All copyright materials belong to their respective owners, none of whom happen to be me

Harry opened his eyes slowly. His body ached all over. Even with out his glasses, he could see that he was in the infirmary. Again.

"Oh, Harry, you're alive!" He heard Hermione shout from across the room. She ran over and carefully put on his glasses for him.

He looked around and saw that every bed was occupied and more were laid out on the floor. Everyone was heavily bandaged, even him. There was a pink haired boy on the bed next to him who looked more like a roll of toilet paper than a human.

"What happened?" He croaked, his throat was dryer than sand paper.

"Fairy Tail happened." Hermione said tersely.

"You're awake!" The blonde from last night shouted and came to look at him.

He repeated his question to her.

"Oh, you got caught in between Laxus's thunder dragon roar and Gajeel's iron dragon crushing fang. Madame Pomfrey and Miss Porlyusica weren't sure if you would make it. Thank Mavis, Wendy was still conscious." She continued rambling for a bit until she noticed that they were staring at her with vacant expressions. "I'm Lucy, by the way, Lucy Heartfilia."

"Hermione Granger."

"Harry Potter."

She was going to say something when the pink-haired boy behind her started groaning and swearing that he would kill whoever hit him with a frying pan.

Lucy turned around and started berating him for starting the fight in the first place and told him that anything that happened after was entirely his fault.

Harry shook his head, he was glad he'd never have anything to do with Fairy Tail again, aside from class, of course.

/One Month Later/

"What do you mean I'm transferred to Fairy Tail?" Harry shouted at his head of house.

"Professor Umbridge feels that your unacceptable behavior has gone unchecked for far too long, Mr Potter," McGonagall explained sharply, "and that, in her words, 'a week with those animals should teach him his place'."

He couldn't believe this, Quidditch trials were today, he was going to miss them.

"You can still try out for Gryffindor." She reassured him as if she had read his mind, "otherwise, you are a Fairy for the week and will act accordingly, you will attend classes with them, sit with them at meal times, and sleep in Fairy Tail tower." She flicked her wand at the door which flew open to reveal the same blonde whom he was beginning to suspect of stalking him. "Ms Heartfilia will help you with anything you need." She turned to Lucy, "take him to your common room and see that he is settled in."

Lucy nodded confirmation and motioned for Harry to follow her.

On the way, she gave him tips like, "don't touch Erza's cake" "don't let Gray borrow your underwear" and "don't mention any romantic issues to Mirajane", none of which made very much sense.

They reached a big Fairy Tail banner at the foot of a stairwell. Lucy held up her hand, and the pink Fairy Tail mark on it glowed, the mark on the banner glowed in response.

Lucy pushed him through the banner and into their common room, which was more like a large pub than anything. Empty barrels lay all around. A few guys old enough to be teachers were drinking and staring unashamedly at the white-haired barmaid. The brunette in the bikini was draining an entire barrel. A guy in a purple turban was dancing on one of the tables. A big guy with tribal paint on his face was staring at the announcement board with a confused expression. A guy was passed out drunk in a corner with a broom...never mind.

"Shouldn't they be in class or studying or something?" Harry whispered to Lucy, who merely shrugged.

"Oh, Lucy, welcome back!" The barmaid waved at them.

Lucy grinned and dragged him over to the bar, "Mira, this is Harry, he's our transfer for the week. Harry, this is Mirajane Strauss, former she-devil Mirajane and current glamor model for Sorcerer Weekly."

Harry nodded, unsure of what to say, he'd seen some copies of Sorcerer Weekly in the boys' bathroom, but he'd never really looked through it.

"Say, Mira, where is everyone?"

"Quidditch tryouts, I was about to go over if you want to join me."

Lucy nodded eagerly and told Harry that Gryffindor's were right after Fairy Tail's, so he should come along too, "besides," she whispered conspiratorially, "our tryouts are always such a blast!"

That was how Harry ended up sitting in the stands next to two blue-haired girls, a blue-haired guy, and a green-haired guy, watching the tryouts.

They were introduced to him as Wendy Marvel, Levi McGarden, Jellal Fernandes, and Fried Justine.

Harry watched the Fairies fly around the field with mild interest until he noticed something very strange. "Why aren't those five on brooms?" He pointed at the students who seemed to have wings attached to their backs.

"You mean Natsu, Gajeel, Laxus, Rogue, and Sting?" Jellal asked.

Harry shrugged, he didn't really know their names, "the ones with wings instead of brooms."

"That's them. They all get awful motion-sickness on vehicles, so Dumbledore made a rule that Exceeds could replace brooms if the player and Exceed are both willing."

