Chapter 2: I don't know what I'm doing, like at all
The week after the battle passed in a mixture of sadness and relief for Harry. He had been invited to the funerals of all those who had fallen during the battle and he felt obliged to attend every one of them. He never spoke much during or after one of these funerals and refused to allow anyone other than Ron and Hermione to accompany him to them. Ron and Hermione didn't feel the same obligation as Harry did but they were worried about their friend and went along with him every time.
Ginny joined Harry, Ron and Hermione for Colin Creevey's funeral. Harry knew that Ginny and Colin were good friends and that she was more upset about his death than she was letting on. He also knew how annoyed Ginny was that he didn't let her come with him to the funerals. Harry had told her that it was something he felt he needed to do before he could properly move on with his life and that he didn't want her to feel unnecessarily upset and distressed by the deaths when she was already grieving herself. He had also told her that if she was there he wouldn't be able to concentrate and process everything in the way he felt he must.
Ginny had wanted, at the time, to argue back with him and tell him that she wasn't completely emotionally insensitive and that if he kept trying to shield her from the world as though she were a delicate little four-year-old then it was never going to work between them. Of course, in true Ginny fashion there would have been a few choice words thrown in and if he persisted with his argument a possible Bat Bogey Hex.
However, as soon as she had opened her mouth to retaliate she had caught sight of her Mum and Hermione shaking their heads warily and her Mum had mouthed silently to her to, 'Just leave him be'.
Ginny was fuming but after her talk with Hermione she was trying to be as understanding towards Harry as possible, though admittedly it was proving more difficult than she originally thought.
She had let him off with merely a fierce glare and had turned on her heel to stomp noisily up the stairs to her bedroom. Today, however, Harry wouldn't have dared tell her he didn't want her to go to Colin's funeral. Though he knew how much it would affect her even if she didn't.
When they had arrived they had seated themselves near the back. It was a large funeral as young people's always are and Harry felt, as he did at every funeral, that he was somewhat out of place and unwanted.
Colin's funeral had been a good one. Well as good as a funeral could be. Harry was pleased to see him honoured the way he deserved, as a war hero and true friend. The funerals for the muggleborn witches and wizards had, in Harry's opinion, disgraced their memory. The death of one witch, Cerianna Horton, had been put down to a car accident as a way of explaining her untimely demise to muggle relatives. Perhaps it was the fact that his parents had been discredited the same way but Harry was filled with a boiling hot rage and had whispered irately to Ron and Hermione that there should have been separate funerals so she could be sent off in the way she deserved.
At Colin's funeral Harry thought that the things said were comforting to the mourners and everyone, especially Colin's family, knew that Colin would have wanted to die this way. Fighting for what was right, and they had taken the time to thank Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny for attending and had informed Harry in sad, grief stricken voices just how much Colin had admired Harry. Lupin and Tonks' funerals had been much harder for Harry. Harry had met Teddy for the first time the day before.
He had been called to the sitting room by Mrs Weasley and jumping up from his bed in Ron's room he made his way down the stairs, Ginny, Ron and Hermione in tow. When they all arrived in the sitting room he saw Andromeda Tonks, who bore a striking resemblance to her sister Bellatrix, sat on the Weasley's sofa cradling a small bundle in her arms. The two boys stayed stationary at the door, peering cautiously at the baby as though expecting it to jump up and start tap dancing whilst the two girls rushed over and started fussing him instantly.
'Oh he's so beautiful!'
'Just look at those eyes!'
'Aww! Did you see that then? I'm sure he smiled at me!'
'Looks like he's falling asleep, do you want to hold him?' Andromeda asked the girls.
'Yes please!' They both replied in unison.
Andromeda stood up from her spot and passed Teddy into Ginny's arms. She gently rocked him back and fore as he slowly succumbed to sleep. Harry had gradually made his way over to the other sofa and Ron had settled down into a squashy arm chair.
Harry watched his girlfriend somewhat in awe. He had never really seen this side to her before. As he observed her he noticed how caring, tender and how, well, motherly she looked. He was taken aback by this other side of Ginny and was suddenly filled with the bizarre urge to have a tiny, red – headed baby of his own with her. He shook his head; there was a long, long time left before that would be happening. Who even knew if it would? "I don't even know if she wants children!" he thought to himself.
He was interrupted from his musings as he noticed Mrs Weasley was talking to him.
'What did you say sorry Mrs Weasley?'
'I asked if you wanted to hold him Harry. He is after all your godson.'
