BLUE, part II
"Affirmative, Commander Mellark. We are going to bring you back home" She says determined.
I would be lying if I say that her fierce determination was why I was attracted to her at first, although it might be one of the reasons why I fell for her so deeply when I got to know her better. The first time I saw Katniss, she was wearing a red dress and a simple braid and was screaming at the phone to someone: her grey eyes flashing and her cheeks tinted red. I could only stare at her because she was not beautiful. She was not pretty. She was as radiant as the sun. And I knew I was a goner.
"Oh no way! Listen to me, Haymitch and listen carefully because I don't want to repeat it twice. I don't want two fucking astronauts in my team" she said and hung up the phone suddenly.
'Well,' I thought, 'my chances are not very high with this girl.'
I cleared my throat to make my presence known. She looked up at me with an interrogation gaze and a fiery expression.
"Hello, are you Dr. Everdeen?"
"Yes, and you are?" She said sharply.
"Oh, let me introduce myself. I'm one of those 'fucking' astronauts" I replied with a smile.
Her face changed in that moment from confidence to confusion. Quickly, she pulled herself together and scowled. I grew to love Katniss' scowl and in that precise moment, I thought, I have never seen a woman more beautiful than her.
"Right then... I assume you have heard the whole conversation" I just nodded at her. "Well, at least we have established the basis of this relationship..."
"Relationship?" I teased. I don't know how I was that bold.
"Work relationship" She punctuated "If you are as committed as my team, and don't get in middle of my investigation, we will be good" she finished.
But, I could say in that moment, as I can say now, that she was lying. I'm hardly a newbie in this job. I've been on too many missions, for NASA and the Army, to know that my chances, and the chances of my crew, are not very high. The odds are clearly not in our favor, but as captain and responsible for everyone. I need to keep their spirits high, and I need to know the real situation.
"Dr. Everdeen, can you explain the plan to me in detail?" I ask, trying to get the truth from her lips.
"Baby steps Commander, we will give you all the information soon. We are just working in the final details, but you don't have to worry" she said.
"Ok, but don't take too much time on those details, things are getting nasty up here" I say with a harsh voice. "In the meantime, could you tell me our chances of survival?"
"All you need to worry about now, is following our instructions. We'll bring you home"
She is stubborn. Usually I don't care. But today my life, and my crew's life, depend on her "mysterious" plan. I am prepared to play strong. I hate doing this to her, but I can't think of another way to get the truth. So I push her limits.
"Katniss, I'm not Primrose, I don't need your protection. The only thing I need from you is that fucking plan!" I yell.
I can't see her face now, but I don't need to. Her silence is enough for me. I know I caught her with her guard down. I can picture her face: her eyes open in surprise, her cheeks red and her mouth trembling... But when she is quiet longer than usual I begin to worry. And that is when I hear Katniss crying and silent
"Katniss?" I ask concerned.
"Peeta" I hear my name but it isn't Katniss voice this time, its Haymitch's.
"Dr. Everdeen needs a break. We will call you again in fifteen minutes".
With that the line goes silent. We are used to silence in the space, and generally it calms me down, but now I feel just the opposite because I know I messed up.
"Oh, shit" I say out loud.
"Peeta?" I can hear the angry voice of Johanna. "What was that for?".
"We need the truth and I can tell she was lying..."
"Of course she was lying! She is scared of losing you!"
Now it is my turn to be surprised by her affirmation. "What are you talking about?"
"You know that Katniss and I are friends, don't you?"
Of course I know that, but I didn't know you knew, I think. However, I play it safe and say, "Yes, do you want to elaborate a little more?" I ask, because I don't want her to discover more than she might figure out.
"Katniss told me. After you broke up with her..."
"I didn't break up with her" I interrupt her angrily. "That is not how the story goes!"
"Pretty much, yes" she says "Katniss has never been good with words or commitments but she was all into you. In fact, she's still in love with you."
"You're wrong. She never told me that. I'd wait for her my whole life if she'd just give me some hope."
