So let yourself down tonight
Chapter 2: "That cant be me"
The next few days had Near bursting with anxiousness and excitement in a way he couldn't imagine. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this way. He was energetic and wide eyed as he cooked dinner. Mello would be home shortly and with love in his mind, he was going to try and make tonight special.
He was humming to himself as he lifted the boiling pasta from the stove, and carefully carrying it to the sink before dumping it into a colander. Taped to the fridge was a recipe for Rigatoni Filetto di Pomodoro that he clipped out of the newspaper. It was an inexpensive way to create a fancy dinner for them. He hoped that all they needed was a little romance in their lives, that he could keep feeling this way.
He set the table, furnishing it with two candles and waited patiently for his boy to arrive. While he waited, the image of Matt, flashed before his mind's eye as it had been since that other day. He couldn't get him out of his head, but he was determined to focus his efforts on what he had.
As predicted, Mello walked through the door at 6PM, shedding his jacket. He finished hanging his jacket on the hook next to the wall and turned around to face Near who was sitting at the dining room table, smiling warmly at him.
"What's this?" He asked, pointing at the table with the flickering candles.
"It's dinner, just a little nicer. I think we both deserve it." Near said.
Mello sat down at the table warily. He figured Near must have wanted something, or had some news to share.
"Ok, so what is it? What's the occasion?" He said a bit coldly.
"No occasion. I just wanted to have a nice dinner with you. We don't do this often enough."
Near spooned some pasta into Mello's dish, before serving some to himself. He looked onwards as Mello grabbed his fork and stabbed some noodles.
"How much did this cost me?"
"It was cheap, Mello. I found the recipe in the newspaper." Near said, his voice taking on a hint of disappointment.
Mello took the first bite while Near studied his expression in anticipation.
"Not bad."
They ate for a while in silence. Near tried one more time to lighten the mood.
"You know your eyes look really good in the candlelight, Mello."
Mello furrowed his brow at Near in confusion at his comment.
"You're awfully chippy today."
"I dunno, I'm just in a good mood I guess."
"Well I'm glad you're in a good mood. I'm glad you're here having fun while I'm breaking my arse all day unloading containers. Today John didn't lock the hoist well enough today and I almost dropped one into the fucking ocean."
Near looked down into his plate, this wasn't going how he had hoped it would all day.
"I'm sorry to hear that...."
Mello continued venting the ills of his workday onto Near, essentially spoiling any inkling of romance that was left in the moment until the food was finished. Near sat back in his chair wondering if Mello even noticed his demeanor.
Why is he so oblivious? This isn't the person I ran away to the States with. This isn't the person I fell in love with.
Mello got up from his chair, and headed for the coat rack, putting his jacket on.
"I'm going out for a while. Gonna have a few with the guys."
Near got up from his chair and bounded over to Mello, snaking his hands underneath Mello's jacket while looking into his eyes coyly.
"I was hoping you might stay home tonight." Near said, before closing his eyes and kissing Mello softly. Mello wasn't very responsive, so Near tried a bit harder by shoving his tongue into Mello's mouth. Mello pushed him away.
"Christ Near!" Mello barked.
Near looked like someone just kicked him, everything was going wrong.
"I just thought we could...ya know... it's been a while."
Mello shucked his jacket onto the floor and grabbed Near forcefully, pushing him into the wall. He began undoing Near's pants, shoving them down to his ankles and unbuttoning his shirt exposing more of his pale flesh to the incandescent light. Mello sucked hungrily at Near's neck and chest, nearly leaving bruises behind. Just as Near was going to say something, Mello turned him around and started unbuckling his pants, allowing them to fall to the floor. He lubricated himself with a healthy dose of spit and pushed himself into Near, making him grunt loudly through gritted teeth.
"Ahh Mello. Be a little more gentle. Argh..."
