Distant Dreams

Saber wouldn't speak to him. It had only been a week after the Fifth Holy Grail War had ended, and yet she still wouldn't speak to him. For sure, Saber still ate with them with every breakfast and dinner, which now included Ilya now that she had recovered, but Saber didn't even look at him when his eyes desperately tried to gaze into her eyes. She simply excused herself with cold politeness when she was finished with her meal, and left to go ponder in her room. Shirō could only glance longingly at her back and feel the pain building up in his chest. I didn't want this, he wanted to plead to her. I didn't want this at all! Or did he? He remembered of how he had screamed for the Grail to stop granting his wish deep within his heart as tears run down his cheeks. But then, another memory kept surfacing as well as Shirō stared blankly at his food. Kotomine Kirei, who he detested with every bone in his body, had been the one to tell him that he could allow Saber to drink from the Grail to grant her another life.

If not that, then he could use his last Command Seal to force her to live a second life. It was during that time when Saber had told him she would destroy the Grail that Shirō thought about using his Command Seal to give him that one wish. What have I been fighting for? Shirō had asked himself in frustration that night when he had spoken with Kotomine Kirei. What did I want to accomplish? Despite his heartbreak then and now Shirō immediately knew the answer. He wanted to be a Hero of Justice, something that he was certain would always be his goal, especially since the old man had died. Never did he think that something so powerful would replace it. I don't want to lose her.

Now she appeared lost to him, more than she would have been if she had been granted her wish.

"Shirō?" The auburn-haired mage looked up to find Fuji-nee staring at him. Her usual cheerful face was replaced by one of concern. Her warm amber eyes appeared to darken slightly at Shirō's still hands. He hadn't eaten since Saber had left. "Shirō, what's wrong?"

Shirō hoped that his smile was as convincing to himself as it was to her. "It's nothing, Fuji-nee. I…just haven't been hungry lately." His voice faltered slightly at the end, and Shirō hoped that Fuji-nee would lose focus and start wanting him to fill up her rice bowl again.

"Shirō, I've known you as long as you've been in your father's care." Her eyes were too intense to look away. It was almost as if she was teaching him kendo again, when he had been a child. "I have never seen you so upset before…except when Kiritsugu-san died." Shirō stiffened at the mention of the old man. The mention from Kotomine Kirei had made the wounds reopen again. "Now, what is wrong between you and Saber-chan?" Then suddenly her face morphed into distress. "It's not because of cultural differences, is it?"

Shirō allowed himself a small laugh. "No, it's nothing like that, Fuji-nee. It's just…" His voice quieted and became somber. "I did something that upset her."

Fuji-nee continued looking at him carefully, noting of how his normally peaceful eyes appeared dull and the food that he relished in was sitting cold by his side. Saber-chan too appeared different. Her politeness and sense of calm were now nonexistent as the young woman simply isolated herself from her and everyone else, including Shirō.

"Tell her you're sorry," Fuji-nee told him. Shirō looked at her in bewilderment. "Tell her it's your fault for whatever happened." She gave him a small smile to his confused expression "It always works."

Shirō was now conflicted. My wish caused her dream to die, he thought as Fuji-nee continued to smile at him. It wouldn't be as simple as Fuji-nee had made it out to be. I have wounded her pride, the pride that allowed her to be king, and…I may have lost her love as well. Shirō continued to ponder as he continued to stare at Saber's empty plate. I took something precious to her…but I have to try to gain her trust, if not love, back.

With a quiet thank you for Fuji-nee, Shirō walked back into the hallway where Saber's room was located. He knew from memory that almost no possessions were in there; only a futon. Despite himself, Shirō allowed himself a smile at Saber's frugalness. Unlike most people in the modern age, Saber didn't waste anything. He remembered of the lecture she had given Tohsaka when she had almost thrown her food away into the garbage can. "You should never waste anything, for you do not know when you might need it." Tohsaka had grumbled about the lecture, but Shirō had simply laughed. Heaving a sigh as he dispelled the memory, Shirō called Saber's name.

"Saber?" After a couple of moments Shirō knocked lightly on the shoji screen. "Saber? Are you in there?"

