i changed my url on tumblr to missysbradford just a psa i love her
The Next Ten Minutes
"I am not always on time," Maya starts, her eyes locked on the ground in front of them. He shifts at her uneasy tone. "Please don't expect that of me. If you just wait, it's true- I'll be late, but I'll get there eventually." She purses her lips, soon forming a pout as she tries to explain her thoughts. "I can't control that I am," she shrugs helplessly, "It's just sort of how it goes. But anything other than being exactly on time, I can do."
Maya stares at the ring, trying to ignore the sight of Lucas's adam's apple bobbing when he gulps. "I don't know why people run. I don't know why things fall through. I don't know how anyone makes it in life without having somebody like you- and I could protect and preserve. I could say no and goodbye. But, Lucas…"
She cups his cheek, his anxious frown easing when she smiles to him fully. "Tell me why I want to be your wife." He bursts into a grin, his arms finding her waist to pick her up and twirl her.
"I want to have your child." He laughs wholeheartedly, bending down to kiss from her neck to her stomach as she giggles.
"I want to die knowing I had a full life in your arms- yes, that I can do 'til the world explodes and there's no one left that's ever known us apart." They finally share a kiss, a mumbled, "I can do that with you." exchanged before she slips the ring on her finger.
And exactly ten months later, overlooking the garden of Maya's favorite park under a beautifully decorated gazebo, they exchange their vows with radiant eyes.
"There are so many dreams I will see with you," Lucas promises, his hands interlocked with hers as they stand before their friends and family.
"There are so many years I will be with you," she blushes back.
"I will never be complete."
"I will never be alive."
"I will never change the world until.. I do."
A tear slips down her cheek before she sniffles slightly, smacking his chest for making her so emotional. "I do."
A Miracle Would Happen/ When You Come Home To Me
"It's awful," Lucas groans to Zay, his hands slammed against his face trying to avoid every female at the bar they're at. "You know every girl you've ever wanted to sleep with? Well, get married, Zay. They jump at you."
His friend chuckles, rolling his eyes before he sips his drink.
"And it's worse for me because I'm an author. I'm at these parties, the star of these parties, and the longest legs with the shortest dress bursts up with a smirk I could die for, asking if I can read her manuscript or go to coffee- and I'm showing her my left hand, I'm only speaking with my left hand! And here comes Maya because she knows, she always knows, and I'm trying to convince her I wasn't encouraging it, even though I was, and then I don't want to seem whipped in front of legs even though it doesn't matter what she thinks! I can't fuck her anyways!" He gulps down his whisky, ignoring the pat on his back and the comfort he's being offered.
"Man, in a perfect world, a miracle would happen and it'd be me and Maya and no one else at all. In a perfect world, these girls would look like mutated rats and I'd ignore their every word- but it's fine. It is. I love her, you know I love her. I'm happy! It's just…" His eyes trail the low cut of a woman's dress as she saunters past them towards the restrooms, "It's hard!"
"What's hard?" Zay asks, wondering why Lucas even got married in the first place.
"To resist temptation."
.
Maya doesn't like when he's cooped up, writing a novel she'll read when he's fast asleep, but she gets it- she does- and so she understands why he forgets to send her a good luck text before she goes into a meeting with yet another director of a museum that she wants to have a piece in.
It goes well, though, even without his text, and she calls him to tell him that eagerly as she steps out of the building. "Yeah! No, it went amazing, Lucas, I think that maybe this is it! No more Ohio! Maybe your good luck texts were jinxing me, Huckleberry," she chuckles, inviting him to a celebratory lunch for her exciting day.
"I'll be there soon, Maya," he promises from the other line. "I'll finish up this chapter and be out the door!" He groans when his phone makes a beeping noise in his ear. "If my fucking boss quits calling, I'll be there as quick as I can. Don't give up on me yet."
He's not, but that's okay because she doesn't make it in anyways. They're looking for pieces with more warmth, and apparently hers just weren't that. So she ends up back in Ohio, another summer that Lucas thankfully has enough free time to spend some of with her. She stares at the water, legs swinging as she awaits his arrival.
From miles and miles away, he shuffles with the draft of his fourteenth chapter, running it into the building of his boss, Vanessa, and taking out his phone to let Maya know he will be on the road as quick as a horse in a derby.
