Chapter 1:
Today was the last day of school for the year. It was December 15, and the small town of Forks was in full swing of the holiday spirit. I had been generously offered invitations, despite my apparent vegetable state, to holiday parties from Jessica, Mike, and I even received one in the mail from Jacob. I had taken the invitations and gave a forced smile. They knew that I wouldn't come, but they were still nice enough to offer. At times I felt bad at how I rejected and ignored them all the time, but they understood why. I was just broken. Everyone knew.
The final bell of the year rang, and everyone jumped out of their seats anxiously and ran out the door. I gathered my things slowly, seeing as how I'd just been knocked out of my trance-like state. School was the easiest part of my day. My mind was focused on school, but I never really sensed anything around me. I went to my locker and gathered binders for the few classes that had given me homework.
I had been dreading the two-week break terribly. I knew it hurt Charlie to see me this way, and I hated to force him to be around me. I wasn't a full person; I was only capable of so much. Christmas was going to be hard ever since I'd learned Renee and Phil wanted to fly in and spend the holidays here. I had overheard Charlie on the phone begging them to come in hope of snapping out of my ever-depressive state.
Once outside I took a deep breath and looked around the snow covered parking lot. In attempt not to linger on past memories, I walked briskly over to my truck. As I reached for my keys out of my pocket I looked around and noticed a light snow was starting to fall.
Winter had always been my favorite season. It was a peaceful time, one for thinking. I opened my truck and hopped in side. The parking lot was nearly empty except for a few kids on the far side of the lot who were throwing snowballs at each other.
Though I had been trying to repress all the memories from the year before, it was a hopeless cause. Tears started to fall down my cold cheeks as I thought of the day he came into biology with snow dripping from his hair. I thought of the day he first saved my life from Tyler's van. The tears started to fall faster but I wiped them away quickly before I pulled out of the school.
By the time I pulled into the driveway at home, the tears had stopped. I sat in the warm cab and made sure I was mentally stable. Grabbing for my bag I took one deep breath and exited my truck. I unlocked the front door and hung my keys on the rack. The house was warm and brightly decorated for Christmas; it was Charlie's attempt to brighten my mood with all the lights and holiday cheer. It wasn't really working. If anything, it made me more depressed.
I thought of how this year would have been Edward's and mine first Christmas together. Alice would have decorated both the Cullen's house and mine more than anyone thought possible. Edward would have sat at the piano playing song after song, with me at his side. Esme would have made gingerbread cookies and houses, and eggnog. Everyone would have been happy, whole, and with the one they loved. But that dream was dashed. Broken. It would never happen and I would never truly be happy again.
Charlie had left a note on the kitchen table, where I sat down with a glass of milk and a PBJ sandwich I had made. I unfolded the note and read it quickly.
Bella,
I should be home around eight, and I'll bring something with me for dinner.
I rented a couple movies yesterday; they are sitting by the TV. Since I won't be home till later how about you sit down, relax, and watch one? Start to enjoy you're break?
Love you Bells,
Dad
After finishing my sandwich I washed the dish and laid it out to dry. Making my way to the living room, I found the stack of movies by the TV. The Nightmare Before Christmas, A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th Street, The Family Stone. I opted for the classic; Miracle on 34th Street. Before I started the movie I went upstairs and changed into my dark blue flannel pants and a grey hoodie. I pulled my hair up into a bun and went back downstairs to nestle into the blankets on the couch.
I heard the front door open, and I opened my eyes. I guess I fell asleep. Charlie came in and knocked the snow off his boots and hung up his coat. He walked over to me and kissed me gently on the forehead.
"Hey there Bells. How're you feeling?"
"I'm fine."
"Well, I brought home some Chinese, would you like some?"
"Sure." I got up and stretched, slightly stiff from my unexpected nap, and followed Charlie to the kitchen. He set out two plates and got several spoons to serve the food. We ate quietly, the silence broken only for Charlie to ask an easy question about school or to tell me about his day at work. Once we'd finished, I got up and took the dishes and started washing them. When Charlie didn't get up or say anything I turned to look at him.
"Bella, I know you have been through a lot, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I love you, and if you need me for anything just ask. Ok?"
I felt horrible. What kind of daughter was I to treat her father in such a distant way? I looked at him, my eyes full of sadness and regret, and nodded. His eyes mirrored mine; I knew he felt that this was somehow his fault. I set down the dishes and dried my hands. I hugged Charlie tight to me and let just one tear fall. "Thank you, daddy. I know." I quickly wiped away the tear before I pulled away and went back to my dishes.
I spiraled further into my dark reality when I thought, How long has it been since I hugged my father? Again Ifought back my tears. Once I finished the dishes I walked past the living room where Charlie sat on the couch getting into some basketball game on TV. I stopped at the base of the stairs and said good night.
"Night Bells. Sleep well." He smiled cheerfully before going back to the game.
I brushed my teeth and my hair and then got into bed. When he had left he probably thought that he had gotten rid of all physical mementoes of our 'relationship.' All but one that is. Charlie had taken a picture of Edward and I before prom, and there was still a copy of it in my wallet from that night.
I had cut myself out of the picture because the only face I wanted to see was his. He didn't love me, so why should I be in the picture too? I didn't deserve to be at his side. He had been too perfect for me. I pulled it out from beneath my alarm clock, and looked at it for a few moments before tucking it back into its hiding place. If Charlie were to ever find it, I wasn't sure how he would react.
Feeling tears threatening to spill over, I closed my eyes and rolled away from the clock. I watched the gentle snowflakes fall past my window by the dim streetlight outside. A sense of peace calmed my frantic emotions watching them, and I drifted to asleep.
Chatper 1 -- go review! you want to, just give in!
:D robin!