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Chapter 1
It wasn't like Alex hadn't been expecting the doorbell to ring, but nevertheless, she flinched when it actually did. Knowing Olivia wouldn't give up until she had at least seen and spoken to her, she pressed the buzzer. Wordlessly, Alex opened the door to let Olivia in, not even bothering to formally invite her in. Instead, she just turned around and slurped back into the hallway of her condo, knowing that Olivia would follow her. The detective was surprised that, although Alex had left the precinct more than six hours ago, she was still wearing her work clothes - a dark blazer with matching slacks and shoes that looked so uncomfortable that she herself would probably kick them off the second she was home if someone could have even made her wear them in the first place. But part of Olivia felt like Alex's professional outfit was just another way of fooling everyone; another desperate attempt to keep up appearances. When Alex suddenly stopped, they were still standing in the spacious and luxuriously decorated hallway.
Olivia sighed: This was so typical of her! Letting her in far enough Alex could shut the front door so her neighbors wouldn't be able to see or hear them, but keeping her from actually being in her apartment, signaling Olivia that she had no intentions of having her stay here for more than just a few minutes.
It was obvious that Alex wanted this to only be a brief visit – she just had to convince Olivia that she was fine so she would leave rather sooner than later. Except that Olivia knew Alex wasn't fine: Regardless of Alex's outburst in the precinct, Olivia could tell that Alex had been crying and then attempted to cover it up with make up, and that alone almost broke her heart.
Their eyes met for a brief moment, and Alex knew Liv knew. "I'm sorry I pushed you", she tried weakly, hoping that if she started the conversation, she would at least have some control over it. Unfortunately, that didn't work. "We both know I didn't come here so you could apologize to me"
Dammit! Alex gulped, breaking eye contact again to stare at the furrows in the wooden floor beneath her.
"I'm sorry I touched you without your permission" Olivia started and then paused, waiting for some kind of response from the blonde. She noticed Alex was now pressing her lips together and her eyes shut, as if she were desperately trying not to see or say anything. Didn't mean she wouldn't be listening, though... "From what I could tell, my touching you really scared you", she added softly, and Alex gulped, still keeping her head down, but at least opening her eyes now to stare at the floor again. "I don't want to scare you like this again, so I won't touch you, but can you please look at me?"
Alex knew Olivia's request was reasonable and – in a way – justified, and she also knew her promise was sincere, but nevertheless, she hesitated. Biting her lip and still avoiding her friend's gaze, Alex mentally cursed herself. Why did this have to be so difficult? By acting the way she did right now, she would only confirm what Olivia was already thinking. And that wasn't even true! So eventually, Alex was forced to look Olivia in the eyes, mumbling an "I'm fine" of which they both knew it was a lie.