"Peeta, she's Katniss" says Johanna with a tenderness in her voice that you can't hear very often. "That night before the launch she came to my apartment. I joked with her, because I was seeing her more the last two days that the last two months:
"Hey brainless, what are you doing here? Has that secret boyfriend of yours left the town? Or has he gotten tired of you?"
"I don't have a boyfriend Johanna, not anymore at least," she said, tears running down her cheeks. "But if I had to bet, I guess it would be the second. Although, since he's going to leave Earth tomorrow, I guess the first could be accurate too".
I just couldn't believe what she had just admitted, I had known her since kindergarten, and she never ever talked about a boyfriend. She only referred to those guys as friends, or friends with benefits. I knew, in that moment, that she really cared about you.
"It's Peeta Mellark, isn't it?" She only nodded. "I knew something was going on between both of you. He looked at you as if you were some kind of fairy tale. And you didn't scowl as much when he was in the same room. What happened?"
"I screwed it up," she said painfully. "He asked me to move with in with him, and I told him no. Then he said that he couldn't do this anymore. He suggested we take a break while he was gone. And then he walked away."
"And you let him go..." I guessed.
"Yes, but those two days have been hell. I've been miserable and had nightmares, Johanna. I might not see him again!"
"You are going to see us tomorrow" I said, trying to calm her down.
"On the screen, it doesn't count!" She yelled.
"Ok, just relax, nothing is going to happen"
"Will you do me a favor? Will you take care of him?"
"Or course, my friend."
So now, I'm going to try to keep my word. You need to talk to her and apologize because if anything happens to you, which is likely, she will never get over it. And you don't want that to her. Besides, you two are the only ones that can bring this shuttle home, and I don't want to die. So you have to fix this."
"Commander" it's Haymitch's voice again "we are on a prívate line, are you alone?"
I motion to Johanna to indicate that I need to be alone in the cabin. "Yes, I am"
"Listen, I'm not going to ask you about what happened before, nor Katniss, because I don't want to know it, if you two were, well... together I'd have to exclude her of the rescue mission and I don't think that would be a good idea, but the three of us will have a long talk when you come back". I appreciate his honesty, Haymitch can be sometimes a little bit rough but he's loyal and devoted to his teams."Katniss is waiting in another room, she is about to have a crisis breakdown, so I need you to talk to her and help her to refocus in the mission, stop being hurt or proud or whatever you feel right now. Do you understand me, Commander?"
"Positive, sir"
"I trust you kid. Good luck".
I know I have to apologize to her about what I said, it was wrong and mean, but Katniss is stubborn and I'm not sure how she is going to react... And I couldn't face her indifference or hate now knowing that I might not see her other time.
"Hey" she says weakly.
Before answering I can't help but think "Hey is not bad it isn't good either, but it's not bad at all... Ok Peeta, stop overanalizing. A hey is just a hey"
"Hey there" I say " Listen I..."
"No, listen to me" she says interrupting me "I was wrong, I've been wrong all the time trying to not get so close to you, because... I'm already are. You have to come back, ok? we need to talk"
"I'll do my best" I say, but I'm fully aware that coming back is not the highest possibility right now and although I don't want to make things harder to her, I need to tell her something so I begin "Look, if I don't make it back…"
"Don't talk like that!" she says.
"I know, but just in case I don't…"I try to continue.
"No, Peeta, I don't even want to discuss it. You are not saying your goodbyes to me over radio. You are not going to die. I forbid it, all right?"
"All right" I whisper.
"I should go now" she says slowly "I have to review the data for your re-entry, but there is one more thing I want you to know Peeta Mellark. I...need you" she says finally "I'll talk to you soon and and I'll see you in a few hours" and then without another word she's gone and I miss her already.
Since we start dating, or seeing each other, I knew she was the one, I've never felt like I feel when I was with her with anyone else. Being with Katniss was never easy but I didn't blame her, not with her familiar history, she was used to shut everyone out, but with me I could feel she let her guard down in some precious moments, although she never said things like "I need you" before, I know she's just taken a huge step with me, maybe Johanna is right and she is in love with me. I wish I didn't rush things when I asked her to move in with me, I wish I should be more patience. I wish I can see her again, once more, and kiss her.
