I think that Damon is an exceptionally lonely individual and I think that we all experience loneliness at times.

-Ian Somerhalder

The sun came up too soon and before I knew it, it was Monday morning. I laid in bed for a few minutes contemplating just sleeping in and skipping school for the day. I probably would have done it if I didn't have Jeremy around to say that since I could do it so could he.

I spent the weekend avoiding Jeremy as well as the outside world. That meant I spent the whole time writing in my journal; I swear it's the size of a full length novel now. There were so many questions I wanted answers to; even though I knew I would never ask them, these questions were plaguing my mind.

Why was Damon so different with me?

Has he figured out who I am yet?

What's going to happen at school?

Not a lot seems to scare me anymore but now I can honestly say that fear is an emotion, that at this moment, I could fully experience again. If Damon found out it was me, he'd be embarrassed and regret it. No matter what he said about his popularity, for some odd reason, it mattered to him. To be honest, I was the last person to help boost someone's popularity. Before it wouldn't have mattered, I know that, but now there would only be whispers. It's going to be a disaster.

The effort to pull myself together and put on a happy face for the world today was going to be more difficult than usual and there was less possibility that I may fool anyone into believing that I thought it was going to be a great day.

Somehow with all these thoughts running through my mind, I forced myself to get up. Outside my warm cocoon of blankets there was a fresh morning breeze that instantly made me shiver. I quickly went over to the window to shut it but stopped dead in my tracks.

There he was, just pacing his room. He had a flustered look on his face and if I wasn't mistaken he was talking to himself. He knew. He had to. He was probably thinking he was an idiot right now and that he was stupid for thinking we could be friends again. He must be rehearsing his "so this is awkward…let's forget the other night" speech right now.

If you told a me a week ago that I'd be nervous of what Damon thought of me, I would say there is no possible way I am going to fear his opinion and he doesn't get that power over me. Why should that change now?

I gulped; releasing it won't ever be the same. I just had to get used to it the way I had adapted to most things in my life.

There was no way around it; today was going to suck.

"I just don't think it's a good idea," I said warily while scanning the items in Caroline's hands.

"I think… you're an idiot." She shoved the freshly dry cleaned cheerleading uniform into my arms and wouldn't budge as I tried to thrust them back. "I've decided that you're not in any place to be making these big decisions, which is understandable. I've done my research."

"Not this again."

"They say not to make any big decision the first year."

"I didn't think cheerleading was that big of a decision."

"It's the biggest decision you could make," she exclaimed. "You don't just give up on the things you love, and your friends definitely don't sit back and watch it. I already let you take this too far."

"Caroline, I don't even know what I love or don't anymore," I told her as I shut my locker.

"That's exactly why I need to be the voice of reasoning. Sometimes I feel like you don't even listen to me anymore."

I wasn't listening to her anymore. It was as if suddenly the hallway had grown silent and everyone disappeared as Damon walked through the glass school door. The school could have started on fire and I wouldn't have noticed; the only thing I could pay attention to was the fact that Damon was walking my way and his gaze was set on me.

"Caroline, uh, I have to get something out of my locker." Cutting her off in the middle of her rant, I quickly turned around and started walking towards the other hallway. Some may say this walk was more of a desperate run but I didn't care if it looked like I was running away; because I was. The tiny bit of confidence I had earlier on had vanished now and my desperation to hold onto my dignity was more prominent than before.

"Elena! Wait up," I turn briefly to see Caroline attempting to catch up. "I'm not done talking with you."

"What now?"

"I'm taking you to go sign up for the pageant after school."

"I have to talk with Mr. Saltzman about Jeremy" I told her as I reached my locker. "I'm not doing this pageant, Caroline." My frustration with this subject was becoming overwhelming. She wouldn't just let this go.

"What am I supposed to do Elena?"

"Let me live my own life, I'm so sick and tired of your input on everything I do. I don't want it!" I said with a little too much force. She only frowned at me while shaking her head.

"You know what, do whatever you want. Go home and sit in your little cave while the world passes you by."

The guilt set in almost immediately and if she wasn't already gone, I would have taken my words back.

"There you go again Elena, pushing people away again," I said to myself.

"That was harsh," I heard a slick voice come from behind me. When I looked around to see who was talking, I nearly fell over.

When the hell did he get here?

Words seemed to fail me as my heart sped up. Suddenly, tension filled the hallway and I could barely breathe. Damon was leaning on my locker next to mine. Damon just talked to me. Damon must know.

Blocking out the chatter around the busy hallway I pretend to be busy as I fumbled with the books in my locker, desperate for some sort of distraction.

"Do you need something?" I asked after he just stood there, his eyes never stopped following my every move.

