This is the second chapter, where things actually start to happen. Poor li'l Shelkie is re-introduced to emotions, and she doesn't like them. But she does like ice cream. ^_^

Day 2

I've learned so much today, and it's only evening. I haven't been this happy in a long time.

After breakfast I was helping Tifa do the dishes as usual, and I thanked her for the diary.

She laughed. "You're welcome, Shelke. It was just my idea, but Yuffie and Marlene picked it out. I presume Yuffie actually bought it, though come to think of it, maybe she's not the best influence on Marlene..." She frowned a little and paused in her scrubbing.

"Anyway, I really like it," I said hastily, hoping Tifa would forget her worries about Yuffie. I had a feeling that Tifa was going to nag her about it later, and I didn't want trouble to start over something that was about me. It doesn't bother me that my diary might be stolen. To be honest I think it's funny. Yuffie would give someone a stolen present.

Tifa smiled, worries pushed to the side for a moment. "That's good. Have you written in it yet?"

I nodded. "I started yesterday. Marlene was right; it really does help to get your thoughts down on paper. You can take as long as you need to choose the right words, without feeling awkward. It's like talking to yourself, but nobody can hear..." I blushed, feeling like I'd said too much.

"That's what it's for. If you're always holding back feelings because you can't express them, it's stressful. The diary is to help you find ways to express those feelings." She paused to hand me a soapy dish to rinse off, and smiled down at me, and I felt as if something was tugging at a point inside my chest. "It's good to see you finally coming out of your shell, Shelke," she added.

That was a new phrase for me. "Coming out of my shell," I repeated slowly. It made sense; a turtle or a mollusk will hide inside itself for protection, which is exactly what I did - and what Vincent did. Come to think of it, he hid himself in a shell almost literally, suffering, until Cloud found him.

"You're right. I do have a shell. I never thought of it that way. Thank you, Tifa."

She looked a little alarmed, so I smiled up at her. That seemed to reassure her. I suppose it was an unusual way for a nine-year-old to react. Or a 19-year old, for that matter. I guess that most people would have heard that expression before, without finding anything all that deep in it.

Later on, Yuffie took Marlene, Denzel and I for some ice cream. I'm beginning to really love ice cream. It's been so long since I had it, I had forgotten it even existed. My favorite is mint with chocolate chips. It looks bizarre, but the flavor is amazing... Chocolate is such a fascinating substance. I want to try it in more contexts. I'll ask Yuffie about that – she has a real fondness for the stuff.

Now that I think about it, I don't remember ever eating in DeepGround. I think we lived on mako and not much else. I wonder if that's why I never grew. The mako infusions kept my body from starving itself, kept it in a state of stasis where it couldn't die, but it wouldn't develop without nutrition. I wonder if I'll ever grow. With the added bonus of eating real food, I've been needing the mako less frequently - but I still need it every couple of days.

Maybe it's only wishful thinking that I'll start maturing again, but that's another thing I've learned from my new friends - hope. I used to cling to it, in my first days with DeepGround. I hoped someone would save me. Later on, I rejected it as a useless thing; why cling to hope if you will only be flung down again and again? But when we came back from getting ice cream, I thought about all the people I had seen in the town, walking around with sadness in their eyes - people who have lost homes, loved ones, people who had barely made it out of Omega's attack alive, or Meteor before that, people who had seen loved ones crushed by Sephiroth, Shinra, DeepGround, all the monsters that have come again and again to hurt and to destroy. And I realized that hope is what makes life bearable for some of these people, hope that things will continue to get better. The town is in shambles in many places; people have little money, and many stores are boarded up; people have covered their windows with sheets of paper, because they cannot afford to replace the glass. And yet, they have the audacity to walk in the park and enjoy the nice weather, and even buy ice cream. It's those small gestures that keep hope alive, hope that everything isn't all bad after all. Without hope, many people would have no reason to live. That reminded me of my sister, and I started to cry. Cloud ran over and asked me what was wrong; I told him all of that, what I just wrote. He put an arm around my shoulder and said, "You're growing up a lot faster than I did."

I wasn't sure what he meant, so I looked up at his face and saw that we have the same eyes, bright blue eyes that glow just a little in the light. I remembered what Tifa told me about him – that he had been part of Soldier, so he had been exposed to mako too. I remembered what he had lived through – he had seen Sephiroth, his former hero, kill people he loved dearly, and then Sephiroth had tried to take over his mind. To add insult to injury, he came down with geostigma. He gave up hope, too. But his friends had made him find it again, even though he had tried to shut them away. I understood what he meant then. It had taken him longer to find himself, and find hope. I haven't found myself, but at least I know why it is I want to live. Impulsively, I hugged him. I've never done that to anyone before, that is, not recently. I think he was a little surprised. I gave him a big smile and then I ran upstairs to grab my book and write all th_

...

Apparently I fainted. I had brought my diary back downstairs and was writing in my usual perch on the windowsill and it came on all of a sudden. I guess I was in such a good mood that I forgot I was due for a dose of mako... Vincent caught me when I fell. I'm glad he was so fast. I wish I'd remembered. I was so happy earlier, but that's ruined now... That's the trouble with hope - the darker side of life always catches up to you. That's why I gave up, all those years ago. It almost makes me want to give up again. It's not like me to be so irrational. But I have to remember what I learned today. I have to remember that they really care about me. Vincent flew several feet to catch me before I hit the floor, and waited by my side until I recovered, before carrying me up to bed, where I am now. I was touched to see him so protective. It brought tears to my eyes for some reason. I hope I haven't survived all I have only to become a crybaby.

I wonder if physical growth is as painful as mental and emotional growth. If so, I pity the normal people who have to do them both at the same time.