More Than Pride
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize does not belong to me.
A/N: Yes, I changed the title from Purple Stardust to More Than Pride. I think this title fits more, sorry if the change caused any confusion. And I'm not sure if the bit about Seto's parents is accurate. If it's not... Well, this is an AU fic.
I've been very introspective lately; I'm sure that shows in this chapter. Sorry if you don't like it.
Chapter 2 - All That Matters
Trust is an abstract, unexplainable thing.
Sometimes, you don't know why you trust someone. Sure, you think they're trustworthy; but when you think about it, you don't have a definite reason why you trust them. You just do.
Maybe you've known them a while, and you think they're not the backstabbing kind - if there is one. Maybe you think they're not like the others, or maybe you've trusted them before and they didn't betray you.
That doesn't mean they won't betray you this time, though. You just trust them not to. Without proof, of course; proof is an even stranger thing that fades and twists over time.
Sometimes, you don't even know when you started trusting someone… But you do trust them, and that's what matters.
--
"What're your parents like?"
Seto thought he heard Yami say, "It's more like parent, not parents," but he wasn't sure. He definitely heard Yami say, "I thought I told you not to ask questions if you didn't want the answer."
Seto couldn't help but wonder what if he did care. But he disregarded that thought; what ifs never got him anywhere. What if he and Mokuba hadn't been orphans? What if Gozaburo hadn't changed him irreversibly? What if Gozaburo was still around? What if he actually met someone he could get along with? What if they even became his friend or someone he could rely on?
His what ifs never happened. And Seto's wishes on stars that he made when he was five never came true, so he just threw what ifs and wishes out the door. He thought they were like butterflies - nice to look at but completely pointless. He killed his wishes and dreams before they ever took off.
Seto didn't believe in love, either. Before his parents died in a freak car accident with a train, they argued all the time. He learned to read or study during their arguments, and Mokuba was too young to remember.
Seto was sure they didn't love each other. He thought love was a fantasy of those too believing to see the truth - it didn't exist. When the fantasy faded, people got divorced. The fantasy only complicated things. Why would someone sacrifice something - anything - for another? It made no sense to Seto's logical mind. It was foolish.
Seto wanted no part in it.
Seto forgot to reply to Yami while he was thinking, so Yami figured Seto wasn't going to reply. "Someday… When I know you care for the answer, I'll tell you," Yami said, biting into his sunset-colored pear.
"You're sure you're not afraid to open up?" Seto asked.
Yami dug his nails into his palms hard enough to leave indentions. "I don't think that's any of your business, but yes, I am," Yami replied, clenching his jaw.
"Why? Did someone betray you before?" Seto asked. He wanted to find that person and hurt them for hurting Yami…
"It's none of your business, Kaiba," Yami said stiffly. "I hardly think you're qualified to lecture on opening up, anyway."
Seto agreed, but he'd never admit it. "How will you know if I care for your answers?" Seto asked, wisely changing the subject.
There was a moment of silence as Yami thought about that. "I'll know you care if you say please."
"I have to say… that word?" Seto asked. He couldn't bring himself to say please even if he wasn't asking for anything. The word disgusted him; it showed weakness. "Why?"
"Saying please means forgetting about pride. When you say please, you care more for what you're asking for than your pride," Yami replied. "You care an awful lot about pride, maybe more than anything. So if you care about something more than pride…"
Yami left that sentenced unfinished.
"Maybe that day won't come," Yami continued. "But maybe I'll tell you out of my own free will."
Seto wasn't one for maybes, either, but maybe Yami could change that.
-
"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"
Yami laughed. "Why don't you, Kaiba?"
"I prefer my gender, Yami." Seto hadn't told anyone that, not even Mokuba. It could hurt him if the media ever found out; but he trusted Yami not to say anything. He wasn't sure why he trusted Yami. He didn't even know when he had started trusting Yami.
But he did, and that was what mattered most.
He hadn't trusted someone in so long. He wasn't sure if he'd ever trusted anyone before. He certainly didn't trust Gozaburo, and Mokuba was too young in Seto's eyes. He couldn't understand; couldn't be counted on to keep Seto's secrets.
People were selfish. They use secrets for blackmail. If they thought backstabbing their friend would benefit them, they'd do it. Seto had seen it happen countless times; greed could corrupt anyone.
But trusting Yami felt so right.
Yami raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Yes. Does that bother you?"
Yami smiled. "I'd be a hypocrite if it did."
Seto was the surprised one now. "Then why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"I have a problem trusting people, especially guys," Yami replied. Seto found it strange that Yami preferred guys yet had a harder time trusting them. "Why don't you?"
"People get on my nerves." Seto couldn't stand their pointless, superficial chatter. He found the average person to be unoriginal. People were boring.
"But I don't get on your nerves?" Yami asked.
"No, you don't."
"That's good," Yami said, smiling.
Seto wondered why that was good, but he didn't want to ruin the moment by asking.
And he wondered why he even cared about ruining a moment.
