So, I don't own this, Do you? Alright then, stay sitting, shut up and keep reading.
Drowning.
"I never was one good with my emotions, or the Id, but lately, every time I try to think, or speak, or sleep, or pretty much anything else, I can feel the unrelenting sadness creep into my soul until it wells up, consuming me, almost as a celestial song." She tells me with something almost approaching a half grin. "The only reason I can find to live is smoking and maybe, If I feel up to it, drinking enough to forget me."
She looks down at the floor, knowing full well I can see through her. She's trying not to cry, she's trying to hide her tear-distorted face behind her bottle blonde hair. She's trying to cover up the pain she carries inside from all she feels she's done, and, maybe, if one were to think towards such, what's been done to her.
"I know it's not easy for Scott to deal with me." She sighs with her elbows resting on her knees. "I know I've issues with Jean and Logan. I know I'm not the mothering type my children need, nor what my husband fantasizes about, but why do I have to be what other people think I should be?" I'm not sure if she's asking me the question or posing it to herself.
"I've always craved power, like when the Phoenix used me for such a short time, my toes curl thinking about it. Everything I could have done, everything I thought of doing, it was the ultimate high, I could ignore the nagging bits of me still there. And Scott, being the leader of the "Mighty X-Men", until I found out he only held that post because Xaiver felt sorry for the twit, he made me wet every time I even saw his picture." She laughed, just slightly. "Now, I don't care who he's off banging."
"And…" I ask. "Who do you think that is?" My blue and furry paws point and rest on my lips. I'm trying to maintain my professionalism, but I'm a doctor, I've treated her for all of this. If she wanted to talk, she should have gone to Jean, but rightfully so, Jean felt she was too close to this case, seeing as how part of Emma's problem involved dissolving Jean's first marriage and involves an affair in her second.
"Don't play with me!" Emma hisses. "You know who. Like those childeren she carries is even Logan's" Emma has been in my care for about two weeks. What I can see is a deeply hurt and abused person. While I suspect she was damaged to start with, Scott and his constant lies couldn't have done anything but make her worse.
"You feel that they've been doing this awhile?" I ask her deeply concerned for her mental state. "Do you feel that Scott's constant neglect of your mental well being justifies what you did to Logan?"
She becomes morose again as she sinks one cheek back down on her hand again. "I guess, in a way, yes. But for me to have used Logan the way I did, No." She looks away from me and I know something further is troubling her deeply. I think I know what it is. I've seen that look on her before, the first time, just after Scott and Jean called things quits. I know she's done something only a desperate soul could have done and a terrible deed done by only the most broken and loneliest of people.
"Oh… I see. Are you sure?" I close my eyes and try to take this in.
"Not for another couple days." She tells me quietly. "I don't want it. Meg's getting older, Alex is getting more independent, Scott won't even tell me the truth about what he ate for lunch. I… I saw Jean enjoying her new happiness so much and had a momentary lapse. I tried to think of how to hurt Scott, to hurt her as much as I've been hurt. Logan was the best way." She looks at me sideways. "That, or you."
"You know I've a place in my heart for you, Emma, but Scott is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I could never reciprocate." I whisper back as I feel my soul shred. "What do you want me to do? Jean is just days from delivery, do you want me to tell Logan of the possibility of another close on his heels? That won't make him want you."
"I don't want Logan to want me, not anymore. I wanted Scott to want me, I wanted him to need me. I just want to feel loved." She pleads at me with dewy eyes.
"After everything Scott went through to be with you, you don't think he loved you?" I look at her skeptically.
"I'd believed he did if he'd have paid more attention to me. Maybe if he did something other than fight, maybe if he'd get off that blasted computer and did something with me!" She shouts at me, becoming agitated enough that I stick her with something that calms her almost instantly and puts her to sleep in five minutes.
"I'm going to get a blood sample, Emma." I tell her as she slumps back down. "We'll know in the morning if you've reason for concern." I've lied to her, I'll know in an hour, I just need the rest of the time to figure out what to say.