Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
"Coming Undone"-Korn

X X

X X

Justice and I don't speak of what happened in the chantry. How he'd simply pushed past and taken over. That treads down a path that can only lead to mistrust. A bad situation at the best of times.

Life for me finds a new rhythm. I still tend to the clinic though I've had to take on a bit more help. I am still very active in the underground. Sometimes to the point that I feel like I am the underground.

It also happens on occasion that I accompany Hawke on one of her excursions. I had a friend once. In the wardens back in Amaranthine. I used to tell her all I wanted out of life was a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot lightning at fools. Traveling with Hawke gives me all of those things. To varying degrees.

It also gives me an escape. A chance to be myself for a while. To forget that down below there are people dying in my clinic and I can't always save them.

There are mages in the gallows suffering and I can't always save them.

Sometimes I even remember that I used to be a man not merely a cause.

Justice does not always approve.

But then I've never been one to fall in line.

'Another job? You are aware that there are others in the city that might benefit from your attention?'

'I owe her. It won't take that long anyway. A quick jaunt to the docks to deal with a band of slavers. You hate slavers.'

'That's hardly the point. You've been spending an inordinate amount of time dragging us along behind her. She has other companions.'

'It seems more prudent follow her than make her walk all the way to the clinic afterwards. I doubt we'll get paid if she bleeds to death before she gets there." I roll my eyes and heave a sigh. "The woman is far too reckless. Thinks she'll live forever.'

'She might with you patching her every papercut. Fool.'

After the slavers it's the gangs and after the gangs it's the deep roads. Maker if I never see the blighted deep roads again I'll count it a blessing and after that….

The woman is never still. There always seems to be something else to do. Someone else to save. No task to large or small. People are drawn to her as evidenced by our growing band of misfits.

A former Tevinter slave with the power to reach in and rip out someone's heart.

An Elvhen blood mage. That one is undoubtedly questionable.

A half barbarian pirate queen with a bad habit of bed hopping. I've had to cure the results of that more than once.

The captain of the city guard. A loyal and honest friend.

The dwarf who's in love with his crossbow and plays a fierce hand of Wicked Grace. I should know he beats me at it twice a week.

And me the abomination with a heart of gold. Tarnished as it may be.

How can I deny her when she denies no-one? Even at risk of her own safety.

I do not abandon my cause. I still create the odd pox breakout among the Templar recruits. But more often than not you can find me at her side my staff as much a weapon as her blades or healing the other's from afar. Like now.

Our opposition is heavily armored and just as heavily armed. I attack from a short distance behind the others with fire and ice. Send out a psychic blast to disorient. Fenris goes down on one knee holding his side. He growls out loud when I heal him. I chuckle to myself. I expect no thanks from the elf and receive none.

'Ungrateful wretch. Why do you do this? Our time would be better spent finding a way into the Gallows without being seen.'

'We've been through this. Working with Hawke brings in coin. Coin funds the clinic. The clinic, if you recall, helps screen our other…..activities.'

I cup my hands around a fireball. Feed it quickly then hurl it at the crowd that's formed around Varric. They are blown backward allowing the dwarf to bring his crossbow to bear. "Nice one Blondie!"

'Bah! We did fine before she came along.'

'Did we? And what of the connections she's helped us get? Guardsman Aveline and Varric to name a few. Have you noticed the lack of Templar outside the clinic of late? Or don't you bother to use our eyes?'

'I'll tell you what I see when I look out our eyes. That bitch's arse that's what. The Wounded Coast has some breathtaking scenery not that you've noticed.'

And there's the rub. I have become very aware of Hawke. Beyond what a friend would be. Not much to be done about it either way. She has an agenda as do I and I don't think they'll fit together.

'Quiet now. You're distracting me.'

The pulse he sends through my body has the effect of a sucker punch to the gut knocking the wind out of me and causing my vision to blur. I recover in time to duck a blow from a Templar broadsword that would have taken my head.

'That was a distraction.' He says clearly agitated.

I refuse to rise to the bait. Instead concentrating on what's going on around me.

I begin to question the wisdom of joining with him. It had seemed the perfect solution at the time. The longer we are together the more difficult things become.

I've begun to see things differently. Not quite so black and white.

When Hawke speaks of finding less subversive and more permanent ways to accomplish my goal I want to listen.

Justice whispers to me then. Reminds me why we started this whole thing in the first place. The beatings and starvation and endless days in damp dark rat infested holes. It's hard to reconcile the two lines of thought. It drives him mad when I try.

Even more so when my thoughts turn to her in a different way. During the deepest part of the night as I lie sleepless below her manor in Hightown wondering if she is restless too and what might happen if I were to knock on that door and tell her.

"Tell her what? That you moon over her like an untried lad? That she occupies your mind sometimes to the exclusion of all else? Always the fool."

"And why not? I can't be any worse than those prissy nobleman that prance along after her. With their soft lazy hands and over-coiffed hair. They can't protect her like I can."

"You forget your place Apostate. She's a noble. You're the help. And what have you to offer anyway? The only ending your story has is the one where you follow your tainted blood into the deep roads."

And the time that I have left before that inevitability grows shorter everyday. That is unless I'm caught out earlier. I wonder if a tranquil warden still hears his Calling.