and half-filled cups.
The following days, I went to see the goddamn psychologist, as I was told. The moron just kept asking useless questions about the things I feared, stuff that angered me or repulsed me, all my experiences as a soldier … just to know if I had trouble handling upsetting events.
"Yeah, maybe I was furious at Rorke" I simply told him. "What are you gonna do about it ?"
"There's more to it than you want to let on" The psychologist, Ben, answered steadily. "There's a deeper pain within your heart. Something shattering, so heavily ingrained in your soul that it might break you if you so much as poke at it." He tucked back his glasses on his nose, waiting patiently for my answer.
I flinched when he mentioned my other hidden problem. He's smart, or perhaps I was too obvious. Probably the latter, I couldn't care less. I just wanted to get it done with and leave the stupid room.
"You're afraid, terrified I should say." He carried on as he noticed I wasn't about to answer. "You've always been the elder person. Always there for your younger brother, guiding him, protecting him … And the fact that you couldn't play your role has broken something into you." Once again, he stared at me and took notes, still waiting for an answer or some kind of reaction. The guy was going to be sadly disappointed.
"I believe this isn't the first time it's happened." He resumed, absolutely not frustrated. "It's been with you all your life, from school to work. You always knew what was going on in your brother's life; you kept watching him and being with him."
I had to admit Ben was right. Subconsciously, I started paying more attention to his words.
"Obviously, the double forced separation did not sit well with you, all performed by the same man." Ben sat up straighter in his chair before following. "The first one was based on pure hate and anger, the killing act was quick and efficient. He didn't give you time to think about it."
"The fucking son of a bitch …" I growled lowly under my breath, fists almost tearing up the fabric of my pants. "Motherfucker destroyed my family !" Swinging my arm in pure rage, I knocked half the contents off the table, breathing hard. Ben contemplated the damage without real interest, waiting for me to calm down.
"In your report, you mentioned Rorke showed a strange kind of interest in Logan." He went on, leaning onto his folded arm. He took out a napkin and wiped off the contents of a fallen glass of water, patently served for me.
"He said he was good, that he had fire in him." I answered after I cooled off a bit.
"I suppose you considered his interest inappropriate and uncalled for, even a bit sick." I nodded my consent. "Rorke certainly realized your bond with your brother, and clearly wanted to rip it off." I remembered the moment he shot Logan. The wound wasn't lethal, but my rage flared up so quickly I surprised myself. That must have been the moment he noticed.
"Apparently, his goal is not only to destroy the Ghost team that betrayed him, but to destroy everything related to the person that caused it: Elias Walker." Time passed by as he waited for the information to sink in. Everything related to my dad, which means …
"He'll be coming back after Logan." My eyes widened slightly at the implication. Rorke wasn't done yet.
"Not only him. You're in as well." He fixed me with a hard stare, trying to convey his thoughts. "Right now, his aim is to kill both you and the team, and claim Logan for his own purposes."
I raised an eyebrow at the words he used. "What do you mean his "own purposes"?" Watching him in confusion, he shifted slightly.
"Understand that Rorke has not only been known for his efficiency on the battlefield, but also for taking sadistic pleasure in torturing others. This trait has been accentuated when he was abducted by the enemy." My frown deepened as I understood nothing of what he was telling me. Sighing, he elaborated.
"In his career, Rorke used any methods to torture or get information from his enemies. This includes sexual torture."
I stood stiff in absolute shock, my mouth hanging slightly open, eyes widening and limbs going numb. Did I hear right ?
"You mean rape ?" I asked him modestly. I fervently wished nothing of this sort happened to Logan. My stomach churned at the horrifying thought.
"Probably. I do not exactly know what activities he led during his sessions, but they were certainly of this nature." He felt a bit uneasy with the subject. I couldn't blame him. Rorke was appearing more and more disgusting to my eyes.
"You think he wants to take Logan and keep him like a toy ?"
"That's what I think. He'll kill two birds with one stone: he'll destroy your soul and one Ghost, and keep Logan hostage, changing him and using him against you. And why not satisfy his perverse mind." Ben cast his gaze downwards.
No. This couldn't be true.
I did not want to think anymore. Rorke was a sadistic monster that gives into any of his insatiable impulses. He enjoyed hurting and torturing people. I couldn't believe Logan was with him for any amount of time. How he resisted for so long was utterly out of my mind. The churning sensation came back, my eyes burning from the now familiar feeling. I put my hand over my mouth, willing down my gag reflex.
I couldn't stand the thought of my brother receiving such treatment. I couldn't even start to imagine how he must have felt, trapped with a psychotic and unstable person. The guilt came back in full force, as I thought of all the things I could have done to prevent this. If only I stopped him, if only I was stronger …
"He hates me now." I slowly said, the shaky quality of my voice surprising me. "I wasn't there for him."
"He might at the moment; however it's only a normal reaction after a traumatic experience." Ben set his glasses over his head, standing up and heading towards me. He placed a hand on my hunched shoulders.
"I suggest you take some time off the field, try to sort things out and rest. I'll remove your name from the active list." He patted my shoulder in sympathy. "Remember, none of this is your fault. I'll see you later" Then he left me alone with my mind.
I remained still for a long amount of time, body filled with numbness and shock. Tears started falling from my wide eyes down my stiff face, as everything settled in. I didn't know why, didn't understand the reason, but my eyes stung more and I started crying harder. My body racked with sobs, the room filled with agonized screams of anguish and pain, as I let out all the pent up anger, despair and frustration I had accumulated since Logan left.
I thought back of all the moments I spent with him and my father, his smile, his laugh … Everything crashed down on me stronger than I would ever think.
I have never felt this useless before.
Well ? Reviews are welcomed ! Next chapter might be on ... point of view . Will there be action ? Drama ? This will be a surprise !