Hey guys, I'm really sorry for the long delay between chapters, I was having serious blocks, but once I got started it was all good. Thanks for the encouragement Forbiddensoul562!

Enjoy...

We're both just standing there, your in the door way. I could just push past you and leave you where you stand. But I can't, I deserve and explanation. I open my mouth, shaky as the words sound as they leave my mouth, they still hit him hard.

"Everyone has a secret Near, but can you keep it?"

I can barely breathe I've been holding my tears back for so long. My throat is in serious pain, I swallow trying desperately to sooth the throbbing sensation.

My hand his fisted tightly around the thin paper, my knuckles starting to turn white.

A burning tear rolls down my cheek and catches in the crook of my mouth, I swore id never cry in front of him.

He's not saying a word, he's just standing there! Just standing there looking at the floor.

But I can feel myself getting more and more pissed off the longer the silence is there for – he can probably feel the daggers I'm throwing at him...that bastard.

I open my mouth to speak, my voice will sound foreign to me, I know it. It wont be my voice.

"Look at me..." I say trough gritted teeth, but he's not. Is he really gonna ignore me all over again? After This!?

"Near!" I shout "Look at me you bastard!"

He glances at me. Just a glance. Then just turns to the side. I'm so angry, and I don't think I'll be able to control it for much longer.

I drop the ball of paper, and before I know it...I've got Near against the wall.

Its like our entire relationship has been destroyed, a waste. It has.

He's between the wall and my forearm, and for a split second I could of sworn that his eyes widened. But how could they of, that's not Nears style is it. He's cold and ruthless, and no one else sees it, no one else has to experience it except for me. Why me?

You've done this on purpose haven't you, to eliminate the competition, to humiliate me. You've always been competitive.

The more the thoughts are circling in my head, the angrier I get, and the more I'm cutting off Near's air supply. Why don't you pant Near. For some reason, I can feel myself smiling. Why, why am I smiling. Is this really what I want. No?

Before releasing him harshly, I push my arm tighter against his neck. His legs buckle and he falls to the floor in front of me. He's still breathing...unfortunately. But its coming out in small pants and squeaks. I could kick him if I wanted to, and I want to, but why don't I?

Even after all of this, I still feel something for him, and because of that. I've got to get out of here.

I move away from his shaking body. What an over actor. I'm going to get out of this apartment as quick as I can. The air around me is suffocating me!

I walk into the main bedroom, searching for my pants. I'm in my fucking boxers. I pull them up my legs, past my thighs and zip them up hastily. Near's starting to get up. I can't believe he still hasn't said anything. Forget clothes, I get out of the bedroom and head straight for the door grabbing my boots and a jacket on the way.

"M-Mello"

I stop in my tracks, not on purpose. I wanted to keep walking, I wanted to leave without another word said. But even though it breaks as he calls my name, his voice still makes me freeze.

"Don't...don't leave"

You don't sound like you don't want me to leave, you don't sound like you've just betrayed me and you want me to forgive you. You sound like you always do Near. Your a liar.

"Your a liar...and I hate you"

My last thoughts actually come out in dialogue, but it doesn't matter, because I've already left the apartment, slammed the door behind me and pressed 'down' on the elevator.

I'm angry, I'm pissed and I wanna kill someone. I look to the dark grey mirror in the elevator, and it reflects something different. I look sad, sad and depressed, like I wanna cry. But I wont. Instead, I pull on my boots and zip up my jacket. The elevator stops with a sickly jolt.

The doors open too slowly for my liking, I just squeeze through the small gap and make my way out of the block.

The air is cold outside, its only around 8 o'clock and the sun is out. But its still so cold.

I fold my arms around my body in a desperate attempt to keep warm, the streets are busy. People getting to work I guess.

I walk away from the apartment complex, and focus on the street in front of me. If I don't focus...I'll look up. And I do.

I look up, all the way to the top floor. I squint trying to make out the figure looking over the balcony. White fluff ball, and with that out of my system, I continue to walk with my arms still folding tightly around my chest.

†

Hmm, I'm tired. I've been walking for a while now, and according to the sun. Its probably around 5pm. What have I been doing all this time? I honestly don't know, the whole day has been a bit of a blur. I just remember trying to kill Near...and...taking some guys croissant. I can't remember why, I think I was hungry.

I'm a state at the moment, I can only imagine what I look like right now. Its not pretty. I need to think. Where should I go, who should I go to? No way I can go back, not in a million years. That is not an option.

I carry on walking the streets, it feels like its getting darker every minute. The prostitutes are beginning to appear slowly. I'm in that kind of area now. Matt should be close by then.

