Disclaimer: I can't draw manga for my life, so no, I don't own D. Gray-Man.
(Author: I'm starving…and yesterday, during lunch, me and my friends were just talking, and somehow, the conversation went into the more dirty parts. Want to know? Read my note at the end of the chapter.)
Boo to You Too:
Chapter Two: Night Gone WrongAllen found himself face to face with Kanda's crotch. Kanda had froze, still and unmoving.
Then, "Get off my lap, stupid bean sprout!" Kanda shoved Allen away forcefully. All Allen could do was stammer.
"Uh, I-I'm sorry!" Allen apologized, face red as a tomato. Gosh, now it was going to be awkward between the two of them.
Kanda stood up, picked up his coat from the ground and threw it into Allen's face. "Have the damn coat. If you wanted to use it, you should've told me." He said, rather gruffly.
Allen grabbed the coat gratefully, and peeked out from under it. "Sorry, Kanda." He said in a small voice. His face was still the same shade of red.
He curled up, under the coat, trying to get warm. Kanda sank back into his meditating sleep…How could the man be bare-chested in the middle of winter?! Allen found himself contemplating over this. The coat hadn't done any good, for some reason, and Allen found himself colder than usual.
The Japanese man didn't look cold. Allen wondered if he was warm. For another few minutes of chattering teeth and shivering, Allen decided to see exactly how warm Kanda was.
(Here, the author starts to snicker…)-----------------------
Allen wrapped Kanda's coat around him, and tiptoed silently towards Kanda.
And tiptoed…and tiptoed…until another one of those damned creaks woke Kanda up again.
"What is it this time?!" Kanda tried to keep his voice under control, but failed miserably. His face was as dark as a stormy night, and Allen could've sworn a vein had popped out from the side of his head.
"I'm cold." Allen managed a small smile.
"What does that have to do with me?!" Kanda almost roared. The stupid bean sprout had woken him up, TWICE.
"You …look warm." Kanda blinked at this reply. Well, yeah, he was warm, but what did it have to do with the bean sprout being cold?
"Can I stay next to you?" Allen asked, carefully looking anywhere but Kanda.
"No." Kanda growled. "I like my own personal space, brat."
All memories of what happened before fled from Allen's mind. "You jerk! I'm freezing!" Allen sat down next to Kanda, refusing to budge.
"You brat! I need my personal space! You're in my damn bubble!" Kanda hissed at him, turning himself so that he was facing him.
"Too bad. I'm COLD." And Allen crossed his arms, looking stubborn.
"What does that have to do with me?!" Kanda burst out, again.
"Because you're warm." Allen emphasized the "warm". Honestly, how dense could this guy get? If it was Lavi, then…okay, never mind. Allen shook his head.
"Well," Kanda said testily. "I let you borrow my coat, brat, but you're demanding for more?"
"Why do you make that sound as if I was taking away all your belongings?" Allen questioned, eyebrow raised.
"Because, stupid sprout, you are." Kanda retorted.
"This is getting nowhere!" Allen threw up his hands in exasperation. "I'm freakin' cold, and you seem as if you're warm, in the middle of a cold, wintry night!"
"You're getting nowhere!" Kanda argued back. "What does your being cold have to do with me being warm?!"
Allen nearly screamed out of frustration. He forced himself to sound negotiable. "Because I'm COLD. And because I'm cold, I'm cold, and because I'm cold, I'm cold, and because I'm cold, I'm-" He was stopped suddenly. Allen's large gray eyes widened, nearly popped out, as the older man breathed lightly in between his lips.
"Shut the fuck up, bean sprout." Kanda growled. "You warm now?"
Allen blinked. They were awfully close. And how on earth did Allen end up on the floor? He was lying on the ground, with Kanda's body on top. And their bodies were touching. But, Allen thought, at least I'm not cold anymore. Kanda is warm…Something hard jabbed at Allen's thigh.
"Holy shit, did you just get a boner?" Allen yelped at Kanda, whose eyes had gone wide at the suggestion.
"What?!" Kanda yelled. "Who would get a boner with you?!" He felt stupid, because a second later, his pants felt like they were going to rip…
Allen's jaw could not have dropped any lower.
"You are." He pointed out after he recovered.
"Damn you." Kanda breathed, but it was with less venom. It was getting rather hot in here. Kanda's fingers twitched, wanting to tug off Allen's coat. It was too hot to wear a coat, and it made Kanda feel even hotter.
Good God, did I just cause Kanda to get hard? Allen wondered, horrified. Sure, he guessed he might like the man, once in a while, but…Allen was not going to have sex with Kanda!
But, his own pants felt tight too…
Despite Allen's cold fingers, Allen felt a bit too hot. He needed to cool down.
Allen tried to scramble away, from underneath Kanda, but Kanda just pushed him back down, his dark eyes gleaming.
What. The. Hell.
Kanda was horny?
------------------------------(Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa)------------------------------
The Writer says: Oh my gawd. I can't wait to post the parts about *censor * and *censored *. Ah ha ha ha ha….for some reason, this makes me laugh like crazy.
Oh, and yesterday, my friends and I were all talking, then someone brought up something very interesting…
Friend A: Yesterday, I was on some website and I saw an article about a man getting arrested for having sex with his car.
Friend B: WTF?! O.O How can anyone fuck a car?!
Friend C: Oh, you want to know?
* Everyone leans forward.
Me: Wait, you know how to fuck a car?
Friend B: Omfuckin'G, what the hell.
Friend C: Ah, (talking in a creepy ass voice) of course I do. It's me, what do you expect?
Friend D: You do have a point.
Friend B: Oh geez, tell us already!
Me: O.o Why do you want to know? * eyes friend weirdly.*
Friend C: * smiles* I'll just tell you guys. * friend begins to tell about 4 different ways a guy can do it with a car and two ways for a girl to do it. *
Me: * stares* I think…my brain just broke.
Friend D: Me too.
Friend B: I don't think I can look at my car the same way I used to do now.
Friend C: Oh come on, don't be sissies.
Friend B: Easy for to you say! I can't look at my car without getting all hot and bothered now!
Outsider that was just passing by our group: * stops, stares* Wtf.
Me: You…don't want to know.
Outsider: Uh…yeah. * edges away from our group*
End. If you want to know the many different ways to fuck a car, message me, and I'll tell you. It's hilarious. I don't think I've ever laughed this hard; I nearly cried, that's how bad it was.