The really high lord

Disclaimer: the black Magicians trilogy belongs to Trudi Canavan

Sonea, was used to eating breakfast alone in the dining hall, surrounded by the other Novices. Now, however, the High Lord had requested that she had breakfast with him. Takan, was his usual stoic self, and bowed to her politely and put a plate of some kind of porridge in front of her.

"Thank you Takan." she said politely.

"My…..pleasure my lady." said Takan, bowing, but a strange evil grin had appeared on his face. For some unknown reason, he stood in the corner, hidden by shadow, instead of leaving the room.

"Hello, Sonea." said the high lord, walking into the room, smiling happily and carrying a soup spoon.

Sonea looked at the sight disbelievingly. Akkarin smiling. Takan watching passively from the shadows. Her eyes widened. She had no idea what his intentions were, but she had a nasty feeling they couldn't be good.

"Sonea, you lied to me yesterday." said Akkarin. His smile was unnatural. For him at least. It was a full smile. "It turns out the other Novices take a distinct pleasure in battering your shields down, and then tormenting you with stun strike."

Sonea didn't know what to say. She didn't want to tell him. She'd rather let them continue torturing her than let him know. She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off. "That's when I realised, you didn't want to tell me." His grin, by now was positively childish.

"You want to fight your own battles. And I can't fight your own battles for you. Because then they won't be your battles. Then they would be my battles. And then I would fight my own battles, which were previously yours. So by definition, I won't be fighting your battles, because they would become my battles, but then I started thinking, soup spoons…." Akkarin gazed dreamily into the distance. "Anyway, I'm going to train you in extreme soup spoon combat!"

Sonea meant to ask him if he was crazy. She meant to respond angrily. Instead, the mixture of fear and confusion caused her to blurt out, "You want me too fight with a soup spoon?"

"Yes, and here it is, your deadly weapon!" he said, kneeling and handing her the soup spoon.

"It's a soup spoon." said Sonea.

"Yes, but don't overestimate it. It's not as powerful as the ye old soup spoon of ye olden times." said Akkarin, drawing his own soup spoon. "Okay, now follow my instructions."

Sonea gazed at him numbly. This was just wrong. "You take the spoon, and swing it, in the direction of the thing that has triggered you wrath." He swung the spoon, knocking over a glass of refreshing juice. "Now you."

Sonea swung the spoon. It hit the table. Her throat felt tight, and she was still unable to mutter incoherently, never mind fully fledged muttering.

"Well done my apprentice." said Akkarin. "Now give those idiots hell!" He saluted her and he and Takan ran out of the room, giggling madly. It took her ten minutes to get to her normal class.

Interlude………..

"Takan." said Akkarin, who by now, was starting to gather his wits. " Is it true that Sonea's teachers have been neglecting her?" he asked.

Takan nodded. "The whole thievery thing led to some, unpleasant instances. Like pretending their supplies are used up so that she can't participate." His eyes narrowed. "She has to watch most of the lessons, and gets minimal time to practice the practical. Also, the other novices tend to ruin her projects and the teachers, never properly investigate these instances. However, you taking her as a novice have encouraged them to right these wrongs. If I remember correctly, she got into an argument about seating arrangements." said Takan

Akkarin nodded. "Takan, I need you to quickly get me a shirt. And I need it….Custom made." said Akkarin, placing stress on the last two words.

Takan nodded. The blood gem gave him a good idea of what Akkarin wanted. "Now if you'll excuse me Takan, if had a brilliant idea about the magically reinforced buildings in the city." Akkarin left.

Exterlude……

He might have actually been a better teacher before he tried to suck up all the time Sonea thought despairingly as she sat in Lord Elben's class. Regin wasn't making it any easier. They were doing another bout of tests now, to insure they understood everything. They were now heating special glass, which changed colour at the slightest change in temperature. It was mainly used for testing how good a magician was at controlling heat. Her glass globe however, was lying on the floor, while Regin grinned over her.

"My Lord, my globe has smashed." she said, scarcely bothered. She was still wondering what was going on with Akkarin.

"Do be more careful." said Lord Elben. "Let me just check in the cupboard to see if there are any left." He opened the cupboard. The high lord was sitting in the cupboard, in a lime t-shirt with the slogan, I do are about seating arrangements. Lord Elben closed the cupboard. He opened it again.

"Don't say a word." Akkarin whispered. 'You must never speak of this." He gestured at another cupboard. "Takan is in the other closet. He has a back up globe. And keep an eye on Regin."

"Yes, my lord." said Lord Elben, bowing his heat.

"Be quite you fool!" yelled Akkarin at the top of his voice. "They'll catch us! They'll catch us!" Akkarin quickly pulled the cupboard door closed.

"Lord Elben, what was that?" asked Seno nervously.

Lord Elben's hands were shaking. "Nothing. Nothing." he said nonchantly. He walked over to the other cupboard and opened it, where Takan handed him a glass globe. "We'll be watching you." said Takan with an evil grin. "Always." Lord Elben resumed the lesson, now yelling at Regin when ever he began to raise his hands. Akkarin nodded, his work was done here. Now, if he was correct, panic should be spreading. When he was sure the class was empty, slid on a cloak, and jumped out letting the cloak ripple as the currents of the air caught it. It was majestic. Without further theatrics he ran to the Night Room.

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"It's the third house that has lost the magic that was needed to support it!" Said a worried looking magician to Lord Balkan.