But those are wishes and now, the only thing we can do is wait and be ready when the orders come, but this is easier said than done. In the space you are surrounding by a deep blue, it is something similar the feeling you have when you dive in the deep blue, you don't know where is up and down. It is beautiful but it is dangerous too.
The odds may be in our favor though because only forty five minutes later, we can hear Haymitch and Katniss again.
"How are things, Commander?" asks Haymitch.
"Air is starting to be dense and tough" I say a little dizzy.
"We know that and we have a plan that Doctor Everdeen is going to explain to you. Katniss, please go ahead"
"Hi again, Peeta" she says using my name, I guess, on purpose and not saying my grade to make this personal to me, to show me her commitment. "We have a re-entry route estimated, once we send it to you, you will have to upload it in the Hypatia, and switch the chips from the receiver and the navigation module. That means that from that moment all the changes you may need to upload in the system will have to be manual. We know this plan is far from perfect but it will increase your chances to come back to us. Good luck. Over and out". When she finishes I can hear how her voice trembles and I can help but wish to hug her tightly and smell her perfume that always make me relax.
I hear a "bip" when the receiver finishes to get all the data, Johanna and Cressida , another of our Mission Specialist, go with the process of switching chips, it might look easy, but it is not. It is a precise work that requires focus and hours of training because of the zero gravity...and we are nearly out of breathable air here, but they do their job because they are NASA crew, highly prepared and professional.
We set the system ready for the re-entry and everyone, who is not injured... Or dead, take their place.
"Ok, listen to me" I say trying to raise their spirits "our team on the field think this plan is going to work, and you know how smart are Haymitch, Beetee and Katniss. So, be calm but ready for unpredictable events. It is possible that due the solar storm we might land with manual control"
"Gale is unconscious" Cressida states.
"I know, but this is why we have a second Pilot ... And you are lucky because I'm even better than Hawthorne" I know I'm lying and they know too, but they smile anyway because we are in this together. "Alright, we are ready. Please Cressida switch on engine 1 and 2"
I see the countdown for the ignition: 10, 9, 8... I close my eyes for a second to visualize Katniss' face and her rare but precious smiles.
"7, 6, 5, 4" I hear Cressida says and I only can cross my fingers and hope for the best "3, 2, 1, 0"
We can hear the sound of the engines and feel the pull when the shuttles moves. Our destiny is sealed now, because there is no much we can do till the entry to the atmosphere.
"Ok, here we go" says Johanna "I'd rather die disintegrated than suffocated"
"Johanna!" Cressida and I exclaim at unison horrified at her blatant confession.
But she starts laughing out loud and we join her, knowing that she was only trying to give us some courage... In her weird and unique manner.
I look at the controls carefully again knowing, that as I said before, there is nothing we can do for 15 minutes but wait. My mind flies far away from here and now, not to the last time I saw Katniss, because if I'm going to die I prefer dying with a good memory. It was not far for that moment really, actually it was the event that lead to that moment. Our first trip together to his father's cabin in the lake.
We had been all day playing in the water and laying on the grass, I could say she was content, I never ever saw her before so care free. She was laughing and smiling and I was the happiest man in the world. Later, that evening in front of a bonfire when we cooked the dinner Katniss has hunted before I asked her about that.
"How is that you can hunt? And with a bow and arrows?"
"My father" she said slowly and remained quiet. I thought I had messed up because her family was a sensitive matter to her, I was going to apologize when she kept talking "my father, he taught me. We used to come here in summer and some weekends when I was a child. It was our time together , he and I, you know? He was patient and loving and he was proud of me. He used to say that I was going to be the best hunter in the county and as I was just a naive girl I believed him" she says with a sad smile. "When I was 11 he died in an explosion, he was a miner and a tragic accident happened and got him trapped. Then our world fell apart: my mother was in shocked and depressed and tried to kill herself but I found her and alerted 911, after that she was hospitalized in a mental institution and Prim, my little sister, and I were took to an orphanage. That place was sad and terrifying but I did my best to protect Prim..."
"And you did" I said grabbing her by her waist and holding her tight to my body "She is a MD now"
"Yeah, I guess I protected her" she nodded while staring at me. I couldn't but caress her cheek softly thinking how much I loved this brave woman but she stopped my hand to resume her speech "Peeta, is that what we do? Protect each other?"
