As promised, a continuation….

Christmas onboard the Normandy

******************** Still inside Shepard's Cabin ********************

"Shepard to the bridge!"

"Aye, Aye Commander. What can I do for you?" replied her trusty pilot.

"Joker, please inform the other guests that I will be a little late for this evening's Christmas Party."

Attempting to contain his snickering, the pilot inquired, "May I ask how long… um…approximately?"

Shooting the prothean expert a daring glance Shepard announced, "About 15 minutes."

A defiant look made its way across the asari's face as she silently lipped, "You wouldn't dare."

The commander glanced up at her stolen mistletoe then grinned back at Liara, smugly corrected her orders, "Joker better make that half an hour." Not leaving any time for snide comments from the pilot, she quickly ended the transmission, "Shepard out!"

******************** Conference Room ********************

The strains of "Here Comes Santa Claus," followed by what sounded like small cannon fire, could be heard from outside the conference room as Joker nimbly, or rather, nimbly for one with Vrolik's Syndrome, made his way into the festivities. "What's with the mess?"

"'Bout time you got here," wisecracked the gunny chief.

"Yeah, well Michaelson was too busy playing smoochy face on his vid call so I had to wait until he relieved me, but the commander's gonna be arriving late anyway so no biggie." Joker started to carefully navigate his way across the conference room floor, which was covered in multicolored debris, when a loud bang made him jump, "Hey!" he cried as he teetered unsteadily.

"Wrex has discovered Christmas Crackers," giggled a brightly lit Tali, who had adorned her environmental suit with blinking lights.

"Actually Tali, these are not the traditional Christmas Crackers I had wanted to share with you," corrected Dr. Chakwas, as she ladled another mug of eggnog for herself.

"You think?" Joker questioned sarcastically as he waved a hand to blow away the light plumes of smoke drifting across the room.

Ignoring the pilot, Chakwas continued, "Apparently there was a miscommunication with my order and I received the Russian version of the crackers….they are a little more, shall we say, pyrotechnically advanced?"

Another small explosion, accompanied by fire and smoke filled the room. "Sounds about right," agreed Garrus, happily munching a tree branch.

The huge krogan had parked himself in the corner of the conference room, a large box of Christmas Crackers before him. Totally oblivious to his fellow partygoers, he reached in and ripped open another cracker. After the obligatory explosion he closed his eyes and moved his head from side to side, breathing in the smoky air, while the cracker's remnants, slowly drifted down around him to the floor. Opening his eyes to repeat the procedure, He realized everyone in the room was looking at him. Answering their questioning glances, Wrex took another deep breath of the wafting smoke around him and rumbled, "Spoils of war."

"Uh huh," Joker shook his head, "I'd hate to see you on Independence Day."

"Ha! Eating, drinking and explosions," Wrex enthusiastically nodded, "I can't wait."

"How do you-," Joker started.

"I might have let it slip," Ashley shrugged her shoulders, "Hey, gotta keep the big guy happy."

"I'd be a lot happier if you hadn't bought your Secret Santa half the galaxy. "Grunted the enamored krogan.

"I don't know what you're talking about…I think you need to lay off the smoke Wrex," grinned Ash.

Joker continued across the room, finally reaching his destination, joining Ash, Tali and Garrus by the woefully bare Christmas tree. "Cool lights," he said to Tali.

"Thank you. Originally I had intended to use them on the tree…" Looking at the half-eaten evergreen, Tali continued, "But ended up integrating them into my suit. The secret is in reversing the polarity of the neutron flow." She conspiratorially whispered to Garrus, who nodded appreciatively.

"What's keeping the commander?" asked Ashley.

"Probably some smoochy face of her own, considering Liara's absence," replied Dr. Chakwas, sipping her beverage as she slinked her way over to the group.

"So Chief," Garrus started, "About those crates…you know….rumor has it that I'm your Secret Santa…"

"Not you too….wait…what rumor?"

"Well, it is a little cramped down there, but all will be forgiven if they're for me." Garrus flapped his flanges in the turian version of a smile

"Look, I know what you guys are doing and it's not gonna work. I'm not telling you who my Secret Santa is, and trying to confuse me by bluffing about the cargo is pretty lame and not gonna work. I have one crate and one crate only for my Secret Santa, end of discussion."

"Do I look like I'm bluffing?" Wrex, who had walked up unnoticed behind Ashley during her tirade, stood intimidatingly over the gunny chief. Ash turned around at the krogan's grumble, looked up and gulped, "No."

