Author's Note: You guys are the best. Seriously. This chapter took me a little longer than usual to finish. I ended up reworking it a few times because I wasn't entirely happy with it (the first few drafts were quite a bit darker), but I'm ultimately glad with how it turned out. Let me know what you think. Cheers! :)
When she arrived at their apartment, the door was left unlocked and Delphine felt a slight sense of relief knowing that Cosima was home, that she didn't wander off to be somewhere on her own in her condition. She opened the door, sliding herself through it and taking a look around, noticing that all the lights were off. If Cosima was home, there certainly wasn't any indication.
"Cosima?"she called out, flicking the light on.
Her eyes adjusted to the sudden lighting change and she spotted the brunette across the room, sitting at the table in silence, sipping on a glass of red wine. The bottle itself was half empty and the French woman could tell that she had been there for a while, drinking quietly in the dark while watching the cityscape from the window.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, hanging up her coat and dropping her bag. "You left without me, without saying anything at all. I was worried."
Cosima didn't answer. She tilted her head back, emptying the contents of the glass before reaching for the bottle to pour herself another. Delphine approached her slowly, cautiously, mindful of the space between them and the clone's unusual behaviour.
"What's going on?"
Cosima finally turned her head to acknowledge her lover, staring her directly in the eyes for a brief second before turning away again, taking another sip and continuing to gaze out the window. The action was like a slap in the face to the blonde, a deliberate "fuck you," so she reached out and grabbed the glass from Cosima's hand, pulling it away. The brunette made a noise in protest, but was quickly silenced by Delphine.
"Why are you upset with me?"
She hadn't seen Cosima all day and when they had left each other, everything seemed fine. She could only assume that something must have transpired throughout the course of the day in her absence. Cosima reached for the glass and Delphine extended her arm out behind her, holding it just out of Cosima's grasp, refusing to relent until the clone gave her some sort of explanation.
"Can you give me my wine back, please?" Cosima asked, making no attempt to hide her growing agitation.
"Not until you tell me what's going on."
Cosima sneered. She reached for the bottle this time, but Delphine was quicker, grabbing it with her free hand and holding it out of Cosima's reach, yet again. She backed away from the table, creating more distance between them. The two became locked in stare, each daring the other to make a move.
"Leekie and I had an interesting conversation today."
Delphine grew silent.
Her head dropped and her feet remained planted, her arms relenting and lowering to her sides with the glass and bottle still in hand. Cosima could have snatched them back at this moment with the blonde's guard down, but neither woman moved, Cosima's eyes like liquid amber as they remained fixated on Delphine, locking her in position with their intensity.
"How long have you been fucking him?"
There was danger in her voice, as well as pain and betrayal. Delphine's head shot up and she locked eyes with Cosima, returning her searing gaze with one of her own. It was clear that the pain and betrayal was mutual, the brunette's accusation like a punch to the gut.
"I'm not," she replied curtly.
"But you were."
There was a brief moment of silence, the two women searching each other, trying to predict the other's next move. The entire mood was so volatile and Delphine wondered how much she could or should disclose before she lit a fuse and the entire apartment burst into flames.
"Oui. Before we were together, I was with him."
It was the truth. She had not been with Leekie after Cosima became an option- her only option. While she could understand her lover's hostility toward her previous relationship with Leekie, her implication that her affair with the duplicitous doctor was ongoing was like a knife in her heart.
Delphine stepped a little closer until they were separated only by the table. She placed the forgotten glass and bottle on the surface, but neither woman's gaze shifted from each other. Cosima continued to search the blonde, to try and discern the truth in her lover's voice.
"Leekie and I... whatever we were... it wasn't serious and it's long over. It ended the second you first kissed me, in your apartment that night after dinner. Remember, ma cherie?"
Cosima shook her head, laughing incredulously as she pushed her chair out from the table and rose to her feet. She began to walk away, heading towards their bedroom, but Delphine followed closely behind as she attempted to justify her actions.
"I'm sure you were with many people before you were with me. I don't ask you about them. I don't get angry about them. Why are you so upset about this?"
Cosima came to a screeching halt. She whipped around, pinning the blonde in place with a glare that would make even the boldest man quake in fear. If looks could kill, the doctor would have been dead ten times over by now.