"Exceeds?" Harry felt like he was a first-year again, new to everything magical.

"The talking cats with wings, you must've seen them around."

Harry blinked several times. How could he say something so crazy so nonchalantly?

Wendy sighed sadly, "Charle decided to help Laxus so he could tryout."

Fried nodded with tears of joy swelling in his in his eyes, "she is truly wonderful," he sobbed.

Mirajane flew to the middle of the pitch, "now that you've all had a chance to warm up, lets start with chaser tryouts. I'm the keeper, and anyone who wants to be a chaser tries to score." She shouted.

Harry shifted in his seat as to have a better view. This was the interesting part.

Then Mira shouted something that sounded like "santa soul". Deep purple magic circles appeared above and below her. Her image flickered like a television with bad reception, then was replaced by a completely different picture. This Mirajane had hair going straight up, a revealing, skin-tight suit, a crack over one eye, and claw-like gauntlets for hands.

Bat-like wings appeared on her back and she flew up in front of one of the goals.

About a third of the group flew off the field to watch in nervous anticipation.

"First three to score make the team!" Mira shouted with a devilish grin. "Begin!"

There was utter chaos with spells flying everyone, people flying everyone, swords made of ice flying everywhere. Harry didn't really understand where those last ones were coming from, nor could he see because the air was so thick with dust and flashes of light.

"Stop!" Mira's voice came thundering through the turmoil, everyone froze in place almost immediately, "chasers for this year are Lucy, Juvia, and Gray!"

"Juvia and Gray-sama are teammates!" The girl who was presumably Juvia shouted, she started muttering the details of a future steamy encounter in the showers after winning the House Cup.

Lucy muttered something about an over-active imagination.

"Romantic rival!" Juvia screamed and started chasing Lucy around the pitch, throwing spontaneously-generated water balloons.

The guy who was almost definitely Gray made an igloo appear and crawled inside to hide from the embarrassment.

"Beater tryouts!" Mira shouted happily, ignoring the weird, love-triangle thing that was happening on the pitch right now. "Last two standing make the team! You can only use bludgers to take someone out!" She glared at the red-haired girl in armor and the green-haired girl in a bikini. "Begin!"

Half of the remaining hopefuls flew onto the field. In less than two minutes of absolute pandemonium, only the red-haired girl in armor and the guy with an unbelievable number of piercings were left conscious.

Jellal and Levi jumped up and whooped, then they both blushed and sank back into his seat. All in perfect sync. Harry had half a mind to ask if they'd planned it.

"Finally, keeper tryouts! Anyone who can block three attacks from me gets the position!"

The rest of the Fairies grumbled and poured into to the field.

"Two at a time!"

It took almost the minutes to fill the keeper position. Laxus got really close, until a direct hit from Mirajane sent him and the quaffle flying through the goal, while Fried sobbed quietly. Finally, Natsu was declared the new keeper, but Harry wasn't really sure if incineration was a valid method of blocking.

"Are all Fairy Tail Quidditch games that insane?" He asked Lucy on their way to supper.

"What do you mean? That was really tame, at least by Fairy Tail standards."

Harry shook his head, he couldn't picture even having a chance against these monsters. Then he shuddered from a sudden realization, Fairy Tail was playing against Gryffindor next match. He was fairly certain he and his team were doomed.

They walked into the great hall, where Natsu and Gray had started a pie-throwing war that looked a bit too deadly.

"Banana cream pies are real men!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"You can say that again!"

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"I didn't mean it literally!"

"Natsu! Help! We're stuck in a running gag!"

"Oi, Salamander! Watch where you're throwing cherry pies!"

"Afraid you'll rust, scrap metal freak?"

"Don't go starting another fight when you're in the middle of one, squinty eyes! You have the attention span of a Flobberworm!"

"What did you just call me, popsicle pervert?"

"I'm sorry, that was offensive to Flobberworms everywhere."

"Why you–"

"My cake!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Harry sighed. He would be beyond lucky if he survived a week in Fairy Tail.

Another chapter! Yay! Review! Tell me what you thought and give suggestions for what should happen next!

Lizzie2145: your noble sacrifice will not be in vain, I will continue this story! *epic music*

Gin: I have no idea what you're talking about

sexyblossom08: I will try to include some NaLu fluff, but it might get cut out cuz my editor Sparrow is more of a NaLi and LoLu fan, I'm not too big on LaLu but who knows...insanity is a likely thing in my fics! *evil laugh*

SakuraLeRoux: I'm sorry, the only languages I'm fluent in are randomness, moronic, and geeky fangirl

MissMusica: I will!...I mean I have...I mean...I don't know what I mean...Thanks so much!

Until next time!

—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat