Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and the Hunger Games trilogy. They belong to the amazing Suzanne Collins. (Despite how much I wanted Peeta to be mine)
Summary: In the middle of Catching Fire, Katniss left District 12 with Gale and their family without bringing Peeta along. Feeling abandoned and betrayed, Peeta learns that love can only hurt him, and he grows to only care for himself and his father. What would happen if Katniss returns? Will Peeta accept her back? Will the Star-crossed Lovers be back in action? Characters might be a little OOC. K/P
Katniss POV
Living in the woods isn't such a bad idea. The air here is fresher than in the village and it's so quiet, just the way I like it, and most of all, free from the Capitol and President Snow's rule. My family and Gale's family are now living in a cottage that my father built in the woods when I was younger. Despite that it's not so huge, it is still able to fit all of us in, with the kids have to share a room while Mother and Hazelle share the same room, and me and Gale in the living room. Gale wants to renovate the cottage, but it's a tough task since there's a shortage in materials.
Six months after leaving District 12, we manage to get used to our new environment though little Posy still needs to learn not to go too far from the cottage. There's still a quite high risk of us getting attacked by wild animals, so we need to be careful.
I'm sitting on the soft grass in front of the cottage with my knees close to my chest and my arms wrap around them, looking up to the blue sky. I've missed this place back when I was in the Capitol. How could I give up something beautiful and calming like this? To me nothing can ever compare to the beauty of nature. But the Capitol has a different opinion on which they prefer modern civilization.
In the back of my head, I actually missed District 12. As much as how I love being here, living here in the woods, it's still where I was born, my birthplace, the place where I grew up. I also missed our old house, the Hob. I missed Greasy Sae, Madge, Haymitch, and…
Peeta.
I miss him. There, I've said it. In a present tense.
I miss his arms. His strong arms that used to provide me protection from the nightmarish dreams. I miss his comforting words that lull me back to sleep. I miss his radiant smile. I miss his soft laugh. I miss his striking blue eyes. I miss his golden hair which I used to brush aside to see his beautiful eyes. I miss his smell of cinnamon and bread. I miss his touch. I miss his attention. I miss everything about him.
Sometimes I would dream of seeing him again, but it always ends with him getting dragged away from me or him leaving me. To make it worse, nightmares from the Hunger Games always come to haunt me and I would wake up with sheen of sweat and Gale would be there to comfort me, but he always fails to do so.
And I know the exact reason: he's not Peeta. Only Peeta knows what it feels like to be in the Games. Only he knows how it feels to be haunted by the ghost of the dead Tributes. Only he understands the torture of nightmarish nights like the ones I have. Only he knows the feeling of not being able to sleep.
And I've abandoned him. I've left him to fight his own nightmares. He was always there for me when I needed him, so why can't I do the same for him? It's because I'm selfish. I always think about myself before him. I even never bothered to bring him along to the woods. I argued with myself the night before our escape, whether to bring him or not. However, we already had too much people to bring with us. Gale even convinced me about that fact.
Once in a while, I'd look up to the sky that has the same blue colour with his eyes and imagine it's him and then start talking as if he'd be able to hear me.
Peeta, how are you doing? Is everything going okay around you?
Peeta, are you still baking? I've missed your cheese buns, I wish I could have some right now.
Peeta, are you still painting? I wonder what you're actually drawing right now.
Peeta, I wish you were here with me. I can't sleep at night without you. I know you can't either.
Once, I was caught by Prim when I was talking to myself. And then she convinced me to try to sneak back to District 12 to see him. But I knew that it's impossible. It's been six months. How would the people of District 12 react when they see me? Maybe some of them would report to the Peacekeeper. Which is the reason why I can't come back. And I'm not sure how would Peeta react when he sees me. Would he hug me and kiss me to welcome me? Would he say that he misses me?
I shake my head in hope to remove the thought of returning to District 12. I can't take a risk of exposing myself to the Peacekeeper and that might also expose our hideout in the woods. I have to stop thinking about Peeta or else I can't hold the urge to see him again. But it's difficult to do so with all the nightmares. I have to get used to facing them without Peeta.
"Catnip?"
I turn my head around and Gale appears from the bushes. It seems he just finished hunting because in his hands are dead squirrels and rabbits.
I smile at him. "Hey, Gale. Looks like we'll have great dinner tonight."
"Yeah. It's great living in the woods, isn't it? We don't have to secretly creep from our house and crawl through that troublesome fence," he says, sitting down next to me.
"Really? I guess I got used to it," I tell him.
There's nothing more to say after that. I find it strange because usually we'd talk about our family's condition and about the future. Maybe it's not necessary anymore to talk about these things since we've decided to live here together.
"What were you thinking just now?" He asks suddenly.
"Nothing much. Just remembering our old home."
"Were you thinking about going back?"
I stare at him. "What? Of course not. Why would you say that?"
"You think I wouldn't notice you staring up to the sky and longing for District 12?"
"And what's wrong with that?" I ask, though I know the answer already.
"That longing feeling will make you want to go back, and that could cause trouble. And I don't want that to happen."
"I know, Gale," I sigh.
All of a sudden, he grabs my shoulders tightly and pulls my face close to his. One moment I thought he's going to kiss me. But he doesn't, instead he looks at my eyes deeply.
"Please, Catnip. Stop thinking about it," he whispers.
I nod silently, and then he retreats to the cottage with his games. I sit there quietly, dumbfounded with his reaction. Something tells me he's not just asking me to forget about District 12.
To tell you the truth, I hate Gale. You'd find it very obvious once you read the next chapter because I'm gonna make him act like an asshole (again). Another thing is that I like to write a story of Katniss and Peeta where Katniss feels guilty for her actions towards Peeta. And sometimes I wish Peeta can just act coldly towards her. I mean he's sixteen, for God's sake. No sixteen year old teenager can withstand that much anger and stay cool (except the real Peeta, of course). I hope this chapter is satisfying. Reviews make me smile.