"Because we're talking about Leekie!" she shouted. "The man's a psychopath!"
"I know that now. I didn't then."
Cosima's eyes were brimming with tears.
"All of this bullshit... this is all his fault, Delphine! All of it!"
And suddenly, Delphine knew where this anger was coming from.
This was the exhaustion talking, the frustration and the fear finally rearing its head. Cosima was at Leekie's mercy, with absolutely no control over what was happening to her body. She was at the mercy of a man who saw her and her sisters as some glorified lab rats, who would probably sacrifice her life in a heartbeat if it would further his own agenda. No matter how many snarky comments she threw his way, this fact remained the same. And now she had learned that the only thing in her life that she had some semblance of control over- her relationship with Delphine- was being tainted by Leekie, as well.
The blonde relaxed, her posture slackening from its defensive state. Sympathy found its way to her face and she took a step closer to Cosima, trying to close the distance between them. The brunette was not receptive and she took a step back, maintaining the distance that her monitor was so desperate to erase.
"Mon armour," she pleaded.
Cosima met her gaze, her face serious and penetrating. Her eyes dropped, then rose again a second later as she gave Delphine a once over, trying her best to absorb the blonde's presence, to decode the enigma that stood before her.
"Why are you really with me, Delphine?"
The doctor blinked, unsure if she had heard her lover correctly, but she quickly realized from Cosima's continued austerity that she hadn't imagined the painfully calculated words that had fallen from her lips and stung like a swarm of hornets under threat.
"E-Excuse me?"
Cosima shook her head, turning her back and continuing her journey to their bedroom. Delphine managed to catch her elbow before the shorter girl could get more than a few steps away, holding her in position. There were a thousand thoughts racing through her head, a thousand things she wanted to say, but she said nothing. Instead she simply held Cosima still in a dangerous silence, waiting for the brunette to finish her train of thought.
"Do you feel guilty? Is that it?"
Cosima jerked her arm, roughly escaping the blonde's grasp. She turned around so the two were facing each other once again. There was no more retreating to the bedroom to hide, no more deflections or illusions. The clone's eyes were glaring at Delphine and shining with angry tears, unable to restrain her emotions anymore. It was a look the blonde had never seen before. It terrified her in more ways than she could fathom.
"Do you feel bad that I'm dying?" she began to unwind, her voice deep and aggressive as she stepped closer to the taller woman.
Delphine had been so desperate to close the space between them before, but now she found herself backing up, away from her lover and her suffocating gaze, her incisive words that threatened to strip all flesh from her body. With every backwards peddle, Cosima took one forward, never letting the blonde out of her range of aggression.
"You feel like you owe me something after everything you've done, so now you're hanging around until your debt is repaid. Is that it?"
Delphine's bottom lip quivered and she inhaled a shaky breath, gravity betraying her as a few vagrant tears spilled down her face. She stopped retreating. Cosima stopped advancing. They were standing in the middle of their living room, a mere few feet between them, a void filled with tension and heartbreak.
"How could you even say such a thing?" Delphine asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"It's the only logical reason I can come up with."
"So, the fact the I love you isn't reason enough?" She burst, her voice cracking at the confession.
The brunette had been out for blood. Now that she had it, she found the taste wasn't as sweet as she had hoped or imagined. It tasted different than the blood that stained her lips after a hacking fit; it was bitter and heavy on her tongue, preventing her from speaking. Upon seeing the blonde's tears and hearing her accidental confession, she realized that it wasn't Delphine's blood she had wanted at all. It was her heart. She was so afraid of what that meant, she tried to claw it out of the doctor's chest while it was still beating. But what use did she have for a heart without a name?
"So, the fact the I love you isn't reason enough?"
Delphine's words echoed in her ears and her own tears began to flow freely, her chest heaving. She hadn't been prepared for those words yet. Delphine's truth was somehow much harder than what she had been expecting. She looked up, meeting Delphine's gaze once again. When the blonde was able to finally see her- really see her- she stopped trembling like a leaf in the wind, her eyes void of their previous hurt, replaced by a silent understanding and devotion. Her lips upturned ever-so-slightly into a smile.
"Is that really so hard for you to believe, Cosima?" she asked softly.