Tali looked between Wrex and Ashley and proposed, "Why don't we just go down to the cargo bay and see for ourselves?"

"Excellent idea Tali," said Dr. Chakwas, "since the commander is running a little late, surely there is time."

There were nods of ascent around the room as everyone agreed to go down to the cargo bay to confirm the crate situation for themselves.

******************** Shepard's Cabin ********************

"Shepard?"

"Hmm hmmm," acknowledged the commander as her lips nuzzled the asari's neck, while her hands nuzzled elsewhere.

"While I admire your amazing …ahhhh…stamina…um…we really need to…YES!"

"Yes?"

"No…um…no...I…I mean go."

"Go?"

"Yes, go."

"Yes or go?"

"Shepard, you're not making any sense."

"Have you listened to yourself lately?"

Liara extricated herself from the commander's grip, quickly dressing and zipped up her jumpsuit. "Really Shepard?" asked the asari, as her hands struggled to smooth out her uniform. "I am the daughter of Matriarch Benezia, from the esteemed House of T'Soni, schooled to always maintain a sense of decorum and composure. I am always presentable and I always make sense."

"Uh… Li?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Your jumpsuit's inside out," said Shepard, "and you forgot your panties." Shepard held up the undergarment in question for Liara. The asari, turning several shades of blue and purple, grabbed her panties and quickly headed for the commander's bathroom as Shepard called out, "For the record, I am totally cool with you going commando!"

******************** Cargo Bay ********************

"This can't be right," said a bewildered Ashley.

"According to the manifest, said Garrus, reviewing the datapad, "these are all your crates."

"Let me see that," said Ash, snatching the datapad from Garrus's talons.

Strewn about the cargo bay taking up nearly every bit of free space were dozens of crates. Wrex gave a victory snort as Chief Williams continued to stare at the datapad, not believing what she was reading. "But I only ordered just one for Garrus…" No sooner than it was out of her mouth, Williams, looked up, realizing her gaff.

"I'm sorry, did you say 'for Garrus'?" asked the turian, clearly pleased with Ashley's omission as he answered his own question, "Why yes, I think you did say 'for Garrus.'"

Ashley attempted to backpedal, but it was too late. Garrus had already started moving about the cargo bay humming "For Garrus, for Garrus" as he weaved his angular frame about the crates. Wrex shook his head in disgust, while Tali giggled at the turian's behavior. Chief Williams, exasperated by the whole situation, slammed the datapad down on one of the crates, halting Garrus's movements. The turian eyed the gunny, then delivered his final blow. Waving his arms wide, he glanced around the cargo bay and said, "I'm Garrus Vakarian and these are all my presents!"

"Trees? All of them?" asked Ash, to no one in particular.

"Yep! That's the last crate," said Tali.

Garrus dreamily looked around the cargo bay, which now more closely resembled a forest, turned to Ashley and said, "Thank you Chief…you shouldn't have."

Scouring, the Alliance marine retorted, "I didn't."

"Ha! Shepard's gonna be pissed," boomed Wrex.

"I think it's a wonderful and thoughtful gift. I'm sure Shepard will understand," replied Garrus.

"You know how she feels about plants or have you forgotten Feros?"

"These are not some centuries old, mind controlling blobs filled with green goo…they're not even plants, they're trees."

"No, but if naked asari start popping out of the branches, I'm down," quipped Joker.

"They do look a little different than the one upstairs," said Tali.

"That's just because Garrus hasn't eaten half of them yet," said Joker.

Chief Williams rolled her eyes and turned to Tali, "Okay, whadya get me?" Tali jumped up excitedly saying she'd be right back. After Ashley had accidentally revealed herself to be Garrus's Secret Santa. She reasoned it was only fair for everyone else to reveal their Secret Santa. She had also made it a stipulation to Garrus's crates being opened, but since everyone knew she was Garrus's Santa and Shepard was Liara's, and vice versa, and the doc' had Wrex, that left only them. Needless to say, curiosity won out over secrecy and now the gunny chief anxiously awaited her gift from Tali. Apparently Wrex had originally been her Secret Santa but he and Tali had done a deal to swap names, something about gun parts and synthetic ryncol. Regardless, she thought, it was probably better having Tali as her Santa, because knowing Wrex he'd probably have given her a pet pyjak.

"Here it is!" declared Tali, wheeling in a medium sized crate. Excitedly the quarian explained to Ashley that considering the gunny's personality, along with the research Tali had done on human holiday traditions, she believed Chief Williams would thoroughly enjoy her gift. "I made it myself."

