Chapter 2- Penny For Your Thoughts?
Don't think. DON'T think. Don't THINK.
Okay, that's a lot harder than it looks. Even thinking 'don't think' means I have to think. Maybe I'll just think quietly. Shhh! Quiet thoughts.
Spike's talking. Wonder what he's saying? Probably something evil and killing-y. Wonder if it's about me? Or Buffy; it could be about Buffy. Everything is about her sooner or later. Are they talking about how to kill her? Hope it's painful.
SPIKES!
He could use the railroad spikes like he did when he got his new name. Wonder what people used to call him. 'William the Bloody' is a little long to say every time they talked to him. Just William? Lee was just what his friends called him and I don't think Angelous- dumb evil Deadboy!- would've let him have a lot of minions as friends. Would he WANT to have minions as friends? Are they all as stupid as the one's we kill? Or do we kill them because they are so stupid?
Maybe they called him just 'Bloody'. But that would've gotten confusing since he always calls things 'bloody' this or that or whatever and minions- the ones we kill- are pretty stupid and they would've thought he was talking about himself and then they would've been really annoying and Spike would've killed them. Wish I could kill people that annoyed me. But if other people killed people that annoyed them I'd be dead and don't want to be dead but Spike's going to kill me now anyway so it doesn't matter.
At least he won't make me a vampire. He wouldn't want me to be a vampire. People always hate me to be around them for very long and if he turned me I'd be around forever. Then he'd get really annoyed and have to kill me and he'll wish he'd never turned me and it's good he won't turn me 'cause I don't want to be dust. I want to have a real grave. It doesn't matter that no one will come to visit it and I won't have any flowers or anything. I'll have a little piece of ground that means people will remember my name even if it just 'cause they go past me to find the person they actually care about.
I even own my own plot. No body knows about it. It's next to Jesse's. I bought it and now- when they find my body- they'll know where to put me. Hope they don't ignore it. I left a letter with Giles that they aren't supposed to open unless they find my dead body someday. G-man swore on his books that he'd only open it when he physically found my dead body lying on the ground somewhere. I know they'll find my body dumped on the ground somewhere. Buffy and G-man'll die and be found spread out as some kind of message or something. And Will's will be found surrounded by candles and incense and some dead demon gore all around. Me: I'll be dumped on the ground somewhere and no one'll know or care who did it 'cause it'll just be somebody who got hungry and decided to have a midnight Xan-snack.
Wonder what they'd call me if I did get turned. I hate Xander! Deadboy calls me Harris 'cause he doesn't even care enough to learn my first name and everyone else calls me Xander. Spike calls me 'whelp' but I think that's what he calls everyone stupid that. Maybe I'd get a really good name. Alex was great. I liked Alex, but Alex died with Jesse. Now I'll just be Xander the Joke until I die.
And why aren't I dead yet?