Delphine took a step closer, finally closing the painful distance between them. Their bodies pressed together and her arms wrapped around the shorter girl, pulling her into her chest for a tight embrace. Cosima allowed herself to be held like that for a few minutes, wrapping her own arms around the slender woman and sinking into her. She tucked her head beneath Delphine's chin and sobbed quietly while her monitor simply hushed and stroked her softly.
When she finally regained some sense of composure, Cosima pried her head out from beneath Delphine's chin and looked up at her lover, whose fixed, assuring gaze seemed to steady her faltering body. Her eyes fluttered as she reached up, wrapping an arm around Delphine's neck and bringing her head down to meet her.
Their lips brushed together gently, slowly, more of a test than a profession of desire and with such innate tenderness that all previous accusations were soothed and forgotten. When they parted, Cosima pressed her forehead to Delphine's and both women inhaled deeply, allowing the other to enter their stream. Thumbs brushed at tears, removing solemn streaks from otherwise flawless features and when they finally opened their eyes again, there was a longing and understanding swimming atop the surface, though something much more primal lurking underneath.
"Please," Cosima breathed against her lips. "I need you."
Delphine already knew this because the need was one they shared, one that had settled in their centers and bonded to their bones, one that radiated through their bodies, sparking every limb to life. Her lips were back on the shorter girl's, but they were more feverish this time, more desperate and demanding. Cosima's arms wrapped around the blonde's neck and Delphine's went to her ass, pulling the clone roughly against herself until space was nothing more than an abstraction. The two went stumbling through the apartment until they crossed the threshold into their bedroom, their lips never parting despite nearly losing balance. Their clumsy dance didn't stop, however, until Delphine's back hit the wall and Cosima had her pressed against it, grinding her hips into the doctor's and eliciting something between a moan and a whimper.
Delphine's hands rose from the American's ass, cupping her face instead to give her more leverage to deepen the kiss, her tongue greedily claiming every inch of the clone's mouth for herself. Cosima quickly dispelled her tactic, her hands finding Delphine's and removing them from her face, pinning them against the wall on either side of her head. Their fingers clasped together and their lips parted momentarily, lazy smiles etched on both of their faces as they caught their breath. Cosima nuzzled her softly, their noses brushing together in an act of pure endearment.
"Bed," Delphine suggested, her chest still heaving and bursting for oxygen.
Cosima nodded, fusing their lips back together again. Her hands went to Delphine's blouse, tearing at the fabric. The sound of buttons scattering across the floor filled the room but neither woman cared as Delphine all too willingly shrugged the article from her shoulders and slowly walked the shorter girl backwards until her knees hit the bed. The blonde was on her quickly, smothering her completely with lips and tongue and hands. They were in such a hurry for skin, she wasn't quite aware of how it happened, but their clothes were stripped away in a flash until they were finally in their natural state, their skin hot and slick as they molded into each other.
The room was completely dark, lit only by the faintness of the moon shining hesitantly through the curtain of the window, but it was fine. In the darkness they see each other with perfect clarity, two sets of eyes burning skin and stealing souls, staking claim to one another. They lay still for a moment and the room is silent aside from their laboured breathing, the brunette on her back with her head buried in the crook of Delphine's neck, inhaling the sweet scent of the blonde draped over her body. She slid a leg between the French woman's, feeling her wetness hot against her thigh and Delphine bucked against her, sending electricity up her spine and causing the pale woman to shudder.
"Si douce," she whispered breathlessly into the clone's ear.
Cosima sighed as Delphine took her lobe between her teeth, sucking and nibbling gently as she continued to grind against Cosima's thigh. Cosima raked her nails down her monitor's back and Delphine's lips continued their descent down the column of her neck, planting open mouthed kisses until she reached the clone's clavicle, then dragged her lips across to the base of her throat. The brunette tilted her head back to oblige the blonde, allowing her to trace the length of her throat with her tongue, stopping at the underside of her jaw to plant another tantalizing kiss. Cosima did her best to stifle an inevitable yowl, sending vibrations through the blonde's lips which upturned into a seductive smirk. The American looked up at her, eyes wide and hungry, begging the blonde to satiate her in the way that only she knew how. Delphine reached for her hands, pinning them to the bed on either side of her head without ever breaking eye contact, smirk still firmly in place.
"Tous la mienne."
