Author's Note: I took the 25th episode and changed it a little bit. Spoilers for episode 25 so do not read if you haven't watched the 25th episode (which is the ep. of the feels and if you haven't watched it I suggest you don't).
"I suppose there is no need for the handcuffs anymore. Watari, please remove the cuffs," Ryuzaki quietly says without looking at anyone but Light catches him throwing a glance at him, almost as if he's expecting him to do something. Light's chest feels tight but tries to suppress the feeling. It serves him right for interfering with me, a god. What did he think was going to happen? Fool. Light thinks halfheartedly. He's warmed to the thought of himself as a god and slowly his old personality returning to him.
Matsuda and Light's father are excited and beaming. They are fools too. They're in for a surprise when the killings start again.
"Light! I'm so glad that you're free!" Misa's obnoxious voice exclaims from behind him. She possessively grabs the arm of her 'boyfriend' and Light promptly tries to free himself.
"Now we can finally go on dates without you," Misa exclaims, glaring at Ryuzaki. The detective looks at her sideways, unamused. In fact, he looks a little bit sad.
"I'll catch up with you later, Ryuzaki!" Light blurts out and cringes at his bluntness. Why am I comforting the person who's trying to catch me; apparently, spending all that time with Ryuzaki has gotten to me.
"Let's go," Misa urges. And, even though he chastises himself for it, he looks wistfully at the lonely detective, thinking of how much more enjoyable the 'date' would be if he was coming.
"You remember everything? That's so amazing!" the annoying model shrieks next to Light on the bench.
"We need a game plan," he responds.
"That's the Kira I kno-" Light puts his hand over her mouth to keep her from divulging too much information.
"Are you crazy?! Not in public!" Light whisper yells. She nods and he removes his hand.
"Do you want me to do something about L? He is trying to catch you after all and that's unacceptable!" She earnestly says. Light's heart does a backflip at the prospect of Misa 'dealing' with Ryuzaki. He almost immediately responds.
"Absolutely not!" he clears his throat "I mean to say that I'll deal with him myself." Translation: Light has no idea what he's going to do about L. If he does anything about L then Ryuzaki will disappear. But he doesn't know if he wants to do anything to L either. He always secretly enjoyed their high stake battle of wits. And he also enjoys his leisurely time with Ryuzaki.
He sees Misa inquisitively glaring at him out of the corner of his eye but ignores her because he's too busy thinking about what to do with Ryuzaki and L.
Misa stalks through the woods, pouting. On their date Light told her to go to the spot where he buried the note to get back her memories. When she finally arrives at the spot, she kneels down and starts clawing at the earth, furious at Ryuzaki. When Light thought about the funny detective he had an expression on his face that she never saw before. He looked like he was laughing fondly at a silent joke in his head but the thing is, Misa missed the punch line. Light has never looked so fond of anyone else, her or otherwise. It wouldn't bother her if he gave her the permission to take care of him because it would mean: A) She'd never have to see that expression on Light's face when he thinks about Ryuzaki again and B) It would leave, beyond a doubt, that he cares more about her than Ryuzaki.
Finally, she sees the notebook and lunges at it, wanting to know all she can about Light. She doesn't resist the pain.
"Ryuk, I can't remember what L's real name is!"
"Hmm? I thought Light told you he'd take care of L, so why should you care?" Ryuk asks.
"Wait a second! Why do I care? So what if Light has a certain expression on his face when he thinks of L? It's not like there's anything romantic between them because Light doesn't play for that team," she loudly reasons "Don't you agree Ryuk?"
"I don't think Light 'plays' for any team, as you so crudely put. I think he just loves about who he cares about (if Light indeed is capable of loving anyone)."
"You think that…?" she trails off.
"I've known Light for quite a while now and one thing I know for a fact is that he doesn't do anything without a reason. Am I saying that Light feels a certain way toward L? No. But I will admit that no one gets him so worked up other than L. Their relationship is so strange and interesting," he muses.
