A/N:A HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed!! I actually remember some of you from way back when, during the first go of this little fic. I'm glad to see some of you are still around. I also love reading all your 'reminiscences', how you remember reading this fic for the first time, etc. Of course, I also love hearing from those of you who are new to this fic; glad to see I'm reaching a wide audience. So, once again, thank you to all of you!
Also, if anyone notices any mistakes, please let me know. Not typos or anything like that, but anything that either doesn't make sense or isn't compliant with Order of the Phoenix. I started this fic before Order came out, but some later chapters were written after I read Order. So, because of that, the beginning chapters might be less canon than the later ones. If you notice anything along those lines, please let me know so I can fix it. I've tried to fix the big ones, but I'm sure there are plenty small mistakes that I missed. Thanks again.
And, one more thing, I'm looking for some other places to host this story, since I really can not stand FFN. Any suggestions would be wonderful. No fictionalley though, since I used to upload there and the whole process was far too complicated; I'm very technologically challenged. I'm mainly posting here because this is where it used to be, and people had me on alert here. So it made it easier. But I'm now open to suggestions. Thanks again!
Disclaimers: I got the idea from an email on the WIKTT yahoo group. The List was in an email. Other than that, I cannot say who created The List, as I've had many who have claimed to be the original creator. Of course, as I can't verify who did or didn't write The List, and since each is different, all I can say is that I did not write The List, I am merely using it in this fic.
Also, this fic is beyond out of character. I am taking many liberties with these lovely characters. Snape, especially, shall have quite the personality change. Not enough to make him un-Snape-like, but enough to allow him to work properly in this story. Hermione is still a know-it-all, but she's learning to have some fun. Without giving anything away, be prepared for a barmier-than-ever Dumbledore, an outrageous Tonks, a devious Ginny, questions concerning Draco's sexuality (although, that seems to be a humor!fic standard...) and a not-quite-so-strict McGonagall. What can I saw? The war is over; everyone is feeling a bit different: freer, loving life more, and just plain crazier.
Annoying Professor Snape
Chapter 2 The Spoon and the autograph.
Task 3: Look terrified and leave the hall anytime he picks up his spoon at
mealtimes
Duration: Nine meals
Task 4: Ask for his autograph
"His spoon? Are you sure that's the third task?" Hermione asked Harry for what had to be the tenth time that day.
"Yes, Hermione, he's sure," Ginny answered.
"Three days?"
"Well, technically," Ron began.
Hermione looked at the five of them suspiciously. They were in the Common Room discussing the next day.
"Technically?"
"Well," Lavender answered, "It's not really three days… It's more like nine meals. That he attends."
"I see…" Hermione said.
"It's like this," Parvati answered, in the straightforward way she had adopted last year. "If it was three days and he missed a meal, you're off the hook. But, if we make it nine meals he attends, it doesn't matter if he misses a whole day—you still have to do it for nine meals."
Hermione sighed. "Okay, that's fair, I guess," she admitted grudgingly.
"Oh, this is going to be a riot!" Ron exclaimed.
"How will he even know she's running out because of him though?" Ginny asked sensibly.
"Hmm, good point." Harry adjusted his glasses. "Well, here's what will happen. First of all, all of us, Hermione included, will be watching Snape. The second he picks up his spoon, we start coughing loudly. Hermione, that's your cue. You look up at him, squeal, and run out of the room. Make eye contact if at all possible. If you can sneak a glance in at the spoon, even better. And you have to run out as if the hall were on fire! Look terrified! Wait a couple minutes, and then come back in the hall. Look as though nothing had happened."
"Won't people question why I ran out?"
"Well, say you saw a spider or something," Ron said, shivering in disgust at the thought.
"So, when I hear you coughing, I look up at Snape, squeal, and run. Got it," she smiled in spite of herself. "This might actually be somewhat amusing."
"'Course it will!" Ron laughed.
"Well, for us anyway," Parvati pointed out.
Hermione walked to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning. It was meal number one. After this, only eight more. It won't be that bad, Hermione thought. Besides, what are the odds of him even using his spoon? It is breakfast after all. No one uses spoons at breakfast, she thought, while sitting down.
No one, it seemed, but Professor Snape. Not a minute after she sat down, Snape picked up a spoon to stir something in his cup. Lavender and Parvati started coughing loudly. Ron, Harry and Ginny, who had just walked into the hall, also started coughing. Or laughing. Either way, it had the intended effect: everyone, including Professor Snape, was staring at the Gryffindor table.
