After Rhett left, Scarlett went home to Tara as she had planned.
When she arrived Mammy took one look at her, ordered her a nice hot bath then sent her to bed.
She slept for fourteen hours. The next morning at breakfast, the bacon and corn grits smelled so good she found she was actually hungry, and she enjoyed her food for the first time since Melly had died.
Everyone was very kind to her, even Suellen. She didn't understand why this was, for she had not realised how pale and thin she was as a result of her recent grief following so closely on from her miscarriage and Bonnie's death. Indeed, she looked very fragile.
However, she was happy enough to be left to rest and enjoy the peace and beauty of the familiar countryside.
Alone with her thoughts, she went over and over her life with Rhett, wondering how she could have been so blind to his love, castigating herself for all the hurt she had caused him. How cruel she had been!
She replayed in her mind their conversation the night of Melly's death, looking for any hope that she could cling to. With despair she recalled his cool indifference to her declarations of love, and with a shudder she remembered his disinterest in her plight.
She recalled that he had accused her of being a child. But of course he knew she was a woman. Anyway, Rhett liked children! What did he mean?
She sighed. She had never understood him. All she knew was that she loved him, and that she was bereft without him. And she didn't have the faintest notion how to win him back.
She wondered whether she should talk to Will. Will understood people, and he was a man. She hesitated to tell him the true state of her marriage, but then, she suspected he had a fair idea anyway. He was one of those people, like Rhett, who didn't need to be told things.
Her opportunity came when Will invited her to accompany him when he took the cart into Jonesboro for stores. Will was a patient man, and they rode in silence for some distance before Scarlett got up the courage to speak.
'Will', she ventured, 'what do you suppose it means when someone calls an adult a child?'
Will gazed out across the fields, chewing a stalk of straw for a good minute before replying.
'Well now Scarlett, you tell me. What are children like?'
She thought of the children she knew, of Wade and Ella, of Beau, of Suellen's children, of Bonnie. What did they have in common? Bonnie had been vivacious and fearless, whereas Wade and Ella were quiet and timid. Suellen and Will's children squabbled constantly, but Beau had beautiful manners.
'Well', she ventured, 'I guess they don't know much'.
Will turned to look her in the eye.
'They don't understand much', he replied. 'They're care mainly about themselves and they don't give much thought to anyone else. Growing up is all about learning to be mindful of others'.
Scarlett felt as though she had been punched in the stomach. Was that how people saw her? Selfish and uncaring? Was that how Rhett saw her? No wonder he had grown tired of her.
As Scarlett thought back over her adult life, her mind went back to that last barbeque at Twelve Oaks. She had certainly been cruel that day, she realised. She had not thought before how the other girls must have felt when she took all their beaux. India Wilkes, for one, had never forgiven her. It must have been a most unhappy day for them all. And perhaps, if she had been more mature, she might have realised the impropriety of her declaration of love to Ashley. How different her life would have been if only she had respected his decision to marry Melly.
And she had actually married Charles Hamilton without any thought for his feelings. She had used him to spite Ashley. Poor Charles, it was lucky he died when he did or she felt sure she would have made his life very miserable.
She had made Frank miserable, she knew. And Suellen. It was really no wonder Suellen hated her. Stealing your sister's fiancee was a mean trick, there was no denying it. If Suellen had done the same to her she would never speak to her again.
And when she had ridden out alone to the mill, it hadn't crossed her mind at all that her actions could affect others.
Then there was Rhett. She had never been mindful of his feelings. She thought with a flush of shame how she had banned him from her bedroom without even pausing to think how he might feel about it. And after Bonnie died, when they were both crazy with grief, she had done nothing to comfort him. 'Be kind to Captain Butler', Melly had said. Melly was kind. Ellen had been kind too – not just to her family but to friends and slaves, and even that white trash Slatterly family. That was what had made them both great ladies, Scarlett realised suddenly. It was their kindness to others, putting others' needs before their own.
With sinking heart, Scarlett acknowledged to herself that Will had described her exactly. She was self centred and thoughtless of others, not like a lady at all. Her mother would be so grieved and ashamed. It was fortunate that she was no longer living to see how her eldest daughter had turned out.
She glanced over at Will. She was relieved to see him paying her no attention at all, apparently focused on driving the cart. Perhaps he had not realised after all that his words were about her.
'I see', she replied, sitting quietly and erect. 'Thank you Will'.