Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

"Alright guys, it's time we actually find ourselves uniforms!" the leader stated to the weary group that stood in the middle of a shopping mall. "Now that we know what a sentence is and that A begins the alphabet, we shall now conquer the world with style!"

The group stared at him confusingly.

"What's a UNEE-FARM?!" Kisame asked. The leader sighed.

"Kisame, you once again astonish me with your incredible vocabulary! It's UNEE FORM, must I give you classes of phonics too!"

Kisame looked downward, disheartened at the comment. They all stared at the people around them.

"Can we kill some of them?!" Hidan asked. An old lady that was walking by, stared at him. "Especially the ones that stare…"

"NO! NO KILLING…yet! We must have style! We do not want people pointing at the newspaper saying: 'Look at those clowns that can't spell their names…'!"

Itachi scratched his head and thought: 'Out of all the evil organizations in the world, why did I choose this one? Oh yeah, dental plan…'

The leader stared at the J.C. Penny store right next to them.

"This is our first stop! But we must establish some rules before we go! First, no mangling of people, no killing, no stabbing, no chopping into little itty bitty pieces, no voodoo Hidan, no explosions Deidara, NO taking out hearts, Kakuzo, and above all, NO POISONING the fellow citizens, Zetsu, please put her down!"

The old lady stared at the venus fly trap looking thing name Zetsu.

"But they're staring…"

"Get used to it…"

Zetsu dropped the old lady who took her cane and began whacking the plant.

"NO..DON'T HURT THE PLANT!!!" he whined as Hidan tossed her away. Kakuzo went for the kill but then thought: 'The hell I need an old lady's heart for? I'll probably get heart disease!'

"OKAY GUYS, into the store before you do something that I'll make you regret! DEIDARA, don't give the children explosive candy!" he stated as Sasori walked up with a couple of people tied to some strings. "Oh…forgot to say…NO TAKING PEOPLE TO BECOME YOUR PUPPETS!!!!"

Sasori sighed and dropped the screaming people. The leader then stopped to think: 'Thank the gods we're not in a ninja village…'

The next hours were of agony to the leader as Itachi kept playing "Remember your worst nightmare" game with the poor citizens that came to buy clothes. He had to continuously scream to Kisame that some clothes are for boys and some clothes are for girls. He recalled the most terrifying moment Kisame pranced in a short miniskirt of a light pink color showing his…panties. The leader had to tie him up and tell him "Panties are for girls and underwear for boys!" just so Kisame could ask "What are panties?"

Then he had to stop Sasori from painting himself red from his hair to his toenails which they had agreed to be black because Hidan thought it was a cool color that and no one wanted neon green as suggested by Zetsu.

The leader just stared at the ruckus around him as the plant guy kept complaining: "It's too tight!"

"What are you trying to put on?!"

"Kisame picked it out for me…"

"Oh boy…"

The next image was worse than Kisame's skirt and panties. Most definitely, pink dresses don't suit evil plant people.

He then had to stop Hidan from converting the three innocent children to immortal Buddhist people.

The leader had just about had it with these guys and their horrible habits. He couldn't stand the sight of Deidara running around naked screaming that he could not find the changing room. That and Kakuzo's habit of trying to find FIVE different clothing for each spirit's clothing style. It had made him want to smack the stupid pupil-less imbecile. But it was better than when he tried to pick out a fancy dress for Zetsu.

The people ran from the store including the cashiers which he was grateful since he didn't have to pay but God, did he want to rip out his eyes! It was till Kisame had pointed out the lingerie section to his fellow members and let us say, WE shall never sleep well again.

The leader had just about given up while everyone except for Itachi pranced around in different colored thongs. Itachi, the genius, then decided cloaks, black cloaks was the way to go. Everyone agreed but then one last sight disturbed them as Kisame, with his new black cloak flashed everyone with his red lingerie. They decided that THONGS were not ethical in their future line of work that and the notion of Kisame flashing everyone with his red lingerie was not suitable in the evil organization which has YET to be named. And boy, did he dread that day…

Back at the hideout, which they decided to change to a cave, for NO particular reason, the leader had to make an announcement.

"Alright, guys, now that we have our new uniform…"

A yell from the back of the cave interrupted them:

"Kisame, if you flash me one more time, I'll make YOU experience the terror of cross-dressing permission!" Itachi yelled. The leader cleared his throat before continuing.

"The new rings have arrived and I am very VERY disappointed in you guys!"

He took out the ring box as he began to call out the names.

"Cay-ca-so…please come and pick up your damn ring! Next, Day-dar-da pick up YOUR blasted ring!"

He paused for a second as he sighed.

"FISH MAN pick up your ring…NOW!"

The three steadily went up to the leader and took their rings. He sighed in relief before announcing: "Itachi, thank you for obeying the laws of grammar…and spelling…"

Itachi slowly walked to get his ring as everyone muttered 'Teacher's pet' again. He ignored them again as they continued their insults.

"STOP THAT…NOW, Zetsy please come get your feminine ring!"

Everyone snickered at him as he walked on by.

"Zetsy…my gods, I knew you had a personality problem but I didn't think there was a female Zetsu…"

He blushed. He was so embarrassed as the he grabbed his ring. The leader was surprised at the next name.

"Sausage, come get your ring…Who's sausage?!"

Sasori blushed immensely as he approached the leader. Everyone was shocked.

"Sausage?!" blurted out Deidara.

"I though it was pronounced as Sasori…"

The leader just looked at him, poor poor leader.

"Sasori…I have no words for you…"

The poor puppet master took his ring and sat down in a little corner muttering words about "How was I suppose to know?!"

"And for the last one, 'I'm immortal'"

Hidan stood with pride.

"At least he spelled immortal right…"

The leader shook his head in agony as Hidan sat back down with his ring. He could think about the future. He could only see Sasori dead on the floor as someone picks up his ring and says: "Who's sausage?!"

'Well, it could be worse…'