Misa grows limp and clutches the Death Note. Frustrated tears stain the dirt crusted cover of the note. So what does this mean?! Does this mean that no one else can compare to L in Light's eyes? Am I not good enough for him?!
"Misa?" Ryuk says hesitantly, as though he's approaching a time bomb. This is all L's fault! Does Light really love L more than just a friend? He treats L like he's the only person in the world that matters personally to him! I hate him so much.
"Ryuk, I want to make the eye deal!"
Rain assaults the glass that's perched next to the ceiling. Light's footsteps echo in the hallway. He's been pacing the building all day, trying to figure out what to do about the nosy detective. Every conclusion he comes up with includes killing Ryuzaki. For some inexplicable reason he can't bring himself to do that. He was beginning to form a theory that he just couldn't forget the time he spent with him.
His eyes snap up, though on instinct, and looks out into rain. Light sharply intakes a breath as he sees Ryuzaki standing alone in the rain. In one word, this scene could be best described as, beautiful. In the middle of this scene is Ryuzaki, looking up at the sky, as though trying to discover the secrets of the universe. He stands, shoeless, and his shivering back is curved. His shiny black hair is limp and tired looking from the rain. But the emotion on his face makes the scene; the emotion on his face is one of pure hopelessness.
"What are you doing standing out there in the rain?!" Light yells. Ryuzaki cranes his head and smiles, almost mockingly at the other boy. Light tries again but gets the same response. He frowns and considers leaving him, but only for a fleeting second. He needs to talk to L; he needs to disrupt this fragile scene. An umbrella is propped up on the wall. What's wrong with him? Who brings an umbrella to the roof just to leave it? For such a smart guy, he sure is stupid. Even with the malicious thoughts in his head, Light still opens the umbrella and walks out in the rain. He wants to shield Ryuzaki to pay him back for all the times Ryuzaki has shielded Light from storms.
"Are you crazy? You won't last long if you keep throw your life around," Light says, covering Ryuzaki with the umbrella. He shoots Light a bored, amused look.
"Why should you care? You're the one who's killing me," he bluntly says. Light falters a little bit because L usually does not exhibit malice, especially not outwardly towards Light.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Light replies, feigning innocence.
"Tell me Light, from the moment you were born has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth? Let's skip this pretense. I can feel the end drawing near and I don't want my last hours to be spent lying," he whispers. Anger pulses through Light.
"What are you talking about?! No one is making you do this to yourself!" Light shouts before he can stop himself. He is struggling with keeping up this pretense all by himself. He desperately want to keep up this façade because he doesn't want to know what type of raw emotions is hidden behind the veil.
"Kira, have you ever loved anyone?" Ryuzaki asks. Light can practically hear the sound of comfort in the form of unsaid words fluttering in the wind.
"What are you talking about? Of course. I love my mom, dad, sister, and Misa," his stomach hurls at the thought of him loving Misa "And I love you" he says before he can stop himself. That's taking the lie a little too far. I am a god. I do not love. He looks at Ryuzaki, seeing if he acknowledged his outburst. He shakes his head and snorts.
"You're lying. If you really know what love is then you'd know why I'm doing this to myself. Have you ever heard of the tale The Little Mermaid?"
"Yeah, we read it in primary school."
"I'll refresh your memory. Once upon a time, a young mermaid lived contently under the sea. But, she fell in love with a human. She wanted to be with him so she made a deal with a sea witch to give her a pair of legs and, in return, she'd give the witch her voice. She and the prince met and, even though she could not speak, he was entranced by her dancing. She danced day and night for him even though it was excruciating. The prince, despite mermaid's obvious affections, married another. Her sisters give her a knife they obtained from the witch in exchange for their long hair. They told her that she can use to the knife to kill the prince in order to get her tail back, but she couldn't bring herself to kill the only person she's ever loved. She throws herself in the sea where she dissolves into foam. That's the end of her melancholic tale. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions if that's okay?" he asks Light who promptly nods "My question to you is: Is her fate appropriate for her actions? Is the prince really in the wrong? If not, then who is the real villain in the story? Is it the Sea Witch, the prince, or the prince's wife? Lastly, and most importantly, would it better for her to never have met the prince and continue living contently under the sea, not knowing love?" Ryuzaki looks at Light expectantly. His features are tired and defeated, almost like it's taking too much energy to even stand upright.
