In Hoxie We Trust
Disclaimer: I own my sense of reality; actual reality is out of my hands.
Chapter One; Elizabeth – Iris Olsen E – I – E – I - O
To: LeaMonroe
From: IrisEIO
Subject: Erraten Sie was1
I'M COMING TO NEW YORK! I'VE GOT A JOB! Can you believe it? They want me ASAP, so soon in fact that when you read this I might be in New York. I'm just so happy; I don't know how I'm even seated to type this. I can't believe it! The boys is packing my stuff in a pod, I'm just bringing the incriminating and embarrassing in my suitcase. Wookiee is express shipping my clothing to me and I'm flying out to find an apartment. And since you are the uber chic awesome Manhattan babe you are you can help me look. I'm still in shock so if I just start rambling you should understand. So I'm on my way out and I hope to find a place within a week or so. I've already surfed all the online sights. God stuffs expensive… Anyway you do realize that I'm going to have to meet your coworkers, don't you? Gotta see how they treat the Tractor. And I've got to meet your "rabbit", the Italian Stallion is first on my sight seeing list. Then you're taking me shopping and to be a tourist.
Much love!
Farmer
Lindsay knew Elizabeth – Iris was right about one thing, she was moronically happy. Farmer had been dreaming of being in Legal Aid forever, her motto was pro bono publico; for the public good. And now fantasies come true and she was coming to the big apple. To have her best friend in the same city was enough to make Lindsay's week.
"'Ey Montana, what's tripping yer trigger, the rodeo in town or somp'in?" Not even Danny Messer's nickname and assumption that she was a country girl could dampen her spirits.
"No, and the New York Rodeo isn't to die for even if they were riding. I was happy because I just got some great news from my best friend." Lindsay said trying to defuse him.
"Really?" he asked, curious.
"She's moving to New York." Lindsay continued still being deliberately vague; she never knew when to show her cards when it came to her personal life.
"The apple is just being invaded by you country folk." He commented to rouse her, she could tell by his smirk and body position, leaning back in his chair, trying to avoid the presumed blast.
"Actually she's from Seattle and was working in the Twin Cities as the face of the PD, she won't take it if she can't return it and her relationship with cops is stellar." Lindsay warned him. "Even in college she could talk to the PD." The later part of the comment was more a nostalgic one for her than informative.
"I only had a better relationship with Campus PD because the one time you talked to them you weren't properly attired." The distinct voice of Elizabeth – Iris Olsen replied from the door. Lindsay whipped around to find her friend leaning against the jam arms and legs crossed smiling her mischievous smile – her dangerous smile.
"Farmer!" Lindsay exclaimed rushing to greet her. Left cheek, right cheek, and left again they kissed before licking their thumbs and hissing as they touched their hips, it was the standard Hoxie greeting, used by ever girl no matter the situation. Even the spouses had to and with Karenina procreating the children would soon learn too.
"You weren't kidding about being here soon." Lindsay commented after their little display. She could feel Danny's eyes burning into her back, he was amazed.
"Montana, what's this 'not properly attired' comment all about?" Danny asked, the words Lindsay knew Elizabeth – Iris was waiting for. Farmer grinned and winked at Lindsay.
"Farmer, no, please." Lindsay vainly tried.
"You have to understand it was college, and to truly call yourself an alumni you had to do this sort of triune of activities… take the polar bear plunge, climb the flag pull in front of the union, and streak between Elmira and Christie – down and back. Well, Lindsay had done everything but streak…" Elizabeth – Iris began, Lindsay couldn't look at Danny but she knew exactly what his facial expression was and the train his thoughts were on, she could only hide her face in her hands and pray that it be over quickly.
"I think it was dead week our what, Linds, junior year…Linds? Anyway she takes off running makes it from Elmira to Christie and starts back when the campus PD shows up. They never busted a streaker, but they did like to play with them so they officially confiscated Lindsay's clothing, leaving Gwen, Wookiee, and I her underwear. Lindsay gets back and there's two cops and us and she's bare assed trying to get her stuff back." Elizabeth – Iris laughed as hard as she had when it had happened and Danny was with her. Lindsay was too embarrassed to find humor in the situation.
"Miss Monroe a streaker, I never in a million would've guessed." Danny crowed loudly.
"What!" It was Mac Taylor's voice in pure shock and mirth.