In that moment I thought she was referring to something else, something deeper , something like she loved me too, after all she was comparing me with Prim. "Yes, Katniss. Always"
And she kissed me like she had never done before, I could felt she was opening her heart for the first time, and I started dreaming with a future together.
But when I proposed her to move in with me, the dream finished.
"Commander Mellark" Johanna says "One minute for the reentry if we don't find any space junk to collide against".
"It would be very bad luck when we have done 90% of our space route..." Cressida intervenes.
"Still we have the landing issue if the automatic pilot doesn't work" Johanna says teasing us.
A manual landing for a shuttle is not an easy work but today it would be a more difficult task: we don't know the whole reach of the shuttle's damages, we are dizzy because of the lack of breathable air and I haven't landed a fighter or a shuttle in years now, with the simulator yes, but for real not in the last ten years.
"Here we go. Commander, you can take the control of the shuttle now"
I nod at Johanna and take the controls to start the checking of the earth navigation system which is different that the Hypatia.
"Affirmative" I say as I begin to review the checklist for the approach and landing through differents screens and tools with Johanna.
"Altimeter" She asks me.
"Check"
"Radios"
"Set" I say knowing that the Control Room will be hearing us. Katniss will be hearing me.
"Landing Lights"
"On"
"Speed"
"Establish: 210 KIAS" I say
"Auto Spoilers?" Johanna asks but I can say her voice is trembling.
This is one of the critical moments and when I press the button I close my eyes for a moment "Arm" I say smiling, and Cressida claps happily.
"Auto-brake?" Johanna asks again , this time more confident
"SET" I say almost yelling.
"Flaps"
"Pos 1"
"Speed"
"Establish 180 KIAS"
"Flaps"
"Pos 2"
"Speed"
"Establish 160 KIAS"
"Ok Commander, If the next one is ok I think we'll be fine" says Johanna skipping the protocol, under other circumstances I'd reprimand her, but not this time "Landing Gear?"
It takes around one or two seconds for the sign Down to light but when it does and I say it out loud, we know that we'll make it, all of us except Finnick and maybe Gale.
I avoid thinking about Finnick and Annie now, because it is too painful, and I need to be focus for the rest of the landing maneuver.
Finally the shuttle touch the ground, and before it is completely stopped we can hear the sirens and see the ambulances heading our way.
"Let's finish this" I say and Johanna starts with the shutdown checklist.
"Brake"
"Set"
"Throttle"
"Idle"
"Taxi Lights"
"Off"
"Flight Director"
"Off"
"Engine 1 and 2 Fuel Flow"
"Off. Control Room we have finish the protocol and everything is alright"
"Congratulations Commander. Please, can you open the door?" Doctor Beetee says relief over the radio.
When I open the door Cresidda and Johanna jump from their seats and a whirlwind of activity begins: technicians and doctors take over the shuttle but I can't move from my place. I try to answer their questions but my brain doesn't want to cooperate till I feel a strong hand squeezing my shoulder.
"Are you ok, son?" Haymitch says by my side but I can only nod in confirmation "ok, then you should go out, there is someone waiting for you"
I unfasten the belt and I get up, but the gravity pulls me down again.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yes" I say "I just need my body to get used to gravity again"
"Of course you do" he says laughing out loud "now, you should go or gravity won't be your biggest problem"
When I am outside the shuttle I can see her tiny frame in front of me and suddenly I can't take another step, all I want is looking at her grey eyes from a safe distance. I realize I don't want to face reality without her by my side, if she hasn't been honest these last hours and our break up is definitive I don't know how I'll deal with Annie, Gale's injuries, the investigation is going to take place no matter what're my life ... But suddenly she starts running towards me and throws herself in my arms.
"You are here with me" she says crying.
"Yes, I'm here and I'll be here as long as you want to to be. Always"
"Good, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
I press my forehead into her temple "So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" I ask.
She turns into me and says "Put you somewhere you can't get hurt"
THE END
Thanks to notanislander for her help with the story and the English grammar, this story is much better because of you!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games or the characters.