My immortal
Orihime sat on the edge of her bed in her ruined uniform the night of Ichigo's victory over Aizen and felt…nothing. It was strange, all she had wanted for months was Aizen to be stopped from hurting people she cared about and knew nothing about. Even when she hadn't known the town to be used for the Kings Key was Karakura she prayed for everyone's safety at night. Now however she was ambiguous to its survival, not happy or otherwise.
Laying back on her bed and looking at her ceiling dotted with glow in the dark stickers she had placed there years ago in the semblance of her friends she found herself wishing for one thing. To be looking up at the dark ceiling in her cell knowing that her keeper was just down the hall, alive and cynical as ever. She closed her eyes and imagined his face in every memory she had of him. From the first time he appeared in the park with Yammy, to inside the tunnel between the worlds, inside of her cell each day, and finally before his death. That made something hurt.
She rolled over and wondered why her pain was all for him, she had friends still alive and celebrating the little that could be celebrated. All she wanted was silence and solitude from them, the numbness she had covered with smiles and hugs to all of them had only dimmed back this pain a little, now it was hitting her full force the way it couldn't on top of the roof of Las Noches. Then her tears had been held back by the immediacy of Uryuu's inury and the confusion on Ichigo's face at the few tears that had been leaking through the wall she put up. Than it had been Rukia, Renji, and Chads questioning of her after IChigo disappeared for another fight with the ruler of Las Noches. She had forced herself not to think about it, feel it, or recognize it but all she had wanted at that point was to crawl onto the couch in Las Noches and bawl till she couldn't stop anymore, make herself feel all of her pain and deal with it. Not stuff it in a closet in her mind and lock it inside while the door rattled at how much pressure was trying to force it open.
Her tears came in a flood that left her pillow soak through on both sides and further ruined her uniform with wet splotches where she had tried to wipe them away without success. In her pain she didn't blame Ichigo for killing Ulquiorra who she was mourning, she mourning her own stupidity for giving away her heart to someone who hadn't recognized it till the end, that berated her intelligence, questioned her beliefs continually, and made her fall in love with him because of his thorough search through her soul for the heart that she talked about. She mourned never telling him, never saying anything as he looked at her from afar and her own stare back at him, never trying to make him realize his heart was there all along, she mourned knowing she loved another who yet again didn't love her back as she wanted him too.
Hours later her tears dried up but her body was sore from inactivity and oxygen deprivation when her sobs had been too loud and stole the air her body needed. She looked around her dark room and stared at her toys and colorful wallpaper she had put up to cheer the place up after her brother's death but it didn't cheer her now. The toys she had once collected in enthusiasm mocked her because she no longer looked at them the way she did before, his imprint on her soul was to leave her cynical and calculating about everything she did and had. In a fit of rage she stood up and toppled her shelves, found cracks in the wall paper and tore it off the walls until she collapsed on the floor dry heaving again.
Why did it feel like he was still here? Even when she had felt his spiritual pressure leave as his body till there was nothing but the ashes flying away in the air toward the desert and away from her. Was it her uniform, because he had complimented her in it with impassivity she thought was feigned at the moment? Was it her hand that just brushed his before it disintegrated away from her? What was it? It felt like his presence still surrounded her, his arms around her, when she had never felt the sensation during his life. Like he was holding her tenderly like she wished he would at times when her fears in Las Noches were realized. Finding his hands warm instead of the cold that she would imagine from the tone of his skin, feeling his breath against her neck when it wasn't necessary for him to breath as he once told her, or finding him looking peaceful as the time he fell asleep on her couch without realizing till she woke him accidentally. That brought another flood of tears she didn't think would come.
That was why she wanted to stay in Las Noches, because it was one of the only places she had ever felt his presence tangibly. Something she could hold onto and imagine smelling the peppermint shampoo she knew he used because he let her borrow it. Instead of here in her apartment where she didn't think he had ever been long enough to stamp himself there. In a place where he was completely unassociated except by her sorrow felt for him there. A warm place that she didn't want to be, where she wanted to be was cold, even in his presence or absence of it.
Without realizing it and unsurprised by her choice she found herself at Urahara's shop. She went inside to find Urahara there by himself as if he expected her there.
