Chapter 2 (Edd POV)
I walked through the cafeteria, holding my plate of unidentified food which reminded me of the reason why I only ate organic food. Tormenting new teachers was fun and all, but the detention I'm being forced to serve after school today won't be. It isn't my fault everyone around here is so incompetent. It's like sharing oxygen with apes.

I approached my usual spot with my, I guess you could say, friend Marie Kanker. She was the only one who didn't blow me off when I stood up for myself. Eddy, being of sound, mind, and loud mouth, screamed at me and ended our friendship. The stubborn boy had never been challenged by me. Of course he felt threatened. Ed, being the mindless follower he was, merely ceased contact with me at Eddy's demand. The two had been friends long before I came along, anyhow. It was to be expected.

Marie no longer sought to ravage me, but instead sought my friendship, which was a definite improvement. She was still as snarky as ever, but her appearance was considerably different. She grew her hair out to her collarbone and started dying it black instead of blue. She still wore it over her eyes, and her family still bought clothes from the Salvation Army. Very partial to a dark green trench coat, it was the one thing she wore every day no matter the weather.

James "Rave" Bartlett sat with us as well. We weren't really friends. We just shared a mutual hatred of everyone and everything, and that was just fine. He was a man of the theater and president of the drama club. Therefore, he had an eloquent and intelligent way of speaking, which made him much more tolerable than most of the primitive organisms around.

"So, what trouble did you get into today, Edd?" Marie asked, throwing me a knowing glancing as I sat down.

"I simply belittled the new French teacher," I said, smirking her way.

"So it's a good day, huh?" she laughed. "What'd you get?"

"Detention after school."

"After that, wanna grab smoothie down at that organic place you like? Gotta say it's growing on me."

"Very well. I'll meet you there."

"What about you, Shakespeare?" Marie asked Rave. "Wanna join us?"

Rave scowled into his notebook, looking up. "No thank you. I'm still writing the school production. If I had it my way, it'd be a one-man show. Sadly, I have to cast all these wannabes. Fuck my life."

"Man, I never get tired of sitting with you rays of sunshine."

I shrugged. "You may leave at any time. You are not bound to this table."

"I may as well be. It's either this or sitting with my deadbeat sisters. They've turned into some serious sluts. I mean, at least I grew out of my 'throw myself at everyone' nature. It doesn't seem to be a phase for them."

I glanced over at the two Kanker sisters. Lee, who'd grown accustomed to shaving half of her head, now wore her red hair long and straight down the side of her head. May still had long blond hair, but her teeth were straighter than they'd been. Both was surrounded by the burnouts of the school, enjoying being groped at the lunch table. It was a grotesque display of sexuality which should only be displayed behind closed doors.

I looked down at the unknown food on my plate, wishing I hadn't forgotten to pack myself a lunch.

The intercom squealed, causing the room to quiet down. "Attention students," came the voice of the school's secretary. "This year, our prom theme will be 'We Met Online!' All of you will take our Match Test on the school website, and be matched based on compatibility. Please be sure to do so before May 1st. It may take awhile to find a match, but hopefully it can be done. You never know, you might just find your soulmate."

I scoffed. "One more reason not to go to prom."

"Oh no," Marie mused. "Here comes the 'Edd vs. The World' speech."

"As if this school wasn't bad enough, now they are making us take an online quiz to determine our dates to prom," I said, picking at the contents of my plate. "I can feel the fascism in the air. As if I'd ever take such a moronic test. It's completely beneath me."

"If everything you referred to as 'beneath you' literally was beneath you, you'd be sitting on a Mount Everest sized pile of shit," Rave grumbled.

Marie chuckled. "I think I'll take it. I'm interested to see who I'd be paired with."

Rave scoffed. "I suppose I shall too. It can't hurt, even though they won't be able to pair me with anyone."

"Well, I, for one, refuse to humor them," I said, crossing my arms.

"What else is new," Marie smirked.

(Kevin POV)

"This year, our prom theme will be 'We Met Online!' All of you will take our Match Test on the school website, and be matched based on compatibility. Please be sure to do so before May 1st. It may take awhile to find a match, but hopefully it can be done. You never know, you might just find your soulmate."