And he wants to be- he swears that he does- but he fumbles when he makes it to the hallway leading to Vanessa's office. He can see her slipping on her heels, his eyes lingering up her legs to her tight pencil skirt. He can feel his hands clamming up and the chapter being crumpled in his palm at the sight.
He hates it because in a perfect world, it'd be him and Maya riding life together. They would live out their plans and he would not be itching to run his hands along Vanessa's spine with his lips on every each of her skin. It's just so hard- it's so damn hard to fucking resist it.
With a heavy sigh, he types a quick text and wearily moves forward.
I'll be there soon, Maya xx
He hates that they don't live in a perfect world.
Climbing Uphill
She sits in Central Park, her sketchpad propped onto her knees as she absentmindedly scribbles patterns across the blank sheet. She has nothing to do, nowhere to go. She wonders if her mom would want to grab lunch, even though she's not particularly looking for lunch with her mother. Lucas is just working and he needed absolute silence that she just couldn't provide, that she never provides.
She wonders what he'll be like when they have kids. Will they be the annoying, distracting burden she is nowadays? Will he send them off with nowhere to go and nothing to draw and nothing to fucking do because no fucking gallery will work with her and she really wishes she would've picked a different career.
Fuck, it'd be easier to be an actress at this point.
She's climbing uphill, and she hates it- just climbing uphill. Competing with college students granted awards for paintings half as good as her own.
She doesn't get it. She's a good person. She's a decent artist. Why can't she just catch a break?
It's that she sucks, isn't it? She sucks, she sucks, she sucks.
But she refuses the life she would be left to if she were to drop her dreams. She will not be the girl who is sitting at home with the baby and puppy and daytime talk shows filling her DVR. She goes to his readings and his signings and his parties and she supports him, but she doesn't need to rely on him. She won't rely on him.
She will not be the girl who is asked what it's like trotting along in the shadows of the genius. She's just climbing uphill.
If I Didn't Believe in You
"I just don't see why I have to fucking go!" Maya shrieks, her hands flying in the air, "They won't notice if I'm not there."
"You have to go because you're my wife, Maya! They would notice because I would notice."
"You wouldn't notice! You walk in and within twenty seconds you're tugged away and I'm hiding in a corner trying to avoid the same five fucking questions I get asked about your successful life!"
He lets out a sharp exhale, trying to calm down before continuing because he's sick of fighting. He's sick of this madness. He knows why she's upset, and it's not his party. It's that she didn't make it into another gallery and she didn't make any money in the one she was in months ago and it's that he's moving forward and she's stopped.
"Maya, there are people there and they've published my book and they're throwing this party for me. And I hear you, I do, but… is this really about the party? Or are you just upset you're going back to Ohio?"
He watches her tense up, trying to move closer and hold her but she avoids his touch to settle on the bed.
"Maya… Please. Baby, please just put on your dress and come with."
"I'm not going to play your little trophy wife tonight," she snaps through gritted teeth.
"Goddamn it, Maya!" He can't help his fist slamming down and rattling their dresser. "Why can't you just listen to me? Why is it that every time I do what I swore I would always do, I feel like I'm put on trial?! I'm not doing anything wrong, Maya. I call you after your appointments, I visit you in Ohio, I fucking support you- so why can't you support me? Why do I have to drown so that you feel comfortable?" He can see her chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. "If I didn't believe in you, Maya, we wouldn't be having this fight. I would've left and ignored it and been out the door, but I do. So why can't you believe in me? This isn't about the stupid party. This is about you going back to Ohio where you hate, and I get that you're upset, but why can't you just support me? Why can't you do this for me? I've done nothing but support you this entire time and it never took much convincing to make me believe in you. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't have faith in you."
Her fists clench at her sides, and he can't help the anger rising in his voice.
"Don't we get to be happy? Don't we get to enjoy this life together at all? If I'm cheering on your side, Maya, why can't you cheer on mine? You already know that I know you'll be fine, but stop making me wait to be happy with you until you are! I'm not going to lose because you can't fucking win."
She stands up, and he hopes that she's moving to get ready, to get dressed. "If I hadn't believed in you this whole time, I wouldn't have loved you, Maya. Why can't you just do this for me?"