"Yes Elena, I need to talk to you."

I did my best to hold back my immediate sarcastic remark about how we were talking now but apparently my brain couldn't hold back all the sarcasm I had to offer him.

"Oh my god," I turned around to face his direction once again and suddenly my nerves were replaced with the one thing I could easily focus on when it came to him; my anger. "So you do remember my name?"

"I'm being serious. It's important."

"I'm not very interested."

"Come on, just five minutes."

"Class is starting." I turned away from him the moment the bell rang.

"Wait," He called after me as I started heading towards my history class. "I don't know what I did to you for you to hate me, but I really need your help. "

"You don't know what you did?" His words only fueled my fire. "Are you kidding me? Just think about it and maybe you'll find the answer."

The whole way to the Mr. Saltzman's classroom I felt his eyes burning into the back of my head.

I stared out into the sea of people flooding the cafeteria

The next few classes went as slow as I imagined they would and when lunch finally came around, I was highly contemplating skipping the rest of the day.

I started heading towards the table I usually sat at with Caroline and most of the cheerleading squad but decided to sit at a table by myself near the window. Fighting with Caroline again will only turn my headache into a migraine.

I sat down and started fiddling with the brown paper bag in front of me only to have the familiar feeling of eyes on me appear again. I was getting used to the feeling. After the accident I had it at most times but now, it was just one pair of eyes that wouldn't leave me alone.

My every move was being watched and I hated it. Why did he want to talk to me anyway? I gave him an out why couldn't he just take it?

I looked up to see that I wasn't wrong. Damon had walked in with his friends and as they all scattered out into the cafeteria he didn't move from the spot he stopped at when he noticed me.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked as he walked towards me.

Yes.

I chose not to respond, hoping he'd take my silence as indication I didn't want to speak with him. Things were already awkward enough; did we really have to discuss it?

"I have no one else to sit with"

"Damon, you can sit over here!" Tyler called out across the room.

"Shut it, Lockwood," Damon hissed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help a small laugh from escaping.

"Fine," I said gesturing to the seat across from me.

Maybe if we got this over and he realized I didn't expect anything to come from what happened, he would leave me alone.

"I have a problem and you're the only person who I think could help me."

"You… need my help?" I repeated dumfounded. This is definitely not the conversation I had imagined.

"I met this girl on Saturday."

"You met a girl," I repeated his words once again. Suddenly realization hit me; he had no idea. He didn't know about Friday night. "What do I have anything to do with this?"

"I'm sure you know about the party at my house."

"The whole block knew about your party."

"How do I put this without offending you? I –uh-"

"No matter what you say I'm going to be offended now," I told him as he searched for the right words.

"I know you weren't at the party because that's not your thing anymore."

"What are you getting at Damon?"

"There was this girl and I don't know who she is, but she's perfect. I need to find her."

"What do you mean you don't know who she is?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening. Was he playing some sick joke on me? Was he trying to humiliate me even more?

"It was dark but… we connected. We talked, talked like two normal human beings with not so normal problems. That's doesn't happen everyday."

"And why didn't you find out who she was?"

"She didn't want me to know."

"It might be a sign Damon; maybe she just thought it would be better."

"She's wrong."

"I'm sorry but I can't help you. I don't even know how I could help you."

"You could talk around, I'll tell you about her and you help me find her."

"If she doesn't want to know you, then you should respect her wishes," I said as I started to pack up my things. This was getting too much.

"She felt it too. I know she did, it was undeniable."

"Maybe you should accept that not every girl wants to be with you Damon." I quickly stood up from the table, knowing that there was no way I could sit there anymore.

"Please Elena, you're the only girl I know who isn't her and wouldn't take advantage of this situation. I need you."

"Yea, well sometimes the people we need aren't always there for us."

The rest of the day went by faster than predicted and I hadn't seen Damon or Caroline again. Along with them, I hadn't seen Jeremy in the hallways at all either.

I made my way to Mr. Saltzman room, already having the sinking feeling that Jeremy had let him down.

"Mr. Saltzman." I called when I saw him walking down the hallway towards me. "I was just coming to see you."

"What can I do for you?"

"About Jeremy… have you been able to look at the report yet?"

"Jeremy didn't even show up for class today," He said with a sigh, showing his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Elena."

"I tried," I told him. "I'm sorry too. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Just be patient.

"I don't even know anymore. I try so hard but I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to him."

"It's probably time for him to make his own decisions."

"But he's not making the right ones."

"Sometimes the people around us need to learn from their mistakes and we can't always try to save them from themselves. He'll come around. And when he does, I'll be waiting for his report."

