Chapter 2 - Un Conocido Viejo. [An Old Acquaintance.]

Wherein a hero questions his doubts.

A woman suffers.

And an old acquaintance is restored.

-o-

She called again today, but he couldn't answer, he never could. His family always answered for him. He couldn't take it. There were a lot of things he could handle, plenty of obstacles he had been able to overcome. Ichigo faced death on more than one occasion, but he knew his limits. This was something he absolutely couldn't endure. So, he ordered Yuzu to lie for him, something he was loathe in doing but felt it was necessary. It only proved to show how much of a coward he really was.

"But Ichi-ni, why don't you want to talk to Orihime-chan anymore?" She asked, her blonde head poking slightly into the room, eyes filled with a slight worry for her elder brother. Ichigo noticed how much his little sister had grown, how much more of a woman she has become, but that could have been due to her role around the house. With their dad acting like an infant, she had no choice but to assume the motherly roll for them all. Ichigo sighed at the way she looked at him, however.

"I just... don't feel like talking..." He scratched his head and focused on a place in his room that wasn't his sister's eyes.

Yuzu paused, frowning, before nodding. "I'll tell her you can't come to the phone right now." Soon he heard the soft click of the lock on his door and the sound of her footsteps as she walked down the stairs. It was hard to do that to her and it made him feel worse because he put the burden onto his sister, but Ichigo was afraid.

I'll make it up to her later.

Ichigo regret that he was forced to have someone with such a pure soul lie for him when he didn't have the courage to face his problem like the man he claimed to be. He felt horrible and dirty. Ichigo knew that it was not Orihime, her only fault was that she had loved him, unconditionally, and he manipulated that love, took advantage of it, and used her in the worst way possible. He could not stand to look at her, to talk to her, he felt too guilty. He was ashamed of what he had done and hid away like a child to brood upon himself. No one bothered him about it or asked the cause of his current mood, not his father, not Kon, no one. Karin seemed to understand, Yuzu was confused, but generally accepted it. It was all he could ask for…

I hate myself, but I bet she hates me even more...

Sleeping with Orihime had been mostly a spur of the moment decision. Now that he thought back on that night with a clear head, he realized that it had been perfect. Too perfect. She had been all too willing, open, and ready to give it all and he was all too enthusiastic to take.

"I'm sorry, Hime..." he whispered to no one in particular, sketching doodles into the textbook he was suppose to be studying from. He had thought focusing on school would be a sufficient distraction to lead his thoughts away from Inoue. He had been wrong. His mind was unwilling to give up on the situation. He cursed his brain for leading him into wayward and generally depressing thoughts, but knew it couldn't be helped; he was intentionally hurting someone who cared so much about him. The fact ate at his heart and nearly threatened to tear it from his chest. He knew that he would have to face Orihime sooner or later and couldn't fathom the outcome of the inevitable meeting.

Why couldn't I just have said no? Why did I have to take it so far? Sleeping with Orihime had been one of very many mistakes he had made with the girl within the last few years. It was enough to just be close to her, it was enough to hold her hand and kiss her on occasion when he mustered enough courage to do so. It was enough, but then suddenly, that night, a few days ago, it wasn't. That night when she invited him to her apartment, he had to kiss her, he had to push farther, and he had to make love to her.

No, not love.

It was something much more empty than that. All of the love that she had for him, he had felt it. She had given the moment her all. Orihime had thought they had been making love; manifesting their feelings for each other into one intimate act that was suppose to bind them closer together. All Ichigo had been doing was having sex.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He didn't regret it till afterwards, the shame so deep that he left quietly after he was sure the girl was sound asleep. What Ichigo couldn't figure out, however, was why he had gone through with it in the first place. Why had he done the deed when he knew beforehand that he was not emotionally attached to Inoue? He could hardly explain the reasoning within his mind. It was the heat of the moment? It was cliché, but it was also somehow the truth. In a way he wanted to see that if he did take their relationship to the next level, would he magically develop feelings for the eccentric brunette? The answer, he figured out, was a resounding no. The only thing he had felt as Inoue lay wrapped around him afterwards was disgust towards himself.

She was happy; he had been the cause of that. But now he didn't know what to do with himself. Do I just break her heart after all of this time together? Laying his head down upon his desk, Ichigo released a great sigh and suddenly felt like kicking himself in the shin. If that's the case I should have broken up with her a long time ago. Stupid.

In the beginning, when the feelings were still one-sided between the two, Ichigo had been more than glad to allow them to develop into something more. He wanted the relationship with Orihime to work. He wanted to know the feelings that she experience towards him. Rukia had been the only person, outside of his family, that he had ever felt a strong emotional connection towards, even then it was only as an older sister. He vowed to be with Orihime and attempt a stable relationship that was built on something more solid than violence, unlike his relationship with Renji or Ikkaku. But then, more time passed and things were too much the same, but Orihime was happier than he'd ever seen her and he couldn't end that because of his selfish emotions.

"So now you'll fuck over her heart after you toyed with her body... How very chivalrous of you, King." The teasing voice inside of his head commented and Ichigo banged his head upon the desk, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't force the small voice in the back of his mind to be quiet because he knew that it had been right. It disgusted him. He had the chance to only remain friends with Orihime, he should have taken that opening and then he would have not been in this predicament.

