THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AMAZING REVIEWS :) 14 in one day, I think that's a new record. If only all my other fics got that much, ehh? ;) i know you're out there.

a few of you mentioned that you liked the movie by itself, but when compared to the books you saw it for the true POS it really is. I agree, it had its moments that made me chuckle, but I am first and foremost a hardcore book fan of 5 years and counting, and I stand by my opinion that -well, you all know what my opinion is.

Enjoy :)

And here we are again! Parked in my usual spot on the couch with a bag of Lindor chocolates sent by my Grandma from a far away land... :)

I'm guessing Mr Tiny has some too, cuz why else would Darren have jumped into the PPEPP so enthusiastically?

Oh right, Crepsley's chasing him. Onwards!

The PPEPP cruises away and Larten steps out into the street looking like someone just peed in his pancakes.

Back inside the PPEPP, Mr T has a little humming device in his hand that I can't tell what the hell it is... Darren thanks him for the ride ... Mr T is so 'Delighted' he uses the word twice, looking extremely hungry. And then-

BAM. MURLOUGH. Only we don't know it's him yet, we just have to sit back and not question why there's a heavy-breathing serial-killer thing chillin in the PPEPP.

Anyway, our 3 PPEPP-riders chat about souls and blood -Charna's tits, is Murlough filing his teeth?- and cleverly enough Darren decides he wants out. But that's a no-go, and the PPEPP cruises onwards.

Murlough makes some gorey and pedophiley comments (sounding absolutely NOTHING like his character's trademark sketchy voice) then Tiny then removes one of Darrens hairs (from his head, thankgod. Remember this movie is only like PGsomething.)

Anyway, Darren finally gets dumped at his house, and next thing we see is him in bed briefly, and suddenly at his locker where Madam Octa is apparently staying. Steve them comes lurking, andd all hell breaks lose...why it's at school which makes no sense to the plot and not Dar's room, I guess we'll never know. So Octa rampages, raises a little hell, jumps on a few heads (not biting anyone else, funnily enough) gets stuck in some gum, and ends her adventure by crawling up Steevo's shirt -never before have I been jealous of a spider- and bites his cute little face. Ooh.

Next thing we see Dar taking a stroll back to the CDF location even though the Health inspectors were supposed to clear the place out. However they missed a spot -namely Larten Crepsley- who appears in all his afro'ed glory, and we then see the antidote-bargain conversation which is true enough to the book I suppose. Except for Larten's use of the phrase, 'You are in deep shit, my friend.' Which makes me giggle and then smack myself because that is in NO WAY the real LCreps.

Anywho, he goes on about how the people Tiny takes interest in usually end up dead or worse (i.e. molested), and then they go ahead and make the little bargain that sets everything in motion- this stays fairly booklike so I don't complain other than Larten sounds like he's kidding for some reason.

With all this typing I've forgotten to listen for illegal contractions in LCreps' dialogue... I think he might have just said "time's" rather than "time is" but I really can't tell at the speed he's yammering.

OH. I JUST CAUGHT HIM. "Wanna become a Vampire? It's a lonely life."

Iunno buddy, wanna get back in character? It's a sad sad movie.

So Darren whines for a bit, LCreps uses a bunch more contractions that almost make me rip my laptop in half, then they exchange blood in a scene that brutally lacks emotion or intensity.

Darren realizes he has 'super spit' which I find hilarious because did he not spend like HOW MANY books getting his cuts and bumps healed by the big boys because HALF VAMPIRES DON'T HAVE SUPER FUCKING SPIT? Seriously, where was DS when this was made?

Darren wants to know if he can turn into a bat , to which Larty replies "No. That's bullshit." Excuuuse me boy but I think you mean "That IS bullshit."

So they flit off to the hospital and crawl up the wall to Steevo and I can't for the life of me remember how it happened in the books but I have a tingly feeling this isn't accurate. Then Dar calls hospital security, Larty demands to know what a Code Blue is, and I tell him it means "God-awful movie alert!" But I don't think he heard me.

Then Steevo's back to school, everything's sweet, Darren's shredding chalkboards, and chomping raw steaks. Then his sister asks him his opinion on some Barbie outfits, and he's all like 'OMG well this one looks totally like-" nah I'm kidden... but he does get a bit freaky and almost eats her alive.

And then here's Larty in his room commenting on his reading material. For some reason I was under the impression that he was illiterate. Can't imagine what came over me!

Darren has a little cry, and Larten can't seem to handle it and informs Darren (with a few contractions) that it's time to leave "like forever". Darren snuggles with his family adorably, and next thing we know he's bitten the dust.

Oh and Larten feeds him a totally false tale of how and why he was blooded. I know Birth Of A Killer hadn't been released at this point but I'm severely bothered nonetheless.

We see Steevo looking sad, giving Dar his gameboy -aww, that's how it got there- and then having a hissyfit accurate enough to the books. Steevo exits the room in a huff and walks right past Mr Tiny who I coulda sworn was a butler-penguin-statue.

Later that night, Crepsley comes out all cool and grave-digger-y and springs Darren outta the grave. (in the background there's some very bothersome music which makes it hard to take the plot seriously) and Darren emerges, Crepsley beats him with a shovel and drops him back in the ground because OH HOT DAMN, none other than Murlough breaks back into book 1. He wrestled and bites Larten (buddy better look into a rabies shot) and they flit-fight all around the graveyard before landing on Darren in the coffin. Murlough then stuffs Darren into a bag to satisfy whatever fetish he has (between him and Tiny, this movie's a frigging minefield of Pedo-Pimps!) but LCreps saves Dar's ass and they make a break for it, right onto the middle of a highway where they cleverly wait and then flee and watch as Murlough gets his face-raped by a semi truck, but lives to eat the driver.

LCreps and Dar pause to crash a little girls' baseball game, and then they flit off to our favourite little hell hole of horrors (or at least that's how this movie makes it look) the Cirque Du Freak.

And that's where I leave you for now. You guys musta been praying really hard cuz I got another beautiful Snowday today :)

I don't think part 2 was as funny as 1, but eeh.

Part 3 should be up within the week!

Stay classy ;)

*Roxxy,