"I want to go back, for a little while at least," she whispered, scared her wish would be denied and break her heart further. However Urahara just nodded and lead her to the basement and to where he'd set up for the departure of Ichigo and the other's to save her.
"I can place you directly inside of Las Noches, where would you like to be?" he asked quietly, respectful of Orihime in her sorrow and not questioning it like her friends would have.
"My cell please," she said and the gap between her and where she wanted to be, needed to be, opened up.
"Ichigo should wake up in three days, everyone's worrying about him," Urahara commented. She nodded thinking that was about all the time she would need to grieve. "I'll reopen this then won't I?"
"Yes please," she said before entering. It closed behind her as she made her own path towards Las Noches. Shaky but smooth she walked till she arrived in her room.
Dirty and wrecked as her room was she sat on the couch, then lay down and slept deeply and with only peaceful dreams of Ulquiorra until she woke up suddenly. A strong but faltering spiritual pressure was approaching her. She pulled her knees up to her chest and waited to know if it was friend or foe. When she saw Grimmjow slump down against the doorway and down to the floor with a grunt she had a moment of pity for him, before she remembered he was ruthless enough to make her bring someone back just to try and kill them. He lifted his hand and knocked on the door before laughing.
"May I come in?" he asked still chuckling. "Damn pain is fucking with my sense of humor."
"Do you want me to heal you?" she asked approaching him slowly, weak as he was she knew predators were the most dangerous when threatened and she didn't want to do anything to jeapordize her safety. She was depressed, not suicidal.
"Why the hell do you think I dragged myself here from out in the desert? For kicks? Just hurry the hell up, I can't see very well, hard to tell where you are when it's this dark."
"If I do so will you promise not to go after anyone else?" she asked. He was silent a moment before chuckling.
"I see Ulquiorra rubbed off on you a little, you'd of done this for free before," he said before coughing. "Yeah, yeah, I promise not to go after anyone else. Live out the rest of my miserable life here," he said sounding depressed about the thought.
"Alright than," she said summoning her healing shield and working on reversing his injuries, as much damage as Ichigo did to Grimmjow it didn't take very long to reverse it. By the time she was done Grimmjow was focused on her face and looking at her blankly for a while as he sat back against the door. She stood and his eyes followed her as she went back to the couch and clutched the pillow that had just a hint of Ulquiorra's scent still on it.
"I can't believe you miss that jackass," he said quietly as he stood and stretched. He looked down the hall and silently looked for threats in the area and found it completely silent. It seemed the arrancars weren't faithful to a missing king and left for greener sands. "If you want any of his crap his rooms down the hallway, third door on the right."
Then he disappeared and she could find no trace of him. She felt that his promise had been true and he wouldn't harm anyone else now, or go after Ichigo for another fight that he could no longer do. Maybe he would start his own pack again and just wander the desert looking for fights elsewhere. 'Didn't seem like he'd have a reason to stay' she thought as she clutched the pillow tighter to herself. The smell was fading away the longer she held it and his words came back to her, 'If you want any of his crap his rooms down the hallway, third door on the right'.
Putting the pillow back on the couch she stood up and left her cell slowly. She'd never been to his room, hadn't known where it was before today. She had absently noted where his spiritual pressure was every once in a while but never pinned down a certain location he spent for extended periods of time. When she opened the door to his room it was utilitarian to the floor and appeared completely unlived in an untouched, she felt sad again as she thought he had nothing to decorate or think worthy of cluttering his room up with. That however made her remember the destruction of her own apartment and promised herself she would put everything back the way it was, except the wallpaper, she would put up another color.
Shaking her head she walked in and sat on the edge of his bed, making a wave of his scent rise off of his comforter and shocking her more than the single pillow had. Along with the wave came another one of agony through her as she realized that it wouldn't last, just like him it would fade away till she had nothing left but memories. She held it back though; she had learned when her brother died that death was inevitable. No one she loved would be there forever but it still hurt like hell for her when they left, the little time she let herself grieve over Ulquiorra's death didn't compare to the year and a half that she spent missing her brother, but it felt like all that grief she had spread out then was being forced into the small space she allowed herself now.
