Life is like a coin

Addie Kendall Jacobs

Theme song: Two Steps away-The CO

Chapter 2: Jude

Bill and I got off the bus not too long after he notified me of the time. It was around 1:30 am and I didn't feel the least bit tired as I felt staring out the window of the bus. A car was parked not too far from the bus stop; it was white with a dent on the side-Bill's car. I never understood why people would want to become social workers; it's a stressful and time wasting job. Bill could be at home right now with his own family, but no he has to be out this early with a dumpster kid.

Yeah dumpster kid-it's a name one of the boys called me at the group home in Colorado. It just kind of fit in these kinds of situations, it's better than being called a mental patient for sure.

The lights of the city of San Diego shined through my car window. Bill isn't talking; he's annoyed for sure probably. I wasn't supposed to come home till January and now he has to organize my files so I have a place to stay. The stars are not as bright out here as they were in the mountains, but that's ok I can always go to the beach later in the year to see them.

This car has been my transportation for the past 9 years alongside my little family. It still smelled of bleach and orange car fresheners. That's all I want to focus on, I can't think of Callie or Jude. But before I knew it I was at my foster father's house. The lights in the living room were on, he must be watching his dumb game show. I shake off my anxiety that was slowly coming upon me and drag myself up to the front door with Bill following on my tail.

I stand and stare at the doorknob. I couldn't hear that Bill had asked me to knock till he did it for me.

Anxiety and fear was now enveloping me.

All of the strength I had to walk through that door flowed out of me, leaving me weak and vulnerable.

My foster father comes to the screen door, "My sweetheart, how are you," he faked a smile towards me. Opening the screen door a little more Bill edged me inside leaving me alone in the small hallway. Nothing had changed, everything smelt of bleach to knock out the smell of alcohol and cigar smoke.

The car began to back out of the drive way.

My eyes look up to the man who gave my family hell. His grey hair was pushed back with a little gel and his face needed a shaving. The thick grey shirt was getting too small for him and had a yellow stain on the collar. His dark eyes glared down upon me like the night he attacked me.

Where is Jude?

"You look like a piece of shit," my foster father muttered behind me, "go upstairs before I make you sleep outside," His voice rattled my brain. The tone was harsh just like every abusive foster parent we've had-rough and stern. Quickly, I pick up my bags and head down to my room that I shared with Jude.

Hesitantly, I knock on the door; it was cracked a little allowing me to come in.

And there was my little brother.

Jude was sitting on Callie's old bed with my old sweatshirt in his hands. He was in a old red striped shirt with dark jeans. His white shoes were covered in dirt and the laces tangled.

"Addie!" he softly exclaimed with tears of relief in his eyes.

Our foster father must have told him I was coming.

He pulled himself up and embraced me. I could see the fading of a bruise right below his left eye. He didn't look the same, his hair was longer and his figure seemed thinner than before. But I couldn't do anything, or speak of it either. The grey Texas Tech sweatshirt falls to the old yellow stained carpet. It wasn't even mine, I found it in the lost and found when I was 5 to hide my bruises on my neck.

"I'm as tall as you," Jude broke the silence. I look at the top of his head, it was true, he was a mere inch taller than me. To make the situation a little lighter I smirked and he returned a smirk with another hug. The last time he hugged me like this was when he tried to pull me away from the medical staff the night before I was transferred. He wouldn't let go for the longest time till he was pried away by the police. That was a night that surely made our situation worse-especially now that the foster system has documented this into my profile. Well there goes my chance of staying with my family when we are moved to another house. But I'll get into that story later.

I yawn and rub my eye with the sleeve of my sweater. Jude look down at me and rubs my tube that stuck to my cheek-he always did that I really don't know why. But before I knew it I had a blanket wrapped around me and was urged to get into Callie's bed with him.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm older than him. In the past three years he and Callie have matured so much to help give me the care I need. Jude was still a little kid, but he always made sure I was cared for. Then it was my turn, whenever our foster father beat Callie or Jude, I would be the mature figure to give them the protection they needed. Of course it never turned out well for me; I would end up sleeping outside on the wooden porch-Or sent away.

Slowly I set myself on the spring sofa bed and take of my boots, then pull my sweater off and replace it with an over-sized grey t-shirt and shorts. Jude shuts off the lights and we both get into Callie's old bed, it was largest. We all usually slept together in bed to make sure nothing happened to each other. We've been to many homes to know that.

Laying my head down on the pillow I close my eyes and wrap my arms around the pillow under me. Jude smelled terrible; he must not have been able to shower this week. I flip myself over to not breath in his stench.

Sometimes I wonder why this system is so messed up. Why we are still stuck with this guy? Why didn't we go somewhere else after Callie left?

It hurts that no one had the money to help me finish my treatment, I feel so alone. Nobody at that group home offered to give me any financial help, only criticism for being a foster kid-dumpster kid. The tube taped to my cheek began to itch and I scratch at the tan colored tape. Luckily my doctor here has willed to continue my formula till I gain my minimal weight.

But that doesn't matter anymore. All that matter is that I have a piece of my family again. To think that I've been gone for four months-Four months Callie has been in Juvie and four months of Jude suffering all alone. Of course the coin of life is going to do something, but we don't know.

All I need is my big sister.

I miss her loving embraces and words that kept me going. She keeps Jude going with her strength, even if he isn't good with words like me. Without Jude I' am nothing and without Callie we are both vulnerable.

We are just too weak.

We need Callie.