Again guys this is from my phone. Still trying to locate that missing charger. Please read and review :) let me know if you want Rose/Christian or Rose/Dimitri :) thanks for all your support so far xxx
2 weeks earlier...
He was still avoiding me like I was the Black Plague trying to claim his life. It was as if everything we've been through means nothing now. As if everything I went through to save means nothing all because she stabbed the stake through his heart and now he claims that she save him. I forgot how much Lissa loves him and how she risked her life for him. Torturing strigoi until they gave her the information she needed to track him down, how she was held captive by the man she loves and used but no matter what happened in Siberia she forgave him because she loved him so much she couldn't bare to be without him even if the nightmares were coming back. I forgot that Lissa had to feel the hurt and betrayal come through the bond when she decided to go on a possible death mission. I forgot how much watching the love of her life be taken and there was nothing she could do to stop because she was being pulled backward, away to safety. I forgot how much all of this then being told 'love fades, mine has' crushed her and destroyed her heart and soul.
Hang on, that was all me, I was the one who had to go through all the hurt and pain and disappointment.
But to add to all of that my best friend and sister is avoiding me and sending messages through the bond accusing me of being selfish and that I should stay away from Dimitri. With all that there was the fact that Eddie was busy either guarding Lissa or meeting up with Jill and Adrian. Adrian had found someone else, someone who isn't in love with someone else, who could give him their undivided attention and love him. Christian was always with Lissa and Dimitri and I never thought I'd say this but I miss him, I miss his snarky comments and how he'd always look after me.
So here I sat in my room all alone. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my depression and downwards spiral. Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to control the urge cut myself whenever something went terribly wrong.
I was sitting in my room feeling absolutely shattered, there was nothing anyone else could do to make me feel worse, or so I thought. I was sitting there reading through one of the books off my shelf when she came barging in.
"How dare you? Everything was finally going well and you had to be your usual selfish self and mess everything up! Did you even think about how this could effect him? Or me? Do you even think before you act? No because you only care about one person and Rose we all know who that is. You need to grow up and realize that not everything is about you, that this world doesn't revolve around you. Gosh! Don't speak to me again! All you are is a selfish bloodwhore who only wants one thing! Stay away from me and Dimitri, better yet stay away from all of us. We don't want anything to do with you. We only took pity on you because you had no one." She said before she walked back out of my room slamming the door behind leaving no other indication that she was here other then the hurt inside of me and the shock on my face. I blocked off her feelings because all that was coming through was hate and resentment. This wasn't the way my life was supposed to be.
I calmly walked into my bathroom looking at the unfamiliar yet very familiar girl in the mirror. What had changed so much to make everything so drastically different? Maybe that was an answer I was never going to get. Maybe it was like asking why you fall in love, it's something that just happens, something unexplainable. I ran a hot bath and stripped off my clothes hoping that the water would relax me after a tough day. The bath was relaxing for a whole of three minutes before Lissa's thoughts came barging in.
'God she ruins everything, why can't she just leave? Nobody here wants her here anyway. She had to stick her nose in and wreck all our progress. I wish she'd disappear.'
Her words hurt me even more and I picked up my razor. I looked at it for a while contemplating what to do. Damn I was about to make myself into a hypocrite. I smashed the razor on the tub destroying the plastic and releasing the blades. I picked one of the blades up and decided to make one small cut. The one small cut felt good so I made a few more deeper ones. After 15 minutes I snapped out of it and looked at my wrist. There were about 15 cuts ranging in size and deepness. Maybe this could be my way out. My way from all the pain. I'd only use this when I truly had nothing else. When all hope was lost.
Maybe if I had someone to stop me back then I wouldn't have gone as far as I did. Maybe I wouldn't be in a hospital 2 weeks later fighting against the world of the dead to keep my life. Maybe then I would've found out the truth behind everything.