Mello arched himself on top of Near and bit hard on his back as he fucked him against the wall, making him moan louder. Near tried to get into it but he wasn't enjoying it, his emotional state earlier didn't have him in the mood. What he needed tonight was tenderness, affection, and this was everything but. Fortunately Mello finished soon enough, leaving Near leaning on the wall breathless. He heard Mello re-fasten his pants and then put his jacket back on.
"I'll catch you later." Mello said over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.
Near didn't know exactly what to think. He was hurt, both down there and inside his heart.
Does he not love me anymore?
He put his pants back on and walked to the bedroom, crashing on the bed. He didn't even feeling like cleaning up the dishes or blowing out the candles. While the tears streamed down his face, he could only think of one thing, that boy at the grocery store. He knew nothing about him, but he knew he had to see him again. It was an irresistible draw that he knew he was hopeless to fight. He laid there for about an hour and then forced himself out of bed to clean up the mess in the kitchen and living room. He didn't want to hear it from Mello if he didn't. Later that night he stayed as close to the edge of the bed as possible. He didn't even want to feel Mello's warmth next to him when he finally came home.
The next morning Near had woken up again after Mello had left for work. He remembered how they used to eat breakfast together every morning. Now Mello didn't even bother to wake him. Near pulled himself out of bed wearily and staggered to the kitchen for some much needed orange juice. He saw a note taped to the refrigerator.
"Pick up cereal. I ran out this morning."
Near snatched the note from the appliance angrily, wondering if that's all Mello thought of him as, his slave. He plopped down in a chair near the breakfast table, coiling his hair around one of his fingers. It then dawned on him. He had a good excuse to go see Matt now.
He headed for the bedroom to get dressed, studying himself in the mirror, something he hadn't done for a long time. He wasn't thrilled with the person staring back at him. He didn't want to look this way anymore, at least not in front of Matt. His attire was too plain, like he simply didn't care. It said nothing about him. He grabbed the jewelry box he had in his nightstand drawer and counted the money inside. Figuring $75 should be enough to change his look, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
He wandered past the shops aimlessly, finally just picking one at random and entering. He was met with loud rock music as he crossed the threshold. He wanted cool clothes, something that would make Matt notice. Unfortunately cool wasn't exactly his area of expertise. He would grab an item, such as a shirt or pair of pants, and carry them with him for a little while and them put them back, figuring he'd look stupid wearing them, that he just doesn't have the right look.
"You look like you need help. Lots of help actually." A girl in her mid-20's with pink hair and black eyeliner and lipstick said approaching him.
"Oh... I'm just looking." Near looked down at the ground nervously.
"Well at first I thought you were shoplifting. But after a while I realized what was going on. You're lost in here aren't you."
Near nodded, still looking at his feet.
"Well let me help you then." She said, pulling random items from the shelves and handing them to Near, "Now get in there and try them on." pointing to the dressing room.
Near took the clothes with him in the dressing room and put them on, studying himself in the mirror. He felt nervous, he was even sweating a little. He could not believe he was looking at himself. The girl had picked out a tight pair of black jeans that seemed to stretch around his skin, showing off his round butt. The pants weren't too crazy he thought, however the shirt was. She had picked out a tight black hooded sweatshirt that had red chains with miniature red handcuffs hanging from the sleeves and laid across the front in a somewhat crisscross pattern. The sleeves had holes at the ends, which Near stuck his thumbs through assuming that was their purpose. The tightness of the hoodie made him look even thinner than he normally did, but the dark colors enhanced his eyes, made them seem bluer than they normally would.
"What's taking you so long in there?" The employee called out.
"Umm...." Was all Near could say as he opened the door and stepped out.
"Oh my god. You look delicious." She squealed.
Near's face turned roughly the color of an apple.
"I dunno. I don't think it looks right on me. I don't really have the look." Near said, too scared to make eye contact.
"Ok. What's he look like?"
"Huh?"
"The guy you like. What does he look like?"
"How did you..."
"Honey I've had my fair share of gayboys coming in here with the same look that you have on your face. I know it when I see it."
Near exhaled deeply, still not once looking up.
"Well, I've only seen him in his work uniform. I don't know how he dresses outside of work."
