Chapter 2 : Don't feel guilty for something you didn't do.

He stays.

The first night at Rapunzel's house is not the better he ever had. His night is short, his sleep is not good, and he wakes up abruptly at 5 am.

He dreamed of his daughter, who was asking for help, desperate to have no answer.

When he woke up, there was a little girl standing up next to him with an air of curiosity on her face.

It was the other girl, the one who was not Rapunzel's daughter, Hook remembered.

Ella.

"Hum… Hello… What are you doing here ?

- I couldn't sleep, she simply answered, as if it explained everything, crossing her arms."

Did Rapunzel tell her at all who he really was ? Did she tell her that he was a pirate and that it would be better if she didn't stay too much close to him ?

Well, if she did, the kid was not listening to her at all.

"Did your step-mother tell you why I'm here ?

She frowned.

- She said you were trying to find a way to get back to your daughter."

Oh. So, she didn't tell them everything.

Maybe that she thought that they were too much young to heard things about pirates, criminals, and monsters.

He smiled for himself.

Maybe that she was a much more better mother than she thought she was, if she did it in order to protect them from the cruelty of the world.

Hook then had a sad smile.

"Aye… Yes, this is what I am trying to do."

She sat down next to him, directly climbing on the bed, and Killian realized that he was surely not going to sleep for real for this night.

But it was not like he would have succeeded to sleep either, and he was in fact grateful toward the little girl, since she could help him to support this night more easily, if they both decided to talk together during the rest of the night.

"Why ? What happened to you ? And her ? How did you lose her ?"

I made a bad life choice.

As I always do.

"I made a mistake, he confessed. A terrible mistake. I am a pirate, he finally told her, wanting to be sincere with the little girl. Or in fact, I was one, once.

There was no fear in Ella's eyes, only a wild curiosity, and her eyes were shining with excitement.

- A pirate ? She exclaimed, astonished. A real one ? Like those who are traveling into the sea, going to new worlds, hunting for treasures ?"

Killian smiled again, and it was a real one this time, as he was quite amused by the girl's naive and refreshing way of seeing things.

She was still a little girl, after all, it was normal that she saw things she didn't know well in a far more brighter way than they really were.

And he was not going to delude her about it for now, she deserved to continue to dream for a time, even if one day, she would surely know that pirates were not really good people.

He wanted her to stay innocent for now, she would have time to grow up and learn hard truths later.

She kind of reminded him of his Alice, by the way, because of her curiosity and to think again about his little girl made him loose his smile.

Oh, he missed her so much now, it did hurt him to be far from her, even though they were separated since only one day.

Ella saw it, and she frowned, understanding that she might have said something wrong without wanting to do it, and she tried as much as she could to divert him from his dark thoughts.

"What… what happened to you then ? Why did you stop being a pirate ? In fact, why did you become a pirate at all ?"

She had not come here by chance, but because she was bored and couldn't sleep, and that she had nothing to do, so it made her being really interested by his story.

The little girl felt quite lonely in this big house, being only surrounded by her step-mother, her step-sister, and their servants.

Rapunzel was a bit cold toward her, she was not a bad mother, this was not what she thought or felt about her, she was not cruel, but it was clear that she didn't consider Ella as her own daughter (and since Anastasia was dead, it was even worst), but to be honest, the contrary was also true for the little girl.

Her true mother was Cecilia, and would always be, and even if she was gone since years now, it would not change soon.

Drizella, as for her, was like her mother, she was still hurt by Anastasia's loss, even though she hid it better than her mother, she also had difficulties to form a real bond with her step-sister, as Ella herself.

She was alone, and she wanted someone to talk with her.

In fact, Hook then realized that he hadn't told Rapunzel about his past as a pirate, or about his past quest for revenge against Rumplestiltskin.

He told her he wanted to destroy Gothel, and get his daughter back, but he still hadn't told her about this part of his past.

(Just like she didn't tell him anything about Anastasia.

They both had hidden wounds and dark secrets.)

But indeed, they had met just yesterday, it was not surprising that he didn't trust her enough to tell her that kind of things.

She was still a complete stranger to him, after all.