"We need to get you inside Ryuzaki."
"Answer my questions," he says with a cracking voice. Ryuzaki closes the steps between them under the umbrella and rest his head on Light's shoulder. Light's muscle, the same muscle that has killed thousands of people, feels on fire on the small spot where the detective's forehead rests.
"Wha-?"
"Please," he mutters into Light's now waterlogged sleeve. Light hesitantly places his hand on the top of Ryuzaki's head.
"I feel that the mermaid is her own enemy. She was foolish and took a chance on love thus she has no one to blame but herself. To your last question, she should've just lived contently. Though it wasn't filled with love she was at least living." Ryuzaki clenches the back of Light's shirt in frustration "Why does any of this matter anyway?"
"I can relate to her. I've never known love before I met you. I still don't know what precisely love is but I know that whenever I see you it makes me feel like I'm eating chocolate. I know that whenever I see you with Misa I feel jealous. And we both know that I know that I'm willing to sacrifice my life to protect you, Light."
"Y-you love me? I-In what way?" All Light could think of at that moment was Ryuzaki's proclamation.
"I love you in the way that I wouldn't mind kissing you."
"Does that mean you're...?" Light trails off. He doesn't discriminate towards anyone and doesn't really care what sexuality anybody is. He doesn't even know what his sexuality is; to be honest, he's never been even remotely curious to what it is until he met Ryuzaki. In short, he has always been disinterested when it came to things concerning sexuality. But for some reason, he wants to know about Ryuzaki.
"Does it really matter what I am? The Light I love is dead and you're just a serial killer," he says, disgusted.
"So why are you doing this?" Light blurts out. Ryuzaki removes his head from Light's shoulder and rests his forehead on Light's. He cups Light's cheeks in his hands and runs his thumb along his cheekbone. His eyes bore into Kira's, as though he's trying to find Light.
"I still believe that Light is down there somewhere."
"Oh, why is that?" Kira mocks.
"I believe that because I'm still alive," he pauses and looks away "at least, for now. Kira, can I ask you a question?"
"What is it?" he responses sharply.
"How does Light feel about me?" With that question in the air, Ryuzaki drops his hands from Kira's face but Light quickly grabs Ryuzaki's hand. He abandons the umbrella and uses his free hand to caress the detective's soft cheek.
"I don't know," Light says quietly. L's eyes grow cold.
"Why do you have to confuse me so much? You say things that the typical, cynical Kira would say but then you turn around and do things that would Light would do," he scoffs "You know, I never had something truly vex me before I met you."
"So you agree with me?" Kira mockingly asks, tightening his grip on L's hand.
"What?"
"With the fact that the foolish mermaid should've just stayed under the sea."
"On the contrary, I believe that our definitions of life vary differently. What the mermaid wasn't living before the prince wasn't life at all. If she was real then I think she'd say that she doesn't regret anything. I refuse to go back to my life before you and the task force. I will not pursue you Kira, just as the mermaid wouldn't kill her prince because I will not destroy the tiny part of Light I think that is still thriving within you," L chokes out. Light snorts.
"You sure do talk a lot. Just for today, could we not be L and Kira? I don't want to hear that name. Could I be Light and you could be Ryuzaki and we can both do what we want?"
"Fine. What do you want to do?" Ryuzaki spits out.
"I want to prevent you from turning into sea foam," he whispers against the detective's lips as he curls his hand around Ryuzaki's chin. Their lips hesitantly meet and for a brief second, they were just Ryuzaki and Light. But then, they remembered that it was quite unbecoming for L to kiss Kira. Even still, they didn't disturb the delicate kiss. Finally, when they separated, tears stained the boy's faces, but they couldn't tell due to the onslaught of the rain.
Authors Note: Thank you for reading. Those two are so difficult to write. #therealstruggle