I woke in the morning to the hard drops of rain on my window. My first thoughts were of the previous night. I glanced around the room hoping to see Edward's glorious figure standing out against the plain surroundings of my room. Even my eyes were able to see that he was not there. The truth was that he could have visited while I slumbered and left no trace behind of his having been there.

I knew that I had to get up and talk to Edward. Slowly I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself. I was paler than normal if that was possible and large streaks of dark grey had sunken in under my eyes. While I had been asleep for many hours little rest had been found. Hoping for some restoration I turned on the shower to steam the room.

After finishing in the bathroom I pulled on jeans and a hoodie. Pushing past the kitchen I slipped my jacket over my clothes and headed toward my truck. I was on autopilot, never having to think about where I was heading. It was always going to be the Cullen house. This was a conversation that needed to happen face to face.

I drove slowly through town and the trees toward the house. The sounds of my truck were the only ones to reach my ears. I saw the start of the driveway and turned gingerly onto the drive. I was sure my truck had been heard long before now, hell I was sure Alice had seen since last night that I was determined to confront Edward.

There were no lights on. All I could see were shades of gray through the mass of windows. I pulled my hood over my head and disembarked for the house. The rain pelted my face and dampened the hood. Still feeling weak I willed myself to the door of the house I had hoped to someday be my home. A knock went unheeded. Frozen to the cold ground I considered my options and settled on trying the door. Even if Edward were in a frenzy surely the others would be happy to see me well and safe.

Holding the doorknob I twisted but entry to the house eluded me. Shuffling my feet onto the grass my feet squished into the soft earth. I willed myself to walk the path around the great house. Again I found no point of entry or signs of my vampire family. I felt a shaking down through my toes. Stopping for an evaluation I understood that my body had registered the leaving of the Cullen's with no goodbyes or reasons before my mind did.

With both my body and mind in agreement my knees went weak and I wobbled down to the ground. Immediately the wet ground began to seep into my jeans. I had fallen under the spell of Edward's love and I had started to let myself believe that perhaps he would stay with me. I had held him up in the sky like something to stretch my mortal body towards. Now I knew that was never going to happen and that I was crashing out a blaze of glory. All I had wanted was to be part of his world.

"I thought you were letting me in". I said into the air.

There was no sound in return except for the rain soaking in from all angles. I thought about moving. I continued to stay where I sat. It was easier to feel the rain's drenching power than contemplate my whole world has fallen in pieces around me. If I were to let that in it would envelop me and I would not be able to walk away from that.

No, I thought. "I refuse to accept this. You owe me more than this! All of you do." I whimpered to the dark clouds above. "It's not fare for you to let me into your world, your lives, and to just disappear with not notice!" My voice raised in volume while my bravado was a beaten as my resolve.

It only took a second to decide but it was the simplest decision of my life. In one swift move I slid onto my side and curled into a ball. A traitorous thought escaped my mind and drifted slowly to my conscious. "Once Edward gets the final say in something that ultimately controls me life." I stewed on this thought and felt the shaking return as tears melded with the rain on my face.

It would be so easy to just stay here I thought to myself. I didn't even notice that cold of the wet anymore. I welcomed the touch of something cold again, relished it even. When else would I have the opportunity to be enveloped in the embrace of the cold? It would be here that I would stay near the site of my happiness, comforted by the thoughts of Edward and the Cullen's. Wherever they had all drifted off to I silently hoped that they had all stayed together. I thought of how it would hurt Esme and Carlisle to be separated from the adopted children. I hoped I hadn't started a war between any of them. If peace was to elude me I wished it for them.

It seemed instantaneous after this stream of consciousness that I heard a small electronic sound somewhere near me. I searched through my brain trying to connect what this sound went too. I swam through oceans of fog in my mind before I recognized it as the ringtone that Alice had picked for herself in my phone. Alarm bells and joy filled my head as I forced my hand up out of the dirt and into my jeans. The Caller ID confirmed my thoughts and my heart suddenly sped up. Cautiously I answered the call.

"Alice?! Where are you?"

"Bella, you need to get up. I saw you lying on the ground outside the house. You just can't do that" It sounded like Alice but she sounded so distant. "Bella were aren't coming back. That does not give you permission to stop existing in your world."

"Alice, stop, where are you?" I asked anxiously of the pixie.

"Bella you need to pick yourself up. Don't worry about us. If you won't do it for you think of your father and mother. They would be devastated if something happened to you." She said rationally.

"Is this my fault? Was this already planned? Please I have to know." I implored of my best friend in a soft voice.

"None of this is your fault. We were going to have to leave Forks sooner or later. We were getting to look to young for our age. It happens." There was a distance in her voice but compassion in the tone. It was true they were going to leave and they weren't coming back in my time.

"How dare you go away and leave me behind like nothing ever happened. Am I supposed just forget that you all were here and that I love you all?" I replied with as much anger as my dying heart could muster.

"Alice I love you." I whispered to her.

"I know. Good bye Bella." As quick as a hummingbirds heart beat she was gone.

"I miss you already," I breathed into the phone in my hand.

I mulled over in my head the little information that Alice had given up. She was right about one thing, Charlie and Rene would never get over it if something happened to me. How could I be okay? No one ever said that I had to be okay which was good because it was an impossibility now. For now I would be a machine something devoid of emotions but capable of output.

With an upward thrust I pushed onto my knees and then with a deep breathe I took a last look at the Cullen house. I would not come back to this place. I knew this with certainty. I focused on standing and keeping my balance. I was drenched head to toe but my truck would be able to handle it. I chuckled to myself. I had won one fight with Edward I was getting to keep my truck. In soft fluid motions I made it to my car, got in and started it up. I forced away my feelings that had been stirred by my brief conversation with Alice.

More machine and less me I thought to myself as I pulled out of park and made my way to the road that would lead me home to Charlie's.