She deserves so much better than me, but I ruined her... He thought moodily, glaring at the wood grain in front of his eyes with disdain.

Ichigo was exhausted, mentally and physically by the time he even wanted to look at the digital clock on the table near his bed. He had succeeded in avoiding Orihime for another day, it wasn't something he was supposed to be proud of, but silently he was. I'll have to face her someday though... But until that day came he would continue to brood upon himself, regretting everything he's done and hasn't done within the past three years.

Orihime hung up the phone and placed it on the receiver sullenly. That was the third time she called today and the third time she had been informed that Ichigo hadn't been able to come to the phone for some reason or another. It had been almost a week since she gave herself to him and now she was becoming desperately afraid. She didn't know what was going on, what Ichigo was thinking and she didn't allow her mind to wander that far for fear of what she might assume. It was difficult to breathe just wandering about what Ichigo and his feelings these last few days.

Everything is fine...

She needed to believe that, but the only way she would be able to was if she spoke to the one that gave her such heartache. It was becoming difficult to convince herself that everything was in fact fine, that the two of them were still completely in love. She wondered why Ichigo was so adamantly avoiding her... No. She knew he couldn't have been doing this on purpose. She knew that when she called him, he had to be busy. Each time that she dropped by his house, he wasn't at home as his father or one of his sisters claimed. In the three years that they had been together, Ichigo had not once lied to her and she saw no reason for him to change.

He loves me...

He never said it, but she knew that he did, deep in her heart, she knew it. If he didn't then he wouldn't be with her.

Silent tears fell down the fairy wielders cheeks and she wiped at them quickly with the sleeve of her sweater. Stop it! She reprimanded herself. Don't be a baby. Stay strong... for Ichigo. He needs you, he wants you. Suddenly she couldn't believe herself.

If he loves me, if he needs me... why is he doing this to me? He promised... He promised...

Inoue sank to the ground in her tears, the pan in her chest too unbearable. She breathed heavily as she cried, clutching feebly at the telephone cord. Wondering what the cause of Kurosaki's distant behavior was, Inoue allowed her mind to drift into a place she never wanted it to visit before, a place that made her heart sick and her stomach ache. What if...? What if that was all he had wanted? What if I'm nothing to him now? What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if I can never see him again...? What if...?

The thoughts within her mind crumbled and she broke down even farther, burying her face into her hands. Orihime could never think that Ichigo, her Ichigo, the boy she had loved since high school, could ever be that way. If that was all he wanted, then he could have gotten it sooner... why waste three years? That's why she couldn't trust herself.

What if he doesn't love me back?

Ichigo glanced disinterestedly at his curtains as they blew with the night wind, lost in thoughts of Orihime and how much damage he was doing to the girl and their relationship.

Knowing Hime, she'll probably just laugh it off and forgive me for it later. She's probably thinking something awful right now... He guessed and his permanent frown grew deeper. If he was any type of man, he knew that he should grow balls and just call her, if only to apologize and clear things up if needed. The thought made him shrink away into the confines of his mind, attempting to push the thought out of his head. Orihime was a friend, closer now than ever, he didn't know why it was suddenly so hard to talk to her, just because they had sex, it shouldn't change anything.

But it did.

Everything's changed.

Gaining the courage he should have had days ago, Ichigo stood up and headed downstairs for the telephone. Days before he unplugged the one that had been in his room. Thankfully his father had been with a patient at that moment, Yuzu at his side helping him for whatever, so there had been no surprises from the old man. Ichigo wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers and picked up the handle, dialing the number he had memorized months before. After several rings the answering machine picked up. Kurosaki took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, waiting for the beep at the end of the cheerful message.

"Oi, Inoue... Sorry about this week. I've been... busy." He lied, shuffling from one foot to the other, not in control of his nerves. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just... we should talk in person. Come by tomorrow afternoon, after class... Uh, see you." He hung up quickly and tried to slow the frantic pace of his heart, rejoiced that the hard part was over... for now.

Orihime shook violently and clamped her fists over her ears, realizing how much she truly loved Ichigo, the mere thought of him wanting someone else giving her an anxiety attack. She tried to slow down her breathing some so that she might not pass out from its irregularity. She was nearly back to just crying normally when her phone rang, she looked up at it from her place on the floor, hiccupping with her tears. She couldn't possibly answer it like this. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and forearm, sniffling and coughing slightly. By the time she stood, face nearly dry, the answering machine had already picked up the phone for her.

"Oi, Inoue..."

She clutched at her chest upon hearing Kurosaki's voice, staring at the machine in shock until the message was over. The girl didn't know what to think, she couldn't really tell by the sound of Ichigo's voice, it sounded irritated as usual but tinted with sadness. He apologized for hurting her and she had a feeling that everything was going to be ok as soon as they had the chance to talk to one another. She didn't need to keep worrying herself... Everything is going to be fine.