So, yeah, if he still didn't tell to a grown up woman that he had tried for centuries to kill a sorcerer, the "crocodile", could he talk about that with a twelve-years old kid ?

He didn't think so.

And by the way, could he tell her about his brother's death ?

Or about all these other things he lived or did ?

He decided he wouldn't.

Not for now, not with her.

"This is a really long story. I became a pirate because I was hit by a terrible injustice which happened in my family. I stopped being a pirate after my daughter was born, because I didn't want to leave her alone in her tower.

- But… Ella asked, surprised. Why didn't you take her with you ?

Hook froze, before remembering that, no, unlike her step-mother, Ella didn't know that Alice was trapped into a tower for what seemed to be like forever, because of some blood magic.

- I couldn't. Magic… magic had trapped her in it.

- Then, why did you leave her alone ? Why are you here ?

- I'm cursed. An evil witch named Gothel, the one who locked up your step-mother some years ago, she poisoned my heart, so, any time I am near my daughter, anytime she touches me, I'm hurt, and if I stay too much close to her, I die. I am looking for a way to cure myself.

- And how is Rapunzel going to help you do so ?

- Your step-mother wants to get her revenge on Gothel as much as I want to do. To be honest, I still don't know what we are going to do against her, I know nothing about magic, all I want is Gothel to be… to be stopped and locked up for forever."

(He had almost said he wanted her to be killed or dead, before stopping himself.

Again, she was a child, she didn't need yet to hear things about murders or killings, even if it was exactly what he wanted to do to Gothel.

To make her suffer.

To make her pay.

Hell, what would Alice say of him, if she was seeing him being this way ?

Didn't he promise to change for her ?)

Ella nodded her head, listening to all of this really carefully, with a serious air on her face, which was making her look a little older than she really was.

"And then… after it's done, after you stop being cursed, and your daughter is free… What are you going to do ?"

Hook blinked, surprised.

To say the truth, he had never thought about it any second before Ella asked him the question.

He… he didn't know.

He couldn't be a pirate again, not with Alice being in his life now, of course, he couldn't go back to this life anymore, this was not who he was, or so he hoped, the duel he had with Achab kind of showed the contrary.

"I… I have no idea, he answered. I guess that my daughter and me, we will try to find a place where we can live without me being recognized as the pirate I was once.

- You could also stay with us ! Ella affirmed, sounding hopeful and maybe also a little pleading too.

- What ?

- I mean… if you have nowhere else to go, well, you could stay here.

- Why ? You don't know me, I don't belong to your family, and I'm sure all of you would be better without me being here. In fact, staying here now is a bad idea. The more I stay here, the more I risk to cause you troubles, because of my conflict with Gothel. She might come back here, in order to hurt me or your family.

- I don't really think she can hurt us more than she already did. And if she tries to, you and Rapunzel will protect us, right ?"

He smiled and his heart broke as he saw the complete and sincere confidence which was in Ella's eyes.

Since Alice, it was the first time that someone did believe that he could be someone good.

"Aye… I swear I will try, kid. But, for what other reason do you want me to stay here after we defeat Gothel, by the way ?

The sadness which immediately appeared in Ella's eyes made him realize that he had surely asked the wrong question, and he regretted asking it.

"My dad died when I was really little, I never knew him, to say the truth, I don't remember him at all. Then, my mom got remarried with Marcus, while Rapunzel was locked up into her tower. He was like a father to me, I really loved him, and then, everything was ruined. Rapunzel came back, and my mother left me. She… she abandoned me, the little girl said, with tears in her eyes."

No, no, she didn't, she left you because she had no other choice. She wanted to protect those she loved. Just like I did it myself with Alice, he thought, remembering Rapunzel's confession about that, but knowing too that he couldn't say that to her, that it was not the time nor the place, or his role.

He just kept listening to her.

"And then, my dad lost hope that he could find my mother and he just came back home, him and Rapunzel seemed to be really happy… And so were we. I just told myself : "Hey, maybe that we can really be the family we all always wanted to have and be, maybe that we can make things work…" Except that… then Anastasia got drowned, died, and Marcus died as well."

Killian immediately froze.

Rapunzel didn't tell him anything about her.