With much anticipation Ashley opened the crate, but upon revealing its contents, looked confused. Inside the crate was a tripod apparatus of some sort which looked like a cross between a telescope and an automated ball machine. "What is it?"

Excitedly Tali explained, given Chief Williams love of guns, along with the human notion of a white Christmas, she had crafted a snow machine. With the various attachments she had also made, and the varying speeds of the machine, Ashley could use the device to cover an entire area in a blanket of snow or hit a particular target with rapid fire, pinpoint precision, similar to an automated turret.

"Did you say, gun?" asked Ashley, with growing interest.

Tali went on to explain that yes, with the correct attachment installed, it would basically fire what humans call 'snowballs.' When Joker expressed concern about the mess it would make, the quarian assured everyone the chemical components of the fake snow would disintegrate on their own after several hours of being exposed to air. Chief Williams asked Tali to demonstrate how to use her gift and the quarian quickly covered the cargo area forest in a blanket of snow, leaving everyone amazed. Ash then asked her to put on the snowball attachment, which promptly led to disaster as the gunny chief got carried away firing snowballs and hit Wrex square in the face. Nobody moved. Not a sound was made as everyone awaited Wrex's response. The krogan's long tongue flicked about either side of his face, sampling the white fluffy dust, his eyes never leaving Ashley's.

"Do you have anything to say, human?"

Ashley, squeaked, "Oops?"

******************** Conference Room ********************

Shepard and Liara stepped into the conference room and were taken aback by the devastation which greeted them. Slips of colored paper were haphazardly cast about, the subtle smell of smoke hung in the air, several of the holiday decorations appeared to have been singed and the punch bowl was empty.

"Must've been one helluva party," said Shepard.

******************** Cargo Bay ********************

Wrex was unsure if it had been the actual surprise snowball that flattened against his enormous head that bother him most, or the hysterical laughing human woman who hardly lost her sophisticated composure. Gripping her sides, Dr. Chakwas chuckled, "Oh look how cute Wrex looks."

"You're in big trouble Williams," warned the battlemaster.

Quickly taking cover behind the newly formed white forest, Garrus added, "I agree."

Watching Ash hold her position as her finger threatened to pull the trigger again at the slowly approaching krogan, Tali waved her hands and advised, "Nothing good can come of this Chief,"

Moving back a few steps himself, Joker stated, "I'm with them."

"Listen, you're all a bunch of pantywaists…if you don't want any part of this, that's fine… step aside… but I come from a long line of marines, there is no way I am backing down now."

From the moment Ashley had hatched her plan, Joker, Tali, Garrus and even Dr. Chakwas had tried to talk her out of it, but to no avail. But being stubborn as she was, the gunny took off running and set Tali's snow gun between a couple of trees across the bay floor and waited for Wrex to make his next move. Her four companions, wanting absolutely no part in the ambush, stood nervously off to the side. Garrus leaned over and asked Tali what it meant to be a pantywaist, but the quarian was just as baffled. "It means you got no quad," groused Wrex, "which in your case is true."

The marine shifted her weight around the newly favored weapon, just like she learned in bootcamp. The milk chocolate eyes shot wide, as to Ash's surprise at not believing how fast a krogan could really move. Protesting loudly, the marine blurted, "Hey! That's not fair!"

If it were possible, Wrex was heard chuckling as he ducked in and out around the snow covered trees. "Come on Marine, hit me with your best shot!" Turning the corner, the large battlemaster headed towards the elevator doors. "If you can."

Using her gloved fingers, Tali had partially covered her face mask, while Joker hid behind the mako. Garrus was happily grazing on a nearby branch as if he were watching a skyball match as Dr. Chakwas stood in the open with hand on hip, while she sipped her drink in the other. Ash felt like an old fashioned mobster firing her tommy gun at the krogan, leaving a trail of evidence of her inaccurate fire behind the Tuchunka native. Determined to get the upper hand, the gunny chief flipped the switch to increase her rate of fire. "I've got you now Wrex!"

Before Wrex could retort, the lift doors opened and Liara and Shepard stepped out. Pleasantly surprised by the gorgeous winter wonderland, Shepard smiled and was about to address her lover seconds before several large snowballs accidently struck her. All movement in the cargo bay instantaneously ceased. The seasoned soldier's hands slowly lifted and pushed the excess snow off her face. To her left, stood Liara, awestruck shielding her mouth in absolute shock. Glancing in the direction of the rogue projectiles, the savior of the galaxy glared at Ash as she quickly got to her feet. "It's… it's… not what it looks like Shepard."

…to be continued