Road Trip

"House!" Dr. Cuddy, the Dean of Medicine and Administrator of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, strutted out of her office and into the Clinic. Her black stilettos clicked and clacked as she walked.

"Dr. Cuddy!" shouted House. As the diagnostician returned a file to the clinic nurse, he spun around to get a good look at his favorite administrator. "My, aren't we looking raveshing in that low-cut top today. Yum--"

"House, you've got a case." Cuddy smirked at her Head of Diagnostics, doing her best to ignore the comment about her low-cut top. Truth was, she wore them just for him, but she wouldn't tell anyone that. "Ten year old girl suddenly thinks bugs are crawling all over her."

"Was she playing in the sandbox?" House quipped.

"Very funny," replied Cuddy. She handed the file to House. "She lives in a protective germ-free isolator."

House took the case in shock. "Bubble girl. Me likey."

Cuddy grinned. "I thought you might."

"So when's she getting here?" asked House. "Or is she alr--"

"What part of 'Bubble Girl' don't you get?" asked Cuddy.

House was confused. "You mean... She's not coming to PPTH?"

Cuddy shook her head in the negative. "The CDC quarantined her a week ago. She hasn't left her room since."

"Cool," joked House. "So this is a... House Call?"

"Hah, very cute," snarked Cuddy. "Yes, it's a house call. But that's not all."

"Oh goody," sighed House. "What else is there? Bugs, Bubbles, Quarantine, and House Call. Got it."

Cuddy smiled slyly.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" asked House.

Cuddy shook her head. "She lives in Louisiana."

House groaned. "I hate flying."

"Then I guess it's a good thing you won't be flying." Cuddy sneered.

"Woah, wait a second there." House limped as quickly as he could after Cuddy. She was appearantly on her way to the elevator, most likely to go inform HIS team of their new assignment. "What's this I hear about not flying?"

"Hospital can't pay for it," said Cuddy. "And the family's practically broke. Insurance won't cover it. The girl's got an UNDIAGNOSED, and possibly fatal, disease."

"Yes," agreed House, "But... not flying?!"

Cuddy chuckled. "No flying. I'm sure you and your little ducklings will have a nice little road trip."

House choked. "Road... trip...?"

Right as House and Cuddy reached the Diagnostic's Department, Cuddy paused. "Look, House, I know this is a stretch. I do."

"Really? Because I don't think you do."

"House, this girl is DYING," sighed Cuddy. "She's had countless specialists, pediatricians, and physicians examine her. Now the CDC has quarantined her to her own house. What are we supposed to do? Let her die?"

"You want to put my leg and my emotional well-being at risk for 4 days?" House whined. "Knowing my leg, it'll be more like 5 days!"

"Your emotional well-being?" Cuddy laughed at House's comment. "House, you aren't going to be driven to insanity by sitting in a car with your underlings for a week."

"Don't be so sure."

Cuddy leered at him. "Well, you don't really have a choice do you?"

House stared at her in anger.

"I'll make sure to have a room open for you in the psych ward when you get back," quipped Cuddy.

As House tried to seek refuge in his office, Cuddy shot him one final blow.

"Oh, and House," she said. "It's actually 10 days. You have to drive back, you know." She winked at him before strutting back down the halls. She could hear House mumbling profanities as she walked away.

-----

"What do you think that was all about?" asked Cameron as she walked Cuddy walk down the hall.

Chase shrugged. "How would we know?"

"I only hope it's about a new case," added Foreman. "It's been getting pretty boreing around here."

Cameron and Chase nodded in agreement. They had to admit, day after day of clinic and ER duty was not the most fun a doctor of their expertise could be having.

-----

Meanwhile, down in the bayou...

"Mama, you didn't," groaned Elizabeth. "Mama, I said no more doctors!"

"Lizzie, you're sick!" cried her mother.

"No, I'm not!" shouted Elizabeth. "Mama, I'm FINE!"

Her mother quickly calmed down and supressed her anger to a dull voice. "Elizabeth Mayella Mattock, you can not imagine bugs crawling all over your skin one minute, and have a panic attack the next, and then just tell ME that YOU AREN'T SICK!" Her attempts to quiet and calm herself proved to be unsuccessful as her voice began to rise.

Elizabeth didn't answer her mother. She simply pouted and turned away from her mother. Sometimes she wished that the plastic around her weren't clear.

"The doctors should be here in a few days," sighed her mother. "They couldn't get a flight, so they'll be driving."

"Doctors?!" shouted Elizabeth. "More than one?! How many are coming?!"

-----

"We got a case," said House. He dropped the file onto the glass table, causing his ducklings to jump in shock.

"Finally," muttered Chase. "It's been weeks."

"No kidding," retorted Foreman. "Anything good?"

Cameron picked up the file to read it. "CDC quarantine... Louisiana... House, how are we going to do this?"

House's expression was one of utter disgust. "Road trip."

The ducklings looked at each other in confusion and shock. Was House being serious?

"We're... going on a road trip?" asked Chase.

House nodded. "Pack your shades, iPods, and road maps, my friends. We're hitting the highway."

Cameron rolled her eyes. "Why can't we just fly?"

"Cuddy's a cheap SOB?" quipped House.

The three ducklings rolled their eyes.

"Is anyone coming with us?" asked Cameron. "I mean, a nurse? A pharmacist? What if we need a consult?"

"Now, I know it's not as nice as Princeton," quipped House, "But they DO have nurses and pharmacists in Louisiana, Cameron."

Cameron rolled her eyes. "But what about testing? We aren't even allowed to touch the girl. How are we going to diagnose her?"

"I guess we have four days to figure that out," said Foreman.

"Go pack your bags," said House. "We're leaving in the morning. Mama Mattock won't be happy if her little girl dies while we're on a road trip."

The ducklings quickly gathered their things and exited the Conference Room. This caught the attention of Dr. James Wilson.

"Hey," said Wilson with a nod. House was currently gathering his things as well. "Where are you headed?"

"Gotta go pack my bags," said House.

"What? Why?" asked a shocked Wilson.

"Road trip," said House in his best valley-girl voice.