Never look back
I'm not going to pretend like I hate you or like I don't want to
be around you, I wish I could be closer to you…
that feeling so much. I expected everything to go down the
drain the second you found out how I felt, but I was wrong…
for a while. Everything changed the day you found "someone
else"…why?
I regret a lot of things, yes, but I wish you stopped to see
Yourself for a minute… What happened?
-Analie Zepeda
First year of High School… Yay? Well, it's exciting because I feel so much stronger and full of so many more open doors now! Sadly, I've found out that growing up is a huge hassle.
First of all, homework! Ugh! Why! Don't we get enough inside the actual classes? Essays and lab reports, oy! Tests are also annoying, and every year they get harder, obviously. I mean, I get having quizzes, but tests? And not any test, but a 60 question, state standard test! Talk about pressure. Well, I guess all we can do is hope to get through it all alive.
But, my biggest issue, personally, is dealing with relationships. Not only friendships but dealing with couple's drama. Everyone starts changing, especially when they hit High School. People start making their cliques and care way too much about being the center of attention. And boys, don't get me started. How is someone supposed to understand them? Before it was all cute little crushes, now it's just flat out drama. Every day I hear about a horrible heart break, and every day I have to deal with mine. Somehow I blame myself for everything.
Here's my story:
Tuesday, February 9th
The day I got up the nerve to tell Javier how I feel…and the day he finds his "one true love". The day was going great. The morning started off like any other. I wake, shower, eat breakfast, brush my hair, and all that stuff. Before I left the house I looked myself over in the mirror as if to give myself a pep talk. I started into my dark brown eyes in my reflection and ran my hand through my straight brown hair and pushed my hair behind my ears. Yep, I was nervous.
All through the first half of the day we walked around school together, with our usual group of people. But today I couldn't take my eyes off him. His dark and shaggy short hair, his caramel brown eyes, perfect smile, his somewhat tan skin that made him feel so Mexican. Examining everything as if it was the last time I'd see him.
We had all our classes together this year, and oddly enough we sat right next to each other in most classes. We always had a lot of fun together, he was one of my best friends, and he always kept me laughing. After 4th period Biology, during lunch, we always walk to the lunch line together, and that day I was prepared to tell him I really liked him, liked him liked him. And right before I was going to tell him, Maddy – blonde, tan chick – showed up. I didn't know her all that well, but she was cool, I had 7th period Drama with her after school. We always worked together on plays and skits, so we got along pretty good, but we didn't hang out much out of Drama Class. So, we said our hellos and Javier introduced us to each other not knowing we were already pretty familiar with each other. And then, he told me the "big news", kind of went down like this:
"Ann, this is Maddy."
I smirked, "Yeah, I know her, we have drama together."
"Oh, so I should keep you guys pretty distant if you're going to start a cat fight." He told me sarcastically.
"Wow," both Maddy and I just couldn't resist laughing at that. "I mean Drama Class after school, smart one."
"Yeah, we're working on that skit I told you about last night." She added.
Javis smiled at us. "Ah, so Analie the Great is your partner? No wonder you're skit's going so well. That also explains the need for mystery in it." Javis always called me Analie the Great because he thought I was a great writer, I always showed him my stories.
"It's not easy for someone like me to write something that won't keep you on the edge of your seat."
Javis pointed at the story I was writing that I was carrying with my binder, "Obviously."
"Well, anyway, how did you and Maddy meet?"
Javis took Maddy's hand in his, "She's my new girlfriend, I asked her out on Sunday. We see each other a lot before school and we started talking. After a while, we just fell for each other."
I was surprised, and heartbroken. "Wow, well, uh, congrats." I tried hiding all my emotion and held back the tears. "I'm really happy for you." Fake excitement came much easier than I thought it would. I guess that's what being a good actor's all about.
Maddy looked into his eyes as he looked back at her hazel eyes. "Yup, he's definitely the one." I plastered a fake smile across my face and went along with the lovey-dovey feeling that they kept giving off.
Once we got our lunch I left the irksome couple and rushed over to Aleksa, A.K.A my best friend, with tears starting to stream down my cheeks. I quickly wiped the tears away and pulled her aside from the group we hung out with.
"Hey, I was kind of telling a…" she stopped immediately when she caught a glimpse of the redness around my eyes."Oh my goodness, what happened?" At the thought of having to relive what just happened I started breaking down.
Aleksa took my in her arms and let me cry it out. "There, there, it's OK, I'm here for you, and so is my brand new jacket that is soaking up your tears." I couldn't help but look up and smile at that.
"Even when the world comes to an end, and when the apocalypse eats us whole, you'll always make me laugh no matter what. Thank you." We sat down and she wiped my tears away with her sleeve.
She waited until I caught my breath, pushed her wavy, auburn hair behind her ears and in her olive-green eyes I found a sanctuary. "So tell me, what happened, and whose face am I going to have to break today?" Again, I just had to laugh.
So, I told her everything, from how I decided I was gonna tell Javier how I felt, to the new girlfriend popping up, and the nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach that made want to punch them both so bad (and yes, I realize I have issues).
The rest of the day was horrible. I had to hold in the tears until I got home: I barely survived. It was the most painful experience of my life yet.