It had been cold outside, that much he remembers; it had been the coldest day of the year and it had also been the first snow of the season; Evie's first snow ever. It had only been a light snow; nowhere near the blizzard they had gone through in Antarctica, but to see Eves' eyes he would have sworn it was something much greater; something magical. Like angels in a whirling snow globe they had flown, wings outstretched and Evie clutched as tightly to his chest as her blanket and puff-ball coat would allow. Max had opted to fly to the side; enjoy the snow in a globe all her own, at least she had joined them once they got to the hospital; she had even held Eves for a while.
They had talked to her about the transplant for a couple of weeks; prepared her with what little knowledge they had versus nightmare tendencies. Their goal had been to keep her from being frightened but somehow, no matter how hard they had tried, they had failed miserably. Somewhere along the line a spark had been lit, a girl had been scared; somewhere along the line that spark had turned into a flame; from there it just escalated into a full-blown fire… A fire that had singed their child, burned her until all of her attributes- her strength and her liveliness, her baby-fat and her rosiness- were nothing more than the contents of smoke- gone to the horizon.
He did catch glimpses of her, though, the old Evie, but only sometimes; like flying through that glittering haze of snow for the first time. The old Evie had definitely shined through there; she might not have been able to spread her wings and fly as she would have liked to, but she had definitely made what must have been her first appearance in weeks. That had all changed when they reached the hospital; she had changed.
The little girl, who just seconds ago, had been mesmerized to silence by the twinkling of her first snowflakes, had turned catatonic, or, rather, the opposite of catatonic. All it had taken was a few steps, maybe three feet and a smile from the receptionist; a needle lying on a nearby tray. That had been more than enough to send a shiver down all of their spines, his own included. Years spent living in a science lab had done nothing for his tolerance of needles; it had done even less for Max, whose face had turned pale enough that he thought she might vomit. They had each tried to pull it together, though, like robots they had both swallowed whatever lump had risen in their throat; they had each pasted on a smile, or at least something that ended up being a semblance of one. They had done nothing to soothe Evie; if anything it had only served to upset her more, their fake smiles.
"I don't wanna go, Daddy!" She had clung to him, her tiny fingers grasping wildly at the hood of his coat; the back of his neck; his hair; anything they could get ahold of. Tears had started to blossom, a fresh stream of them staining their way down her cheeks; evaporating into the fabric of his coat and side of his neck. He had held her like that for a moment, allowed her to continue her antics for a moment, had made her feel as though everything would be okay, but only for a moment; a moment was all they could afford. "Please don't make me go, Daddy! PLEASE! PLEASE! DADDY, PLEASE!"
Her screams had ripped through him; had left his body shaking in the wake of their absence. Like bells they had rang in his ears, and indeed, beside him Max had also shook, had also raised a hand in her own silent effort to block the tears, or at least to hinder them in their path. His arm had snaked around, it had been an unconscious gesture, but a necessary one; she had collapsed into him, her head taking the same resting place as Evie's had. Her sigh ringing through him the same way Evie's cries had; she hadn't sighed until they found out about the cancer. She had hardly stopped sighing since.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Fang." Her voice broke and not knowing what else to do he had planted a kiss on her forehead, pulled her tighter to him. He had not wanted to tell her the obvious; had not wanted to tell her that she would have to deal with it; that at least until Evie got better she would be stuck to this same role. That until Evie got better this would be their roles, that this hospital would serve as their theater until the end had played out. "If it keeps up like this… I just… I don't know."
"We'll get through it, okay? Together we'll get through it." She had nodded, but the gesture had been empty; her expression vacant. He had squeezed her one more time before letting go; before taking her hand and pulling her to the window of Evie's room; before allowing her to view firsthand their child's struggles. Before watching her break down as the needle pierced through their daughter's skin. She had turned her head away at the last part, and he hadn't blamed her; hadn't said anything, had just held her there until it was done; until it was time to go and sit with her.
"Why did you let them do that, Daddy?" She had been weak, her voice quiet enough that he had to bend down to hear it properly. Even her hand, when he reached for it, had been motionless, when he squeezed it her answering reply hardly more than a twitch. There was a stuffed bear lying beside her and he could have smacked himself; if they had been thinking they would have brought her a toy from home. She would have been more at ease if she had had one of her own animals to hold onto.
"Daddy had to, Baby," He sighed, it was not a sigh of relief but rather one of defeat. If Max took notice she didn't say anything, just continued to stroke the little girl's hair back, not looking up once as she spoke. "If you want to get better you've got to do what the doctors say, and so do we."
"It hurt… they said it wouldn't, but it did." She had whimpered and tears had welled in her eyes; the pain had been so prominent that he could not bear it; could not bear himself for allowing such pain in the first place, and could not bear himself because he knew he would do it again. He had known that no matter what happened, he would agree to it; to keep Evie alive he would have to.
"I know, Eves," He squeezed her hand, once, gently, "But you have to be strong. I swear to you, if you stay strong, I'll make sure nothing happens to you, okay?"
"Do you promise?" Her voice had hardly been more than a whisper, and it had broken his heart. It may have been stupid to make such a big promise to her; a promise that he might not be able to keep. He had known that it was stupid, but at the time it had been true. At the time he had believed that it was true. He had believed it was true and that was why he was able to say the words, without even a hint of doubt in his voice…
"I promise."
"I broke the promise…" His voice is so quiet, a choked whisper in a suddenly stifling room; barely more than a forgotten secret whispered into a merciless wind. She has to strain, lean forward a little bit, grab on is arm a little bit to steady herself, but she can still hear it. She can still feel the heartbreak which unravels through each word; the heartbreak which crushes through each word, stomping them until the sentence he continues to murmur is unrecognizable. Until the sobs are too great to contend with. "I… I… I broke… I broke it."
She nestles closer to him, keeping a hand balanced steadily on his arm; wanting to absorb some of the pain from him; wanting to lighten his if only for a minute; wanting to feel some of it herself. Tears trek down her cheeks but she doesn't pay them any mind, just pulls him closer, feels him lay his head on hers. "You couldn't have known… you couldn't have known."
She shook her head, tears falling into his shirt, her hand rubbing circles in his back as they pull a blanket of white over her; as the wheel her out of the room. "None of us could have known."
A/N: Sorry about a long wait, but I'm pretty happy with this chapter, overall, I think it turned out okay. I had planned on doing more with the present… but this felt right, so, thanks to those who reviewed last chapter- this one is then dedicated to… faxtothemax51799, JealousMindsThinkAlike, and HeAt-StRoKe – Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.