"Oh for the love of God!" Lindsay exclaimed, her blush was getting painful and her eyes were watering from the masochistic humor of the situation.
"Mac," Lindsay said from her hands, "Can I take my lunch break now and lock her in my apartment?" Elizabeth – Iris, Danny, Mac, and Stella all laughed. Damn it Lindsay thought, by the time I get back the entire NYPD is going to know.
"Go right ahead Lindsay." Mac said nicely, he was a good guy.
"Mac Taylor?" Elizabeth – Iris asked, Mac confirmed it. "I'm…"
"Dead." Lindsay interjected, "Let's go." Elizabeth – Iris blew her a very mature raspberry.
"Elizabeth – Iris Olsen, Lindsay and I were roommates, and judging by the tone of voice she's using it's safe to say that we were friends but not so much anymore." Lindsay lifted her head from her hands after a deep breath. She found Danny, Stella, Mac and a random lab tech staring at her.
"Her bag's in my office." Stella told her as she pulled Mac away. One thing for the situation, it was rare to see Mac smile the way he had.
"That's aiding and abetting Stella." Lindsay called after her coworker before turning back to face her office, friend, and Danny.
"Danny Messer." Danny said walking forward and introducing himself to Elizabeth – Iris, whose eyes got big and her smile bigger.
"Elizabeth – Iris, but call me Farmer, I'm no Montanan." Elizabeth – Iris said.
"There's only one Montana, and that's Montana. Besides she tells me you're from Seattle so you'd be closer to Coffee, but Farmer will do." Danny said.
"How lucky for me – Montana forever, Farmer, lets get you away from people I know." Lindsay said trying to hurry along the process of getting Elizabeth – Iris away from Danny and from the temptation to tell more bawdy stories about her.
"Aw com'mon Montana, these are very interesting stories, when were you planning on telling me you streaked?" Danny whined mockingly, it was unique with his accent.
"Um, let me think… Oh, never. Let's get you going Farmer." Lindsay all but pulled on her best friend's arm.
"Montana, why don't you and Farmer come to Mackenzie's tonight for a drink with the rest of us, I think Stella might get Mac to come this time." Danny said looking at her.
"Out of the…" Lindsay began to say.
"Love to, what time?" But Elizabeth – Iris cut her off.
"Shift's end tonight, I can come and get you if Lindsay 'forgets'." He winked and finger quoted 'forgets'. Lindsay groaned and hurried out of the room with Elizabeth – Iris thankfully on her heels.
"You're turning into that stereotypical bitchy New Yorker, Danny and I were having fun." Elizabeth – Iris complained Lindsay knew better than to really believe her friend, especially with that twinkle in her violet eyes.
"Whatever you're thinking, can it 'til we're long gone, please." Lindsay said grabbing Elizabeth – Iris's hot pink suit case and leopard print carryon and heading for the garage.
"Am I embarrassing you? I thought we were friends, you sounded proud of me before I showed up." Elizabeth – Iris said.
"These people think I'm sane, Farmer." Lindsay said pressing the down elevator button. There was no one thankfully in the first available car.
"They don't know you really well, do they?" Elizabeth – Iris retorted. "Seriously, how much do they know about you?" it was a serious question.
"That I'm from Montana, I like musicals, I went to the opera, I've never shot a bow and arrow – until Mac made me test some, I've done some cool takes downs…" Lindsay said watching the numbers ding as they counted down to 'G' for garage.
"I mean about you. Do they know that Bozeman isn't synonymous with Hicksville?"
"Mac and Stella probably do, Danny chooses to think of me as a cowgirl."
"Don't tell me you went with your tough girl act when you came." Elizabeth – Iris knew that when Lindsay felt awkward she abandoned her true personality and became a sort of character of one of her many different quirks. Judging by Danny's comments and amazement it was safe to assume that Lindsay had presented herself to New York's finest as a tough, serious Midwestern girl. Which was only half true, Lindsay was a Midwestern girl made of steel but she also had a sarcastic side, a flamboyant side, and a very Samantha from Sex and the City side. It was clear she wasn't showing all her colors at work.
"You wonder why he thinks you're Annie Oakley." Elizabeth – Iris said filling the silence that Lindsay should've. "Do they know about your family?" Elizabeth – Iris continued.
"They know I have one, they know that it's in Montana."
"Do they know…?"