All the magicians were muttering amongst themselves, but all fell silent when the High Lord entered. "Have any of you seen Lord Lorlen?" he asked, his face perfectly impassive. " Several of the houses are curios as to why they're ah, houses are falling apart. A tad ironic, I feel."

The other magicians nodded. " Lord Lorlen left in a rather big hurry after hearing about the houses. Apparently something awful has happened and he is debating about what to do." said Lord Gerrel.

"Ah." said Akkarin, a thin frown evident on his face.

"Lord Balkan!" yelled a man running into the room. " Fifty more houses have lost most of their magic!"

"It's an epidemic." said Akkarin, who looked like he was fighting to keep a grin of his face.

" Lord Gerrel!" yelled another servant, rushing into the room. " Someone has stolen all your clothes and burned all your personal books along with several love letters!"

"And I believe they wrote nasty things about you on bathroom walls." said Akkarin.

"But why would anyone…. I'm sorry but how did you know that?" asked Gerrel, looking at Akkarin.

"I know everything." said Akkarin, straight faced. He looked up, ignoring Gerrel. " Take care of Lorlen won't you?" he asked Takan, through the blood gem. Smiling, he left, ready to continue stage two, drain all the magicians in the guild of their magic.

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Lorlen was sitting in his room. This was not a good day for him. Akkarin, it seemed, was getting ready to do whatever it is he wanted to do. If he already felt bold enough to drain all the houses, he must no longer feel that the guild holds any threat to him. He should tell the higher magicians, but if Akkarin truly knew no fear of them, that could cost them all their deaths. Unless Akkarin was counting on him reasoning like this. It was a chance. A slim chance but one on which he would act.

"My Lord." said Takan, as he slumped into the room, his side bleeding. Or at least appeared to be. 'Akkarin is going to, to." He spluttered.

"What, what?" asked Lorlen, knowing this might be a trap, but if Akkarin's servant might betray him…..

"To conquer the allied lands." said Takan. "But he has a weakness. Just one. I don't know what it is, only that it has been exploited before. The weakness of all black magicians. You must find this. I believe it's may be hidden in his study."

"Thank you." breathed Lorlen. "I shall do this. Is there anything I can do for you, before you pass on?" He asked. " There is almost no life left in you. Like it's all been drained away."

Takan smiled as the blood began to trickle of his chin. "Just one my lord. I have always, always only been able to take pride in one thing. My cooking. Can you please tell me what you think of this batch of brownies?"

"Okay." said Lorlen, and bit one, and promptly passed out.

"I think I used the wrong leaves." said Takan. "Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Success." He sent Akkarin, through the blood gem.

" Good. Meet me in the dining hall."

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The magicians were eating their lunch. Akkarin grinned at them. None of the higher magicians were here. All of the magicians didn't know how to recognise black magic, and Akkarin couldn't help but notice, were fairly unattractive.

Akkarin walked into the hall. Complete silence fell through the hall. Lord Elben looked at him with almost unnatural horror. Sonea, it transpired was sitting alone. She stared at him. "Gahhhhhh!" yelled Akkarin, staring at a random novice. "Is that your face or have you been horribly disfigured somehow?" he asked the unfortunate novice.

"No." said the novice with an odd mixture of anger and fear. "I look fine. I have a girlfriend, my lord."

"Nah ah." said Akkarin. "That." he said, pointing at his face. "Can't be natural."

"What are you talking about?" asked the novice, anger beating fear. "I'm perfectly normal looking my lord!" he said.

"I meant compared to me." said Akkarin, pushing back his hood, letting his hair fall loose, and looking a lot younger. "And I wasn't talking physically. This boy is …..Infected!" He yelled. "With a strange and terrifying disease! That's only recently been discovered! It corrupts the magic of the person and shall claim his life unless the magic is drained in a certain way and scattered into the wind!"

All of the magicians stared at Akkarin in horror. Hopefully they would be too confused to find any holes in his story. "The disease is called Stiodi lla er'rouy. It has already claimed the lives of several magicians. I won't allow it to claim anyone else." He looked around. "The only cure is the make a thin cut on your wrist, and let someone who knows how take the contaminated magic." He looked at all of them. "I know how."

"No!" yelled Sonea suddenly. "Don't listen to him! He's trying to drain you magic! He's a dark magician!"

Akkarin stared at her. "Oh yeah? Well, you're a slum dweller." he shot back.

"That's right!' said a random novice. "She just wants us to die of the disease! She probably infected all of us with it!"

"Yeah! Or she wants the position of high lady for herself!" screamed another

"She's slum dweller?" asked a novice, probably from Lonmar. "I thought you said she was a Leprechaun."

"We should kill her!" yelled another novice. "She tried to kill us!"

"No!" yelled Akkarin. "I believe the disease causes a mild form of insanity. You shouldn't act against her because of what she said. In fact, you shouldn't say anything to anyone who wasn't in this room, like the High Magicians for example, for several days. It could lead to their imminent deaths."

"Okay my Lord." said Lord Elben, nodding

"Good. Now, let us begin."

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"I can't remember when last I felt such power." said Akkarin, grinning at Takan. "The next Inchani who comes, won't know what hit them. Because they'll be dead."

"Yes, my lord.' said Takan, who was grinning from ear to ear. " But from what I heard, Sonea is giving you trouble. We may have to tell her the truth."

"We'll do that tomorrow." said Akkarin waving a hand dismissively."

"Tomorrow then." said Takan.

A.N. I note this might offend some people due to the OC ness and other stuff. But, hey. This is supposed to be humour. Supposed to be.