I smile inwardly to myself under the collar of my jacket. Heh Matt, I haven't spoken to him for a few weeks. I miss him.

The sky is throwing a mixture of purple, yellow and blue. Blending into each other like a mist. It looks really nice, and peaceful. It calms me down a bit, the sky always does

"Piss off Near, you did that on purpose!"

"No I didn't, Mello wait."

"Idiot, go away, w-what are you doing?!"

"Mello"

Next thing I know, I'm on the soft grass looking up at Near. He moves his head close to my neck and whispers into my ear "Look at the sky, Mello" I don't want to listen to him, but either way I look up at the baby blue space, filled with white fluffy clouds...reminds me of Near's hair. I take a deep breath and like magic, I'm some how calm, completely calm. Why? I don't know. But the sky does it to me.

"Are you calm?"

I want to kick him and scream 'no!', but instead...

"Yeah..."

He smiles and just lays on top of my chest, he obviously knew that would happen, why does he know so much about me. Things that I barely know about myself. Am I really that much of an open book?

But since that day, I've always loved to look at the sky for...sanctuary I guess you could say.

I continue to walk the blocks of the city, I pull out my phone that's in my jacket pocket. Scrolling down the contact list, I find 'Matt' I press the green phone and hold it up to my ear waiting for the dialling tone...

Its rings twice before,

"Yo?"

"Matt?"

"Yeah"

"Matt, where are you?"

"In a club..."

"What club?"

"Erm...Fumes"

"What?"

"Fumes! That's what its called"

This guy is such an idiot, I'm going to find him just to punch him.

"Matt do you even know who it is?"

"No"

"Matt!"

"Oh its you Mels, ha, only you shout like that"

"..."

I hang up the phone, he frustrates me so much. He can be so careless! I look around the city, and there it is right in front of me. A big western themed club flashing the word 'fumes' on it with a smoking 's' I don't know if that's intentional, or if the sign is about to explode.

I don't really know what to expect in a 'club' I've never been in one, haven't had a reason to...not really.

I see clubs as a place to get away from everything, to forget, to enjoy yourself. I've never really had to get away from life before...because I've always been happy...until now. Maybe this club came at a good time?

I walk in, the buzzing atmosphere hits me straight away with a sickly sensation left behind. The music is really loud! People are barely wearing any clothes! Guys' are grinding up against me already! And Matt is at the bar downing shot glasses! Idiot, he better not be drunk.

I march over, ignoring all the people in my way, and have my sights set straight in front of me.

"Matt!" I shout over the music, he turns to look at me with a goofy smile

"Mel! You came" he gestures to a seat for me to sit down at, I kinda don't want to, but he's already ordered a drink for me, straight up vodka, and I can't refuse.

I haven't drunk in a while, I hope I'm not a light weight.

After fists being banged on the table, and a bottle of vodka later, I've told Matt everything. Everything from Near ignoring me, to Suki calling me, to Near ignoring me, to Suki calling me, to Near betraying me, to me leaving him. I realise I've gone in a circle a couple times while telling him, but that's the only way my head can be described at the moment.

"Are you sure?" is the first thing that comes out of his mouth after being silent for almost fifteen minutes. Of course I'm fucking sure you moron, I wouldn't make this stuff up. Nor would I leave him without knowing the full story...usually.

"Yes" I answer, not caring anymore.

"But Near would nev–"

"Well he did!" I interrupt. I will not be told I'm wrong, not now. Not after everything I've just been through.

Matt goes silent, he doesn't say anything after, just smiles at me. A comforting one, why? Because he's my friend. And I can count on him.

†

I've been at the bar with Matt a while now, I've been drinking non stop to be honest. I'm beginning to get a buzz from the alcohol and the people dancing around me. I turn around abruptly...someone tapped my shoulder.

"Do you wanna' dance" the guy asks me. He looks like Matt in the lighting, and if Matt wasn't sitting next to me right now, I would of mistaken him for Matt...probably.

I look to Matt for some reason, I don't know...reassurance.

He just nods, and with that I get up, but I loose my footing. I didn't feel this drunk sitting down, but the minute I get up, I feel dizzy and weak. The guy holds me up though, whoever he is.

Our feet are on the dance floor, and the minute they are, the guy grinds up against me. I contemplate on whether to go back to the bar and avoid him for the rest of the night, but as I feel the beat of the music, I start getting into it. Someone's body so close to mine...I'm only used to one.Its a strange feeling. The friction from somebody else's body and my own, an even stranger feeling.

Somehow we end up against a wall, his body's grinding against mine and his face is nuzzled into my neck, I can feel his lips caressing the sensitive skin. He didn't waste much time on introductions. I can't help but allow a low moan to escape. I can feel myself getting excited, I want more of this feeling. I want more of this feeling to drown out the ones I don't want, if that even makes sense. I want to forget. Whoever you are...help me forget...please.