Cosima lifted her head to meet the French woman's descending lips and they clashed violently, teeth clanging together and tongues skimming over lips as they both battled for control. Delphine's position gave her the upper hand, but the quirky girl beneath her wasn't willing to concede so easily. They fell into a momentum, their mouths melding together and tongues dancing idly with one another in a dance of exploration. No matter how many times they kissed, each time was always new; there was always something to be learned, a deeper essence to be felt.
Delphine shifted so that her center was pressed against Cosima's and both women gasped at the sensation. She released the brunette's hands and sat up straight so she was straddling Cosima and the two became locked in stare, each daring the other to make the next move. Cosima thrusted her hips upward and both women moaned loudly, drowning each other out. The blonde then reached down, gripping just below Cosima's breasts, giving her enough purchase to grind herself into the smaller girl. She continued to roll her hips and Cosima moaned, gripping them tightly as she met each roll with one of her own, the two finding a common rhythm. The friction was starting to become unbearable.
"God, Delphine," she panted.
She licked her lips and looked up at the blonde through hooded lids, struggling to keep her eyes open as the slick heat between her legs ground continuously against Delphine's in a form of delicious torture. She forced herself to watch, to take in every detail of the French woman as she rocked enthusiastically against her body; the way her back arches, the way she bites her bottom lip to try and suppress a moan (and fails miserably), the way she throws her head back each time Cosima's thrusts meet her own, her breasts bouncing ever-so-slightly, creating a spectacle for the clone to admire. Her hands slid from Delphine's hips, traveling up her sides and cupping the swells of flesh. She flicked her thumbs over the nipples, rolling them between her fingers and the blonde pressed down even harder against her, causing her to cry out and her body to quake.
Cosima forced herself up into a sitting position so that Delphine was now straddling her lap. Her mouth ravaged the French woman's chest, sucking and nipping, while her hand drifted south, finding the place where she was most needed. Delphine wrapped her arms around Cosima's head, holding her face to her chest in an almost suffocating lock, and she gasped loudly as she felt Cosima's fingers begin to dance in her wetness.
"Cosima!" she moaned loudly, egging the clone on.
She never grew tired of hearing her name fall from Delphine's lips and she took it as all the encouragement she needed, slipping her fingers inside. Delphine thrusted wildly against her hand, desperate for even more friction. Her hands pulled Cosima's head towards her own for a punishing kiss, one that sucked all the air from their lungs and left the promise of bruised lips in the morning. When their lips parted, they locked gazes once again, Cosima's fingers never relenting, Delphine's breath hitching and eyes fluttering with each and every thrust; her eyes were so dark and glossy now, Cosima was certain she'd lose herself in them forever if she continued to maintain her gaze, and it would be a fate much better than the one that awaited her back at DYAD.
"I love you," she finally confessed, her words a hot expulsion of breath against Delphine's lips.
They came from somewhere deep inside of her and clawed their way to the surface, threatening to tear her apart if they stayed inside for a second longer. She knew she shouldn't have said them, but she didn't regret it.
The look on Delphine's face became much more serious and she reached down between them for Cosima's wrist, stopping her ministrations. She pulled Cosima's hand up and held it flat against her chest, right above her heart. Cosima could feel it slamming hard against the French woman's chest, ready to burst out at any second.
"Can you feel it?" Delphine whispered.
Cosima swallowed, nodding in response.
"It's you," Delphine explained. "Always you. Only you."
She lowered them both back down onto the bed so that Cosima was flat on her back, then kissed her softly, their fingers intertwining as she thrust herself again Cosima's wetness once again. While their mouths danced gently with one another, their lower halves rocked against each other in a much harder manner until neither woman could stand the friction anymore. Their release was nearly simultaneous; Cosima's back arched as she unleashed a long, deep moan from the pit of her stomach and Delphine buried her face in Cosima's neck, muffling her own cries. They rode out the storm of electricity that overtook their bodies together, trembling against each other until Delphine's body finally gave out and she collapsed on top of Cosima in a heap of sweat and satisfaction.
It took them both a few minutes to regain their strength and once they did, Delphine rolled off of the smaller woman, turning her back to her. Cosima curled up close, wrapping her arms around her pale lover and spooning her from behind, burying her face in the back of Delphine's neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume mixed with sweat.