I laughed. "Are you fucking serious? As if this school couldn't get any more lame."

"I think it sounds fun, Kevin!" Nazz said cheerily.

The small blond sure hadn't changed much. Same hair, same clothes, same cluelessness. She was one of my best friends, but she still believed I was straight and was constantly flirting with me. It was a bit suffocating.

"He's just scared he'll end up with me," Nat said from my other side. "As if he'd be so lucky to land such a babe. Although, I couldn't complain." He winked.

Nat "The King of Butts" Goldberg. He was my best friend in the world, but boy, did the guy have an unnatural obsession with ass. I couldn't complain about the occasional ass grab, though. With golden honey eyes, teal hair, and multiple facial piercings, he was pretty attractive. He wasn't my prize though. My eyes wandered over to Edd. What's a guy gotta do to get that sexy shark? A snapping of fingers brought me out of my head.

"Kevin!" Nazz snapped. "Dude! Earth to Kevin!"

"Looks like we lost him," Nat laughed.

"What?" I asked.

"I said you should the quiz, Kev," Nazz said, leaning toward me. "Maybe we'll get paired up."

"We probably won't," I said, leaning away to take a bite of my burger. I tried not to look like I was getting away from her.

"Why not?" she asked, puppy dog eyes piercing mine.

Because I'm extremely gay. Didn't you get the memo. "I just don't think we will."

"But why not!" she pressed.

"Because I'm gay, Nazz! Hello!" I snapped. My eyes widened when I realize what I'd just said.

Now I felt guilty. She looked pretty hurt. "Alright, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. See ya 'round."

She got up and left the lunch room, and I sighed. "I wasn't trying to be mean."

"I know, man, but chicks don't catch on unless you throw it right at them," Nat said, patting my shoulder.

"Nana always says the apples do not ripen until the truth of dawn, straight-as-a-circle Kevin," Rolf added.

Nat and I stared at the foreign boy.

"Why don't you just take it, Kev?" Nat asked. "I bet you'll get paired with the Dark Horse over there. That is, if you can even tame that wild stallion." He neighed sexily.

"Are you on crack?" I spat. "Edd isn't even gay. I've tried."

"Well if you don't jump on that wild mustang, I will, in more ways than one," he said, licking his lips. "I bet they don't call him Double Dick for nothing."

I thumped him in the ear. "You lay a hand on him, say goodbye to your head. And he's called Double Dick because he's an asshole with two D's in his name."

He snorted. "Suuuure, thaaaat's why. That's not what I've heard some girls say."

I watched the beauty get up from his seat and dump his tray. I'd do anything to get in Edd's pants. He's incredibly hot. It's not even fair.

"I'm not taking it, and that's that," I decided, dumping my tray as well.

Edd and I passed each other, his cruel eyes boring into mine as he slammed his shoulder into mine, causing my tray to fall to the nearest table, followed by my head. I spun on him instantly, throwing him to the floor. A commotion erupted around us as we wrestled on the tiled floor, but I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my fist connecting with that flawless face and his fist doing the same to mine. I felt two pairs of hands latch onto each of my arms, yanking me off Edd, who was poised to lunge until one pair of arms, Rolf, left me and grabbed him. The other, Nat, still held me.

"How about you guys not kill each other?" Nat said.

"You two are fighting each other for the sheep like two wolves in the old country!" Rolf said, struggling to hold the lunging shark.

I pried myself from Nat. "Fine. I'm out. But for the record, Edd pushed me first."

I left the cafeteria and went to my locker, grabbing my statistics book. Suddenly, I was shoved against the locker door, a long, lean body pressed against mine.

"You did say you enjoyed this contact," Edd said, face dangerously close to mine.

"Fuck, Edd," I growled, trying not to focus of his crotch on mine.

"Consider this a free French lesson, Kevin," Edd said, a glint in his eyes as he leaned down toward my ear. "La prochaine fois que vous autant que moi contact, je vais dechirer les bras de votre corps." *

With that, a breeze swept me as he left without another word. What the hell did that even mean? And what the hell was that? Teasing bastard.

Translation:
*The next time you so much as touch me, I'll rip your arms from your body.