Bitter Marmalade Chapter 2: Her Smiling Face, a marmalade boy fanfic

It has been two weeks since I accepted the Himekawa project to whereshe is.

It is only two days away until I fly back to Japan to where she is.

But unless I come up with final drawings tonight, I'm not going anywhere.

I sigh.

Sketch…

Stop…

Nothing, my mind is blank. I struggle to do what I know Paul wants me to do. Put a piece of myself into the drawings. My heart. But I know whenever I open my heart, it is the thought of her that is there.

Her smiling face.

My hands start moving.

Sketch…

I have been quite good at shutting her out of my daily conscious thoughts for years. They creep in at night as I lie alone in bed, but during the day, most of the time, I can stop thinking about her. But now, knowing I will probably see her in a couple of days, I can't stop thinking about her.

Her smiling face.

Sketch…

It has been nine years.

Nine years since I learned Miki and I were half-siblings. Nine years since I broke up with her, telling her my heart had gone cold. Nine years since I've kept the truth from her. Nine years since I have left Japan. Nine years since I've seen her smiling face.

Sketch…

I remember how I used to watch her in class, as her face scrunched in concentration, oblivious to my attention. Strays of her soft brown hair would always fall loose from her ponytail. I'd wish I could reach out to gently caress her cheek, and bring the loose hairs behind her ears.

I wonder how her hair looks like now. Our parents used to send family photos to me while I was in university, family photos including her. She had cut her hair short for a while. She looked so cute. No, that wasn't the right word. She looked beautiful. She was smiling, but I always wonder if it is just my imagination that I detected a bit of sadness behind the smiles. It might have just been the selfish part of me wishing she still missed me, thought of me, even though I truly did want her to move on with her life.

She would be crushed if she knew she was in love with her half-brother.

And that her half-brother was in love with her.

Still madly in love with her.

I had to protect her. That's why I had to run away.

Protect her smiling face.

Sketch…

So why is it that I accepted this project, knowing Miki is there?

Because I'm an idiot.

When I heard Paul and Joan describing the project, hearing that our firm would be partnered Higurashi Design for the work on the interior renovations, I recognized the firm's name immediately.

After all, I have been following Miki's career from afar. All those times when I kept my ears open to every little detail while talking to our parents. Prying for whatever information I could from Miwa. More recently, reading about and seeing photographs of her work in various industry magazines. Admiring how much she has grown from the girl who didn't really seem to know what she wanted to do with her future to becoming successful and well recognized for her work.

I wonder when it was that she decided to go into interior designs.

Part of me used to hope it was because of me.

I used to scourover magazine articles where she was interviewed.Magazines with photos of her smiling face.

Sketch…

I tried to see if I might be mentioned somewhere. I was not.

But it was okay. Because Miki was happy. She was happy with her work; she seemed to be living the good life. Only I was still struggling. But I accept it because of her. I want her to keep smiling.

As long as she was smiling, I would be happy.

Right?

I look down at the paper in front of me. Opening my heart, filling my head with thoughts of Miki has helped to fill the pages in front of me.

I say aloud, "Work accomplished."

But I don't think I can afford to open my heart too much no matter how productive.

Because even though she is happy, I am still hurting.

"This is excellent Yuu!" Exclaims Paul. "I got to say, I was getting a bit worried. Your original drafts were good, but not great. But these, definitely the Himekawa and Higurashi people will be impressed when you show these to them tomorrow."

"Thanks Paul"

"Wow Yuu, you really have been hiding your true talents all this time," grins Mark. "I guess your lowly assistant won't have to pick up too much of your slack in Japan after all."

I grin back. "Don't make me regret choosing you as my vice-head Mark"

I grin, but what I really feel inside is panic.

Only one day away.

I can't explain the immense relief I felt when Paul said I was allowed to choose someone from the firm to go with me to the Japan office. Mark agreed to come without hesitation.

He doesn't know about my history with Miki, but maybe he saw the panic in my eyes when I invited him.

I know I need all the support I can get for the upcoming months.

Only one day away till I see her smiling face again.