-
"I have a favor to ask of you." Yami's breath smelled like oranges this time, Seto noticed.
"What is it?" Seto asked. In the month they had known each other, Yami had never asked Seto of a favor.
"I was wondering if..." Yami trailed off, staring at his black leather boots and chewing his thumb.
"You were wondering what?" Seto asked. "If you can't get over your nerves and just say it, it can't be that important."
"IwaswonderingifIcouldspendtheweekendatyourmansion," Yami replied in a rush.
"You're going to have to say that slower if you want me to understand."
"Dammit, Seto! I was wondering if I could spend the weekend at your mansion," Yami said. "Yugi's going to be gone the weekend on a fieldtrip, and Grandpa's going to visit one of his old friends."
"Why does that matter?"
Yami sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I can't sleep in a house alone. I just... Can't. I'm afraid to."
"Why can't you sleep in a house alone?"
Yami sighed. "That's... Complicated. Personal. Please don't ask me to explain. I don't want to relive my past."
Seto wanted to, but something told him to wait until Yami wanted to explain. Silence came like an uncomfortable wind, lashing and nipping at them. Seto found himself studying the patterns on Yami's clothes, memorizing the way they blended and twisted with the colors. Yami looks so nice in sunlight, Seto thought. Seto ended the silence when he said, "If I do you this favor, what do I get in return?"
"What do you want?"
"I get to ask you five questions, and you have to answer them." Seto planned to save them until he really wanted to know something; no sense in wasting them.
Yami sighed. "That sounds fair; I'll agree to that."
"Why do you sound so upset about that?"
"Do you want that to be one of your questions?" Yami replied with another question.
"No, I don't."
"Then I'll spend the weekend at your mansion."
Seto was looking forward to this weekend, and he hated it.
He hated hope. People get excited for something; and then something never comes or it's not what they expected. They get disappointed. Seto couldn't deal with disappointment. He'd had enough of it.
Hope was as fragile as a flower petal. It takes a lot of trust to put the petal in someone else's hands - and that's what Seto had done. If someone steps on the flower, the whole flower - petal included - dies. If someone separates the petal from the flower, the petal dies.
But sometimes, if there's enough support, the petal can survive. Sometimes.
-
He didn't know where he was. He only knew that it was dark; he could only see silhouettes. It was the worst kind of hot, the kind that had no wind. There was no promise of cooler times in the air. His sweat caused his clothes to stick to him.
When he thought about it, he realized he didn't know his name. He didn't know his history. There was only a void in his mind where his memories belonged. He felt empty, but at the same time, he felt free from burdens.
He didn't know why he was; why he existed. Did he have parents? Was he even human? He wasn't sure. He could be a clone. He didn't even know why he was here. It wasn't for comfort, he knew that.
But he was.
The lighting got slightly better, and he could make out the scenery, if it could be called that. There was nothing except two people. Yami, he thought as he studied the shorter one. That one's name is Yami. But how do I know that?
You know him, a voice whispered inside his mind. He wondered if he imagined it.
Who are you?
It doesn't matter. Now shush and watch.
Where am I? Where are we?
I said shush!
He definitely didn't like the voice's attitude, but he couldn't do anything. He settled on watching in silence with unanswered questions in his mind.
The taller one had crazy white hair, and he was yelling at Yami. Seto strained his ears to listen. "You're filthy, Yami. How could he ever care for you in return? You're nothing. Worthless." He wondered who the he they were talking about was.
Yami's head was downcast when he replied, and he sounded defeated. "I don't expect him to ever care for me in return, Bakura."
So the other one is named Bakura, he thought.
"Good," Bakura sneered. "You'll never be loved. You don't deserve it. Your step-father didn't love you. Your own mother loves her husband more than you; she trusts him more, too. Kaiba will never love someone like you." Yami fell to his knees, his body shaking with sobs.
That's you, the voice said. You're Kaiba.
Seto's memories came back in a rush as soon as he heard his name. He blinked, letting them sink in. Where are we?
This is Yami's dream.
More like nightmare. Bakura stepped on Yami's hand, crushing it with the sole of his boot, but Yami didn't even cry out in pain. Bakura laughed. "You can't even stand up for yourself."
"I deserve this," Yami mumbled. "I could stand up to you, but I don't see the point. I deserve this."
"I'm glad you're finally catching on," Bakura replied.
"Fight back, Yami! You don't deserve this!" Seto yelled.
He can't hear you. You're not supposed to be here, the voice replied.
Why am I here?
I made an exception.
Does Yami care for me, then? Seto wondered. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but some part of him liked the idea. The dream faded, and he heard the soft reply as his alarm clock went off.
You've got to figure that out on your own.
A/N: I'm sure the Bakura fans hate me now. But before they flame me, please let me explain.
Bakura never said those things to Yami. It was only Yami's dream. Dreams can play your deepest desires or your worst fears; Yami's dream played his worst fear. Yami fears rejection from Bakura (this is not and will never be a Bakura/Yami fic, though). Yami fears rejection in general.
It'll make sense later; I'll spoil it if I say any more.