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Chapter 2

"Summer job"

Over the summer Helga had the good fortune to land a paid internship with Hillwood publishing. It was small work, copying and faxing orders but she gave it 110%. Anything to ensure she didn't ever have to work for Big Bobs Beepers. Her father had luckily mellowed over the years. He learned to talk and not just yell and from time to time he even called her Helga. Maybe, having a meditation yurt in the back yard wasn't the worse thing. Though just the same, working for Big Bob didn't hold any appeal to her. She had no passion for selling beepers and cell phones.

She walked into Hillwood publishing with a smile that morning. Dreaming of Arnold the night before even with the sad ending in San Lorenzo always gave her the energy she needed to press on. Though at the site of her tiny desk and the huge stack of work that energy almost drained but she had a goal for this internship and she couldn't waste it with laziness. The following summer was her last summer before college and Hillwood publishing was sending one intern to Europe to work on a special book tour for three new authors simply called "The Summer of Love Tour." Helga knew that if she did her best this summer and continued to work with them on the weekends over the normal year she could land that position and finally get to go to travel which has been a life long dream.

College was the one matter she kept putting on the back burner since it was a very difficult subject for her. She was just unsure if she wanted to attend seeing as writing was what she knew she wanted and she already had her foot in the door with the publishing company now. Her sister kept pressuring her to at least attempt to go to college stressing how she is so smart and that she would more than likely gain a free ride through college due to her spectacular grades. Yet just the thought of an additional four years of school with books and teachers and math and other subjects that she had no interest in brought her mood down.

This internship abroad meant she would get to see first hand how a publishing company really works. Seeing first hand how a client was chosen on through editing and finally helping with the book tour. In years past the behind the scenes, of writing would've been the path she thought she'd travel. The path of a writer was what she had always expected but having long since come to terms that her muse was gone this seem the next best thing. Publishing work would still allow her to be around writers and maybe meet some wonderful literary talents that one day may give her back her muse.

Just the thought of traveling to France and being in Paris, having a chance to see the Eiffel tower struck some much-needed life into her soul and she managed to get a poem out here and there, which is what had brought her to her roof the night before. That setting always seems to help her write and she was proud of the poem she had written that filled the last pages of her latest journal. Phoebe's words once again echoing through her mind, "Oh Helga you work in a publishing company now! How silly of you not to arrange a collection of your best poems! You could make a beautiful book of poetry and present it to your boss." But even though at times she seemed really proud of her writing she never thought it was worthy enough to present to anyone much less her boss whom she truly admired.

Instead she dove into her work, filing the papers on her desk and sending out the needed faxes and emails. Even though it was a lot of work she happily breezed through it and by the time lunch came around she was surprised to see that she had more than half of the work for the day already completed. Ms. Davis walked in and smiled to see Helga happily working and asked if she'd like to join her for lunch.

"I was thinking of going up the street for some pizza." Helga agreed to go along secretly hoping to bring up the tour and express her interest in wanting that spot.

Lunch went better then expect. Ms. Davis was an extremely positive person which made it easier to strike up a conversation.

"So Helga school starts back up next week. Senior year! You must be really excited have you decided yet which college you're going to?" The college question once again. Not wanting to sound immature Helga smiled and quickly gave the best honest answer that she could.

"Honestly I am unsure what to do about college all I know is that I want a career in writing. Publishing even editing would be nice and I understand that does require a college degree but I'm fearful of the other classes and having to deal with another four years of school. Even though I excel at it now, it's something but I've never enjoyed."
Ms. Davis smiled appreciating her honesty.

"College isn't easy but I remember my college years as some of the best years of my life. NYU has an amazing writing program and its close enough to Hillwood that you would save having pay crazy dorm prices!" Ms. Davis paused for only a second to look over Helga's sad expression over all this talk of college. So she took the opportunity to bring up Helga's writing. "Of course you know if you have some writing you'd like me to see. That may help you decide your future plans." Ms. Davis had seen Helga's writing a few times but not officially just a few things she had witnessed Helga toss out. It amazed Ms. Davis that the work she tossed out was so good. She could only conclude that the writing she kept was even better.

"MY writing? It's nothing, nothing like the quality of work you normally receive. I see the novels our team publishes here and my work is just, well its just silly love poems." The words came out in a low shy tone. A tone you would not expect from the normally strong seemingly confident young lady that Helga tried to be.

"Just silly love poems! Our first stop on the tour next summer is Paris! Only the city of love! I can't think of a more fitting tribute. We already have two novelists that we wish to sign with us but I think a poetry book would be a great addition. At least let me read your work the worse I can say is no." Though she realized that rejection was most likely what Helga was mostly afraid of.

Ms. Davis paid the bill and they walked back to the office in comfortable silence. Everyone seems to want her to put together her poem so reluctantly she decided that tonight she would do just that. Her poems! Arnold's poems! The worst Ms. Davis could do is say no. She knew she would never mistreat her or say anything mean. She knew she needed to act fast on this before the tiny bit of confidence she just gained fizzled away. As a bonus she knew it would get Phoebe off her back too.