So when she woke up again, tired and cold from where her tears had soaked into her clothes and stole her warmth she was confused about where she was until his scent came back and comforted her again. She hadn't remembered the dreams she had when she was alone in her apartment but she did remember they had been unpleasant, but here in his bed she had dreamed nothing frightening and left her warm where they had left her cold and alone.
Due to her long imprisonment she could instinctively tell that it was somewhere between too early to be up and just late enough she wouldn't pass out in the afternoon from exhaustion if she did something. Sitting up and against his headboard she looked around his room. She finally noticed small things that weren't necessary to his room. A journal he left open on his desk, a small collection of books on it as well that looked like he read them often, smooth rocks piled on the edge, and a small bonsai plant that looked well cared for. Coming closer and looking at the titles she saw the names of famous authors but wasn't completely sure what they were because her English wasn't perfect and they looked American or British to her.
Deciding to find something to eat and later come back or just wander around she left his room but kept its location in the back of her head as she searched for the kitchen, she was sure that there were at least two, Aizen's personal kitchen and the ordinary one she was sure Ulquiorra got her food from. Opening doors at random and looking in gave her a good idea of what each general area was for. Surprisingly her area was pretty deserted, she was the only room except for the ones between her and Ulquiorra's for a while, which made her think that she had been put out of the way and left in Ulquiorra's range for convience. Soon she found closets with clothes, cleaning products, personal care items by the dozen, and finally a huge kitchen still stocked with everything she would need to cook herself something to eat. After making herself a sandwich with tomatoes, pickles, and bacon she started heading for familiar places.
First up was the throne room. As much as she had feared Aizen she pitied him more, no matter how great he thought he was she saw he was alone, and that had made him how he was. He had used all the arrancars for a flaw or want that they had in their life that being hollow only intensified, made them follow him thinking it would be fulfilled when his goals were. Which made her question what Ulquiorra had wanted or needed to confirm that would make him follow Aizen, or was it simply he had nothing to do and followed because he thought Aizen was logical and could accomplish it on that logic. She sighed as she thought she'd never be able to ask him that herself.
Second was the roof, she didn't want to go, it had only happened two days ago almost. She knew all of him would be scattered by now, nothing left for her to grab hold of and insanely try to bring back. She knew that no matter how long she screamed for him he wouldn't come back like Ichigo would, he would ignore her because it wasn't right for him to, even if he could. She went because she thought it would help her let go a bit more, appreciate that she was still alive, feel something more than grief again. Time passed and she had no idea how long she stayed there staring aimlessly at the spot where he had vanished, but once she stood up she felt come of it heal. Coming back after her shock had worn off was good for her, it made her look at it in the right light and without the sorrow that had clouded her feelings over it.
Third was Stark's room, weird because she'd been there only a few times. Been dragged more like by the smaller less active part of his soul that split off, all to eager to tell her their back story. It had made her so sad thinking about his and Liliynette's loneliness for years, just wanting someone else to be there. That they had been there for companionship made her wonder how long they had wandered before and what had made them a hollow in the first place, or was the soul in control just that wretched in it's loneliness. Thinking of his pain made her's lighter, knowing someone suffered more than her made her appreciate his more and focus less on her own.
By the time she got back to Ulquiorra's room (she knew she couldn't stay in her room anymore now) she was tired but healed at least enough not to burst into tears at the thought or slightest mention of him in the future (not that she thought anyone would in the future, they wouldn't care like she did). Pulling back his blanket and kicking off her boots she slipped under his covers and took in a deep breath of his scent before she drifted to sleep almost instantly.
She was sure that she was still dreaming when she felt a dip in the bed across from her and opened her eyes to find Ulquiorra lying across from her and looking almost amused at the tears appearing in her eyes. She reached out to touch him but her fingers drifted through him and she felt nothing, which made her tears fall so much harder than before.
"What a cruel dream. All I think of is you but I can't even feel you in it," she said dropping her arm to the bed and sobbing steadily.
"Silly woman, this is a dream and I no longer have a physical form, how could you feel me without one?" he asked looking quite comfortable questioning her intelligence.
"This is my dream, I should be able to do what I want in it," she said stubbornly stopping her tears for another try at touching him. Her hand went through his again and he sighed as her tears resurfaced again.