I don't really know what's going on, my eyes have been squeezed shut for a few minutes, but I can still feel him at my neck, working his way up to my ear. He's whispering something, but I can't pay attention, I'm too busy trying to stay conscious.

I hear the 'zip' from the leather jacket I'm wearing, and then all I feel is hot air from my surroundings, all I'm wearing is my jacket. Its all I had time to put on.

I can feel his mouth on my bare skin, his tongue flecking at my now erect nipples. It feels really good, and for a split second, I forget.

"Hey, fun's over" a voice calls from near us.

I open my eyes lazily, everything around me feels like its moving in slow motion. I see, red hair. Matt. He pulls the guy off of me, and my chest feels cold. I shiver a little before I feel myself being dragged away from all the people and outside into the cold night.

I hear the 'zip' from my jacket again, Matt did it up.

"What are you thinking, Mello?!"

His voice is confused, concerned and slightly angry. I don't answer him, I can't be bothered to.

"I thought you were with Near"

As I hear that name, my eyes open wide.

"Shut up!" I yell loudly "I hate Near. I was having fun...I was having fun. I don't have fun with Near!"

He simply looks at me, and walks ahead of me. But not before saying,

"That's a lie..."

He's right, that was a lie. I do have fun with Near.

†

I end up being supported on the journey to Matt's house. He's letting me stay? He really is good to me, I don't give him enough credit for what he does. I never do.

He kicks open the old wooden door, I'm surprised it didn't crumble to pieces there and then. Upon entering all I feel is a cold breeze, every window in the apartment seems to be open. Why? Don't ask me, this is Matt we're talking about.

I look around trying my best to keep my balance against his body. There are black, yellow and red wires all over the floor. Each and every one connected to something, weather its a computer, a gaming console or just a household electric item.

He tries to lay me down on the couch, but I keep hold of him. I'm laying down, but I'm clinging to his neck, my top half sitting up.

"Don't go..." I plead.

What the hells wrong with me, why am I being so needy. Above all, why am I being so needy towards Matt? But no matter how much I'm telling my body to let go of him, it doesn't. I'm clinging for dear life, why? I don't know...

"Mello?" he answers surprised.

"Don't..." don't tell me that I'm acting crazy, because I know. Don't tell me that you wont stay, because I know. Don't say that you won't kiss me, because I know...

He eases his body down a bit, so he's kneeling on the couch. My arms still tightly gripped around his neck. Our faces are only inches away, and for a second I think about kissing him. But I didn't think about it for long enough, because I do it anyway.

I push my lips against my best friends, I don't know why, but I do. His lips are soft, softer then I would imagine. Their warm and inviting, weather he wanted them to be or not.

This is terrible, I have to stop, but at the same time I'm thinking. Don't push me away Matt...

Finally, I feel some movement in his lips, but he doesn't kiss back. He's trying to speak, but I wont let him, I wont let him tell me to stop. To tell me that I'm acting crazy...because believe it or not, I already know.

He's trying to push me off, but he's being gentle about it. Are you trying not to hurt my feelings Matt?

But I push harder against him, and I end up straddling his legs while he's in a sitting position on the couch. I gasp for air briefly before I crash my lips against his again, this time with bruising force. I'm lonely Matt, don't reject me like he did...please...don't.

He's still pushing against me, but then, he kisses me back briefly catching me off guard. He pushes me down so I'm laying down again and he's on top of me. Are you really going to let me Matt?

But then, he stops. Stops pushing, stops kissing. He raises his head to look at me directly. Don't reject me. Don't tell me to get out.

"If your lonely, Mello" I know what he's going to say "Then go back to Near" but it still hits me like a ton of bricks. 'Go back to Near' he says. How dare he put so much faith into that bastard. I'll go back to Near when Matt becomes L!

He gets up, and starts leaving. No. Don't leave.

"Matt" I call "Don't lea–"

"I don't think its a good idea" he interrupts.

And as he leaves, I feel that painful lump in my throat again. Soft sobs escape my mouth, as I try my best to repress them so Matt can't hear. Although he probably can.

I'm lonely, I'm confused, I'm drunk and I just made a pass at my best friend. What else could go wrong right now? I shouldn't jinx it.

AU: Okay guys who actually read this, again I am very sorry for the delay between chapters Ive been so busy lately its not even funny XD

For those who are worried about a MelloXMatt fic; don't worry your pretty little heads, Mello is in the rebound stage and will go after anything that moves. This is still a NearXMello fic.

Please review, I promise, they keep me sane in this world full of homework and studying.