There was a quiet rustle in the room as Shirō waited. Suddenly the screen opened, and Saber was standing in front of him. She was wearing her normal outfit that she wore when she had not been in her knight attire, and her face was as beautiful as it always had been. Her eyes seemed emotionless as she soundlessly motioned Shirō to sit.

"I am angry, Shirō." The young mage inwardly gulped at the burning anger in Saber's eyes. "You broke my trust when the Grail…forced me into this form of another life." Her voice became colder as she looked him. "Why did you tell the Grail of your true wish, Shirō?"

There was no gentleness when she spoke his name. Only anger.

"I didn't mean for the Grail to hear my thoughts," Shirō whispered as he tried to not look into Saber's eyes. "The Grail…stated that it could hear the winners' souls and dreams." He visibly swallowed. "It told me that I could have my true dream, but that did not mean I wanted it to happen." His fists clenched, and his eyes turned into liquid sorrow as he stared into Saber's unflinching eyes. "Didn't you hear me scream?"

For a while there was no response. Shirō could see no emotion waver across Saber's face, and for a moment, he thought she had rejected him. He bit his lip as he waited for her to speak, waiting for anything, when she closed her eyes and sighed.

"I heard you scream, Shirō. That day, I could hear you telling me to destroy the Grail. But…" For a moment she stiffened. Her voice faltered. "My people needed me. My people, who needed their king." Shirō could hear the agony in Saber's voice as she spoke with a heaviness Shirō had not seen before. "The Grail took it away from me. You…took it away from me. Now my people will die without the peace and stability I wanted to give them with my last breath."

Anger clouded Shirō's mind as he heard the words again. That was similar to what she told him at the bridge. "You would have died, Saber!" Grief immediately poured from his lips. "Don't you care about your life?"

Sharp emerald eyes stopped Shirō from uttering another word. "It is an honor for a king to die for his people." Her expression turned colder. "Is it not selfless to die for the people you love, Shirō?"

"If I could die if you could live, I would." Saber's stunned expression echoed into Shirō's thoughts as he spoke. "For you, I would do it one thousand times over." More than that. "The Grail," he whispered, "could see that, and it granted me a wish that I thought was far out of my reach." His eyes started to sting as he continued to gaze longingly at Saber's face. "I didn't mean for it to…but it happened."

Suddenly Shirō could see tears running down Saber's face. They were almost like silver, like the moon shining like the night they had first met. Shirō opened his mouth to say something, but Saber shook her head.

"When Kiritsugu used his last Command Seal to destroy the Grail when he was my Master, a deep despair took over me. I couldn't save my people from the destruction and anarchy that I had brought." Her voice was almost inaudible and shook ever so slightly. "I wanted to save them, for if I had been able to put my sword into the lake…someone would find it and peace would reign again." Tears continued to trail down her cheeks, falling against her clothes. "And now…my wish was denied again by a simple dream deep with my heart." Saber's heartbroken expression started to show as despair openly showed itself in her eyes. "My people are dead because of me. How…will they ever forgive me, their foolish king?"

Saber slightly gasped when Shirō immediately put his arms around her. Her wet tears touched his face, and the grief in both of their eyes were identical as Shirō grasped her hand around his own.

"Gomen nasai," he stated his breath brushed against her cheek. He was certain she could feel the warm tears falling from him eyes. "Gomen nasai." He kept repeating it over and over again. "I didn't want to cause you so much pain, Saber. I'm….so sorry." The tears were blinding him now. "I know that you can never go back to save your people, the people that you hold dear, and I am sorry I was not able to fulfill your wish." Shirō swallowed thickly, now meeting her eyes. His trembling hand dried away her tears. "But now…you have to live again." He pulled his face close to hers. "You have to live again, Saber."

"Lancer stated that a Heroic Spirit has no need for a second life," Saber whispered as she stared into Shirō's face.

"Lancer is Lancer, and you are you," Shirō stated as he softly stroked Saber's hand with his own. "To me, you are more than a hero from the past. You are my love, Saber." A soft smile graced his face, now genuine this time. Saber closed her eyes briefly, the last of her tears drying away.

Now again she opened her eyes. The warm emerald depths were existent again, and Saber's expression became one of peace.

"Shirō…thank you."