"I didn't come to see you cry woman, I saw enough of that when I was alive, it doesn't entertain me in death," he said softly and that served to calm her more than he anticipated. It had stirred her curiousity.
"Then why are you here?" she asked wiping her tears away.
"Because I can no longer linger here, watching you suffer like this over me. It's completely unacceptable," he said sternly.
"I wasn't going to cry for much longer," she murmured.
"I cannot read your mind woman, I assumed you would keep crying like you had for Kurosaki when it appeared futile. And I have only one more thing to say. Don't stop living for this life when you know there will be another in the future," he said leaning closer toward her. "This one was corrupted but the next will be perfect, however you still have this one to complete. So no rushing or deciding things yourself that have precede over whether you live or not, let everything take it's natural course and be patient."
"So you want me to live my life ," she said waiting for his nod, "But you already know about the next one. Does it involve you? I know I wanted five with Kurosaki-kun, but I'd rather have one with you now, just to make up for this one."
"You will have it with me woman, whether we are friends or lovers is up to the decisions to events in it, but know I'll always be waiting for you," he said ghosting his hand over hers and she imagined she almost felt it.
"Promise?" she whispered.
"I do not lie Orihime, if I say it, it will happen," he promised. She finally smiled for the first time in days, even as a few tears came again.
"Then I promise I'll always know you, wherever or whenever we meet, I'll know you," she said turning her palm up to reciprocate his almost touch.
"No more crying Orihime, I'll be gone now, but there's no need for tears," he said slowly fading away. With every little bit of him that disappeared her eyes grew heavier till she woke from her dream to reality. Her sadness was gone, and the little bit of him that she felt was gone as well. She almost cried at the loss till she remembered he said no more crying. If he wanted it, then she'd give it to him.
Straightening up his room, putting everything back to rights, stealing three bottles of his shampoo, his books, and his bonsai tree she left his room and went back to her own. Leaving her souvenirs in her room she tracked her way back to the kitchen and encountered Grimmjow again. He seemed to be waiting for her because from his perch on the counter he turned to look at her expectantly.
"Felt him last night, did you bring him back?" he asked. She shook her head and he shrugged. He looked at the floor and sighed.
"Lucky bastard," he muttered climbing off the counter and approaching her. "Know any shinigami willing to fight me?"
"After everything that's happened, I don't think so, unless you attacked them," she said quietly. He nodded and left the room. Looking back once he waved.
"See you princess," he called.
"Bye Grimmjow," she said waving back as well, knowing the portal he was opening was leading to
Soul Society, and she was never going to see him now again. Making herself something simple to eat after waiting a minute before he was gone and then going back to her room made time fly by faster than she thought it would.
After hours of silence and clutching Ulquiorra's books with all her might the portal in her room opened again. Yoriuichi was waiting there on the other side for her and helped her carry the few things that she was taking with her. When Urahara handed her a burlap bag to carry it all she smiled again, her sadness fading with every passing minute. The thought of Ulquiorra no longer made her sorrowful, it made her happy and excited for things to come. Now she knew that she wasn't facing a life without him, just a short stop before spending a peaceful one with him in sometime in the future, forgetting this one and moving on without a care in the world.
Epilogue
Orihime was about six, playing in the sandbox making a lopsided castle with her older brother keeping an eye on her while trying not to blush next to his girlfriend. She had just managed to put up a tower with bars on the window when a shadow fell over it. Looking up her grey eyes met vivid green that inspected her castle intensely.
"It's crooked," he said simply.
"Well, I couldn't hold up the other side while I was smoothing it out on this one. Want to help me?" she asked. He waited a second before shrugging and sitting across from her. He appeared startled when she smiled brightly at him.
"Thank you. My names' Orihime Nazuka, what's yours?" she asked reaching out to give him her sand shovel.
"Ulquiorra Jingo, nice to meet you," he said taking the shovel and then shaking her hand. Their little fingers curled around each other's and warmth spread out in both directions, promises being kept complete and in progress. Her smile grew again as his started to form.
"Let's be friends, okay?" she said sweetly.
"Forever?" he asked. She nodded her blonde head and he nodded his brown one back at her before turning their attention back to the sand castle. Never noticing that they ended up sitting hip to hip by the time they were finished.
AN:R&R