Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim to own any characters or concepts related to Kim Possible. This is a nonprofit work of fanfiction.

As before, this is set at mumble-mumble-discreet cough. But definitely before Graduation!

Back to the Basics

"Shego! Pay attention to me!"

"You got it, Dr. D," she said. He waited a moment for her to fix the appropriate expression of interest on her face, but Shego merely turned to the next page in her magazine.

Drakken whirled about so his coat flared impressively around his ankles. "Shego, I have discovered a fatal flaw in my technique."

"Do tell."

"But I have also--" He paused dramatically, hand lifted to the ceiling in a gesture of triumph.

Shego yawned, then flipped the page again.

"Shego!"

"Oh, what? Did you want something from me?"

"A little audience participation would be welcome," he said, tapping his foot.

Shego rolled her eyes. "Oh, Doctor D," she said, twirling her hand, "whatever have you discovered. Blah, blah, blah."

"I'm glad you asked, Shego," he told her. "For I have also discovered the solution! ...Shego!"

"Oh, Doctor D, whatever is the solution."

Drakken pounded his fist upon the open palm of his other hand. "Minion!" he bellowed. "Release the solution!"

A door on the far side of the conference room swept open and through it came Minion B, a large box held close to his chest.

"Behold, Shego!" said Drakken, lifting both fists into the air. "The first step in my new regimen to rediscover the tiny things that make evil so bad!"

The minion very carefully set the box on the lopsided conference table, which shook beneath the weight of his load. "Go get a phonebook or something," Drakken told the minion. "Do you see now, Shego?"

Shego looked up from her magazine. "Oh, goodie," she said. "A box."

"Wha-- no! The contents of the box!" And with a sneer, Drakken knocked the box over so its cargo spilled out upon the table.

Shego stared at the table.

"Okay," she said. "Your solution is puppies."

"They're adorable, aren't they," said Drakken. "Look at their little faces! Their little paws! That one over there is a bit slower than the rest. I feel a -- a sort of connection with the poor thing, a sort of pitiful sympathy."

"Pitiful is right. I mean, what could you possibly use--"

"I will kick them!"

Shego stopped. One of the puppies yawned, showing a flash of pink tongue and a row of small, white teeth.

"Excuse me?" she said after a moment.

"Shego," he said, setting one hand upon his hip and holding the other to his brow, "I've grown rusty, forgetful of what it truly means to be evil. I hope that by returning to the basics--"

"You're kicking puppies, Drakken. That's hardly--"

He stamped his foot hard upon the floor. "I am talking here, Shego! Now, where was -- ah, yes." Drakken assumed the appropriately triumphant pose. "And do you know what I'm going to do when I've finished kicking them? I'll throw them in the water! In a box!"

"Wow, you know, it's -- it's just so weird," said Shego. "You're disgusting and pathetic at the same time. I mean -- how do you even live with yourself?"

"And when I have finished with the puppies," said Drakken, "it's on to step two! Shego, if you would. Shego!"

"Oh, Doctor D, whatever could be more evil than kicking puppies."

"Stealing money from schoolchildren," Drakken bubbled, clapping his hands. "And that's only the second step! I made a list last night. Look, look, I'll show it to you. Oh, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Oh, joy," said Shego. "Fun."

This story was originally posted at livejournal on 03/21/2007, for livejournal user squeemu.

Thanks to Shockwave88 (true, Drakken's never seen the point in discarding a perfectly good plan: just because it didn't work that one time doesn't mean it won't work this time, after a few modifications, of course), RonHeartbreaker, and Sunflare2k5 (now you're thinking like a supervillain!) for your kind and excellent words on the preceding piece. I'm super-glad you guys enjoyed it and I hope you enjoyed this one as well.

(RonHeartbreaker, what happened was, I stumbled upon your fic last week when I finally set out to find decent KP fic, at which point I exploded into a shower of cartoon hearts and maybe flopped around a little in joy. I'm definitely planning on reviewing your stuff, it's just a matter of gathering together the appropriate amount of dignity and maturity needed to compose a coherent review. Also I'm afraid I might come off as kind of a creeper.)