So here's Chapter 2. I know it is very confusing but it will all start coming together piece by piece with every chapter. Please bare with me!
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters. I just like playing with them.
Chapter 2
I Rip My Heart Open
I can't sleep. I sneak out of bed and make my way downstairs in the dark.
I creep out in the garden and light a cigarette. It helps me pace my breathing.
My mind is assaulted by memories. The memories of you. The ones I thought were buried so deep somewhere in the confines of my conscience they would never make their way up to the surface again.
Oh, boy, how wrong I was!
I know they won't stay suppressed, so I let my thoughts roam back to you. I relieve it all in my mind. It feels like I've ripped my heart open again.
I try everything to escape that and I can't. I remember now. I had never really forgotten anything at all.
It's been thirteen years and I still remember every conversation, every touch, every kiss, every time we made love.
It hurts so much it feels like I'm dying inside. I know I'm back to square one. But I don't know if I can do it again.
I need to fix that. I need to erase the pain I caused you, to make it all better. And I don't know how.
I want us to be friends. So I can have you in my life.
And then it hits me. The realization we can never be friends because I still love you. And you still love me. We can't be friends without further wounding each other.
And here comes the guilt. I haven't done anything wrong, I tell myself.
Then why do I feel like I'm cheating on my husband? That voice in the back of my head is too loud for me to drown it out.
I stay up for the rest of the night. In the morning, I put a fake smile on and try to go about my day as normal. But it's not normal and it never will be.
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