That afternoon on her way home, Helga stopped by Phoebe's house to see if she could borrow her laptop. All of her poems had been hand written in her collection of pink and purple journals and she never had a need to type them up before. Standing at the steps of her best friend's house she could hear them all inside chatting and it just sounded like what happiness feels like. Even if she could hear the familiar laugh of Gerald as well. For a moment she considered coming back another day but knocked on the door remembering how many times Phoebe told her she was always welcomed. A moment later a euphoric Gerald opened the door.

"What's going on Pataki?" He said leading her towards the dining room.

"Geez Geraldo you'd think it was your house I came to visit!" But in many ways it was. Since Arnold left Gerald had really latched on to Phoebe from best friends through the remaining years of grade school, to something more in the following years. At times Helga felt like the third wheel and didn't hang out with Phoebe as much as she'd like because of it.

"Hello Helga!" Phoebe cheered always happy to see her best friend. "We just sat down to dinner what perfect timing!" She quickly sent Gerald to the kitchen to make an extra plate for Helga. Though she felt out of place she wouldn't have dreamt of not taking her place at the table. Phoebe's mother had made one of wonderful dinners which she was always famous for and Helga was happy she had made it for the meal. As they all started clearing the table and making small talk Helga couldn't help but take it all in. How normal they all seemed with all the smiles and causerie. Although things at her home had improved over the years they still never made it to the status of normal. Miriam always drank way more then she should and with Bob working so much he never notice it.

"Thank you so much Mrs. Heyerdahl you've always been such a great cook." Helga smiled walking her empty plate to the sink.

"It is always a pleasure to have you over dear." She went along filling the dish washer and packing away the left over's in a small travel bento box. It made Helga smile to realize that it was most likely Mr. Heyerdahl's lunch for work the next day. In the back of her mind she couldn't help but think how she'd love to one day have a home and a husband to cook for. But thinking of Arnold just then made her sad so she put the thought past her and followed after Phoebe and Gerald up to Phoebe's room. Walking into Gerald and Phoebe cuddled comfortably in the love seat near the window listening to music.

"Phoebe I was wondering if I could borrow your laptop for a couple of weeks. I know it's really short notice but I kind of have an assignment from work..." She suddenly felt awkward talking about her poems in front of Gerald and paused at what to say next "and it needs to be typed up." Good save she thought.

"Could this be the same assignment I've been asking you to work on all summer?" Phoebe asked with wide eyes!

"Yess." Helga shyly replied still being rather embarrassed around Gerald.

"Of course you can! My parents will let me use the main computer downstairs in the meanwhile and we shouldn't have many large homework assignments the first week of school. Well hopefully." She sat up to gather the laptop cords and bag for Helga, while Gerald plugged in his headphones and jammed away silently on the love seat. Phoebe walked with Helga towards her bed and they sat to talk a little more privately.

"What made you finally decide to do this?" Phoebe asked cautiously.

"Ms. Davis and I went to lunch together at work today and the topic of my writing came up. I'm not sure how she knew that I write since I'm always careful not to leave anything out on my desk at work. But none the less she seemed really interested. That coupled with you always asking me to do this I just decided it was time. I'm scared but honestly a little excited." Phoebe pulled Helga in for a hug which surprised her a bit but she warmly returned the hug.

"Oh Helga I'm so happy! I've read everything you've always allowed me to and it's always been so impressive. I'm not just saying this I really mean it!" Helga rolled her eyes pretending to be upset but Phoebe knew better and giggled a little at Helga's expense.

"Are you girls done being all secretive over there? If so could can we go do something fun like watch a movie?" Helga stood up really not wanting to see a movie with them. Because like always it would turn out to be a make out session with them and her sitting alone looking down into her popcorn. Both Phoebe and Gerald had tried to set up her up with someone but it never worked. She even gave old Brainy a chance and that lasted the longest but he knew her true feelings and suggested they end things on good terms.

"No thanks you two. I'm all tapped out of watching you two make out for a life time." Phoebe blushed at Helga's bluntness but knowing it was true didn't press it.

"Well okay Pataki all the more Phoebe for me then." He smiled welcoming her back into his arms on the love seat. Helga fought to keep Arnold out of mind though she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he was still here. Would the four of them be heading to the movies together? Would they even be a couple? She rarely let herself think this way because it always hurt so much. Why pretend? Why waste time thinking of a boy millions of miles away saving babies in Africa? Though she knew the answer was because that boy had the remaining pieces of her heart all sewn up in the palm of his hands.

"Oh boy..! Good bye you two. Thanks so much for the laptop Pheebs. I'll give it back in one piece." She put the computer bag on over her shoulder and stepped out of the room waving the couple goodbye. Downstairs she heard the Heyerdahl's talking over tea and she thanked them both again for dinner and saw her way out.

Knowing that she should decide against it she took the long way home from Phoebe's house. It wasn't something she did as much these days but her heart ached after seeing all that love at the Heyerdahl's. Before she knew it she was standing in front of 4040 Vine Street. Sunset Arms looked so quite now so small and almost foreign to her. Yet without thinking twice about it she ran along the side of the building up the fire escape. Slowly coming into view was Arnold's room. For what she could make out everything seemed just as he had left it. Not brave enough to open the window and go inside she just sat outside the room on the fire escape hugging her knees, feeling the first round of tears fall down her cheeks. No one was around so she just let herself cry letting out a small sigh.

"Oh Arnold."