"No they don't know about Daddy or Maddi; I didn't see reason to dump my baggage on them." Lindsay said defensively. The elevator stopped on the garage floor.
"Didn't you think to tell them when you saw Delaney in Sarah or why you were so scared with Stella?" Elizabeth – Iris asked seriously, using her court voice. Lindsay just unlocked the trunk of her company loaned Tahoe and put the bags in without a word. "You didn't. Damn it, I even know that if you keep it all in you'll snap and I ain't Gwen." Gwen Palen went on from Dowd University to become a psychiatrist. Lindsay knew that Elizabeth – Iris had a point but she knew that there was something inside of her that wouldn't follow Farmer's instructions.
"I had no reason or opportunity to lay my heart, soul, logic, and emotions out for them, they wouldn't really care, they all have their own baggage with out adding mine to their load." Lindsay knew it was malarkey, Elizabeth – Iris knew it was malarkey but Lindsay threw it out there anyway.
"That's where you're wrong." Elizabeth – Iris said climbing into the passenger seat, and waiting for Lindsay to get behind the wheel. "I spent what five minutes with you and Danny and in that time I could tell he wouldn't give a damn about your bags." Elizabeth – Iris said Lindsay just forcefully started the engine. The Jersey Boys soundtrack blasted through the speakers and Elizabeth – Iris reached over and turned it down.
"I watched him, and he was watching you. He was watching you and had a light in his eyes that I know well, you had that same light back in college, when you were devouring research, learning all you could and wanting more. The light is why you're a CSI; you want to know all you can about something. Well Danny's got the light, and the something he wants to learn about is you." Lindsay sighed, Elizabeth – Iris had successfully summed up everything she had been trying to sum up, it took her four sentences, Lindsay had been taking over four months.
"Goddamn it I hate it when you're right." Lindsay finally conceded.
"Get it through your skull girlfriend, I'm always right." Elizabeth - Iris said smiling. "And I'm right about this too; Danny Messer is definitely New York's finest." The moment of seriousness was passed and Elizabeth – Iris was back to her more flamboyant ways.
"Please, I beg of you, Farmer, next time you have a thought – let it go. I have to work with him." Lindsay begged.
"Lucky bitch you are, I can only guess the number of women that would kill for your job." Elizabeth – Iris said, Lindsay thought about this. It was true that just walking down the street Danny got more looks from both men and women in one afternoon than she had ever gotten in her entire life. She knew his reputation, but he never seemed to be like the image people painted of him, he didn't seem heartless, and she knew that he had a head on his shoulders not just between his legs, yet word of mouth is a powerful persuasion tool. But more powerful than that was words of friends, and Elizabeth – Iris had drawn up images in Lindsay's mind. Images of short, messy sandy brown hair, the attractive kind of scruffy facial growth, the most amazing blue eyes she'd ever seen, the kind that reminded her of the pool in summer; shinning, rippling, inviting blue calling her to dive in, images of glasses – she loved glasses. Her mind's eye could see his muscular body, toned and strong, and despite herself she also could feel his body heat and knew with every fiber how it felt when it carried her. But she worked with him, she wasn't his type, and damn it if Elizabeth – Iris knew she was right yet again it'd go to her head.
"From your silence the jury may assume…" Elizabeth – Iris commented chasing Danny out of her mind.
"That driving in New York's a bitch, I'm still not used to it." Lindsay lied with some truth; it was a mad house out there.
"Sorry, I guess I should know cities suck, Saint Paul and Minneapolis were the same way."
"So you went from one to another?"
"I always wanted to live in New York, to make a difference where I can. The twin cities was a job that got me the money to come here." Elizabeth – Iris said, it was why they were friends, they had the same dreams, at the end of the day Elizabeth – Iris was crazy when sober and Lindsay was still sober when drunk they still had the same goal.
Lindsay pulled into the garage and turned off the car in front of a handsome young man in a uniform; she got out and tossed her keys to the man.
"I'm only going to be about ten minutes Marcello." She told the kid who nodded and held the door to the elevator for them and their bags.
"Thanks Marc." Lindsay said as the doors closed.
"Valet parking, pretty swanky. And my mother said that you had a pay a million on an apartment or you'd get shit." Elizabeth – Iris said whistling.