"Well if he doesn't think you look good the way you look now, then he isn't worth your time."
"Are you sure?" Near said, finally looking up to meet her face, it seemed genuine enough. She seemed trustworthy.
"Trust me. You're lucky your gay, otherwise I would tie you up in the back of the store right now and do things to you."
Near's swallowed hard, not sure what to say, or if to say anything at all. She laughed and led him to the cash register.
"One more thing." She said handing him a spiked collar.
"You're not serious are you?" Near's eyes went wide at the object in his hand.
"Oh I'm serious alright. He's going to love it."
Fortunately Near had enough cash to cover everything, he left the store with his old clothes in a shopping bag and re-entered the city streets feeling like a completely different person. Actually he felt like himself, just wearing a different person's clothes. He felt out of place, like he didn't have the confidence to carry his appearance. But he trudged onwards anyway, avoiding eye contact wherever possible, wondering if people were staring at him.
He kept walking past the apartment, and in the direction of the grocery store. The 30 minute walk seemed to drag on for ages as the anticipation gripped him so tightly he thought he'd stop breathing. The store was in view now, and he thought he wouldn't be able to go through with it, not looking like this.
He bit his lip and barged inside, dashing down one of the aisles. He peeked around the corner at the checkout lanes, his heart nearly stopped beating as he caught sight of Matt. He found Mello's cereal and walked into Matt's lane, keeping his head down. The customer in front of him was finished, and he nervously advanced in front of Matt's cash register. Matt didn't seem to notice him at first, as his head was turned talking to one of the other cashiers.
"So this guy had like $300 worth of stuff and I swear he had a coupon for each item. My line was almost to the back of the store. I honestly thought a can of pineapples was going to go flying at him any second." Matt turned his head to the front, punching his employee ID into the keyboard "Do you have a valued sh....." His voice trailed off as he saw Near, staring up at him with wide blue eyes.
"Hi." Near squeaked. He was impressed with his ability to make any sound at all.
"You... you came back! Whoo! And, wow look at you! Where'd this come from? What was...what was that the last time?" Matt said gesturing with his fingers, but not once losing Near's gaze.
"Oh.. I just dress like this sometimes. I was a bit lazy last week. I was only going to the doctor."
"So you dressed up today to see me?" Matt asked, hoping to have at least a little fun with Near, he could tell he was a bit nervous. Near's quickly looked away from this comment unable to think of what the right way to respond would be.
"Oh...no well... I just..."
Near wasn't watching what Matt was doing while he thought of a good enough excuse. Matt slid a piece of paper in front of Near with a phone number on it.
"It's my phone number. You've got me." Matt said,
Near picked up the paper and looked up at Matt with his mouth hanging open.
"Umm....Do you.... want mine?" He said.
Matt nodded, handing near a pen and piece of cash register receipt. Near wrote his cell-phone number down on the paper and slid it over to Matt.
"That'll be $2.67 Near."
"Huh? Oh! The cereal!"
Near nervously pulled his wallet from his pocket and fumbled with the dollar bills inside handing Matt 3 dollars. Matt counted the change and dropped it gently into the palm of Near's hand, almost one at a time, the quasi-sensual contact making Near weak in the knees.
"Talk to you soon Near." Matt said.
"Mmm hmm." Near replied leaving the store, taking one last glance at Matt, who's eyes were unashamedly following him.
Once outside Near ducked down a side street and sat down on the ground with his back against a building. He stared at the phone number, starting to laugh almost uncontrollably.
"Wow." He said to himself, before picking himself back up and walking home.
A/N: Awww...aren't they so cute??!?! I'm having a LOT of fun writing this, and I've already got a lot more written so updates should come semi-frequently. I had received words of concern with the last chapter that they characters are too OOC. I'm trying the best I can with that, really, but the truth of the matter is that these characters have a different history and upbringing than they did in DN, so it would seem natural for them to be slightly different. But I'm happy because I made the emo Near I always wanted XD!