Rushing home, I opened the front door and immediately searched for any sign that he was there.

Jeremy!" I yelled up the stairs.

"What?" I heard him groan.

"If you are seriously sleeping I'm going to kill you."

"What's wrong with you?" Rubbing his eyes, he appeared at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong with me? Please tell me you are joking. Did you even get out of bed today?"

"I'm tired. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate if I went."

"I can not even begin to tell you how mortified I am right now. I promised you would write that report! You couldn't even do that. People have been going out of their way to help you and all you do is spit in their face!"

"Oh god, are we seriously going to do this again?" He moaned while running a hand through his messy hair.

"Aren't you not the slightest bit embarrassed with yourself? I am. I am so embarrassed for you."

"Why don't we cut the bullshit? You're not embarrassed for me, your embarrassed of me."

"Can you blame me? Don't you see how wrong the way you're acting is?"

"Come to me when you start caring about your life again. Maybe you won't sound like such a hypocrite then." He started heading back towards his room, completely ignoring me.

"We're not done here!"

"I think we are," He said and shortly after I heard his door slam.

Gripping the door handle of the house even tighter than I was before; I went back out on the porch, letting out a long and overdue frustrated scream.

"I'm being a hypocrite?" I asked myself. "I'm not being a hypocrite; he's just too stubborn to admit that he's not in a good place!"

"Do you always talk to yourself?" I heard a male voice behind me and I quickly spun around towards it.

"You again?" I nearly yelled towards Damon's direction and I saw him visibly jump back at my sudden outburst. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Wow, you're feisty."

"And clearly not in the mood," I started pacing the porch, trying to walk my anger off.

"I know what would help."

"I don't think you do."

"I think you need to get your mind off of everything. I have just the thing that will keep you occupied"

"I will throw my shoe at you."

"Just think about it," He told me. "I would owe you big time."

"Tell me this Damon, what if she wasn't attractive. What if she was one of the girls who spent their weekends at the library? Or the girl who sings in the church choir? What if she wasn't even a girl at all?"

"She was a girl and the only thing that matters to me is finding her. All I've had in my life are these relationships I had that are built on some superficial rule that I have to be interested in a certain type of girl because that's the way things are supposed to be. That I can't make up my own mind and be interested in the girl who spends her weekends at the library."

"What is so special about her anyways?" My anger was slowly fading.

"She's different."

"Is that really true?" I remembered him that night and how lonely he sounded. This wasn't fair. He was never going to find out who the girl was and all I would be doing is getting his hopes up.

"All I want is to find her."

"I'll think about," I said, not being able to reject him after that.

Was this really an option to think over? Could I actually pretend to help look for this girl who doesn't exist… sort of. No matter how much I didn't like him, it wasn't fair and no one deserved to be led on like that.

But there was still no way in hell I was going to admit it was me that night. No, I'd rather jump into the river during winter than do that. And plus, I had more problems to worry about. I had practically gotten into a fight with every person I had come into contact with today.

Maybe it wasn't all them, maybe I was doing something wrong.

Was I being a hypocrite?

Was I being a bad friend to Caroline?

I knew the answers to these were neither yes nor no but I couldn't help but believe it was only me who need to be fixing them. I had some improvements to be making.

Jeremy was right, I did stop caring. That is one thing I'll never deny, but it wasn't the same thing as him. I'm not throwing away my life; I'm just… taking a break from it.

The pamphlet that still rested on top of the waste basket in my room seemed to be haunting me. Every time I looked in a direction there it was. Either reflecting in a mirror or window, it was in my sight.

Walking over to the waste basket, I picked the pamphlet up, eyeing it over once again. I knew this was probably the one thing that would help all my problems. Jeremy couldn't use it against me anymore, Caroline will be more than ecstatic and just like Damon said; it would keep me busy.

Damon…

I looked out the window that was next to his house and slowly walked over towards it. All I could see were his legs and I could tell that he was sprawled out across his bed. I slid the window up and finally decided to get his attention.

"Damon," I yelled out the window, hoping it would somehow reach him. After a few more tries I saw him finally move and come towards the window.

"What are we eight again?" He said out the window, refereeing to the many times we found ourselves in this same position at a much younger age.

"Did those dance lessons your mom used to give you and Stefan do any good?"

"I know a thing or two."

"I'll agree to help you under one condition."

"What's that?"

"I need an escort to the Miss Mystic Falls pageant."

"I think I could manage that," he said with a bright smile that seemed to hypnotize me for a moment.

"We get each others full and undivided attention until after the pageant. Deal?"

"Deal."

AN: Thanks everyone for reading! It means the world to me.

Review!