Hermione took a deep breath, caught Snape's eye, looked at his spoon and shrieked. Harry, who had seen what she was doing, had motioned for the others to stop coughing. Everyone watched Hermione, who appeared to be scared out of her wits, get up from her seat, glance at the Head Table, and run out of the Hall. No one knew what to make of it.
Harry, Ron, Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati almost died from trying to hold in their laughter. They all sent sly grins to each other and winks were exchanged. They refused to answer any questions about Hermione's behaviour, looking confused when anyone implied her actions were odd. Ginny even went so far as to tell Neville that he should really learn to mind his own business; Hermione looked fine to her.
Hermione was out of the Great Hall, leaning against the door, heart pounding. She wondered what people would think of that, and started laughing at the look on Professor Snape's face when she had run out. Had he realized it was because of the spoon?
Hermione reckoned she should probably go back in. What to say, what to say… She decided against the spider, and opted for forgetting her homework in her room. Yes, that would be believable.
Hermione went back in to the Hall, told her lie, and was grateful Snape didn't touch his spoon for the rest of the meal. It seemed Snape wasn't all bad.
Hermione, Ron, Harry, Lavender and Parvati walked to their next class, Care of Magical Creatures, together, discussing the morning's events.
"It was brilliant!" Exclaimed Lavender.
"Abso-bloody-lutely fantastic! The look on everyone's face was priceless!" Ron added.
"Only eight more meals, Hermione. And you'll probably get off easy at lunch; no one uses their spoon at lunch," Harry said.
"Yeah, I said that about breakfast. Don't jinx it for me, Harry."
"But did he realize it was because of the spoon?" Lavender asked.
"I was wondering that myself," Hermione told her. "I did make eye contact, and I did glance at his spoon, but it all happened so fast. He would probably never, in a hundred years, realize just why I was yelling. I mean, screaming at the sight of Snape's spoon?"
Seamus caught up to their group, catching the last of Hermione's words. "Well, if I caught a glance at Snape's spoon," Seamus said, putting an extra emphasis on the word while waggling his eyebrows, "I'd surely scream too."
The group looked at each other, looked at Seamus, then burst out laughing.
"What?" Seamus asked. "It wasn't that bad of a joke!"
Hermione had thought she was off the hook when they had arrived in the Great Hall and Snape hadn't been there. But, after five minutes, he swooped in, his robes billowing out behind him.
Hermione then thought she was off the hook after looking at the food placed on the table—nothing that required a spoon. And Hermione was right: not once did Snape pick up his spoon.
Two meals down, seven to go. Piece of cake.
The six of them were in the Common Room, talking and laughing. There was an hour left before dinner, something Hermione was happy for.
"And now its time for task number four!" Harry announced happily.
"What? Already? I'm not even done with task three yet!"
"But that's a long term task. This is just a one-time thing. Well, maybe two."
"Well, what is it?"
"Task number four: Ask for his autograph," Ron stated merrily.
Hermione groaned. "His autograph? That's insane."
"I know! It will be hilarious!" Lavender laughed.
"Great! When do I have to do it?"
"After dinner. Catch him before he gets to the dungeons. Then hold out a piece of parchment and a quill and ask. We'll be watching," Parvati told her.
"And countless others!"
"It'll still be fun," Ginny assured her.
"Yeah, for you guys."
They just laughed and informed her it was dinnertime.
Hermione sat down, thinking about how likely it was Snape would use his spoon. Very likely, it seemed, as she heard coughing coming from across the table. Once again, everyone in the Hall turned to see what was going on at the Gryffindor table.
Hermione glanced at Snape, who was glaring at them, then his spoon, then gasped, squeaked, and ran from the Hall. She could hear laughing and muttering following her as she closed the door behind her. She couldn't help but think that Snape must realize why she was leaving the hall.
She waited, then returned, claiming that she had just remembered that she needed a book to return to the library after dinner. No one noticed she came back to the table empty handed.
Dinner was over and everyone was leaving the Great Hall. Hermione reached into a pocket and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. She was fortunate that Snape was one of the last ones out of the Hall; there would be less people around to hear her request.
"Professor Snape!" She shouted. She saw him slow, but he made no effort to stop. "Professor Snape," she called once more. This time he stopped and turned to face her.
"What is it, Miss Granger?" He asked impatiently.
"Well, I uh…" Hermione broke off nervously and glanced around. Harry and the rest were there, along with a few Slytherins, who were passing by, and a Ravenclaw or two. She took a deep breath, held out the quill and parchment and said, "Professor Snape, can I have your autograph?"
To Be Continued...