Then, he remembered a thing that Rapunzel had told to him, without saying it clearly.

Something terrible happened.

Gothel did something terrible to me.

She must have been talking about her, for sure.

"Excuse me, but… who is Anastasia ?

- Oh… I'm sorry, I thought… I thought Rapunzel had told you. She was my step-sister, Drizella's sister, and Marcus' and Rapunzel's daughter… During winter, while we were making a snowman, my scarf was taken by the wind, and I had the stupid idea of walking on the ice because I wanted to get it back.

And I didn't tell anyone I was doing so. Anastasia followed me, the ice broke and we fell into the water. Marcus… he plunged into the lake, immediately, and saved me. He never got the chance to get her in time. She died."

Tears began to roll along her face, and Hook immediately heard the guilt in her voice.

He then did what he would have naturally did in the same situation, had it happened with his daughter. He hold her into his arms, while she continued crying.

He gently brushed her hair, and hell, it really felt weird, to do this with a girl who was not his daughter, except that at the same time, it felt terribly right because they both had lost someone they cared about, were both separated from someone they loved.

And because they both needed comfort, even one coming from some stranger, and the only reason why he was not crying too was because she was the one who was in pain and who needed to be listened to.

"Ella, listen to me. You did nothing wrong, it was an accident, this is not your fault."

She got away from him and nodded her head, before wiping her tears.

"I know that, she sobbed. But… now I feel like Rapunzel thinks I did it, and that she resents me for Anastasia's death, and I think she hates me for that.

How could anyone hate a child for something which was not its fault ?

She tries to cope with it the best it can, maybe it's the only way she found to grieve her daughter's death.

Not the best one…

Says the one who thought that hating the Dark One's son for being the Dark One's son was a good idea, before realizing that the father and the son had nothing in common.

- Well, she shouldn't. And you shouldn't feel guilty for just being alive."

She tried to smile.

He was the first person to tell her that.

"But, in fact, she added, remembering why she had beginning all this conversation, my point is that, since Anastasia is gone… Our family is broken. What I once could call family doesn't exist anymore.

- What does it have to do with me ?

- I don't have a father anymore. Drizella doesn't either. Not since Marcus died. And I thought that maybe… you could be our new father. If you wanted to be, of course."

What ?

What the hell is this ?

"What do you want exactly ? Me, to date your step-mother ?"

He thought again about Milah, and his heart broke a new time.

He had slept with other women since her death, Gothel was a good example of it (hum, hum…), but to fall in love again ?

He was not sure he could.

Not disturbed, she just shrugged with nonchalance.

"If you want to, why not… But this is not what I mean. I am simply talking about… co- parenthood ? I guess… Maybe ?

- We just met, and you don't know me.

- I know that you're the only who told me I had nothing to do with Anastasia's disappearance. You know me as well, you don't care at all, because we just met, and yet, you tried to comfort me when I needed to be… Your daughter must be a lucky one, to have someone like you."

Yeah…

Alice.

"I am not sure you're right, he said bitterly. I failed her the other day. I fought for my honor instead of coming back home immediately, Gothel maid me pay, and now, I'm cursed and she is still locked up in her tower.

- This is not your fault. She trapped you, she cursed you, it's the witch's fault, not yours."

He smiled at the little girl.

"Tell me, she asked, shyly. Can I… can I stay with you ? For the night ? I can't sleep, and I don't think I will if I don't have someone with me… And I don't dare going to Rapunzel's or Drizella's bedroom."

In a flash, he remembered all the times where his daughter had asked him the same thing, because of a nightmare involving Gothel, or for any other reason.

He nodded.

"Of course."

She smiled, and cuddled against his chest, and hell, she seemed to be so little, just like Alice herself was, and guilt came back, and he tried to ignore it, even if it was easier said than done…

If he closed his eyes for enough time, he could almost imagine that it was Alice that he was right now holding in his arms, and he understood why Ella wanted to have a new father, since she missed hers so much.

He wanted Alice to be with him, to be back into his arms, he just wanted to tell her everything would be okay, even if it was a complete lie.

For the first time of the night, as he was finally coming back to sleep, he allowed himself to silently cry.

To be continued…