She's slammed the door and locked herself into the bathroom before he can even ask what she's doing and it's clear he's going to attend the party alone.
I Can Do Better Than That
He's finally meeting her parents, and it makes her want to scream inside because he's going to see where she's from. He's going to see her origins and see how far she has made it and she knows, deep inside, that this is a good thing. He's such a good thing.
"My best friend, Riley, got knocked up at the end of our senior year," she tells him, lifting up her yearbook that she brought with for memories sake. "And, of course, she and Farkle got married that summer. They have a cute little house on a cute little street with a crucifix on the door- and I remember standing there when she bought it. I could see the green grass and picket fence and her parents home down the block." She gives a wistful look, shaking her head as she beams, "And so I knitted her a cute little sweater and thought, I can do better than that."
He listens to her stories the entire drive there, only stopping for a quickie or two when he got too handsy for them to really focus on the road. Lying under him in the back of his car, pulled into an abandoned rest stop as he stares into her eyes and tells her that he loves her- she knows. She just knows that this is better than that.
When they get to her parents, the thought comes into her mind when her mother waves from the door. She interlaces her fingers with Lucas's, squeezing his hand quickly before stuttering out that she wants him to move in with her. She wants a life with him, in the city, as an artist and a writer and two kids in love with no horizons. She wants more than the chains of a suburb, and so she pecks his lips and she asks again, telling him to think about it before climbing out of her seat to greet her family.
Nobody Needs To Know
It doesn't start off like this; his stripped body curled against a naked woman, one that isn't his wife and that he shouldn't be with. His left hand burns, the feeling of his ring cutting off enough circulation to make him want to amputate it instantly in the back of his mind.
He needs to go to Ohio. Maya's waiting for him, waiting to crucify him because he's going to have to break it to her that he won't be staying like planned. He knows it's her birthday, but fuck. He can't do it.
His eyes drift to Vanessa's bare back, the notches of her spine inviting him to crawl back towards her. He closes his eyes, inhaling her scent one more time before he kisses her shoulder. "We have to get going," he softly informs her, his hands sliding easily around her waist. "I need to go."
This isn't his fault. He's tried and he's tried to work it all out. She just won't let him. Maya won't fucking let him in anymore, and what else is he supposed to do? Vanessa talks to him and she supports him and she loves him without flaws.
And if he has to be in love with someone- since he needs to be in love with someone- he knows he could be in love with someone like her.
Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You
She bites her lip, giggling to shove him off of her body as he tries to steal more kisses. "No, no, no!" she chants giddily, pushing his shoulder lightly. "Don't kiss me goodbye again. Just leave this night clean and quiet."
Dear Maya,
He shakes his head, moving to nip and her neck when she scrunches her face at him. "Lucas!" she blushes, pointing towards the gate at the end of alley.
I called Vanessa to help me pack my bags. I went downtown and closed the bank account. It's not about another shrink. It's not about another compromise.
"I want to remember tonight just like this," she informs him, one quick peck stolen before he finally gives up, his eyes as bright as the sun as he lowers on her steps.
I'm not the only one who's hurting here. I don't know what the hell is left to do.
He's perfect, or as close to perfect as she's ever known. She could feel it as soon as he kissed her the very first night, the magic they shared. She's going to love him. She wonders if she already does as he takes his time walking away from her.
You never knew how far the crack had opened. You never knew I had run out of rope.
He sheepishly waves at her, a blush on his cheeks that make her stomach flip.
I could never rescue you. No matter how I tried, all I could do was love you hard and let you go.
She'd always thought love wouldn't be a possibility for her. She figured after her dick of a college boyfriend, that'd be it.
You never noticed how the wind had changed.
She'd be a tortured artist for the rest of her days.
I didn't see a way we could both win.
But that's not the case because she has him, she's been waiting for him. She's been waiting for the boy that she's going to love with everything that she has, and he's finally arrived in the form of sparkling eyes and a boyish grin. He's arrived in Lucas Friar, and she just knows that this is the start to everything.
Goodbye, Maya.
She only calls out one thing when he reaches her gate, her heart on her sleeve when she shouts it. "Goodbye until tomorrow."