'Err I think I'll pass, I don't really know what I'm doing – like at all. I'll probably drop him or, or…' He trailed off hoping he'd made his point. The wave of panic that shot through him at the thought of holding something so precious and fragile was enough for him to know that he shouldn't.
'No one really knows what they're doing dear, let Ginny show you. She seems to be quite the natural,' Ginny beamed in pride at the comment, 'Like Molly says you are his godfather you'll have to hold him sometime.' Andromeda chimed in.
'Yeah go on Harry look it's really easy you just…' Ginny tried to place the baby in his arms before Harry interrupted her.
'Seriously Gin, I'll hurt him or something I've never held a baby before and I-' He stopped immediately as he felt the soft, warm weight in his arms.
'Don't be an idiot Harry. You see you just put your hand like that to make sure your always supporting his little head…' She rambled on as she positioned his hands in a suitable way and told him what and what not to do but he had stopped paying his full attention to her. He gazed down at the sleeping baby boy in his arms and found he was amazed by how much he looked like Tonks.
'He really looks like her doesn't he?' He said quietly, almost to himself.
'When he sleeps his appearance goes back to natural. He is very similar to Dora, yes, but he has Remus' hair colour and when he wakes up you'll see he has Remus' eyes too. You only see it for a few seconds though then he usually makes them identical to the persons holding him.' Andromeda explained.
'He's great.' Harry said smoothing Teddy's tuft of sandy blonde hair gently.
Ginny moved closer, nuzzling Harry's neck. Hermione, Mrs Weasley and Mrs Tonks all cocked their heads to the side watching the young couple with matching soppy expressions on each of their faces.
Harry vowed as he held Teddy Lupin for the first time that he would be a good godfather. He silently promised that he, unlike Sirius, would always be there to tell him all about the wonderful man that his father was and to make sure that he was well looked after and, most importantly, loved.
He was more than confident that Teddy would always be loved living with Andromeda though. It was obvious, even through her grief, she adored the little boy and gave him everything that she could.
Harry wasn't sure if this meeting had helped him get through Lupin and Tonks' funerals or made it worse, all he knew was that he never wanted to attend another funeral like that one again. After it was over he had returned home and sat on his bed in Ron's room for a long time trying to make sense of it all but it was soon apparent to him that it was going to be a very long time before he could move on.
Fred's funeral was the last to take place and equally as horrific as Lupin and Tonks'. It was a simple, intimate ceremony, only close family and friends had been invited. This contrasted massively with the others Harry had attended but Harry thought that he liked it more this way. It was more special and personal.
Tears streamed down the faces of the mourners as the ceremony took place and Harry made sure to hold Ginny's hand as tightly as he could manage. George had had to be dragged away from Fred's coffin by Charlie and Ron as it was being lowered into the ground and it was frightening for everyone present to see the normally cheerful, laughing man in such a state.
Most of the guests had stayed at the Burrow for a while afterwards and Harry was exceptionally glad that they had. Everyone had sat around and feasted on Mrs Weasley's spectacular spread whilst each guest shared their stories of Fred. In no time at all the sombre mood was gone and it was almost forgotten that it was a funeral as everybody laughed so much that their sides hurt and several times someone had fallen off a chair at the memory of Fred and George's pranks . George had even joined in with the recollections of Fred's antics adding in bits here and there to everyone's tales. In Harry's opinion seeing George laugh was the best healing anyone could have asked for, it was a worry felt by all but voiced by none that George would never truly laugh again without Fred. Harry had to admit that some of the mischievous twinkle that had previously lit up George's eyes had been lost, but he was glad all the same.
After all the guests left Ginny and Harry sat outside on the bench under the willow tree in the Burrows' back garden where Ginny had wept into Harry's chest for what Harry guessed was at least an hour. He didn't try to preach to her to be strong and move on. In fact he didn't speak to her at all. He knew that nothing he could say would help. He knew that, right now, what she needed was a shoulder to cry on and he fulfilled his duties willingly, praying that one day Ginny would recover, though Harry knew from experience that it was impossible to fully recover from losing someone so dear.
A/N; I know that this chapter was quite a bit shorter than the last one so I will post another one sooner than I usually would. I have written quite a bit of this story later on and that's when my writing is better. I don't know why but these straight after the war chapters are really causing me trouble! All I can ask is that you stick with it and see where it goes… Thank you sooo much to those who reviewed it really helps me to know what I need to improve on and to hear that you like it is amazing and makes my day so please review people!