"That's about as swanky as it gets here hada de ciruela de azúcar2, the rest is purely average to sub par." Lindsay told her friend, she was paying an arm and a leg for an apartment, albeit nice, that considered some standard features extras, like heat and air conditioning.
The elevator opened onto her floor and Lindsay led the way down the hotel – like hall, it had the same overly ornate carpet, glaringly obvious wallpaper, and stiff little tables with flowers. Lindsay's apartment was at the very opposite of end of the floor from the elevator on the right. As Lindsay opened the door Elizabeth – Iris noted her surroundings, the door was plain wood with shiny brass 5P above a peep hole that was above a matching shiny brass knocker. Lindsay threw open the door and lead the way inside. She had been right, the apartment wasn't stellar but it was still nice. Elizabeth – Iris could spot the steps taken to make the place more like home. Directly to the right of the door was a closet with slated doors that Lindsay had already woven ribbons through, all the windows had curtains and pictures were on the walls. Although nothing was painted it still felt pretty homey.
"You've done well, Klebriger Bär3."
"Your room is down the hall on the left." Lindsay said disappearing into what could be assumed was the kitchen.
"I have my own room?" Elizabeth – Iris asked picking up her stuff and heading for the indicated space.
"How do you think I support my open invitation to the Hoxies? You think I would make you sleep on the coach?" Lindsay asked, both women laughed. The guest room was decorated in early attic, the bed was wrought iron framed with a hand made quilt, the dresser was Lindsay's from her youth, the extra seating/ storage was Lindsay's hope chest from her sweet sixteen and her old school grandparents. Elizabeth – Iris recognized the pieces from the summer days they spent chilling with each other's family in between work and trips, the art was also familiar, almost every piece was either a picture of the happy Hoxies or an original by Wookiee. Elizabeth – Iris smiled and set her stuff down on the bed.
"Is this my room or Wookiee's art gallery?" she called, Lindsay appeared in the doorway.
"Wookiee has the best stuff." Lindsay said. "Now make yourself at home; mi casa, es su casa. I'm going to go back to work."
"Do I get to go to Mackenzie's?" Elizabeth – Iris asked hopefully.
"I suppose so, I won't hear the end of it if you don't." Lindsay sighed heavily
"This whole streaking thing is going to be all over the office when I get back."
"Have fun at work." Elizabeth – Iris wished her friend, Lindsay handed her the spare key, and said she'd be back around seven and to not bother with a wardrobe for the night.
Lindsay managed to get back up to her floor at work without incident, she was almost ready to hope that Elizabeth – Iris's story was slow to spread and would soon go away. And then she heard it, music was coming from Adam's lab, he had a small boom box set up and had switched it on when he saw her come in; Oh yes, they call him the streak, fastest thing on two feet, he's just as proud as he can be, of his anatomy, he's gonna give us a peek…
"Goddamn it." Lindsay swore under her breath, she did her best to ignore it and continued to her office, as callous as it sounded; she hoped for a call so the office would leave her alone and focus on a case. When she reached her shared little office she found Danny bent over some paperwork and a large bottle of Windex atop her desk.
"What the…?" Lindsay asked, her hopes were dashed it was open season on her now that the information was leaked. Danny didn't miss a beat nor did he look up.
"Supposed to keep things from streaking." He told her. Lindsay sighed and moved the bottle to the floor and sat down at her desk, she made sure to give him a sharp tap with her foot to his shine, it just made him laugh.
"'Ey Montana, I'm not the idiot that did anything worth telling stories about, kick yourself." He replied looking up from the page and smirking, Lindsay really wanted to stick her tongue out or blow a raspberry but someone had to be mature and maturity was something she was good at. She focused on work and the exchange of barbs was halted for the time being.
After the musical introduction and Windex the lab seemed to be quite about her youth nudity, although more and more people seemed to be in the humming/ whistling mood, and all of them liked one particular song.
He ain't rude, boogie-dy, boogie-dy He ain't lewd, boogie-dy, boogie-dy He's just in the mood to run in the nude Oh yes, they call him the streak He likes to turn the other cheek He's always making the news Wearin' just his tennis shoes Guess you could call him unique...
She couldn't wait for the day to end.
1 German for Guess what; 2 Spanish for Sugar Plum Fairy; 3 German for Gummy Bear
In case you haven't noticed this was written pre season three so ignore this new round of episodes. Tell me what you think...
Streakie