But a place in her heart told her otherwise. It felt as if someone had tied a knot in her artery and her heart wasn't getting the blood it needed. Despite her hope, it hurt and she couldn't place a finger as to why. It'll be ok... She tried to believe it, but it wasn't convincing. For the first time in a long time, Orihime wasn't looking forward to going to see Ichigo, she was afraid for her life.

This wasn't how it was suppose to be. They were supposed to be happy, together, in love. Inoue spent time around his family, they loved her and the feeling that she was stricken with when she could not say 'And so does Ichigo' is what scared her to death.

"He doesn't love me." She finally admit to herself, out loud, the sullen words vibrating off of her empty walls. She sank down onto the floor and began to cry, this time in ernest, not holding back.

On the way back to his room, the shinigami picked up one of the cold dinner rolls from that night. He hadn't bothered to eat because he was so troubled and even still he wasn't hungry but he felt it would be a good idea to eat something before he went to bed that night.

He was going to talk to Orihime tomorrow. He had to fix this problem before he made it worse than he already did. Shaking his head, Ichigo went up the stairs to his room but was stopped short of opening his door by his father who yelled up at him from the bottom of the stairs.

"Ichigo? What are you doing?" He shouted in a deep, commanding voice.

Taking the roll out of his mouth, Ichigo yelled back. "Nothing, why?

"Daddy needs your help son!" His tone changed drastically to the voice that Ichigo was more use to hearing. "Can you help me move this patient? Yuzu's too small and I don't want to damage my little angel." He could hear Yuzu giggling in the background. "If you do it, I'll give you candy." He offered. Ichigo rolled his eyes and headed back down stairs, pushing past his father who extended his arms to hug him in thanks.

Since the war, everything between his family had surprisingly gone back to normal. Ichigo thought it was going to be a weird, tense situation since finding out his dad had been a shinigami as well. The captain part had just been a bonus to add to his surprised confusion. Since then Isshin had offered many reasons why he had kept the fact away from his son, but Ichigo refused them all. It didn't really matter; he had been keeping his soul reaper secret hidden, although not hidden very well, from his dad also. It was just a fact - another irritating quirk - about his dad that he had grown use too. And after the war, Isshin reverted back to his old self, with his tacky clothes and stupid beard, Ichigo would have been worried to see anything change. Though none of this he revealed to his father, for fear that he might say or do something stupid.

Walking to the back of the house where the clinic was located, Ichigo's father led him to one of the rooms that was closer to the opening of the small hospital. Ichigo looked inside and nearly felt his jaw drop. He resisted the urge to turn and punch his grinning oaf father square in the nose.

What his father failed to tell him was that the patient was nearly 400 pounds and wanted the man carried from one room to the next. Isshin pat the orange haired shinigami on the back, pushing him into the room.

"Don't make that face, son. This will be good exercise!" He chirped happily, walking over to the bed that the patient was about to destroy. The man lying on the bed breathed heavily through his mouth, making a small rasping noise, looking at Ichigo expectantly and with pleading eyes. Ichigo sighed and mentally prepared himself for the bodily strain.

Once the patient had been successfully, albeit clumsily moved, Ichigo doubled over, hands on his knees, gasping for air. Isshin watched him with a grin, panting and wiping his face with a napkin he retrieved from his coat pocket. After catching his breath and punching his dad in the face for attempting to give him the offered candy, Ichigo finally headed upstairs to his room, Yuzu promising to bring him up some tea later. He refused the offer, however, not really in the mood for tea. Faintly he heard his dad weeping to some invisible figure - probably kneeling at the ridiculously sized photo of his mother - asking why his son was so ungrateful. Ichigo sighed and rolled his eyes as soon as he made it into his room.

His room was darker than when he'd left it to make the call to Orihime, showing how much of his time his dad had stolen. Ichigo closed his door and sighed into the room, scratching his head. Now what? He wasn't ready to sleep, though his body was dead tired. He knew his mind wouldn't let him sleep for long. Vaguely he wished that a hollow or two would appear, then he wouldn't have to wish for a distraction for his mind to focus on. But it seemed that lately, attacks had been less frequent. Generally speaking, since the war, hollow activity had decreased immensely, that is to say that the more powerful spirits seemed to stay at bay while weaker hollows favored the human world as their hunting ground. It was nice to not have to worry about the safety of those around him, but Ichigo had to admit, at times like these he missed the rush of adrenaline it took to cut down a monstrous hollow. It was therapy and he was more than overdue for a session.

Sighing his lack of anything to occupy himself with, Ichigo began to make his way towards the bed; the least he could do was lie down and stare at the ceiling wishing for sleep and never having it granted. His mind had been hard at work all day, trying to think of a reasonable solution for his current problem with Orihime, right now he just wanted to stop thinking, if only for a moment pretend like everything in his life hadn't been turned upside down. Suddenly he stopped in mid step, feeling the prickle of eyes watching him. Turning to face his open window, the substitute shinigami eyed the dark figure on his window sill, squinting to make out the face of the shadowed person. When he realized who he was looking at, Ichigo gasped in horror before narrowing his eyes in hatred.

"Shinigami..." The all too familiar voice breathed and Ichigo attempted to quell the erratic beating of his heart.