"I'm sorry I was such a bitch before," Cosima mumbled against the blonde.
The doctor rolled herself over so she was facing Cosima. She gave the clone a weak smile and reached out, cupping her face and stroking it tenderly. Cosima's eyes fluttered closed and she sighed deeply, reveling in the sensation of Delphine's soft touch.
"It's okay."
Cosima shook her head, blinking back tears and the blonde's smile disappeared, replaced by concern. She recognized the look in Cosima's eyes as one of shame and she felt a pang in her chest as she leaned forward, pressing kisses to the clone's eyelids.
"No, it's not okay," Cosima began. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. It was out of line."
"Really, ma cherie. It's fine," Delphine replied.
She shifted, moving herself so that she was now on top of Cosima once again, hovering over, arms resting on either side of the American's head and casting a shadow on her face. She took in the shorter woman's delicate features, amazed that such a being could exist. While many questioned the ethics and morality surrounding genetic engineering, she did not; maybe it was a defiance of nature, but if defying nature resulted in the creation of something so perfect, then she was more than willing to continue defying it. Maybe one day there would be a whole world full of Cosimas, full of beings so beautiful and strong and smart and delicate, brightening the world just by being a part of it.
That was her utopia.
But no matter how many Cosimas were out there, no matter how many clones DYAD had unleashed upon the world, this one would always be hers. She was just as much a part of the clone now as her traitorous lungs, as the ink on her skin, as the movement in her hands while she spoke. And just as she was certain of this, she was certain that Cosima had become a part of her now, too, present in every heartbeat, every breath taken, every thought processed. They were inescapable, inevitable to each other now.
"You're sick. You're exhausted. You're allowed to lose your temper. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't sooner," she said.
There was a beat of silence as both women gazed deeply into each other and Cosima offered her monitor a small smile of gratitude.
"I'm sorry that I ever doubted you, Delphine."
Delphine froze as soon as the words left Cosima's lips, the colour draining from her face. She knew they were meant to be reassuring, but instead they sent ice through her veins. All she could think of was Kira, of the cold and manipulative Rachel forcing her to lie to Cosima when the clone's faith in her was now finally restored. It seemed like some cruel joke.
"You've been nothing but good to me ever since I got sick. You're pretty much the only person I can-"
Delphine silenced her lover with her lips, preventing the dreadlocked girl from finishing her sentence. She couldn't bare to hear Cosima continue on about how much she trusted her, not while she was lying directly to her face. It was a complete betrayal, one that tainted their relationship and one she knew they would never be able to recover from.
Cosima was caught off guard by the kiss but allowed herself to sink into it, cupping Delphine's face in her hands. That was when she felt the tears, salty droplets landing on her own cheeks, falling from above. She opened her eyes and realized that Delphine was crying, her eyes betraying her lips. The brunette pulled away from the kiss.
"Hey, hey," Cosima cooed, nuzzling Delphine. "What's wrong?"
Delphine said nothing, her lips returning to the reluctant clone's, desperate for the ceasing of language. Words could not be trusted anymore. Words had failed them both too many times. Cosima tried to resist, recognizing Delphine's attempt to distract her, sliding her head to the side to free her lips from the blonde's.
"Delphine?"
"Please, Cosima," was all she said, her voice shaky and broken. "Just let me love you."
Cosima's own eyes began to well up with tears again and she nodded silently, allowing her monitor the reprieve she so desperately needed. This was what their relationship had become; these tiny moments of finding solace in each other, moments where Cosima didn't have to be dying, where she didn't have to be 324B21, where Delphine didn't have to be a liar or a monitor. In these moments, they belonged only to each other, were responsible only for one another.
In these moments, their lives seemed almost bearable.
She could try to tell Cosima how sorry she was, how much she loved her, but she knew the clone would never believe her words ever again when the truth about Kira inevitably came out. All she had left was action; she had lips and hands and fingers and tongue; she had her body, pressed firmly against the brunette, pinning her to the bed; she had the trail of fire she left as her lips descended down Cosima's neck, chest, stomach, lower and lower, ignoring the clone's concern as she finally settled between her legs; she had Cosima's moans, her sweetness on her tongue, the bucking of her hips against her face; she had the power to release her from her own body, the one that seemed to betray the clone at every turn.
She had the power to make her timeless.